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he could be launching loads into rubber in his alone time
Okay because youāre in USA the link for single moms will give you a LOT of resources for financial help! The second link can help you look for shelters too for domestic violence victims.
Do you have any friends or family you can trust to help you out? If not, shelters have many resources. You arenāt alone and there are many other people who want to help those who need help (as they are often survivors themselves.)
You can also file for unemployment and receive money from the government.
You owe it to yourself and your kids to make it out of this. Dont give up!
Fair enough, I just donāt like feeling like I hurt her feelings. Iām sure the sober follow-up conversation will be more productive.
That's good that she will say that. I understand how she feels as well. Perhaps see a doctor because there could be a medical condition behind this.
Irreparable dmg has been done. U might as well break up now.
Itās still really inappropriate. Tell your husband if she does anything like that again, you expect him to set boundaries and tell her itās inappropriate. To be honest I donāt think Iād want to socialise with her again.
Heās a man. Omg..so stupid. You want him to protect you? You want him to stand up for you ? Heās a man. This will happenā¦the most and the only important part of any of this is the fact he realized he went overboard and came back to apologize. That also is a man. Itās ok to whip him with your tongue by being sarcastic so he throws it back like any man wouldā¦fix your sharp hurtful tongue and maybe he wouldnāt act like that when he feels the whip of your tongue constantly on his back.
Alright. Here is what I think: you would be a huge asshole doing it and you regret it for the rest of your life, cause you will break the heart of the love of your life – or you will lie to the love of your life for the rest of your life.
Here to say that this is the advice needed. I changed mine to what I THOUGHT was titanium barbells about 3 months after initial piercing. They ended up being fake and I had a severe allergic reaction in the left piercing. I changed the jewelry again, albeit at a very painful time, but the damage was done and the reaction caused an abscess. First only internally and would drain through the piercing and a month later it had worked it's way to the surface. The piercings are still in because taking them out could have led to more damage but every few days, the wound opens back up ever so slightly and drains for a few hours. I've been on antibiotics for months now but it is finally healing. Skip the glow in the dark jewelry and keep in basic titanium barbells for a year. Trust me. The pain from rejection/allergic reaction is no fun.
Also, it's not cheating. They are just nipples. If that is his argument, then insist that he never walk around shirtless in front of anyone because…..nipples.
Oh, FFS. Her “spirit guides” told her?? I'd say it's far more likely that for whatever reason, she did not want to be with you and this is her “guilt free” way of getting out of this relationship. Some people are really, really bad at saying what they want, or even KNOWING what they want.
Let her go, OP.
Why would they need to remember that?
Hell, Iām not sure my in-laws know what state I grew up in.
I donāt see how it matters at all. ?āāļø
All of this and she honestly deserves so much more.
She made the decision and you handled it with grace. Now, she regrets her decision because she feels like what it is without you. But, this is a fickle woman and definitely not someone stable enough to have children with.
Be glad this happened before marriage or children where you'd be tied to her for life and owe her boatloads of money forever.
Let her go. She did you a favor. She knows she fucked herself over. But, her loss is your gain.
Now to the thing about him not doing his job.. Dosent he make you cum in bed, is that it? Because that is a problem and something you guys need to work on.. He dosent get a freepass
Never see him again. Claiming you will commit suicide is pure emotional blackmail. This relationship will cause you endless pain. Leave him. Call the police for a wellness check but leave him.
I found out less than two weeks from conception with a home test, itās still very possible.
Yes Iāve told her before that I use WhatsApp for work
*I'm worried that his mum isn't giving him enough room to build his own independence, I feel like she doesn't understand that's in the end it's going to be me and her son*
Your problem is not with his mum, Op. The problem is with your boyfriend.
A young person in university who allows his mum to do his work and chores is sorta immature, lazy and dependent, don't you think? I mean, it's cool to have your mum do everything for you when you are at uni but not so cool when you are in an adult romantic/sexual relationship and supposedly INDEPENDENT.
Come on, Op. He claims he lived ON HIS OWN for three months…with a maid…and ate the same thing for three months! Is this a person you would leave your houseplant with for a month? A week?
Sounds like you guys aren't together for the right reasons and aren't right for each other at all.
I'd also recommend seeking out medical help as to why your sex drive has dropped off. It could be stress, or new medication but changes at a young age should always be taken seriously.
Before calling police take new photos and send them to someone so he can't lie to the police.
You can all dv helpline, they're usually way more helpful that the police. 1800respect I believe it is. They're really good.
This relationship doesn't sound like it is going to work out in the long run.
Honestly your self esteem seems to be really shit. I never sugar coat things so Iām gonna tell you straight up that youāre being stupid. Heās using you as his cum bucket, youāre basically his sock that heād use when he was young and masturbating. He doesnāt give a flying fuck about your pleasure, he demands you blow him, he cums in one minute, then he ignores you when you tell him to pleasure you so that you can have an orgasm. And you want to stay with him? Pffftttttt, āIām stupidā is tattooed on your forehead. Get over yourself and find a new man.
Tell him the gloves you got him were for pegging so you keep clean. You can't wait to try them!
Thanks Mx.
Don't knock it till you try it lol. Nothing degrading about it in my opinion.
But honestly I probably wouldn't have given it as a Christmas gift, or at least give it along with another 'real' Christmas gift. Nothing to be ashamed about here. Plus it's probably a lot better to try it yourself alone with a toy than it is to try the real thing with no practice (ouch)
1) this sounds fake bc yāall canāt be this dumb. 2) if neither of you have a brown eyed parent, that kid aināt his. go back to 7th grade science and learn about punnet squares. 3) stop reproducing with this man. he sounds like a clown.
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This has given me some relief, I noticed that 8-13 weeks was very tough for her with the hormones but then it stopped. Now after our argument and break up she is doing the exact same as she was back then, during the argument I said some mean things about her family which I shouldnāt have and she went back and told them, none of them like me and are clearly telling her to stay away from me as when we met up she said āwe canāt be seen togetherā so as long as sheās with them they are filling her ears with ādonāt get back with himā āheās a bad personā those types of things and I know it for sure.
I hope you and your wife work everything out, 4 pregnancyās is a lot to go through, best of luck
Hire a PI to do some background work to see if she is already cheating. Sheās checked out of the marriage and you need to seek legal advice immediately to get the next steps to protect yourself
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Your boyfriend is selfish and cruel. Please donāt continue to waste time with this person.
Iāve lost my sex drive for weeks at a time after experiencing loss and dealing with grief. Know what my husband did? Took care of himself and didnāt pressure me for sex while I recovered. Also continued to treat me with kindness and didnāt āpunishā me emotionally.
Youāre an idiot
So let me get this straight:
You, a literal child, moved to a foreign country with another child and his family that youāve only known for a year.
your boyfriend doesnāt let you go out, doesnāt make any effort to involve you in his life, and essentially wants to keep you at home all the time
you donāt speak the language, drive, or have any means to earn money because you āvolunteerā
Iām guessing by your age you have at best a high school diploma, so no higher education to use for pursuing a career
Despite all of this, you think you have a healthy relationship and donāt want to break up with him? Im curious what has to happen for you to consider a relationship unhealthy
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Try having him take sleep aids like melatonin
Thank you
Stay strong OP. The number one talent of alcoholics is manipulation. He will pull out all the stops to keep you with him – meeting his needs; not yours.
Why are you dating someone who triggers you on purpose over and over? Doesn't sound like love to me.
Have some self respect and dump his ass
To repaid this type of breach of trust BOTH parties have to be willing. Thatās first. Unless you can forgive AND move forward it wonāt work. She also has to be willing to prove trust for a long time and obviously stop cheating. Youāre choosing a very naked road.
On top of that. Yeah broken homes arenāt the best , BUT itās significantly better than seeing your parents (who arenāt In love with each other) go through the motions. Youāll be teaching your young son how to love- do you want to model behavior this way?
You have a lot to think aboutā¦
Growing up with a neglectful parent is worse than being a child of divorce.
Lack of self confidence always causes us to doubt ourself and our abilities, do what comes naturally for you and let life take it's natural path around you..
I know, I just put the cheating down to immaturity and being self conscious and a thing that happens a lot more regular in relationships due to social media etc i thought itās just a stage and something we would get past, I just wonāt stand for the being dictated to and told to accept no physicality in my life and I wonāt take that but I love her so she has now agreed to work on things and that she wants me ??āāļø
Rip the bandaid.
I love being around him, just not when it gets sexual. How did I humiliate him? By clearly communicating why I was uncomfortable?
Depending on the size of your home, this request may have been unreasonable. If he could isolate away from the child I am on his side.
Does she have Pinterest? I would check there.
Hence why I think you really canāt switch the genders in this scenario and call it tha same thing. There isnāt an equivalence because men typically have higher sex drives than women. No not ALL men I know that. Iām also not assuming a man wouldnāt feel vulnerable when rejected. If my partner was naked in bed waiting for me and I rejected it Iām sure he would feel vulnerable and rejected. But I would also try to reassure him and show him love to make sure he doesnāt feel that way. If heās embarrassed and emotional and doesnāt know how to communicate that, I would at least make an attempt if he was upset in another room before ignoring him while silently waiting for his apology. Did he make an attempt for any of that? Because it doesnāt seem like it. And now imagine while heās lying there hard I ask, āwhereās the blt you said you were making?ā Because thatās a little callous in that moment.
Do you think that you can tell her what you've talked about here? Would you be able to handle it?
It may help to see a professional if you feel that telling her may be too difficult.
In the OP, she says the ex took the photos.
Evidently sheās sweet when not consumed by violent rage.
If you feel this you have your answer. Lots of sympathy
How are you engaged with this issue? I canāt imagine the family wants you to get married
Your body is perfectly normal, I promise. But you should not be with someone who jokes about mutilating your body. Some things can never be jokes, and this is one.
Is it misgynistics?
I find it suspicious that OP doesnāt mention that she hasnāt cheated nor is 100% sure the baby is his.
People who donāt understand the reality of an acrimonious divorce and subsequent coparenting with an enemy. People who have no idea how ugly it can get.
What should you do? Both you and your boyfriend should BLOCK HER on all social media apps, email, and text messaging. That's what you should do.
He's a cunt. Get rid.
You already made this post?
Do you want a spouse that contributes to your relationship? Because has never done and never will. You have been ok with it so far though.
Do you want this to be the rest of your life?
Thank you guys for the advice, it gives me a lot to think about! Also thanks for all the concern, I feel like I've wasted most of my youth anyway just working and paying bills ? also the reason for me underreacting has a lot to do with never getting to express my feelings during childhood, but that's a different story!
The reason why I have a naked time with this is not just cause of the alcohol. He's the best man I've had in my life. He cooks for me, gives his all at work for a future, treats me like a lady at home, in public, anywhere we go! He is honestly a great man. He doesn't drink as often as he used to when he was younger by the crazy stories he tells me. He'll go a few months/up to a year not drinking just fine, but when he goes out with this one friend he'll drink more than what he thinks he can handle. Basically he doesn't know how to self restraint. I forgot to mention that I did talk to him before about this and he does have an appointment to talk to a therapist coming up soon.
An abortion would automatically traumatize me and I just want to figure out how to get him to see if from my perspective not just force his mind to change to match mine
It could also mean that he just doesnt think much of it
I don't think you understand the danger you're in.
— He stalked you
— He wanted to rape you, and WAS GOING TO DO IT if he'd gotten an opportunity. It's not just like he had intrusive thoughts that terrified him about it. He planned it, and only stopped when he found out you had pepper spray. The only thing which prevented him from raping you was that he didn't want to get hurt.
— He has lied to you constantly and easily for YEARS. If you found him to be sincere, that means that you have no ability to tell when he's telling the truth, and he takes full advantage of it.
— Nothing you bonded over was real. He doesn't like the things you like. He's not interested in what interests you.
While you were sitting there falling in love with the person he pretended to be, he was sitting there thinking of the thing he needed to say to manipulate you into letting him put his dick in you…which he treated as the consolation prize for not getting to rape you like he planned.
What the fuck, woman? Run!
he is SERIOUSLY overreacting. i understand the names have meaning, but is he seriously willing to leave you and your child over the number of names you give her ?
???????????
No do not remain in contact with him. It will undermine your future relationships (it's unfair to your next BF because Exs are the 2nd most common source of affair partners).
Also, therapists recommend no contact. Instead move on and make new friends (online your life).
I apologise for being very blunt too (and getting the jealousy thing wrong). My 2c:
The husbands behaviour is WEIRD and CREEPY AF. A lot of people get jealous and insecure, but listening to you have sex, hanging around your door and coming into your bedroom whilst you were showering?? ****ing hell.
The husband is not just not handling his raging issues, but he's indulging in them without any displaying evidence that he is trying to handle himself for the better. And where is this going to end? Are you gonna wake up one night to find him watching over you, and that he's started escalating things to the next level, like trashing or stealing your things out of spite, trying to sabotague your reputation or physically harm you, etc? Where do you draw the line in all this and say “Enough is enough”? Having to buy motion sensors etc, is a pretty extreme situation (it's no life at all). I think if you one day leave this relationship, you're gonna look back in the future and think more & more about how crazy this whole situation was.
The husbands issues aren't going to go away very easily (if potentially at all). I honestly wonder whether he's cut out to be in a poly relationship at all (and why he agreed to it). I know the guy sleeps with a lot of other people too, but this doesn't necessarily make him a genuinely poly or suited to poly relationships.
The wife and husband really aren't communicating about these problems. Far from it, it sounds like your GF only spoke to him because you put her into a situation where she kind of had to, and she hasn't dealt with the situation properly because she doesn't want to do anything that ultimately jeopardizes her relationship with her husband. Her reluctance could also be for a whole load of other complicated reasons too (this could just be the iceberg of the problems in their relationship and themselves that they don't really want to address head-on).
You've got 2 options here: Either try and get your point home towards her better, or leave. But if this situation continues after you have tried to communicate your discomfort & boundaries, then you should leave regardless, because whether your GF tries to do something about her husbands unchecked jealousy isuses or not, if he continues like this then I fear your safety (and sanity!) might actually be in danger.
You also need to assess the whole quality of the relationship: You set the standards and expectations in your life, but you also need to be honest to yourself about what those are (for example, is this the kind of relationship you really want?). (Within reason), people will treat you how you allow them to treat you in life. And if someone insists on continuing to act a certain way despite you laying down firm boundaries (etc), you should definitely consider cutting them out.
Personally, I don't see what is so difficult for your GF to understand in this situation (as you've told her how much this is all affecting you), but I do understand if you want to keep trying. But I don't think that this situation is a “you issue” (as in, the continuation of the problem is ultimately down to a failure on your part to deal with or communicate things better), and I think its very important for you to draw a line somewhere.
I get that things aren't easy for your girl- she likes both of you (and would probably prefer that none of this was going on). But if she isn't willing to address the situation properly (or the husband continues regardless), then this relationships life expectancy is going to be a quickly ticking down clock. If the husband continues behaving like this (and your GF really does care about you), then GF needs to deside herself who is more important in her life, because you and the husband can't continue living in this crazy way with all the spying etc.
Think strongly and carefully about your needs and what is best for you here (this is your life).
You can always change your mind up until the last moment.
I'd just like to add please do NOT change your mind. This is 20 years in of this guy not changing. It's just not happening and not worth it.
Did she grow up poor? Sometimes the experience of poverty can be mentally scarring and cause people to develop complex emotional relationships to material things, so if this is her background then you might be able to be understanding to her while continuing the relationship.
But if there isn't a good explanation for this behaviour she might just be a bad person who you'll be better off without
I think figuring out what Iām willing to put up with is it. And Iām feeling fed up which led to this
Beyond the pale.
Mainly because I was severely lacking intimacy and feeling super stressed.
When thatās the issue, you address that with your spouse, that you crave more intimacy and emotional support because it sounds like SHES the one you want that from. Instead you looked for a solution outside your marriage. Donāt know if this can be saved but tell her, you regret looking for a solution outside your marriage because what you really craved was more intimacy and emotional support from her, but you didnāt know how to ask or negotiate for it. Then ask her if sheās willing to close up the relationship and go to therapy so you both can work to find what you need from each other.
I suspect nothing you could do would be good enough. My favourite is you having ED but she needs comforting and reassuring.
Maybe go out with someone a bit more capable and self assured, maybe someone closer to 30?
It's naked to leave the people we love, even when they don't love us back. š I'm so sorry
We seem to be over looking the fact she cheated on you and has been hiding it and lying to you for a year now. How can there be any trust? Open relationships seldom work. Open relationships without honesty and trust NEVER work. Do not light yourself on fire to keep her and her boss warm.
I feel like people are really going in on you here, so I just wanted to say that OP you sound like a genuine and caring person. But I hope that you start to put yourself and your needs first and set better boundaries. You deserve someone a lot better than this, and there is someone out there who will cherish your love and not disrespect you and just treat you like an option. It sounds like this will be a huge life change on top of other personal issues youāre dealing with, but we all believe in you, you can do it and fight for the life that you deserve.
spoiler alert: Your boyfriend isn't straight!
Youāre 22. Leave. You have your whole life to find someone who wouldnāt cheat on you, pretend she was going to work on things, then text him the second she thinks she can without you getting mad. Side note, she wouldāve kept texting him even if she didnāt think you were going to move back home.
Meeting him will be that spark that opens it all back up though… That's why you're trying to rationalize it in your post. :/
Great advice
He deffo doesnāt sound OCD just from the information you gave us. Saying this as someone with severe OCD, psychologist parents, and a lifelong interest in psychology.
He is accusing you of cheating.
Are you comfortable being in a relationship with someone who thinks you cheat and lie?
Speak to a lawyer about your options.
I quite like the idea of serving him with divorce once the results come back.
The one who is doing the judging and keeping their partner on their toes, walking on eggshells, nervous, always wondering when the whole damn cycle is going to start again – is not a good partner. They're consciously or unconsciously running a power trip and ruling the relationship.
Bad mojo. I know you've invested a lot of time, OP, but please step back and think about if this is what you want to put up with. It's not a healthy relationship. Read Gottman – look up The Four Horsemen of relationship trouble.
Right you never see a post that goes. My partner only eats scrambled eggs. How can I make him see fried eggs are ok from time to time?
You sound like you need to go outside and hug a tree.
Make yourself happy, move now. Home should be a safe space and right now for you isn't
Married man in an open relationship here! This is NOT how you do it. You shouldn't involve close people, you shouldn't do it because of a specific person, but because of freedom and sexual pleasure. I believe your husband mixed up these stuff, maybe fell in love and now it's pointless to him. I don't think you have a relationship worth to salvage, I'm sorry
Wasn't given advice
one of my guilty pleasures is to watch Paternity Court, and when the child (sometimes an adult already) finds out that someone is really his dad, there is such strong emotion. 2 people who literally know almost nothing about each other, but just knowing they are father and child, was enough to get them crying and missing each other and expressing love to each other. that's for the case of the unknown father who wanted to know his kid.
it looks like you're one of those dads. don't be afraid to express your emotions and words to your kid. even if your dad didn't do it for you, and you always thought in your head, if you ever have a kid, you're going to do things differently. now, you do. so do things differently from how your dad or your parents treated you when you were a kid.
What if he finds someone else and treats them better
Good sis you are a placeholder
Have you considered just talking to him?
Go to court
Yes! Yes she does. Super upsetting the way she speaks of her BF, like he's not a person and less than because he is just “A Black American”. She just wants someone with $ who will pay her parents off. Sad
Have you tried pleasuring her first and then go to PIV? It really is a better experience for both of you. Gotta explore each other, find out what she likes. And don't look at porn for reference.
Sure I'll be going today to collect my stuff:)
Does everybody asking why can't both dads get a dance not care that OP's bio dad was cheated on, had his child stolen from him by his ex-wife and her lover, was probably forced to pay child support for a daughter he never got to see, missed nearly her entire life, and had another man step into his role against his will? And said other man helped set all these events into motion?
Look, you did what you did. Not everyone would. That doesn't mean they are wrong. They just view what you did differently than you do. They wouldn't do it. It may be because it puts the bride in the middle or the fact that it could have gone worse than it did.
I think the tone is a bit harsh, but the message isn't unwarranted. I wouldn't repeat it or Alice may decide you're stirring the shitpot and the actual problem.
Like a lot of people learning to set boundaries, you are walking the fine line between setting boundaries and using boundaries as a weapon or as punishment. You did manage to set boundaries with him, but I think it's more because he didn't challenge you back. So keep working on it.
The three steps you need to take. The first step as everyone suggested stop doing his stuff for him. Which also includes mental labor. Stop reminding him when he needs to do anything stop planning things for the both of you just stop not only with this give you a break but itās allows him to see the impact of how heās treating you firsthand.
The second step is donāt resume. Youāve already noted that talking to him is not going to solve the issue as long as you pick up where you left off so stop picking up where you left off. Sit together divide the choice and donāt ever do his. Youāve already given him an inch and he has shown that when you do so he will take and take the only thing you can do now is make a firm boundary when it comes to his share of labor.
And the final thing is have a discussion about how his behavior impacts your attraction to him. Find a nice way to say that when you have To act like his mother You end up viewing him like a son. Do you love him, you care for him and you want whatās best for him but youāre a in no shape or form tempted to be intimate with him.
Honestly, this is an “all women for themselves” type of situation. It's your husband's undoing and not yours. He dug himself in, now let him find the solution. Don't pay anything for him. Pay your usual share, don't buy him anything. Tell him to get money from god knows where, you don't give a shit and it better be soon.
His actions were stupid, clueless and above all, so blind to the future, it's really astonishing. I'm sorry you're going through this right now. There is absolutely no way his old job will take him back and if he was stupid enough to damage something, then they'll also sue him for damages. Jesus… You'r husband is a tool.
She gave him permission to be single.
She's not going to change, sorry. She's not interested in you, and it sounds like she never has been.
I agree, I absolutely do not feel like he would be an outsider. I know a bunch of people who don't share a name and it's not a problem. I think deep down he is just a bit old-fashioned and has to get used to the idea first
Itās not mental health issues. Itās you refusing to take responsibility for your mental health. If you purposefully not taking the meds you need to positively navigate life. Itās you purposefully choosing to do something that not only negatively affects your (ex) gf, but so,etching that you admit wrecks her.
There are many easy things you can do make sure you have your meds. You should have done them, please do them for your future.
I would not pay any attention to them the met him once that is not long enough for them to get to know him also any 45 yo women who would make fun of somebody with her daughter has a lot of growing up to do.
Maybe she just can't be bothered? Does it matter if you resolve or just let things be? Or are you having sinful lustful thoughts?
what is the post about ?
You mentioned the meds, and you're right there's probably more to it than that, but I may have some insight there.
So this may or may not be relevant or helpful, but I take a similar med for my adhd and I know that sometimes one of the side effects is depression.
It's like… if I don't take my meds I'm kind of a mess and not super productive, but the world is full of color and I'm pretty cheerful, though I am quiet and introverted. When I do take the meds I'm much better at work and in the house for chores etc, but it's like the world went grayscale.
It kinda sucks, and I've learned to online with the balance of it, but that can be naked for people.
Honestly it sounds like your gf is suffering from depression and has just checked out on everything that takes extra effort outside of school. She's doing her work, but other than that, she's only engaging in the live! friendships that require 0 effort from her aside from being present. Additionally the context of a videogame is naturally very rewarding, especially for adhd brains.
It's really really easy for us ADHD brains to get sucked into a fantasy world or video game when real life feels a bit overwhelming (which is most of the time). She sounds like she's using it as an escape from stressors, including her irl friendships. She probably is feeling burnt out and overwhelmed by life right now and this is how she's “coping”.
Unfortunately her relationship with you is one of those that requires extra effort and she has perhaps just… checked out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks, but to be honest if she's not seeing the problem or is willing to make an effort/get help…
There's not a lot you can do.
I would suggest talking with her if you're able and asking her about seeing someone to change up the dose perhaps, or even just talking with a therapist about it, but… from this post it sounds like it's going to be difficult for her to find motivation to do anything.
Youāre 26 what are you doing with your life?
Or how many hobbies does she have to have?
We will pray for you
“Am I the one who needs to better control their emotions? Is there a way to fix this?”
Yes and yes. You need to control your emotions by not exposing yourself to an assh*** cun** that tries to manipulate you and berates you. And that's easily fixed by dumping him.
Cant explain why you would have tolerated that behaviour for 2 full years.
I do not understand. May you explain yourself?
It does sound like you are emotionally cheating without really realising the extent of what you are done. You are actively hiding your relationship with your colleague and lying to her. I can understand the ultimatum. Is this friendship really worth the loss of your relationship?
I can also say for your wife to give you such an ultimatum, she will have discussed the problem with you many times over and given you plenty of chances.
Itās likely you have already eroded the trust in your relationship, hence the ultimatum.
I'm not generally attracted to women and mostly watch clips related to crafting and psychology and I still get twerking videos recommended sometimes. Lol.
She already knows. Sheās already said something about being suspicious that the boss did stay with him.
You need to just admit your screw ups. This and all relationships are going to suffer if you just donāt come clean when you screw up.
Was it a nice hotel? You should have had your GF join you at the hotel. Or, have your GF stay over while boss lady is there.
I have to say, you sound like a good guy that messed up. Messed up some more. Lied a little and keep trying to cover up the LieScrewUp.
Just come clean. Make her dinner. Rub her feet. And watch her favorite show with her for the next week (even though it might kill you to watch Gilmore Girls AGAIN. Then, if you really like this special lady friend, make sure you let her know sheās the only who has your heart (and penis).
Don't give up yet! Be patient. If he likes you as much as I think he does, he'll come up with another reason to get together. Better yet, you can specifically tell him that you're disappointed that you didn't get to hang out. You can leave it at that or say that you want to get lunch or something instead. It's just a minor setback š
Are you socializing with your new coworkers outside of the workplace? What about when you travel?
Mood swings that are positive or negative depending on how masculine her partner isā¦
Mood swings that are positive or negative depending on how masculine her partner isā¦
Sorry that happenedā¦ If he told you instead of you catching him would it have been different? I just didnāt see it as cheating until this person I was talking to said it.
You stay with the one that doesn't make you choose. That at the same time is the one that will give you all the love they have, and more.
Remember, they are here only for a tenth part of your life, while you'll be there for their whole life, and you'll be their whole world.
Send a lot of love to your puppy from me!
I am going to get help. I realize that I may have been more obsessed than in love with him. But I do love and care for him which is why this is hurting me that I hurt him so bad.
This isnāt his first time cheating. Get tested and continue with the divorce. If he gets upset call the police.
I know that I do need to put myself first for any relationship to be successful, I just donāt know if Iām ready to give up and move on and find someone else, I donāt know if I ever will be so I just hope with everything that it doesnāt come down to that. At the same time I know putting myself first isnāt going to help things here so Iām sort of stuck between the two here. Iāll certainly have an honest chatā¦ if it goes well then great hopefully it can fix things, if it doesnāt then weāll Iāll know itās time to move on even if Iām not quite ready
I read somewhere that on average couples have 2-3 times sex a week. even when I had a girl friend we never had 7 times a week sex
Heās trying to control you and demeaning you is not a joke.
I doubt he means itā¦except as a way of trying to control you.
I didnāt even read/notice the ages and I knew there was a gap based on the post.
Thank you, this is insightful
Encourage him to tidy up or complete a goal? What is he, 5?
Yeah however when he said that āhe doesnāt know any of his friends that would let their girlfriend drink aloneā it seems like itās not about the money but more about jealousy or controlling behaviour.
That's why I said, “it sounds like”. She doesn't talk about anything else she does like going to the gym, spa days with her girlfriends, or yoga classes. Anything else that he complains about her doing with others or by herself. Or that he is okay with these things, but not the glamping trips without him.
Gross.
Iām a man, 37, and have also had plenty of partners in my day. First off, the fact that you keep a list is weird AF. Secondly, you totally sound like an AT acolyte, which automatically makes you a shit person
Youāre giving dudes a bad name. You. Your behavior is exactly the shit that most men have to make up for.
Get bent.
You didn't mess up. Your GF clearly wanted to believe that you were both virgins when she had her first experience – and therefore she went with that assumption (completely ignoring that you were in a year-long relationship with your ex…?) and didn't actually ask you about it until afterward. If it was so very important for her to only lose her virginity to another virgin, don't you think she should have asked you about it BEFORE the two of you had sex?
Either she is very naive, or she is the kind of person who will get upset at you for not being able to read her mind, when she doesn't want to say something out loud. You have no reason to feel guilty about having sex with her, and you certainly did not mislead her in any way. Personally I think it's a bad idea to say ANYTHING about your sexual history before you build up a solid foundation of love and trust with a new partner, and even then only if you think your relationship has strong long-term potential.
I would give her a little more time to regain her equilibrium, then message her to say that the physical love you shared was beautiful and special to you, and you hope she felt the same way. Tell her you want the chance to prove that you can be a great BF, and you hope to hear from her soon. Then all you can do is cross your fingers for luck, and wait for her to respond. Good luck!
And now he thinks he has you trapped because youāre ālocked inā with a baby and a ring. Please prove him wrong before he actually hurts you – this is how it starts.
Thatās fine! You do you. Never make yourself miserable for someone else.
So youāre going to move away from your family, go to college AND work?
Whoās raising the kid?
She doesn't lend her car out, but other people might ride in it. ? If your this suspicious just break up. It sounds like you're only not asking because she's supporting you.
Nah I got rid of Netflix bc I didnāt wanna pay for it. Iāve heard itās good tho
You “give up” on something with every decision you make in life.
If you start eating healthier, you're giving up on being able to eat junk food whenever you want. If you put in more hours to earn a promotion at work, you give up on having a little more free time. If you choose to stay in on a Friday night, you might be giving up a night partying it up with your friends. Vice versa, when you choose to party it up, you're giving up a nice night in.
Sure, settling down with someone means you don't have as many freedoms as you once had. But you're prioritizing beginning a life with someone over some of those freedoms. You feel that you're missing out on “so much more,” but what exactly is that? And have you also considered that if you do choose to end what you're in, you will be missing out on the experience of growing a life with someone you love?
It seems more to me that you are grappling with growing up and the changes that come with that. Your boyfriend wanting to commit to you is just a representation of the fact that life is changing and you're trying to come to terms with how you feel about it. I would seek out a therapist if you have the means to try and unpack your feelings.
Don't let something amazing go because of a fear of change.
Your BF also potentially gave you a yeast infection- don't mix anal stuff to vaginal. The vagina doesn't like having butt germs.
Why are you with someone you dgaf about?
Then the RA can deal with the problem.
There should be a deadline for correction of the issue.
If the deadline passes, the cat goes on day 4 of abandonment to the the shelter.
I reached out and he essentially just said he was in a bad mood. I let him know I was here when or if he needed anything. Not going to reach out again.
He's opened up about some of the things he is struggling with.
If what you typed here is really what he said, that he'd “move out” then you don't really have a problem. Just break up with him and ask him to move out. Once that's done it's not your problem whether he ends up with his mother or somewhere else. You're not responsible for the care and feeding/room and board of this adult person.
If he was lonely how does he think YOU were feeling during all this??
Feels more like the ānot friendsā zoneā¦
YIKES.jpg
To be honest I'd just cut losses
He doesnāt let things go easily and itās going to be a challenge trying to chase away those black clouds from this. I donāt want it swimming in his head that this could be a āreasonā when it wasnāt
Also, I want to add that Iām happy that you are aware of your comments now. Yes, I saw your recent comments on other post. So it looks like you learned to not assume. Asking questions before going all in with the foolery. Yes, Iām petty. Oh well, a bunch of yāall pissed me off for assuming and putting your triggers on me without getting clarification. If there were questions before assumptions, Iād respond way differently and wouldāve been willing accept criticism.
My mind is at ease and everything is good
Again, have a blessed day on purpose!
OMG wow, thanks guys. And girls and especially Alien_Crystal.
Good luck, hope the game is great.
You're not describing snooping at all, in any sense of the word. Scrolling your feed is completely different from reading your private messages. He confirms he was snooping in the comments so he clearly did not have permission like you give your girlfriend.
This sub should be called āwe have this huge age gap and I canāt figure out why we have issuesā since I see them all the time. He got married the first time when she was watching Blues Cluesā¦ I think he got her the ring to keep her around but probably had no intentions to ever marry her.
Say about your boyfriend duties what you want but she definitely seems to feel neglected
I only red the first couple of paragraphs. But please do yourself the favor to leave. Be with someone who makes you feel good.
Actually, since his size makes it so uncomfortable, anyway, she could use this as an excuse to stop penetrative sex for good. Just use mouths and hands, no more need to squeeze a python through the eye of a needle.
There is universal timeline that will apply to everyone since we are all different. You date when you feel youāre ready, period.
He is far to old for you, dont date daddy.
He is leaving his wife because he is sick of his life. It has little to do with you, though he thinks you are his life raft
I was about to walk out right there and then and completely cut him off from my life
Do this
If you want to be nice to him tell him to take his evidence to the cops, she needs inpatient psychiatric care.
Actually he may be the only reason I get housing faster because heās already part of a housing authority.
And while I provide more in terms of financing and budgeting etc, weāre both disabled and he collects while I am waiting to hear from social security. So economically speaking weāre both at the same level.
Thatās what he said on a later conversation according to OP but she doesnāt believe him
You were raped, no sugar coating it. Go to the hospital please