♥ the hard on-line sex chat with hottest babes with a hd cam
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158 thoughts on “♥ the hard on-line sex chat with hottest babes with a hd cam”
Comments
Maybe it’s just that he is taking his mom instead
This is not an attack, you sound like a catch. However men and feminists rarely work well together because all it invites is men to walk around on eggshells wondering if they are going to offend you or not. And as much as people won’t like this comment, being a male this is the reality.
…..so actually no fluffing update
Grrrr
That sounds really familiar… Honestly, I think my ex was just extremely emotional, to the point where it dictated everything he did. Emotions were on my side? Complete obsession! Emotions weren’t anymore? Bye, girl! In my case, he made a new female friend online, who he got seriously obsessed with. I was actually pretty glad, because I wanted him to have his own friends. But apparently there is only space for one obsession at a time and at that stage it was clearly not me anymore! She actually contacted me after the break up to assure me they were in love. It was all really painful and unpleasant.
Nope! No shared past! Nina, my brother and I grew up in Europe, we’re in the UK now where I met my wife.
As a woman myself I’m absolutely baffled by it, I don’t get what she’s projecting, unless she’s insecure about finances too and putting it onto Nina. It’s getting out of hand, I just don’t know how to suggest therapy without her being unduly offended! ?
It is that way for many of us 🙂 but you must not lose hope, things will change.
The pandemic interrupted many people's social networks. Even routine activities like a good morning from a teacher, attending an assembly, or extracurricular activities were lost. Not surprisingly, there was a big increase in anxiety and depression during this time., especially among school age kids.
Lots of people your age have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I never dated at all until I got to college. So I wouldn't worry about that if I were you.
What I do worry about is your loneliness and lack of connectedness. It's OK to ask for help! Talk to a therapist about this. If you have trouble telling what's on your mind, show them this message.
Meanwhile, I recommend joining a school club or student organization, or the youth group at a church.
Besr of luck!
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He posted me on his story and I posted that on my story. Shortly after I got a message from an anonymous account saying the following.
“You need to leave this man immediately. He’s a psychopath and has very narcissistic tendencies that you won’t see until it’s too late. He’s the personification of evil. He won’t do anything physical but will play really mean mind games that you end up mentally torturing yourself and he’ll make it seem like you brought it on yourself, he will slyly start fights between people just because he likes to see people fight “
I asked him about this and he told me it’s someone trolling.
Could the message be the truth ? I personally haven’t noticed anything
It’s upsetting that this comment is so far down in the list. I probably would’ve done the exact same thing as OP. It’s really troubling that the husband expected her to keep that a secret to her support system in the first place.
Like yeah I get the hypocrisy of wanting to keep something private but then not keeping someone else’s thing private. But telling a trusted part of your support system that you feel emotionally (or maybe even physically too? who knows) unsafe is way different than gossiping about a spouse’s secret.
Even if he's reached the decision that he's not going to be able to change his father, he should at least be standing between him and you if anything like this comes up. He's your husband. He chose you. He needs to stand up for you.
You two aren't engaged, let alone married, so avoiding joint assets is a prudent approach. In case of a breakup (onesuch “rainy day”) it'll be cleaner, and protects BOTH of you. (moreso you, as every $ you might sink into this is a bigger bite out of your total wealth, and loss of control over every such $ would generally hurt more).
If you want a deeper financial commitment, you'll probably have to make a marital one.
Romantic relationships aside, and from an equity point-of-view: Right now, it's all his money, so it'll naturally be in his name only. If you want 'in' on the title, then you need two things: – his assent to co-owning the property with you – money, commensurate to the % share of ownership you've both agreed you should have.
I'd break up with him. He values his 'friendship' with her more than his relationship with you. Plus it's kind of predatory he's twice her age and says she's 'troubled' but didn't think it was wrong to pay her for sex or think maybe that he was taking advantage. The guy sounds like a creep, you can do better.
HEAR HEAR!
It doesn't matter if you still had feelings for your ex. It doesn't matter if you “weren't engaged or nearly as invested” in the relationship. it doesn't matter that you think you got into the relationship so soon. You still did it.
Shit like this enrages me, especially because my own father cheated on my mom while they were dating but likes to say that it wasn't that bad because “they weren't engaged yet” who the fuck cares. Cheating is cheating.
You didn't even have the compassion to admit to her that you were cheating on her and you think your cheating is somehow not as bad as her cheating simply because she's doing it further into the relationship? Like huh? She obviously has the compassion and respect for you to admit her wrongs, but you keep yours to yourself. Stop acting like you're “not the cheating type”. Yes you are. You did it. You just can't own up to it to her.
Her admitting her affair to you gives you the goddamn choice and space to make a decision and leave, and you can't even give her the same fuckin courtesy. You're both shit partners.
Stop getting into relationships if you lack the self-control, compassion, and respect to not cheat on someone. Cheating on someone causes literal trauma, and that fact has been documented over and over and over. I'm tired of seeing people cheat on other people. Like damn, it's not even remotely hard to not do
You are a classic man who, in the context of family, is stuck in the role of son and hasn't realised that husband and father take priority over that. You sound passive to the point of being virtually unresponsive. You know exactly what has caused the issue your wife has with your parents, you just don't want to acknowledge it because that requires you to face truths and make decisions – things you don't do because you're primarily a son, and facing truths and making decisions is a parent's job. From the sound of it, your wife has been tolerating your passivity and “if I pretend I don't know then I won't have to deal with it” attitude for as long as she is prepared to. She at least is fed up with sweeping things under the carpet. If you really want to save your marriage you need to acknowledge why it's gone wrong. If you won't admit you broke something then you'll never get it fixed.
Just 69! She prob isn’t cumming from penetration anyways fyi!!! Lol my husband and I were together since 17. School and the world make it look so imminent to have a unwanted pregnancy but it is much harder than you realize. It’s disconnection from the body and mind that make pregnancy unpredictable.
I’m so sorry you are going through this!
Don’t do the vasectomy.
Call the police why is this even a question
Be careful if you sent him underage nudes you can be charged with distributing child porn.
I definitely learned a lot for my next relationship, I have clear what I don’t want and to not let anyone walk over me
Kinda sounds like your hubby isn’t asking for help because your dad thinks he’s worthless so he’s overcompensating and not asking for help even doing jobs that warrant it. Does your hubby have a Dad in the picture? Regardless, if you feel your hubby needs to help more with the baby then he needs to help more and I hope you have expressed that too him and not just your Dad.
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He doesn’t like dick.
Funny you mention that. She’s working for USDA now and hates this too, the role here sucks as well and the fights she has to fight are different. She’s constantly having to deal with lack of leadership support, fighting with the plants she works at to respect her and implement the proper policies and regulations, and the stress of having the food safety of the general public as well as the safety of her inspectors she supervises on her mind.
The specialities are immensely competitive to get into and she feels like she can’t get into them. Also doing a specialty would probably involving uprooting our life from where we are since she’s have to go to whatever training institute and I’m not sure I can necessarily get a job where she ends up going. I know it sounds like I’m making excuses but we’ve had these conversations and tried different things.
It’s just really fucking sucks. I’m at my wits’ end and my heart breaks for how much I see her suffering and the vast disconnect between what she hoped her job would be (helping care for sick animals) and what it is (all the bullshit that comes with the job that you mentioned).
You sound either like a cheater or somebody who gets cheated on
Yeah not cool
With my husband it’s a matter of wanting a rough idea when you’ll be home because we like to know whether to wait up or not bother Etc. But that’s just a matter of “I’ll let you know by 9 how things are going” or “We’re doing dinner which is usually 2-3 hours but if we go to a bar making it a longer night I’ll let you know”. It’s just courtesy to give the person you online with an idea when you’ll be home, but that’s information not a curfew
Why is she calling you 3 or 4 times in a row? That’s for emergencies. When my husband calls me four times it’s “my errand is taking longer than I expected can you pick the kids up from school” (a very time sensitive one lol) or somebody is seriously ill or something.
viagra now and work through it
Your mother has a point here Listen to her. His behavior is borderline abusive.
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You need to read my comment in context of the very first comment which very clearly infantilizes this person.
Thank you, I know this to be true
Wow. That’s terrible and incredibly immature. Assuming you haven’t lied about something major, he’s an absolute asshole. I’d text him telling him ghosting a relationship that lasts that long is immature and embarrassing. That you didn’t lie about anything, and you hope he approaches future relationships with more consideration and maturity.
I'm glad to hear that. Remember to start a seperate bank account as soon as you turn 18. Hang tight.
YTA. You wanted something that you could control, and that would obey you. Instead, you got a feeling and thinking human being, and if he feels repressed, it's because he is. You sound like an unwavering dictator with your rules.
You may want to seek therapy to try and understand human feelings and to understand why you chose to threaten his college when he expressed his feelings and thoughts. You dismiss him. You dismiss his feelings. You refuse to look inward.
And that's why, so many parents your age have kids who won't speak to them anymore. When you find freedom, it's torture to have to go back to a.prison on holidays and breaks. We tire of hearing how we should be grateful that you clothed and fed us. We're tired of hearing how WE were always the problem and are ungrateful.
Provide your son w the mental health help he needs, admit you shoulder some of the blame and start there. Or ignore everyone here, and you'll be completely estranged from him in less than 5 years.
When you weren't looking, we were all here, learning about healthy boundaries and that we don't have to continue relationships w people who have toxic traits.
Do I forget about it? Or should I figure out what was going on?
2 weeks isn't enough to make long lasting changes that have been embedded in your personality for 40 years.
Your wife is right to not bring a child into an unstable relationship even if it hurts your feelings.
This is so gross ???
I doubt that he'd necessarily prefer her. I suspect that he's never been ghosted or turned down before.
Well, for one, when the kids wake up early the next morning dad (who was out late the night before) is going to want to sleep in. Then Mom has to get up and take care of the kids. It is not just “midnight.” It is the trickle effect of everything else.
There are a lot of moms who want a break. A better solution is to take the spouse on a date to bond with each other.
I know a lot of happily married couples who spend time with each other. The ones who are not so happy are the ones who make themselves the priority in the relationship and do what they want, without the spouse. Just my real life observations.
No, she shouldn’t have threatened to end their marriage over bars/clubs if this was acceptable behavior.
I don’t see any conversation in the way of ‘putting my foot down’ ever happening or going well. I love his family I’m just hoping to find advice from anyone who went through something similar as it’s an odd situation and I’m trying to gently encourage a little less involvement without offending anyone
Break up with him and make sure you tell everyone you know for your safety. And if you know his parents and family, telllthem too.
maybe, just maaaaybe you should talk it to him instead of the internet; I mean, I follow porn accs that pop up from time to time, my bf doesn't care so I just leave them be.
look, tbh, trying to compete with internet porn is just a lost battle from the start, but if that is too much of an issue for you, either talk to him to unfollow those accs or leave him
He sounds awful. Also, given their ages, it sounds like he was 25+ when they got together, and she was maybe a minor? That's usually a good clue that there's something wrong with the older partner. It certainly seems like he went for someone much younger so he could be “in charge” and she eventually outgrew him.
So you’re saying he’s using the age gap as an excuse ?
You are not nothing. You are a wonderful woman that should have a higher sense of self respect. Fuck the haters and just focus on yourself.
I would never have done this with a boyfriend’s parents.
On purpose.
The first time I met my now husband’s parents, we went out to dinner. I was visiting from out of state and their vernacular is different from where I’m from. The waiter asked if he “could fill me up” and I responded with a horrified excuse me??? making my future mil do a spit take. He just meant give me a refill on my drink but that’s not what I understood. Embarrassing. A few days later, our flight back home was cancelled at the last minute and we had to get a hotel for the night, to which his parents were nice enough to give us a ride. It was named something like the Concourse and my mil started giggling and saying how appropriate the name was. No one understood what she meant and she realized she’d misread the sign and it was the Concourse Hotel and not the Intercourse Hotel as she’d thought. It’s all a big joke 20+ years later but it was an awkward first meeting
I feel like your friend was too callous, but I hope this begins the healing process for you. I'm so sorry for what you went through.
(Also, warn your friend that he's allergic to kiwi, and symptoms like the burning lips can worsen considerably all at once.)
Tell her the rest of the thought. She should know what she’s done. If she has the least bit of empathy she probably will feel bad about hurting you. And regarding her own ego, she’ll probably be mortified to realize she’s no longer an object of desire to you, but of shame.
By the way, there’s nothing wrong with how your penis looks. It doesn’t look like a wrinkled snake. It looks like a penis. That’s what penises look like. She’s an idiot for thinking it should look any different. It’s as if the “proper” aesthetic appearance for breasts was with the areolas carved off. Insane, right?
She frankly owes you enough first-rate blowjobs until she learns to appreciate you for you.
You can't rectify anything you can't even acknowledge you did. If you stand in front of your rape victim and call it “going overboard” “confusion” or “I couldn't help it hormones make decisions on their own” then you're specifically telling her you're not even sorry enough to not gaslight her. Rapist.
Find new friends who don’t pick on you?
Don’t have sex with a man who doesn’t respect you enough to wear condoms. I learned this for myself and it was a shitty realization. Trojan ribbed in the yellow package, I’ve been told that they’re more spacious inside Not from personal experience, but I’ve heard that latex free brands like skyn are v good too
Yes you are exactly right: I wish he would have boundaries with his mom. I do deeply wish he would want to set those boundaries and not me begging. He has always been so close to his mom and I get it but it’s so close that she will leave work to buy him batteries or something stupid. He relied so much on her when we brought home our baby from Nicu. I’m starting to realize that maybe he does this because he doesn’t trust the relationship to figure stuff out – which is a tough pill to swallow. Your right – I shouldn’t have told him to move in with her – but I was so damn frusterated that I was like ok you wanna be this close to her? Then online it! Mistake
She is not going to starve. She mentions she's hungry, “ok, but I don't have money. You'll have to pay.” Or just stop going out. She shouldn't keep asking but guess what? She's not going to stop and you need to sit down and say. Gf, I don't have money. Stop asking for food when we go out. I shouldn't have to keep explaining this to you. Eat before or bring money but I will not be paying for food all the time anymore. Heck if that's too much, at least tell her she has to take turns with you. Maybe once you make her start paying she won't ask as much. Btw who always drives? Sounds like it's you. Bet she doesn't pay gas either. Btw, where are you going anyway? If you don't have money, stay in. Tell her you have a budget and stick to it. But she seems very inconsiderate.
If she’s persistently out late with these “friends” at events you’re not invited to, then it’s a possible red flag
He joked one day that he wants to help me find. A better job as he thinks he might benefit ? he said. I joked that ‘that’s all you want me for, a sugar mom?’ And he said ‘think of it more as a sugar partner, if I help, I feel less bad ?’ so I don’t know.
And then he said ‘oh I thought you earned more money that what I initially thought.’
? I'm imagining him trying to mash hard potatoes!
yes this! ive told them to trust me etc but they wont acknowledge our relationship
Your job is not to fix her or any girl for that matter. If she knows that she has issues, she needs to see a therapist and fix them and then get back into a relationship.
You need to move on. It really is that simple
Agree with this comment 100%
Set up a date man. Cook for her. Light candles. Have music playing. Get flowers. It’s not that costly and it really is affective
Super manipulative
You have zero evidence of that, straight up you sound bitter
I think going to family therapy together (just you and her) would be very beneficial
You can think that all you want, but at the end of the day you're still a piece of garbage.
dont play games, at this point everything is going south I really hope you reconsider marrying someone like that
I wouldnt include vegetarianism in that list lol Not only because I wouldn’t associate this with bigotry but also because it isn’t rooted in early modernAmerican history, and actually has long roots without extremism in other parts of the world.
Coolio. I'm here if you ever need to vent. It does help 🙂
The girl deserves to feel comfortable in her own home too.
You do realize some older people have the maturity of a toddler? And some younger people have the maturity and wisdom of an elderly wise person? Huge age gaps aren't a problem if there isn't toxicity and abuse.
The healthy approach to this would be to talk about your feelings to him, and how vital for your happiness it is to go out sometimes. That doesn't hurt the relationship and doesn't mean you will be more distanced towards him. Instead it will make you happy long-term.
My husband doesn't enjoy going out to restaurants or social gatherings due to his mental health. But he's totally fine with me going there with friends if I want to. It's fine. I can go on a family trip, visiting my father or go to restaurants with friends and coworkers, while he is at home. That's a lot better than me staying in all the time, being unhappy.
You don't want to talk about his addiction but those two things can't be separated – you are living with an alcoholic. Even if it's not impacting you now it will. Being strict and honest is necessary.
It’s not funny. Your paranoia has you completely deluded.
That would be a no thank you from me …
WOW! I mean, WOW! Your boyfriend really just said “yeah I don’t really care about what you’re going through, come back when you’re normal again.” Is it even worth keeping this guy around if he clearly doesn’t care about your mental health?
I don’t have a lot of anxiety normally. My issue here is where I draw my own boundary regarding their need for space vs. my need for communication. I almost always default to putting others’ needs or wants before my own, and I’m trying to work on respecting myself more this year.
Let’s put it this way: your wife sees you supporting someone who broke their vows. You disagree with breaking vows, but not if this person does it. This person will most likely be single soon. This person, who you support, is now known to your wife for being okay with breaking vows instead of working with their spouse to solve the issues in their marriage. You support someone breaking vows because they wouldn’t communicate.
If I was your wife, I would be pretty upset too.
It doesn't have to be cheating to be unacceptable to you, it could just be that you don't think the lifestyle he leads is something you want to online with. Always wondering why about a partner can be a grinding thing to your trust.
Op didn't set up a meeting behind his back or anything.
I just informed him he’ll be paying for it and it’s happening Wednesday.
The old saying
Fuck around; find out
Is that really an old saying? Literally no one used this 5-10 years ago.
I'm going to start with a hypothetical here because there are many people who will try to twist the real issue to suit their political ideologies and THAT IS NOT THE ISSUE:
If it were my deeply held belief that ginger redheads steal souls and I would never sleep with a redhead because of this, might even think it's a sin under my religion to do so, and you know that it's a good possibility that I might have this belief, and you're a redhead but dye your hair brunette without disclosing it to me in order to have sex with me without disclosing that to me because you “know” I'm wrong, then you also have committed rape by deception. You did not get my informed consent to sex, because you deceived me.
The same goes for not disclosing that you're trans. You already KNOW for a fact that a large part of the population does not believe that if you are born with XY chromosomes and were male presenting, yet had surgery and hormones to become female presenting and online as a woman, you are then a woman. As well, you know that if you have had successful surgery, taken the hormones, and online as and successfully present yourself as a woman, most people would have no reason to believe you have ever been anything but a biological woman. You also KNOW for a fact that a large part of the population would not choose to have a relationship with a trans person because of this, by their deeply held belief, they view you as a biological male, whether you agree with them or not (THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS DISCUSSION IS ABOUT THOUGH). You do NOT have the right to violate their consent regardless of whether you think they're transphobic or not. That IS rape by deception.
Also, if you are trans, you also know that the surgeries, and the hormones, have a myriad of lifelong consequences for you and your health. These will affect yourself and your partner. These are also things that your partner should know about going into things, but are less relevant for hookups.
OP, your girlfriend committed rape by deception. Even if you would have been OK dating a trans person, your girlfriend would have still needed to disclose this before anything sexual ever happened. This is why you are feeling weird about things. Your consent was violated. This is a REALLY big deal. You will never be able to have biological children with this person. You will never be able to trust this person not to lie to you.
OP admitted this was fake, let's move along friends
You’re only 20, don’t waste your twenties with some guy who already proved he’s willing to cheat. Move onto the next one, one who isn’t slimy this time. You’re not even married to this guy why let him drag you on this emotional roller coaster?
I’d at least confront her first. You’re going entirely off what one dude heard through walls late at night, and he swears up and down he didn’t see anyone. It’s worth a direct confrontation if you’re really that close to breaking up.
How about you just don't give advice, because your advice sucks.
You most certainly can divorce over a request. Your husband just told you that all you did, all you gave, all you planned for, and sacrificed for…just isn't doing it for him.
Imo he's going to cheat if he isn't already. It seems that most people who request this from their monogamous partner already have a side piece they are enjoying or plan to enjoy. You are nothing to him compared to his possible temptation or he never would have asked.
You’re young and not ready for a child and he’s at the age for a child. You really can’t blame him but he’s irresponsible too. It’s your body do what makes you happy but be prepared to end things with him
Actually you're very mature you've chosen to forgive but not forget which is the best thing for your mental health you do not need friends like that in your life and your ex just wants to use you to make him jealous better off outta it block em both
I told my boyfriend that in the beginning of the relationship that it is a dealbreaker if he doesn’t plan to online here again some day. He said he was planning on staying after graduation, but he later told me that he only said this because he knew I wouldn’t date him otherwise.
He lied to you from the start, sound like your boyfriend is the problem, not your friends.
I then eventually caved in after feeling guilty and said that I would be willing to leave my dream city for him after I graduate college this year.
So you are ready to break your own boundary for this relationship? Do you feel loved and cared for enough in this relationship to do such a thing?
Look, unless his friends are all pure psychopath, they are not inventing that stuff out of nowhere. Your boyfriend is 100% telling them stuff about you. Toxic, manipulative, use him as therapist, all of that come to some degrees from your boyfriend.
Without his friends in the equation, and the distance, our relationship is perfect.
The distance was created 100% by your boyfriend and his friends are a reflection of him. Either because he give them information that make you look bad and that's the reason they dislike you, or because he staying friend with assholes. You need to stop separating your problems and your boyfriend. Relationship's problem are not coming from the outside 99% of the time, it's created by the one of both of the partner.
Everytime you think that the distance or his friends are the problem, you are fooling yourself.
Why are you even asking us? I'd never be cool with my girl having a guy “best friend” that she does all those things with. If you are cool with that then you are asking for trouble by design
read the graphic memoir “so much for love” by sophia lambda and then think about it
It didn’t change then.
Why is it still a problem?
What answer do you want?
He's saying he can't get hard unless he's comfortable but women assume his ED or lack of interest is because of his porn usage instead of his comfort levels. Idk why he's saying it here, but that's why he talked about porn.
I think getting comfortable with getting yourself off is really key. And you can get used to “feeling sexy” that way too, sometimes I'll shave for myself, put on some lingerie and really take my time working up to touching intimate areas. That could help you start being more comfortable with your body and sexuality.
This might just be a deal breaker for me. He thought that was FUNNY. he didn't even have a job officially lined up. He is very immature and reckless. Good thing you don't have kids, because he would have put them in a bad position also. I would consider divorce, and I don't like to automatically go to that. If he's so comfortable doing something like this, he's comfortable doing things like this again.
first thing is sit down and talk about, ask if she saw it and that you are sorry that happened. then just carry on
I know it can be difficult to talk about that so if you two don't have that much intimacy just act like nothing happened. keep talking to her like you normally do and in a few days she will no longer remember it.
This woman has seen every inch of your body, and at many points filled with weird fluids and substances that she wishes she could forget.
There is nothing in any video you could make that can really damage how she sees you. She probably saw it, freaked a little, then closed it.
Just play it cool. It doesn’t need to be weird. Unless you were kicking puppies or something.
Last and only time this happened to me, was my ex best friend meeting my future husband. She thought he was trying to be funny but wasn't. Ended up marrying him and ditching her bc she was rude as hell to him.
She needs to spend some times in a psych ward and get help. This isn't something you should try to handle on your own.
That level of self harm or possibly, using self harm as a manipulation tool is rarely seen in people without a personality disorder or some other major issue.
Way above reddits pay grade.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but that’s what happens when you have sex with people you work with. He was in the wrong and should be fired and hopefully you learned a life lesson. I’m a man and made young mistakes too. I also had an affair with my boss but it was just a summer job so a bit different
I mean if you wanna be real petty you could disclose the relationship to HR. Might get a really nice severance offering so you can quit immediately.
You are not a match for each other sexually. Sex is 10% of a relationship but 90% of why it fails. You need someone with a closer libido style. Also don't say yes when you mean no. Clearly it did not help.
YOu are young and will figure it out. He has a much higher libido style, it won't work out.
This isn’t the place for much measured advice on this. Two better places to go:
r/survivinginfidelity skews towards divorce but will give you good advice on what to demand from your WS (wayward spouse)
r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is specifically for those considering or actively reconciling. Heads up that you need to assign yourself a user flair to post there.
Both of these subs have good resources in their wikis.
What is most important now is to take time to gather information, watch her actions, and give yourself time to decide what you want and what you envision for your future.
Information to be gathered includes talking to a lawyer to see what divorce might look like, reading about recovery from infidelity (look at the wiki at r/AsOneAfterInfidelity for this), having her write out a complete timeline of what happened, including her decisions at each point and who might have enabled it.
Actions include her being willing to answer your questions, often the same ones over and over, having no objection to any testing you require (sti, dna) because she understands that trust is heavily damaged, declining to minimize what she did or blame others for it, looking for ways to help you heal, and being completely transparent.
Good luck.
He sounds depressed tel him he needs therapy to heal mentally so he can get over this mental road block or you’re going to leave. His behavior doesn’t seem malicious BUT it’s neglect it’s five and take he’s not producing any real tangible results.
For a LDR to work (and they take a lot more patience), the key ingredients is a big effort, huge commitment, and trustworthiness. The fact that she has carried on with this Tim, continues to hang around him, blocks (or lies about it) and unblocks, and him saying things to her that you would reserve for a partner is VERY telling. The fact that she gets very aggressive and defensive in order to shut down any rational attempt to try to have to voice your concerns shows her ass quite clearly. Even if it is not a sexual cheat, at the minimum, it’s an emotional cheat and her behavior towards you is unacceptable and unfair to you. It does sound like for your own sanity and well being you should distance yourself from this woman and work on healing and moving on.
Honestly, you don’t even need the text in the post. The title alone is reason enough to end things. If you can’t see a future with someone you should end it and find someone that you can see a future with. 8 years is a long time but it wasn’t a waste of time. You learned and gained life experience.
I would say that you shouldn't be in a relationship with her anymore. She is a walking talking red flag herself. People that cannot cut past relationships from their lives are a walking talking red flag. And I am going to elaborate on that.
1)She says it is platonic but the guy is a guy and when a possibility arises that he can have sex with her again he is going to go for it without a care in the world for their “friendly” relationship. You can break her bumble about it, tell her to call him and say that you 2 had a fight and that she wants to forget you. Then wait for his reaction. He is going to fall for it. That she thinks he is a friend it is not the same case for him. That she considers him a friend is not that he is also considering her as a friend and not a potential future fuck.
2) a person that still has someone that she only fucked in her life is a magnet for future unneeded drama and she is opening every door there is possible. She clearly didn't protect her future relationships because no one needs someone that have the previous sex partners in the present. If they are in the past they should stay there and not be present in the present and the future of that person. It is not that hard.
3) if you have people from your past in your present then they are not in your past anymore and they are your present. It means that you never got truly over them in the first place.
4) don't fall for the crap people are going to say here that it is totally normal, they are never going to speak the truth in the first place because they want to put the mask of a good person while they are not. They are never going to say that in a fight with a relationship they went and fucked the so called “platonic friend” even one time. They are never going to admit that they are keeping them around because of the attention they are getting from that person. Don't let them make you feel that what you are feeling is wrong, it is not. You are not insecure about wanting boundaries. Never back down from them and don't fall for the trap of shaming that most women do.
5) it is too early in the relationship and she already opened a can of worms while you didn't bring drama. She did though. If you want to continue that relationship you have to prove to her that he is not her friend and when that happens she has to put a stop to it. Tell her to call him using that excuse. Then you will both have the answer where this relationship is going to go. In your place I would totally move on though because she wants to play delusion while the reality is totally something else. That person is not a person you need in your life.
I dunno, it's hard to take back such a damaging comment. Maybe say that you're sorry?
I mean, the guy is obviously committed to you, why are you so dead set on getting married? It literally changes nothing between how you act or feel towards each other.
Also, you basically just gave him a reason not to marry you. You're willing to throw everything you have, your solid loving relationship, for a fricken ring. That would make be doubt the entire relationship if I were him.
May break up
Should break up.
No no…
No, you need to do that shit. I hope I wake up to an update that you've done that shit.
Listen. This man just showed you he is a lying pos, and you're questioning yourself?? When tf are we women going to put an end to this self blame bullshit and let men suffer the consequences of their shitty actions fully. He is fully accountable for lying to his friends and for trying to manipulate you into going along with his lies. At no point should you be debating if there's anything wrong with you. Dump this mf.
At a guess I would say someone knows she was there with him for the night so she came up with this story in case you asked. Why else tell you?
Also, she put herself in a position where if something DID happen, you would not know or be able to prove…and now surprise surprise, she says nothing happened.
Just putting herself in a position where she could do this to you would be enough for me. I would consider it unfaithful.
I, personally, love going down on my girl. Do it every chance I get. Would have it for three meals a day, if I could. But it's all up to personal preference
You obviously online together, you say you left? But you've gone back? Do you have somewhere safe to stay? Is where you online in his name? You need to work out how to get put of that home and somewhere safe. If it's in your name you need to follow any legal protocol required to get him to move out. Did you sign a cohabitation contract when you moved in together? If not, you might need legal advice depending on laws where you online.
Change all your passwords on your accounts, bank accounts, social media, phone, anything and everything, change passwords. If you had a shared bank account move your money to a safe account.
Yes something is dangerous in this situation, it's not your writing course, it is him.
Is he financially keeping you? So do you have your own income or is he paying for everything and you look after the home? If you have your own income he had no right to demand your financial information, and even if he was financially supporting you, he should not have screamed at you. You need to work out how to quickly and safely get him out of your life.
lol im just aaking from another opinion bc i thought i was like bugging or something like im not seeing how this was okay or something
Just enjoy the time together. Don’t overthink it.
This was such a kind response thank you x
So if you had a female friend who you were really really really close to and you told her you want to sleep with her, would she let you? Ask her that.
Don’t be jealous, just end the relationship.
She isn’t living with her ex, she is living with her bf and you are the side piece.
I will try to get the strength to do so. I’m just unsure how things will go and how he will react. I will feel very hurt leaving, but right now I don’t see this going anywhere. I am leaving with a huge loss. He won.
I feel like deep down I’m uncertain how far he would go. One part wishes he will not give up on our relationship, but another part is worried he will show up at places I’m at. I’m worried it could affect my job.
She coped with it being going to the arms of another man instead of working through it.
You're trash.
Yeah we have had many of these conversations, and talked about the compromises we would make for each other and the relationship.
That is good advice, we will definitely look into it.
Everyone grieves in their own way. Just know one thing it wasn't your fault…he was an addict…my ex also passed away last year…so I understand. I try not to remember the bad times. I light a candle for him on the holidays and his birthday coming up and I remember the good times. I sometimes remember a joke he told me and I laugh.
The fact that he likes it and wants to see it again is a very good sign lol. It took me some time to adjust to the idea of people not being repulsed by my ahole lol but nah it's sexy to a lot of men (men wanting to do anal is a stereotype for a reason lol).
Oh to be 18 and dumb again
omg this is horrible! did you ever take benji to the vet or did you adopt him from somewhere that gave you an adoption certificate? if you took him to the vet they should have proof on file that you are his legal owner. same thing if he’s microchipped and registered to you.
i hope you get him back ?
She isn't changing.
That’s reaaaally controlling for less than a year of a relationship. It wouldn’t be ok at longer terms but it’s concerning because control gets worse. If it’s already this bad it’s going to get significantly worse.
Rather than trying to make a 50+ year old understand how friendships work maybe consider finding a relationship that isn’t a constant fight to be yourself.
If he wanted to propose, he certainly would have after 10 years. Do not give him an ultimatum. You could sit him down and talk to him again and say look it's been 10 years, we're at the point where we can marry. Obviously, you don't want to so it's time to break up. If he freaks and begs, make sure you tell him you don't want him to marry you because he feels he has to, you want him to marry you because he wants to and he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I don't think he's mature enough for marriage at this point if he's spending all his money on himself and saying (excuse) to you he doesn't have money to get married. well maybe if he stops spending every penny on flashy cars and whatever else he spends his money on then he could have enough money to get married but he doesn't want to get married that much is obvious. Time to move on.
Man what a perfect reply this is. Good luck OP
I mean, you said it yourself: she doesn’t owe you anything.
I’ve had amicable relationships post-breakup with most of my exes….that being said, I wasn’t always ready or responsive to some of them when they initially reached out. Some I felt were trying to re-start the relationship, which I definitely didn’t want. Some felt like they were trying to “use” me for female companionship so that they didn’t feel as lonely while they looked for a new partner-I was not ok with that either.
Eventually, though, an event, party, something organic happened that got us talking again, and we were able to reconnect as just friends. I’d say to give it more time, and probably to wait to hear from her.
Seek legal council asap!!!
Probably your best avenue is to encourage him via suggesting you do activities like this together.
I don't think it will help much if you were to directly address his weight gain or his mood changes.
Hey, if you're both a mess, there's still a possibility. I mean that in the kindest and most hopeful way. But trust me, even if it works, you need to cut back on the overtexting
If you were that perfect, he wouldn't have dived right into trying to cheat the moment things got rough even after almost 2 years together. That's worth evaluating and determining what that tells you about him. Take some time for you and process what's happened and if you really want to keep things going after this. There's no rush to make that decision.
Terrum, her strong abandonment fear — as well as her abusive and controlling behaviors — may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no opportunity to acquire in childhood). My exW has this problem. If that is an issue for your GF, you likely have been seeing 3 other warning signs.
First, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes and mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to validate her “victim” status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the smallest, most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Second, you would not see her expressing her anger to casual friends, classmates, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her temper tantrums almost exclusively would be expressed against a close loved one (e.g., against you or her parents).
Third, you are convinced she truly loves you. But you often see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing you), frequently making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do.
Terrum, have you been seeing strong occurrences of these 3 red flags?
Why are you being so cruel and calling her stupid and needs a psychiatrist? You've never been wounded by someone you trusted?! She's begging for help so please let's give her some support and HELP her leave rather than making her regret asking.
I get that these are haha internet funniez, but people should really opt for being an adult instead.
If he's saying he doesn't want to see you or talk to you, you absolutely need to move on because you deserve a partner who is excited to spend time with you. The right person will always make time for a partner they truly care about.
Talk to him about his goals before marriage. He wants to be moved out, okay. Ask him what is he doing to achieve that? Tell him again that you think 5k is insane to spend on a ring, and that you'd like to discuss together do what you both realistically see a ring and a wedding costing? Just because you have been together 5 years does not mean marriage is the “next step.” The next step is important, difficult conversations about the future.
You need to discuss finances in-depth. What will savings look like? What will a loose budget look like? Will you give yourselves allowances for spending money, or keep your moneys separated, or just discuss if purchases are over x amount? What about emergency funds?
Do you both want children? How many if so? What beliefs do you want them to be raised with? How will you raise them, or deal with discipline?
You currently online with his parents. You've never seen how this man deals with a house by himself, and you've never dealt with one by yourself either. What will the division of labor around the house be?
I also highly recommend coming up with a method of dealing with fights and arguments in the future. My husband and I came up with a time-out system, and if voices ever escalate we call time-out. If we can't keep them down we go to separate areas, calm down, and try again when we're both calm.
If he cannot discuss the future seriously with you, he is not serious about you and it is time to move on, but in front of your parents isn't the time for that talk. So, I'd broach the subject with him privately, when it's just you two, and see how he responds. But some key issues absolutely have to be discussed first. His spending is an issue too, though not an insurmountable one if he is serious about moving out and having an adult life with you.
So ask her to follow you back.
No way you're married to a woman lmao, if you are, poor wife…
he wants to online with his mom forever
NOPE.
I don't mean to be glib or imply I didn't read your entire post, because I did, but none of it changed my position here. This has bad idea written all over it. I wouldn't recommend you pursuing this even if he had a perfectly normal and stable relationship with his mother, and he absolutely doesn't. You know what living in a dysfunctional home is like. Don't sign up for more of it.
Just because he is not a bad person doesn't mean he is the partner meant for you. All of your grievances are a huge deal for a long lasting marriage… and divorce sucks! I'd get some counseling or something, make changes now! See changes now!
Let us know if you can piece it together
Give your husband 2 cards. 1 to a Marriage counselor, with the cavet that this friend is completely and totally cut off. Or a divorce attorney. Those are his only choices and he has 2 days to make those choices. In the meantime, get yourself an attorney and start getting your accounts and other affairs lined up. Because if he hasn't already, he's going to sleep with this woman and leave you. He's pretty much already telling you this. The part about you all being a throuple is just to assuage his guilt
For some extra context, bf was open to try dating bcuz he was under the impression that ex and I weren’t seriously involved and that it was casual. I was also under the impression from my ex that our dating was casual at that point and it wasn’t going anywhere serious soon
I know a lot of handsome men, and even the famous and handsome ones don’t have women fighting over them in bars or concerts: but maybe you’re frequenting ones well outside my experience.
Anyway, some people like to establish the friend bit of “friends with benefits” before the sex bit. Nothing terribly uncommon about it. If you’re confused, use your words.
“I don’t want to mix romance and sex unless I’m in a relationship. So I’m only interested in either dating, or NSA sex.”
He just talked to me, he has explained to me that he doesn’t want to talk about same thing over again because i don’t seem able to move on. Now he wants to break up because i don’t have my own thought and i asked strangers in reddit. But I love him and now I feel worst. i think it’s also my issues i have anxiety, i makes the problem bigger and i overthink what he said. It’s 4am now and i can’t sleep. He said he will block me earlier if i don’t leave him alone. It’s probably that i have a problem that I can’t chill when i have problems with him. I just care too much.
How often do you guys have fairly intense discussions like this? Couples can vary not only in how they address conflict once it's brought up, but also in what they think needs to be brought up. If you want to “work through” issues that he thinks just should be let go of, or just mentioned in brief, that could potentially be an incompatibility or just a difference in viewpoint. You might also think about if issues could be addressed not as faults or missteps that need to be dissected but simply expressed as needs with positive requests. Most minor issues shouldn't need such an involved discussion, in my opinion. You might also look at how often you talk about what's going well and share positive things with each other.
Or this could just be an issue of semantics, and you're just using the word “fight” in different ways.
Your first red flag, a huge one, was the fact that he hid a whole ass kid from you.
Why do you think that? If that was the case why would he initiate it multiple times a day? I’m more concerned about his mental health
That's still the expectation. There was a story a few years ago about how men still expect that if everything else is equal, his wife would move for his career vs hers. I thought that was a bit silly so brought it up at dinner with friends…and almost all the women said they would decide fairly and all the men thought it would be for their own career. I think it might have started a couple of fights.
You beat me to it! Although I don't recommend sending a partner the link to the music video to inform him of the situation. When I did that the dude did not find it funny…
So basically you said you don't trust him to be smart and mature enough to make decisions about his own life and that you know better than him. You proceeded to then override his choices like he's a child and ambush him inside his own home with his abusive mother. He was supposed to be able to trust you and he was supposed to be safe in his own home, you ripped that all away. Having your safe place no longer feel safe is one of the worst feelings, and it can be a long time before he feels safe and comfortable in his own home again.
Trust is difficult to gain back after its lost so I don't blame him for rethinking your marriage, I sure as hell would too. If you seriously want to try and get him to trust you again you need to work on yourself and ask yourself why you think you are more qualified to make decisions about HIS life and override his decisions. Why don't you trust him to make smart choices? Why did you think ambushing him in his own house was okay? Figure out the answers to those questions and work on fixing whatever the problem is or why you feel that way.
Also gaining trust back takes a long time so you have to be super patient and work hard, no complaining when its 6 months from now and he's still struggling to trust you again. You have to be in it for the long haul and prove to him that you are truly sorry and WON'T do anything like that again.
You have the right to leave a toxic relationship, and a relationship with an addict can be very toxic. I know. I'm a recovering alcoholic/addict (with a side of mental illness). I did a lot of damage to people who loved me along the way.
Yes, it will hurt to walk away. Nobody wants to give up one someone they loved. But you are right – you deserve to online peacefully. You deserve stability. You deserve to online without fear of “the next time”.
There's nothing you can do to help her. You've done what you can. Addicts only quit when they've had enough, and there are no external forces that can make that happen. I wasn't going to quit – until the day I was sick of my damned self and I finally understood what I was going to have to do.
Make your plans, and go. You may need to go NC with her. Addicts such as myself are very selfish people, and we don't like the word “no”. I would strongly suggest you look into therapy for yourself, to help you unpack and heal all the trauma you've witnessed and suffered. You can also look into Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, which are peer support groups for people in relationships with alcoholics and addicts. There's a lot of combined wisdom and experience in those rooms to help you untwist your life.
I wish you the best, and I fully support your decision.