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I will. However, she always asks if u understand her. At that point, no matter what I say or do, I'm not understanding what she is saying. What you suggested I have said he follow up after that normally is asking if I understand.
Let me put it that way. If it was mandatory by law, or if everyone man would simply do it regardless of their trust, then the world would be a better place, as no man would be deceived into raising someone else's child.
This is an insult and an accusation only if you decide to see it as such. Again, if this is what decided not against her, but as something he will do regardless of everything that might happen, it is perhaps even a good thing.
There are man that trust their partners and ended up being deceived. It doesn't mean you shouldn't trust your partner, but it means that doing paternity in general is a good idea. You can argue a perceptive person will get his suspicion anyway. Yes, but some people aren't exactly the sharpest in that regard.
I think this is the beautiful gift of you finding out before your relationship progressed further. This guy is trash and clearly dislikes and distrusts women. I’ll bet a considerable sum that he’s been spending time in the manosphere.
Welcome to date rape. Leave him. I hope you're sound of mind to get the help you need. And I hope he grows up enough to reflect and correct himself.
Bye!
As someone that is quite depressed, you are most likely right, for me it isnt bad hygiene ( because i need to be clean for my job) but looking around my room right now….yeah depression can have a huge inpact in how well you take care of yourself.
I mean if there's a 100% way to do a test to see if my partner is abusive then yes I would want to do the test to see if partner is abusive. In this case there's a way to test 100% if the baby is his.. so why avoid it? The mom gets to know 100% the baby is hers so why can't the dad know also?
And yes my partner can search through my phone everyday if he wants. ?♀️
Just break up, no advice.
Oh I totally agree with that.
“Why didn't my brother personally invite me himself instead of the woman he's literally about to make a life-long commitment of mutual love and affection with?”
is a whole new level of entitlement.
It's in London so presumably this is the Royal Family, based off her highness' reaction, I can never keep track of those silly people. /s
I think this needs to come from you. And tell her what you just wrote.
well it was a big issue when we started dating. so i guess in the TLDR i should have said he used to compliment other woman but has recently stopped
This all depends.
Is your friend going to go around and bad mouth him? Destroy his reputation and publicly humiliate him? Is this situation over or just beginning?
Is your friend willing to have a calm discussion with him? Tell him about her experience being trans and how his views hurt her? Would she explain what medical experts say about trans people (I don’t even know if medical experts largely agree on the issue one way or the other, I’m just throwing out ideas)? Maybe you could push her to handle this constructively instead of maliciously, if that’s her intention.
As for your BF, there’s no way around it, you broke his trust. Can it be rebuilt? Sure. But it’s going to take a lot of work and you both have to be invested. Tell him how horrible you feel for doing that and you’ll do whatever it takes to repair trust. Acknowledge you were out of line and you regret it.
I understand there is probably a lot more to your relationship then what you listed, but if you think he’s amazing because he cooks for you, I’ll tell you now, that’s like the bare minimum. Maybe take some time to really evaluate the relationship and if you want to put the effort in to begin with. Maybe you have bad luck in relationships and he’s just the best you e had, but not the best out there for you.
She suggested the right course of action.
I really hope him telling her the extent she suggested wasn't necessary doesn't come back to bite him in the ass…
Tell him, he should pick his partner better so that he doesn't feel he needs that. There was a post where a young woman was asked at 8 months. She understood completely what he was saying, and said she would give him one. Then she would leave him for thinking she could do that. It is a slippery slope…I think they should do it at the hospital at birth…Then it would take away blame and make it standard. There are stories of men raising other men''s children….that have also broke the relationship. If I knew going in, I think I would be ok.
Hey tho, need some cute cat pictures? We got you covered.
Ever ask him why? Did you have a good relationship prior to all this?
I really like this idea! A mail date would be great, I think he just needs to feel like he’s held accountable and he’ll put it in the front of his mind
“My man was cheating on be before we got married. Instead of leaving him I let myself be disrespected and stayed even after he blamed me for why he cheated. But then he bought a house and we got engaged so I pretended he was different. Now I think he’s cheating on me again. What do I do?”
Girl, insult them back. They’re being assholes on purpose. Nothing wrong with being one back. You’re successful! They’re just being hateful. And if your boyfriend has been witnessing this then RUN
? ? ?
She owns a house outright at 27? How? I can't help but think she has had significant financial help from parents or such for this to have happened.
I dunno, a lot to unpack here, do you play video games a lot? Is that already a source of relationship issues?
If you are buying a house together, then you are probably in the relationship for the long-haul right? So maybe it's worth considering joint finances?
IDK, you asked if she'd mind if you bought it which was the right thing to do, but her overreaction to this seems like there must be deeper issues.
“So what do you want to do about the fact you're convinced I'm cheating on you? Where is this going? Do you want to get a divorce, which would be ridiculous? Do you want to spend the rest of your life angry and stalking me for evidence of something that doesn't exist? Where are we going from here, because I'm not just going to sit around forever with a wife who hates me for no reason.”
Sounds like complete overwhelm – a very reasonable and human response to such a horrible situation
You don't want someone who is obsessed with you. People who are obsessed with people are not healthy relationship material. It's called love bombing and it's classic abuse. Also he has NO idea who you are. He's obsessed with his projection of you.
Yeah, that edit wasn’t there when I initially commented. Regardless, maybe someone else needs a little push to get help. If therapy is available, I say use it
For sure,then she can just dip out on him too,when father time catches up with his looks,like it will inevitably do to us all one day.
Yes. That is abusive.
Okay thank you
Shortly after
might as well be
You shouldn’t have to apologize for having a bad day. You shouldn’t have to fake cheerfulness for anyone in your own home. Op did nothing wrong. Also why didn’t the wife check on OP or ask what’s wrong?
Thats not just embarrassing, thats traumatizing. Block him and never give him or his psycho friends another thought. They sound like maniacs, I’d truly be scared of what kind of crap they’re capable of. That girl planned on embarrassing you btw, she wants to be the only girl in the group.
The fact that he didn’t close the door first thing is wild. But then after, when he left, kept it open.. what the actual fuck!? Boyfriend or not that’s just the decent thing to do for another human. Then continue to laugh at you with all his friends, while you’re still sitting there, door open.. why would he be ok w his buddies still being able to look at you while on the toilet?
Also, fuck that chick. I wouldn’t blame OP for wanting to leave so she wouldn’t have to deal with her, but then on top of it, the rest of the friends, and the worst of it her boyfriend.
Like I’ll be the first to laugh at farts(bc comedic gold), and poop jokes because everyone does it, and they’re funny, and there’s no telling me any different. Except this isn’t that. This is seeing someone in a literal vulnerable position, and laughing at their embarrassment, and further humiliating and ridiculing them. And not one of them thought to close the door.
He’s going to say it’s fine and it was all jokes, but the second he saw you were upset and in an embarrassing situation should have been when the jokes stopped.
As OP’s significant other he should be her biggest defender and supporter- her best friend. And even if he can’t understand why she’s so upset(dk how), or thinks she overreacted shouldn’t matter, it should be enough that she was and continues to be, bc her feelings should matter to him.
Sounds like he’s 19 at college and not almost 30, and cared more laughing with his buddies AT OP when she was clearly uncomfortable and upset. It’s telling that even after she left he’s still being an ass. Hope it was worth it to feel cool with his buddies for a few minutes, who are guna be gone after the trip to wherever they live, and hopefully she’ll have left his ass.
One message, and one only:
“Get yourself a bathroom conduct for your next girlfriend. I have no need for a man who gets me embarassed over natural body procedures, laughs at me with the bullies and then tries to gaslight me into believing that I am in the wrong.
Actions have consequences, dear.”
Girl!!!! Come on!!! You are absolutely gorgeous!
Get yourself a man that isn't a dick please. Like wow. And to show his friends your sisters picture
Thats fucking weird… to pretend hes dating your sister first off
Again fucking weird because your sister would probably think that's creepy as hell.
To show a picture specifically of your sister's boobs to his friends as a flex on his gf.. objectifying her.. aka you.. is not the traits of a very good man.
If you went around telling him to take down pictures because his penis looks too small in his pants i bet you he won't be laughing at that.
I'm a whole petty bitch. I'd start telling my friends infront of him about some pornstars penis and ask them if they aren't jealous…
You deserve better. He sounds like a creeper.
Get shot of the pos.
You look fine.
Who tells people about their gf or wife’s body parts? I’d feel disgusted if my wife did that about me.
Your hopefully ex bf lacks integrity and is trying to make that your problem. You decide whether he's worth it (he's not)
I already did that, but we'll probably plan it after this weekend so it'll be a lot of days without texting. And idk why but I would like to text her these days instead of radio silence
So if he’s sat on the sofa and I come out of the next room behind him. I can see he’s on Snapchat but he instantly comes off it. He’s not really on his phone when I’m next to him. He rarely leaves his phone lying around. We have this relationship where we keep our things as our things which I’m happy with. So we don’t know each others passwords/share location etc..
We met at church, and things moved quickly. If you know they’re the right person, why wait?
Everything – he, the situation, you, the cousin – its all too messy, too childish & immature. I read your post & its given me migraine so I cannot imagine you in center of the chaos.
you are 24 & he is 19 ? just leave him & go find someone your age. you want a man to love & care of you not one that's accusing you on everything & from everywhere like a petulant child – which he is at 19…duh…
What are you doing with this friend that is making your partner feel insecure? You didn’t talk about that and context is important.
Oh so this is why I see for example 10 comments under the post, but I can only read 2 or 3
When common courtesy is expected between two people.
He never did anything to make her feel unwanted. She did. Here's why: he gave her a “what's up” then said he'll lie down. At this point, the wife comes in and demands to know why he did that, to which he said, very obviously, he has a headache. All she had to do was tell the friend that he's feeling ill and tired after a hard day at work, and apologize on his behalf. If I'm the guest, I'd be totally understanding of it, and even ask her to tend to him while I excuse myself… which is probably why she left soon. Sure he could say one extra line, but if you've had a massive headache, you don't have the willpower to say much in the first place, and as you said, he was suddenly put in this situation. All he needs to do is give her this explanation and hope she's not overly entitled, because that's a good reason for his behaviour for anyone reasonable, forget your loving significant other.
He never did anything to make her feel unwanted. She did. Here's why: he gave her a “what's up” then said he'll lie down. At this point, the wife comes in and demands to know why he did that, to which he said, very obviously, he has a headache. All she had to do was tell the friend that he's feeling ill and tired after a hard day at work, and apologize on his behalf. If I'm the guest, I'd be totally understanding of it, and even ask her to tend to him while I excuse myself… which is probably why she left soon. Sure he could say one extra line, but if you've had a massive headache, you don't have the willpower to say much in the first place, and as you said, he was suddenly put in this situation. All he needs to do is give her this explanation and hope she's not overly entitled, because that's a good reason for his behaviour for anyone reasonable, forget your loving significant other.
Time for you to pack the rest of your shit and get out.
You already know this relationship is over, even if he's been perfect up until this point there are some things you don't come back from.
And honestly, I'm not usually apologetic on these posts, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you experienced this. It sounded like some kind of highschool nightmare.
I really think that i do just that, but maybe i really am not, i will try to be more mindfull abd helpful, while finding ways to nurture our love and care for each other moving forward.
Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaah… That edit is gross. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with this dude.
You asking her if you both were invited was a test. Why don't you both break up since neither of you are mature. Take some time in therapy on how to be better or reflect and then start being a healthy person in a healthy relationship.
This isn't okay. It should indeed be considered money that's both of yours. You make earning that money possible… Tell her you are getting a job so you can buy with YOUR money whatever the f* you want. She can figure the rest out herself! (Get out, is what I am saying. This is absolutely an abusive situation and I got angry really fast for you when reading this).
The ones telling him what he should have said are the best ?????
Dude, why did you tell your wife??? Good god.
SMH ??♂️
That's such an incredibly dumb take!
It's not almost like an obsession. It is an obsession. Form your post it's pretty obvious he's only interested in his fetish. And a guy his age is not going to grow out of this. If anything the more senile he get the worse it will be.
my neighbors didn't see her too often. After she moved in I expected her to tone down her clothing choices to look a little more mature.
So you're basically afraid that she'll look like 19?
$55/hr for 4 hrs, and since they wanted a 5 min long video “teaser” of their event, along with 25 edited images with 2 revisions, I asked them to pay $250.
You were going to charge a mere $55/hr, and $30 for a 5 min video and 25 edited images?? Do you pay taxes on the freelancing you do? Have you calculated your per hour pay?
sent them all of the 400+ raw photos
nononooo o. Only ever send watermarked lo-res photos that are too small a file size to be properly used, but can be viewed
telling me that she didn’t agree for $250 and that I am ripping her off as I actually agreed for $215.
Always get the contract in writing. email is fine, in a desperate pinch maybe texts could work, but get them to explicitly agree to the terms in writing beforehand
I told her I am okay with $220 but not less than that
You shouldn't give in to such cheating tactics, should've said that if they're only paying for the shooting but not the editing you're willing to give them the selected 5 raws and they can edit themselves. Oh wait you already sent all the raws.
So I asked my professional full-time photographer friend to edit the pics (for which I paid my friend).
The contract was 2 revisions made by you?? What are you doing? And after she complained about the 23 extra revisions she got for free on top of the reduced price, you just went and added more free labour and edited the video on top?
Look I'm sorry but your business practices are straight up atrocious. Like you're actually hurting other freelancers with this shit because you a) underprice your labor so badly and b) encourage and reward people for swindling freelancers, by being this much of a doormat and giving them endless new perks and extra favours for haggling, demanding extra work and refusing to pay even the haggled price.
I agree with other redditor's comment; that this is the time for you to figure out how the collection process works and take her to small claims court eventually. But never do business like this again. I know it's hard to learn to be naked if you're a kind, young person but you can't carry on like this
Let’s see. A new friend, I would probably either just wait to see til they reached out, or maybe hit them with “hey, howre you doing” ?
You don't want to break up with someone who puts you down, doesn't listen to you, and gets legitimately angry when you reasonably bring up a problem. Hey they're doing DARVO on you. Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender
Defensive behavior then, saying everything they do offends you, They're the worst partner, now you're apologizing for hurting their feelings and you feel like you did something wrong.
You feel unattractive and emotional unsafe and you want to hold onto that because you feel unworthy for other attention and lucky they put up with you. However this is very unhealthy and you absolutely need to break up.
Maybe you have to fill out a form
You're no longer living with her, and she didn't make any moves on you while you were living together. How is this a practical problem?
Your GF is a shitheel. She could find another fucking shampoo easily enough but obviously that's too much hassle…
Are you asking too much? No, you are asking a miniscule tiny small thing that any normal sane non cunty person would agree to.
Please continue
Him blaming ADHD is ridiculous. He's a selfish “lover” (calling him a lover is a bit of a stretch) pure and simple.
We dated for a year and got married. Culturally, you move in when you’re married.
We moved 5 months after getting married, it was always in the plans even before we started dating.
She never really cooked and doesn’t eat much anyways but snacks and orders food.
Ive been to her apartment and she’s been to mine before. So we know how we are. This isn’t really a big deal now since we’ve found a system. Vacuum daily, do laundry when its full, put things back. Very minor things that I didn’t bother with when I lived with a bunch of guys but now do.
I make 3k, she makes 1.7k after tax. I spend around 1.3k on expenses and debt and 1.2k rent. She spends 600 on rent and pays the phone bills + subscriptions and food here and there it adds up to 1.2 maybe but I don’t know exactly.
oh for gods sake. yes, we’re all human, but you can own it and apologize, too. “sorry i was/came off as rude, i had a splitting headache and didn’t even realize.” boom, done. not “well sooooooorry i wasn’t cheerful enough for your friend. now move past it.”
Usually when we “give” somebody closure, we’re really seeking it ourselves.
I doubt it will make any difference in this case. Shuffle along.
She should be your ex by now… she actually cares less about your health and more for shampoo… time to drop her
Best of luck on your love adventure 😉
You shouldn't be hoping for a proposal only 10 months into a relationship. That's too soon, and if someone proposed to me after only 10 months, I'd think he had poor judgement. Talking about the idea of getting married one day is one thing, but actually getting engaged? No. You just don't know each other well enough yet, even if you think you do. I'd want to be with someone for at LEAST a year, and preferably two, before we actually considered getting married for real. And ideally you should be living together for a while before you decide to get married. Since it's only been 10 months total, I'm assuming you're still living separately?
I'd spin her manipulation line right back on her.
She's trying to manipulate you to continue having sex but not have relationship.
Listen, you are completely in the right to set boundaries.
She wants all the perks of a relationship without the title.
It would be best, however, to sort out a custody agreement and then separate living arrangements in order to have a healthier coparenting relationship.
I'd spin her manipulation line right back on her.
She's trying to manipulate you to continue having sex but not have relationship.
Listen, you are completely in the right to set boundaries.
She wants all the perks of a relationship without the title.
It would be best, however, to sort out a custody agreement and then separate living arrangements in order to have a healthier coparenting relationship.
What is the argument for staying with someone who would prioritize shampoo over your health? Get outta there now.
What is the argument for staying with someone who would prioritize shampoo over your health? Get outta there now.
As a married man myself, I've been there. Really the wisest thing to do, if you really love her, is to apologize in the moment and tell her you'll be better. THEN, make sure you the right moment to talk to her about her overreaction. It's kept the peace for me and made things better without too much fighting.
Call your family and talk with them.
He can be unable for the baby while you are surrounded by family that love you.
I know. I dated other men who were way different from him, who I knew would have been better dad and husband than he is. To be honest, I don't really know why because I love him too much.
Wait– you are no longer living together, though, right? So, you guys broke up in Feb?
He sounds like either an ass or a not-great-fit, in any case, so hopefully you did!
You heard the complaint, but you utterly failed to grasp the motivation — or the emotional content — behind the complaint.
He’s feeling undesired. And he’s feeling like you take his presence in your life for granted.
And your response was essentially, “fine, okay, you can have what you said you want, as long as you do all the work to get it.” In other words, “Meh, whatever. I’ll go along with it if you push the issue, but it’s not like I think of you that way AT ALL.”
How much do you suppose that response goes toward solving the real, underlying problem, namely, feeling undesired by you?
Not an eating disorder for sure. She literally told me her whole medical history. She even apologized to me for “trauma dumping” but like I said she gets weirded out by me wanting to drink at a brewery that’s known for its beer not food?
Yes, I called him 14 times in the span of 6-7 hours (kinda extreme, I know). But every call was declined. He just went on with his day like nothing was a bother.
We clearly disagree about everything but one and that one is very important
I feel so bad for the poor child. However I think it is best for him to live with his father and have minimal contact with you and his mother. You are both terrible people and I hope the child has lots of love and support from the other adults in his life
He did communicate with you. He wanted to break up with you but YOU didn’t want it.
You can’t force someone to be with you or love you when you won’t listen to them.
I would have given up too if i was with someone who wouldn’t listen when I stop loving them and leave
You’re weird
She is not your sister’s friend. She is her fiancé. And before that she was her girlfriend, not her friend or roommate. Language matters.
The day is still about you and your husband, whether she brings her fiancé or not. If your bigoted family and friends can’t handle treating your sister and her fiancé the same as everyone else they would be the only ones making a scene.
Your sister is completely right here. You do not get to tell her you love and accept and support her and then turn around and tell her she can’t bring the person she loves to your wedding. Stop siding with bigots. You can’t say you accept her and then pull something like this.
How would you feel if she excluded your fiancé from her reception?
Never let the guy cum first. I turn into an entirely different person after an orgasm. It's like someone literally yanked the concept of sex and horniness from my brain. I think post nut clarity hit and he just stop caring about sexual things.
Right, “I'm bored so I beat people up.” He's an asshole, and probably gaslighting you. Tell him you got into a relationship with him as a prank, and then ghost him forever.
You deserve better and she deserves to learn the hard way. Serve her with legal notice to vacate and do not give in.
There's something you need to clear up here. Why are you scared of him? From what you said of his schooling, he was one of the few people in his class that wasn't a danger to others. And you're talking about telling him to go away like he's a serial killer.
Autistic people are not inherently dangerous and you're coming across as severely ableist. You're saying he's a danger to himself, and your response is to tell him to leave!? I'm not sure, but if something happened to him after that, you could and should be held liable.
Oh, and btw, calling the cops!? Again, he's autistic, he's not a serial killer ffs!
Unfortunately height be able to legally
But I do engage with it, we argue about it. I posted this because we argued about it today.
At this point there's no absolute legal proof (DNA) that your ex is their father. In other words, he legally cannot demand any visitation rights. In consultation with your attorney, develop a contingency plan. If he pursues being their legal father, make sure you get a judgment for back child support to accompany that ruling.
You are a tough, resourceful, intelligent woman and I commend you for the job you've done raising your children.
Something to keep in mind – arguments should not be about “winning”. You both need to learn to approach disagreements with kindness and learn how to talk things out to a mutually beneficial ending. Make a ground rule that there is no yelling or name calling, also.
Exactly. It's pure bullying.
It needs eradicating by shining a light onto it, in front of all his peers.
He needs to be shamed into behaving normally.
Like when a puppy shits where it shouldn't. An element of training.
You would be surprised how fast this stuff escalates into violent conflict within friend groups.
And there are the quiet boys who want to show off to the girls and take their revenge mission too far.
This shit splits friend groups apart.
And that's a real fucking shame.
I'm lucky, my friend groups go back 30 years, we do the same dumb shit we did as teenagers and we laugh our asses off.
And we call each other cunts. But never the girls, we never call a girl a cunt.
I come from a part of the world where that word is multi-operative, and using that word is either affectionate or very bad indeed.
Exactly. It's pure bullying.
It needs eradicating by shining a light onto it, in front of all his peers.
He needs to be shamed into behaving normally.
Like when a puppy shits where it shouldn't. An element of training.
You would be surprised how fast this stuff escalates into violent conflict within friend groups.
And there are the quiet boys who want to show off to the girls and take their revenge mission too far.
This shit splits friend groups apart.
And that's a real fucking shame.
I'm lucky, my friend groups go back 30 years, we do the same dumb shit we did as teenagers and we laugh our asses off.
And we call each other cunts. But never the girls, we never call a girl a cunt.
I come from a part of the world where that word is multi-operative, and using that word is either affectionate or very bad indeed.
Does the age matter? 15 or 25, you're never too young to be a verbally abusive asshole. Or to want to help a victim of abuse.
Exactly. It's pure bullying.
It needs eradicating by shining a light onto it, in front of all his peers.
He needs to be shamed into behaving normally.
Like when a puppy shits where it shouldn't. An element of training.
You would be surprised how fast this stuff escalates into violent conflict within friend groups.
And there are the quiet boys who want to show off to the girls and take their revenge mission too far.
This shit splits friend groups apart.
And that's a real fucking shame.
I'm lucky, my friend groups go back 30 years, we do the same dumb shit we did as teenagers and we laugh our asses off.
And we call each other cunts. But never the girls, we never call a girl a cunt.
I come from a part of the world where that word is multi-operative, and using that word is either affectionate or very bad indeed.
I don’t think this is all on her. Op sounds a bit immature himself. She made a comment he didn’t like and instead of communicating his disappointment he “told her off” and told her she talks bad about her friends…that’s not a mature way to handle the situation.
It's rape.
Search for women shelters and organization for abuse women in your area. Delete all searches/history on your computer or phone.
They let him out after 12 hours last time I didn't that. He came right back home, no questions asked. The police don't give a fuck. A restraining order is a piece of paper. I want to be far enough away that he can't find me.
I've not been to see a doctor. I'm the kind of person who struggles along until something is unbearable before bothering a doctor about it. I guess we're probably at that stage now though…
Fear is from the unknown, once you know what will actually happen then worry. Chances are it is just words from a woman who thought she could just waltx back into his life, but she was wrong. She is also wrong that custody will just happen like that as well.
Find out all the information you need, get a properly registered therapist for the child to talk to her about her biological mother, test first that is it someone who isn't a happy families one, make sure the therapist knows the laws or is suggested by the lawyer in the first place.
Don't communicate in person anymore, do it through a mediation app or emails/lawyer, keep all documentation. Advise who she might have access to.
Be honest but not judgemental, open about feelings and thoughts without shutting down and being emotional if possible.
Fear can be about real things, don't let your fears be about the unknown. Protection is the key.
First rule of helping, … you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped… sad but true…
Then there is zero advice you can give to someone dating a pre-op transmasc person, other than “dump them waaaaa”
I became severely bruised, because I have a bruising issue (like, my shirts can cause bruises). However, my partner has never been like “wtf” and said the shit OP's boyfriend said. Mine asked “are you okay?”, he was more worried that I was in pain than my lady bits looking a little rough.
I'd be so humiliated if I received those comments. Talk about destroying someone's self-love and confidence.
Where does it say he wanted her to get an abortion? OP wrote that he stated he knew she would get an abortion. How can you contribute when you dont know your kids were even born? How can you check paternity on kids you dont know were born? He will have visitation rights when he goes to court if he chooses to go that route. Shes had 10-15 years depending on the age of her kids to tell him and she didnt. Thats on her.
That sounds more like he was waiting to get drugs…just my opinion
He doesn't respect you. Or possible, even like you. Break up now or later. He isn't going to suddenly decide that you're worth more if you cannot see yourself as worth more.
I had a friend like this is college. She'd sleep over a lot cause wed party together. my mom washed her clothes when we went out cause it smelt so bad and my mom would play it off as “oh I didn't know who's clothes it was. I was just doing a load? I like doing laundry feel free to bring a load over anytime” She started bringing her laundry over. It turned out she didn't have the money to do laundry on a reg. She loved my mom for this and honestly my mom is so sweet for stepping up and doing it while giving her some dignity. My mom is great lol!
It did help stop some of the smell but it was also her house that needed cleaning. I found this hard to approach but always offered to help clean but she never accepted it.
Why is everyone so mean? I didn’t mean anything bad with what I said, I just thought generalisation was bad
…do u even hear yourself Lmao
Yet no empathy for the woman who was pregnant and was told she 1. Would Get an abortion 2. Had cheated 3. Was the only one who wanted them.
All she did was block him on FACEBOOK.
I'd love to see her go to court “Your Honor, I was spending time with some other guy and he broke up with me. Then I called him and told him I was pregnant. he said he didn't believe they were his and I blocked him”
lmao none of that shit will matter for custody
my husband is a good person He's not. A good person doesn't lash out at their significant others and then gaslight them into believing nothing is wrong.
Dump him! Work on having friends before getting into a relationship
and none of the replies r showing up i get notifs on my phone but thats it lol
I’m sorry. it this guy is not relationship material. He is never gonna be ready for anything because his mother controls him. You are in a bad relationship with 3 people – you, boyfriend and MIL. I hate to tell you but it sounds like she will win every time. I would GTFO now. Run like the wind from this situation. If you want the baby and can afford to keep it do. If you can’t make the decision for yourself not to please him ( his mother). He is never gonna marry you and if you stay in this disaster of a relationship you will only get pain.
It’s better to end it now and just be friends. He has a new commitment to his ex and it might make their feelings stronger for each other where he decides to leave you anyway to “give his family a shot together”. Save yourself the heartbreak and headache.
How can you try to duck support if you dont know the kids were born? If he didnt want to support them now why would he get in contact with her and put himself at risk of paying child support. Under the circumstances they broke up he was reasonable in not thinking the pregnancy wasnt real or not his. It would literally been one call from her over a 10-15 year period and she would be in the clear. But she didnt. She didnt act in the best interests of the child because she admits it may have been difficult to coparent with him. No court is going to award her back support for this and it may put her custody status in jeopardy. Not to mention how will she explain to her kids that they didnt get to meet their father because she didnt want to coparent with him?
The rest of the relationship was the best thing either of us has ever had. No 2nd anything else ever. Just that one Reddit account this one time.
Lol. I gave you advice and told you not to be a creep. That's good advice. I didn't call you a creep. Reading comprehension is an amazing skill.
I think communication is always good – it's generally how you avoid resentments and hurt feelings. It doesn't have to be major, just say – Hey I was wondering if you wanted to just check in about how things are going and see how we're doing. No pressure, and we can either talk now or later if you're not in the mood at the moment.
Don’t bring misogyny over, if the affair partner is a man is just as wrong, they are knowingly inflicting emotional pain on the family, they are taking monetary resources from the family and they are taking time away from the family, yes they didn’t make a vow, but in this case “Sarah” chose to hurt 3 innocent people, two of them children, fuck Sarah and her pathetic husband.
I need to move back home. It’s only been 2 months. Tell her. Today. Seriously. She deserves to know.
UpdateMe!
Just let him know you are there for him, and love him and . let him take the time he needs going forward. sometimes people just need the information and be reminded that your love them unconditionally.
send him the link to this post if you can not find the words.
I wish you so much going forwards
It’s rude and presumptuous, imo. I wouldn’t even borrow my husband’s clothes without telling him. Lucky for us both though because he’s a hippie and I’m a total femme.
You just want to be right sooooo badly.
Have some self respect and leave. Dude's actively and regularly disrespecting you and insulting you. And even if that weren't the case, he's a guy who wants his partner as an item to “show off” in front of others. That's a messed up childish behavior that no one should enable.
This is actually incredibly helpful! I think the real things I should be talking to him about have less to do with age and more to do with what he’s current looking for in life – eg. Is he looking to get married sometime really soon? Then maybe we aren’t compatible. Is he looking more to just seeing where things go? Then maybe we are more on similar pages. Very insightful
Break up with her. ? She's not a loss you'll regret.
I know it's easier said than done, but maybe you could try and think of it as expanding your human experience to grow and learn. We all stay in our echo chambers a lot of the time, but thinking of people as people, rather than their political viewpoints really helps. Look for common ground -as humans we all want essentially the same things. Often feeling out of place is an internal mindset rather than the reality of the situation.
I do understand it is hard though, personally I'd struggle in a room full of very conservative people talking politics! If you still can't connect if you give the open mind trick a go, it's ok to limit time spent with them.
I asked her and we did talk about it. She said she wants to get back to how she looked before and doesn’t know how to. So I still need advice if anyone has it!
Men and women love in different ways
Tell her you enjoy texting her but it is becoming a distraction and you are going to cool it.
Then go find your own girl. Stop building a relationship with a woman who has a husband.
Try to see her less. Also, try to go on dates with your wife.
Huh? I’m not saying she should lie about it.
Get a timer and set it for 10-15 minutes. If he can’t get to the point (or the end of his story/monologue/droning on and on) by the time the buzzer goes off then he’s being rude or mean or oblivious towards you. He might benefit from some counseling to help him develop tools to improve his communication skills. Good luck
That’s why I was thinking. It’s deeper than being 6-8 minutes late. He said he doesn’t feel like his efforts are reciprocated, this is just that straw that broke him.
I’m not familiar with it. It’s a conversation to have with her and a doctor and/or a genetics counselor if you want to pursue the relationship. I don’t think it’s anything crazy though. It’s increasingly common.
He's probably a nice guy but after two years he doesn't get the demands of your job. You don't need more pressure. While you're in this phase of your career I think life would be easier if you let him go and focus on what you need to do.
He's trying to play the mental health card to get you to stay, like oh she can't leave me for a mental health issue if I frame it as one! Please. If you are depressed you see a therapist, you don't get a hand job.
It's nearly always the age gap relationships. He knows exactly what he's doing and there's a good reason he hasn't chased or pulled a woman of his own age.
Then he could've gracefully bowed out of the vacation with an 6 agreed to pay it back later when he could. He's just treating OP as a bank and a free ride.
Most people have been there, with 0 in their bank accounts, or at least very little. But it's how you act that decides your assholishness. And he's ringing high numbers on the assholishness scale.
Like when I used to be super broke and went out with someone telling me they'll pay for me, I would order the cheapest thing on the menu and a glass of water. Not special activities, dinners, and asking for gambling allowance. And then he had the audacity to say that she just used the money from her birthday that her friends got for her? The entitlement is what makes the difference here, not the actual amount of who paid.
I think it's fair to mention that my university isn't in the us and it's not really the best. Last year, one male student harrassed quite a lot of the people he was working with and, despite talking to the academics staff, nothing happened until a girl spoke out and went to the police. The university was quick to deny that they ever knew nothing of this story. So in my case they might do little to nothing.
She said she’s a single mom already so I guess she doesn’t mind being a single mom to 2 kids with different fathers ??♀️
I’m so sorry – I was in an abusive relationship and an idiot and found my ex looking for prostitutes on a stag do, sending texts to them asking prices, msging ppl on Craig’s list and paying them for pics (so insulting ge paid 50 quid for a randoms pic and never so much as treated me on val day); I stayed because I’m the idiot that believed he just did it when drunk and single and his friend used his phone on the stag do ??. I’m single and happy being single now. I look back just baffled what I stuck around for – I could get with the next random I speak to and it’d be an improvement on that shit show. When you put up with this stuff it does a number on your self esteem, you know you can’t stay with someone who does this. It’s not love. He doesn’t care for or respect you – he gives no shits as long as he gets his kicks and that is no reflection on you, it speaks volumes about who he is.
Yes actually there ARE common sense differences which a large part depends on level of contact with it, the type of contact, choice of contact AND the reason for contact. Your lack of ability to apprehend these, does not change these facts no matter how much you want to double down. Again, I am done trying to reason with you. If it's over your head it's over it. It's not all that important to me what you comprehend and what you do not.
Why dont you want to meet him? Is it really because you havent chatted long enough? Do you have a bad feeling about him and never want to meet him? Are you afraid he will reject you? To me, it seems like a reasonable amount of time to meet in a public place and get coffee or something similar, but it is up to you. Just be clear with yourself about your motivations so you know when to proceede.
She did mention it was something that she thought about in high school when I asked when the “past” exactly was, but this was when she was kind of backtracking.
I have a feeling if I said I would want to try it she would be all aboard for it. This is why I want to bring it up. I’m not sure if she said all that because of my initial reaction or actually thinks it’s just a “fantasy”. Why else would she even mention it?
So you are okay with the double standard? If he is going to cheat on you on this trip, more than likely he has been cheating on you the whole time.
Hope that is not the case. I would never stand for my boyfriend or husband to go on a trip with a female friend alone. If he went, the relationship would be over.
If you choose to live at their house after graduation then you do need to abide by their rules. You don't get to live! off people and do as you like. There is always some payback.
You should get a job and rent if you want to on-line your life your way. You are an adult, so you are free to choose freedom or restricyion
A joke wouldn't have been followed by the silent treatment.
The answer is to communicate:
“what is this? what do you want it to be?”
The reason were not trust issues or even falling out of love but something else.
A woman and I just mutually ended our relationship. It was a short one, so it's not the same as 8 years by any means, but it was left open ended because there were no hard feelings, just bad timing.
If we ever pick it up again my first question will simply be to know what she wants out of this relationship. Does she want a friend, a sexual companion, a long term partner? Those boundaries need to be established before resuming contact, or someone's gonna get hurt.
You should ask yourself those questions too. Do you want to be with her because she's familiar? Or do you feel a real sense of attraction and a desire to “be together”? Something else?
Listen to her answer, and then decide if you can handle existing within those bounds. It's okay for the answer to be no, and it's okay if the answer is yes… but it's your responsibility to ensure that your emotional needs are met as well.
Yes, it would be better to keep looking!
Beware of the instinct to gaslight yourself. Your partner is also not meeting your needs. I've taken a quick look at as few of your earlier posts. He hasn't given you space you need in your own home (but demands you give him space with no one else allowed to even be in the entire apartment/house). He has pressured you to distance yourself from you ex and your ex's wife, even though that has resulted in you having much less time to spend with your son. Even physically, he knows of your trauma, he's aware of how you've worked on the issue and yet he still is pressuring you for sex before he'll agree to marry you. You have a legitimate need for LESS physical intimacy because of your past trauma. If he can't accept you as you are, he needs to end the relationship.
You promised yourself you'd walk away. It's your choice. But whatever your decision is, don't let anyone tell you that you have to have sex that you don't really want to have. If that means you can't be in relationship with him, so be it. But I can think of few things as painful as a spouse who complains I don't meet his needs, but in the same breath won't meet mine.
Your welcome sweetheart
There's no way to know if she's lying or not. The thing is, she clearly wants you to treat her as though she's telling the truth, and your best bet is to comply with that and cut her toxicity out of your life. How does she bring anything good to your life now?
So yeah, you have no way of knowing for sure, your boyfriend is gone. Odds are she's lying, but whether she is or isn't, she wants you to believe she did it, so cut her out just like she did.
Thank you so much for your input! It means a lot to me ! I enjoy getting as many different angles and perspectives as I possibly can. So you have helped me a lot. What I can say tho is I do believe you are right and she just wanted to party. Either way tho it’s over and things obviously aren’t gonna change. I’ve been struggling mentally about this whole thing because I really loved her and saw my future with her. And your mother had alot of wisdom I wish I had someone like that in my life! Thank you again your a beautiful person and I hope your nights going amazing !
I would honestly call the police
This needs to be reminded more often
I’ve lived with guys who were single when I was single many times, and more often than not, you end up having way more fights and conflict and hating each other ?
nope I’m a woman
I told him that when he asked me to save more then my percentage of the downpayment. I told him that if he wants more the we’ll have to downgrade from his ideal home. I asked him to start putting away money because all this takes time and he assured me that he already has the rest saved up. Now I’m finding out that the “rest” isn’t even entirely his .
Idk don't mind me just did accounting work for a chain of 30 restaurants carry on
Ahh, one of those posts…
He is great guy in sooo many ways, it’s just – and OP proceeds to describe some total douchebag.
We broke up. It's sad but I think I did the right thing. Thanks for your advice.
An abuser looks at your boundaries as a challenge and personal insult.
Damn, that just put something into perspective for me about an ex of mine.
The thing is, I definitely want to continue the relationship with her, but I don't want things to be awkward. I'll try talking to her tho, thanks for the input.
What happened to you was horrible, and should never have happened. Hopefully you find someone professional to help you with trauma.
Now for the sex part. For a lot of couples sex is a big part of the relationship. I know a lot of people that have said sex incompatibly is a relationship ending.
Yeah, the free desserts, flirting, following back, etc. are all things that could fall into the platonic or romantic categories. Impossible for any of us to tell as we've not met the guy, but y'know what, life's short – go for it!
$1,500 to $2,000 is fair.
He would still have to pay rent if he didn't live with you.
And honestly “she’s prioritizing the expression of her upset over you feeling safe” is a great way to put it. I may use that when we talk tomorrow…
ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR GUT. Yes it can be wrong every so often, but you’re probably right to be concerned. Some people are just nice and harmless, but dude is 99% trying to get with your partner. The fact she’s lying is not cool too. Why lie about something that’s harmless? If it was just work related then there would be coworkers there as well. I’m a dude and I know/work with a fair amount of guys, so this is textbook a person trying to sleep with her. A lot of guys don’t give two fucks if somebody is in a relationship.
Obviously she’s her own person and going to do what she wants and prohibiting her from hanging out with others would be creepy as fuck on your part. “He’s just a friend…” can actually mean that, but most of the time it means more. Guys that age are sometimes going through a midlife crisis and they search out younger partners to not feel old and can be pretty fucking creepy about it while hiding behind a “nice guy” mask. Some of the creepiest dudes were in that age range. She’s at a weird age too. Still kind of young, but also close to when her friends are probably getting married. 26 year olds have some of their shit together, their careers are getting better, probably in a long term relationship, but there’s still the potential for one more wild splurge before really settling down. Obviously not saying everybody is like that, but I’ve noticed this happen to multiple friends around that age.
Not trying to freak you out, but every time my gut was screaming “something is going on” it’s always been right. You need to have a conversation and soon. Lay it all out. Be careful, just lay out your concerns, call out the lies and ask whatever you’re thinking. Don’t scream “are you sleeping with him”, but watch body language and reactions. Discuss boundaries, but be careful. Some people will push back or start resenting their partner for “the rules” they implemented. Remember you’re in an equal relationship, so turning controlling or super jealous is not cool whatsoever. There is the chance that he’s just a nice guy/employer, but even nice guys like sex. I know a few “nice guys” and they hide behind that shit for nefarious reasons.
I’ve been in this scenario and each time they were sleeping with the person or into them romantically. If that’s the case just move on. It’s not what you want to hear and I’m sure your gut is in knots, but if there’s love there, you’ll work through it. Keep in mind you’re both still pretty young and some people still want to have fun and aren’t ready for monogamy. He could be giving her something your relationship is missing? Just keep a cool head and talk. Our minds can be our worst enemy during scenarios such as this. Hope for the best for you!
I would cut and run. This guy isn’t worth it. Your boyfriend is lying to you and trashing you to all of his friends. It really seems like he would date Taylor the second she gave him a chance.
A rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
he understands why i’m upset and agrees that it’s rude of his brother but my boyfriend is non-confrontational to the point of being a doormat. i’m concerned that if i were to speak up it would just paint me as angry and a shit starter when really i didn’t go from 0 to sixty, ive been at 59 for a while. i’ve been trying to convince him to stand up for himself to his brother’s inconsideration but he just says to brush it off.
Not sure how you 2 talk to one another but tell him to stop being a shitass. You are making it worse by acting like this is something YOU caused and playing into making things better from your end. He wasnt sitting around writing haiku waiting on you. Show an emotion other than what he's likely taking as pity or you being guilty. It might not hurt to he a bit vulgar about it as maybe it'll shock him back to reality. Tell him exactly what YOU want.
YAYYY ? congrats OP. Here’s to a future partner who will respect your boundaries and treat you humanely.
Yea, I was in the middle of typing something similar when he deleted the post and possibly, it looks like, his account. Pretty gross responses to someone who was harassed and understandably froze.
He's mad because he slept in, because he was tired from gaming the night before. That's his fault. Also, don't apologize for not setting an alarm! He's a grown man who can set his own alarm and use his time more wisely if he wanted to do something in the morning. He's mad at the wrong person, when he should be mad at himself. Don't apologize for his own bad behavior.
The weed isn't what destroyed his life nor did it affect his intelligence or memory, his actions did. I have a friend like that as well, brilliant guy but spends his time in degeneracy. Also felt like I had to lecture him on basic human decency. Not much you could really do for someone like that. You can't monitor him 24/7. The truth is, it doesn't matter what you say, because the moment you hang up, they'll go right back to it. Not up to you to fix.
I feel some guilt bc i kind of accepted his behaviour during years and i could have harmed people during this
nah man, this has nothing to do with you. What he does and what he believes is appropriate or not are completely disjoint from you.
She invited everyone back but nobody came except this guy and they definitely didn’t have sex Lmfao okay
That's not just stepping over a boundary, that's telling you that she doesn't care about your boundary in the least. The question is do you want to stay with someone who shows you they don't care?
He is being groomed. His brain isnt fully developed yet. She’s a pig
See I'd still stick to my decision.
If he wasn't happy communicating that to you at the beginning, then I'd worry about his communication style moving forward. My ex was poor when I met him, he was always upfront about it because it meant he had to pick up shifts as and when they arrived.
He was constantly upfront about any issues going on in his life, and didn't let pride stop him from communicating with me effectively.
My previous ex before him, was always worried about looking bad or being judged and would just become quiet and reclusive when he was struggling. It was a nightmare to deal with, because he was a good guy but I couldn't be a mind reader.
If he was interested in you, he would have been upfront or got you to come to the gig then have the date after. I also dated a dance teacher, he replaced a sick dance instructor and he invited me to the class so we could leave after.
I'm not sure if he actually had a gig, but he wasn't communicating properly and should have been upfront.
You can give him a chance, but it's up to you. You've only been talking a month, that's not a lot of time to actually get to know someone you haven't met in person.
He sent me a video of his friend (not sure if it was the same one) dropping the f slur about a month and a half ago (while we were just talking) and i didnt really mention it then, even though it kinda freaked me out because ive been called that before. I guess it wasnt towards me personally, but i am wondering if he says this stuff himself and hides it in front of me.
And he's still going to get that?
She is trying to be a cop too, so she'll be sure to turn that abuse right around on regular citizens
How very Christian. Adultery.
Smfh.
From the sounds of it, you’re now a Westerner. Westerners don’t have to listen to your families reactive bullshit.
If they got a problem with it that’s on them, ask them why they’d move to the West if the didn’t want you to behave like one and love whoever you will.
I don’t take disrespect very well. If I’m in a relationship, I except full commitment and no BS no matter if it was a girl or a guy.
Honestly this bit is the part of your whole post that bothers me. It kinda smacks of immaturity to me, cuz the dynamics of their relationship isn't about you. The respect game is honestly a completely flawed way of thinking about the relationship dynamics going on here.
That being said, jealously happens. It's how one deals with it. You should talk to your girlfriend about this. Be honest and tell her that it makes you uncomfortable. If she doesn't think it's a big deal, then you need to decide how much this matters to you. You can make this a hard line in the sand; in which case, you may need to end the relationship. Or you may come to the conclusion that this is a you problem, and you are being overprotective.
I hope this helps. I'm not trying to be mean but you seem a little over tilted.
You will get gold weight for the ring, not the diamond. Sounds like there is no pleasing her. May want to re-evaluate
It would be against the law for any healthcare worker to tell you when she was last in the clinic.
If you last had sex in say mid January, her gestational age right now would be around 15 weeks pregnant.
A while ago I read on here that medical staff sometimes rub peppermint oil under their noses if they have to deal with something particularly stinky. Not sure what kind and if you have to mix it with a gentler oil but might be worth looking up.
Pretty shit. I'm struggling to reconcile the person I thought she was with the person she might be.
I would just put your foot down that you enjoy getting ready and you aren’t looking for attention from others
I’m not perfect – but you’re literally trying to have a conversation about something g you literally admitted you weren’t reading.
Then backpeddled and said you skimmed.
THEN said you missed half a sentence.
Your replies are inconsistent and because I’m literally pointing out the gaps in your logic, you’re offended? People can have college degrees and still use lingo – it’s called Ebonics. Dawg, bro, sis, etc are all acceptable forms of acknowledgment regardless of college education.
You’re choosing to literally ignore the main point of my original comments, act dense, and become offended because it’s pointed out you’re not making sense.
I’m not here to make you feel all warm and fuzzy about your exhibitions of your thought process. It didn’t make sense and you failed to clarify. I already said goodnight – for the third time now. We’re both snarky, im here because I have nothing to do – but accept where you went wrong too bro ? your feelings are not my responsibility.
You can't call your SO with another name unless you're thinking about or talking all day long with said person. Literally impossible. It's not a honest mistake. And I'm not sure if that girl is someone's bf or was it just another lie?
Have you detailed all out for him though ? I’m asking because it sounds like he is trying to avoid the issue meanwhile it’s causing you a lot of stress.
Sad situation, too bad he won’t change.
Very toxic and controlling
If you’d like my 2 cents from somebody unbiased reading in on this. I completely understand & agree with how unmanageable stressful & impressive your workload is. However as a man who also works long hours sometimes you just need 1 day to zone out & have to yourself. But as a father he should clue you in on doing so & not do it out the blue.
While I think his actions are unreasonable, I think it’s unreasonable for you to leave him without consoling him on how serious your feelings are. I’m raised by a hard working single mum, I have tremendous respect & admiration for you 🙂 god bless you & your family
The only thing that can really ruin a wedding is if, at the end of it, you still aren't married. Or, as Shakespeare wrote, 'you have not half the power to hurt me as I have to be hurt.' You can invite the sister and your ex, and just…not spend time with them. You'll have other people who love you, plus your new spouse, to be paying attention to. Their presence doesn't have to ruin anything if you don't let it.
Do us all a favor and tightly wrap an elastic around his nuts when he's asleep.
A 37 yr old man groomed a 21 yr old woman. Now, they have marital issues because husband is a pervert and a creep. Surprise to no one but the woman. This is the gist of your story. Good luck.