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sounds like a you problem, hes still with you so obviously youre doing something right.
Exactly ! It’s so very hot to pick up on because it’s literally so common to just say “wow your husband really lets you do that” as if they are master vs property and not teammates. I would definitely Throw out a “oh he doesn’t have any say” as an off handed way to defend myself. Also, everyone isn’t confrontational. So she may not feel comfortable calling him out on it and instead just makes a “insensitive joke” back.
That's what you get when you think with your penis. Having sex with someone you don't really know well lands you in these positions.
Nope, you have every right to be pissed. She’s just upset because you pointed out how much she fucked is.
Thank you so much, I'll try to be careful not to be pushy and I really hope that being there for her will help her at least a little.
This post and sub are not about making a judgment, nor am I making one myself. I said from her perspective it's factual. Unless you're assuming she's lying, in which case one would think she'd make up a more damning story than something that is pretty obviously a miscommunication, this sounds like the very common thing where two people have different reactions to the same situation. No need to make it any more sinister than that.
There's no indication she wants to spread this around; she didn't even ask him for an apology. She just got it off her chest because it was weighing on her and she wanted him to know. They've discussed it, the end. You seem to be operating on the assumption that she's a monster who wants to ruin his reputation over this when not only is that extremely rare, there's nothing in this post to indicate that would be the case.
Something is going on here. This is not normal.
I agree omg thank u soo much…
This guy is an asssssholeee, bullet dodged, stay home and be without this loser.
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If you knowingly have sex while HIV+ with a person who does not know you have it, that is wrong.
Is it a murder sentence? Is is endangering a life? Is it sexual assault? Is it completely selfish? SOO many questions!
“Quite effective” my ass. 90-95% effective is not good enough!
There are mental health issues that can cause this as well
Also the real tipping point was when I left the kids with mum (who I thought had really changed) and came back to my daughter distraught over, and I mean this literally, some milk she had spilt. Don’t know what happened but that was the catalyst for the no contact
Do you think that maybe he treated himself and feels guilty about it?
I really want to stop being so insecure it’s just difficult when your boyfriend can’t reassure you yknow? I need to focus on feeling good about myself separate from how he sees me but i just don’t know how to start.
Wait wait, all he did was grab your boob over your shirt while sleeping together? Isn't this pretty common practice? I mean, if this is something you're uncomfortable with go ahead and set that boundary, but this is pretty normal cuddling behavior when you're sleeping together. Definitely not a red flag if that's all he's doing
So your bf is a grown adult who can’t pay a fair share of the rent, cheats on you, and returns your Christmas gift due to an argument ABOUT his cheating?!? Honey, why are you still with him?!?
lets see ??♀️ ?
…Ask yourself if someone that really loves you would push your buttons like that.
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Woman generally confirm they are pregnant by taking a pregnancy test. They might have symptoms or a missed period before this, that prompts the test though.
You're taking all the correct precautions. I wouldn't worry If i was you.
P.s could always do bum stuff
Right now not really, it kinda used to be the norm either until it was not.
The age gap will be materialized by where you are in your life (career wise, going out, traveling) and could be mitigated by one being an old soul or the other being a young one.
The problem is down the road, when you are 35 and he is 50 the places you'll be are gonna be very different, then he will retire when you will have at least 15 years of work ahead of you and you will be on whole different planets. I am currently handling my mother's divorce from a man ten years younger than her and the reason is they online together but had two very different lives.
I'm not saying it's will happen to you but it's something to think about.
i do think everyone is right by thinking your BF is creepy, but as the child of an asian mom and a white dad that are about twenty years apart, I understand why your family is supportive of your white boyfriend, and how HIS financials are desirable because thats essentially the relationship between my mother and father. (They have been married for almost 40 years now, are best friends and he respects her. I have other half asian friends with white dads and asian moms with less of a gap., but still around 10 years between mom and dad. So i get it.
Just be careful. I understand both sides of this. But if the question it “how do i tell my cousin that having sex with my BF is not illegal,” i would just literally point to the LAWS and tell her that you want to make your own choices, even if they turn out to be mistakes.
You’re family might know your whereabouts at a given time, but that’s not going to be proof you haven’t cheated or that there’s no other girl
There is no gentle way to have this conversation. You just need to rip the band aid off and do it.
No matter when you have the conversation, or how gently you handle it, it’s going to hurt her. But the longer you leave it, the more it will hurt her when it happens. Stop stringing her along.
You know you want to get married. You don’t know if you want to marry her. After 3 years, that’s your answer. You don’t want to marry her.
Have you seen him very hot before or would this be a first time?
Ask him why he's not comfortable enough to do that.
It sounds like you weren’t ready to start dating tbh
I do believe her going will have any impact.
I've known some guys to do a lot of things they wouldn't normally to get off. It's not even the dick suckin for me. To me, that could just be he's so horny it literally doesn't matter who gets him there.
It's really the combination of the rest that makes it clear this isn't just horny, this is… gay. Which is hilarious to me, sucking a dude's dick is literally the least gay thing in this post to me.
OP just needs to talk to the guy, but be prepared for a shut down on it. Then he needs to reflect on his sexuality and what it is vs what he's convinced himself it is because of whatever fears and whatnot about being labelled “gay”.
It’s all good. I would maybe send him a message and tell him your thoughts on the matter and hope he has acknowledged personally what he has done or that he never does it to someone else. Pros and cons with this but the behaviour needs to be called out as he will just do the same to next Victim.
You have two options… Leave and be happy or stay and online in misery.
It's obvious what you need to do. “Beautiful moments” aren't an excuse to on-line in an EXTREMELY abusive relationship.
Who cares, you’re both consenting adults and just started the relationship
I'd just say that given both of your history, you don't feel comfortable being there.
Does she have family she can reach out to?
Valid. I suppose i’m frustrated because if I’m being a hypocrite or wrong, i am willing to acknowledge that.
When she’s wrong though, she’s extremely more stubborn and reacts in way more nasty ways (swearing, yelling, even hitting in a few cases).
That’s where I’m upset because I become resentful if I’m usually the one who’s open to other perspectives or being wrong, whereas she always think she’s right (and she’s said herself “i know im right 99% of the time” which is not only extremely arrogant but also proven false on occasions)
I don't blame you. Good luck and sorry it has to go this direction. you're not crazy for being confused and hurt by it. In fact? You're pretty on point.
At least heroin makes people feel good in the moment which is more than I can say for this asshole lol
That’s correct, he withdraws every week from there for him without me knowing and it pisses me off ? “it’s for the coffee that I drink every day at work” ok, but, let me know?
I would love to know what culture this is were you lack the common sense and respect not to do this, if I may quote the original commenter of this threat.
Nah, I’m sure it’s not that
This comment section makes me fearful for single people out there. Really appalled at how many people are justifying her lying to him for 4 straight months.
Jesus Christ.
If that’s true and he really was your therapist then he is not a good person. A therapist who engages sexually with a client is fully aware of how immoral it is to take advantage of a vulnerable person looking for help. If it was reported that he pursued a client sexually than he would rightfully lose his license because that is unethical behavior. Get some help from someone who is not trying to have sex with you.
Good point. I didn't think about that. I still don't know if I'd suggest contacting the roommate, but it adds context. Thanks for pointing that out.
If your roommate wasnt leaving, would you still want him to move in? Bc while paying rent/bills in this situation would be absolutely normal, dont rush moving in together just bc you need a roommate.
He doesn’t seem interested. Id just talk and see if he wants a break up. If he wants to stay together, express your needs, and hold him accountable.
Well, you can tell him that if he doesn't want intimacy you can go to being flatmates who share a son instead of a couple. He doesn't want you and you can't force him to. He might have someone else already. So why shouldn't you too?
Dude its you. Seek professional help from a psychologist.
I mean… she could also say that wearing socks is the same as cheating. Or using salt, or using a comb. The thing is, words mean things – no amount of crazy bull from her will change the fact that those things are not like cheating xD
What would you do if she told you wearing socks is like cheating? Would you ever discuss this further? I would not. I would consider her quite insane, and reasons are only for reasonable people. I dunno what you can do here, other than just disengage from the crazy.
Leave. Now. Please
Easier said than done, but good riddance…
It's disgusting what your sister did and unfortunate that your parents seem to be enablers.
She made her nasty toxic bed and now she has to lay in it. Her abuse had zero to do with you and she should focus on trying to get out and what her kids need
P.s it's obvious he probably resents her being the “cause” of his relationship with you ending. Douchebag is taking things out on her like he didn't have a hand in thuer make-up session and kids now made. They probably have no connection outside sex
Are you afraid for your safety?
After what you have done, yes it will cost you that. So make decision early, do you want divorce or estrange your first daughter.
Exactly how many times does she have to do this before you learn the lesson?
Be honest. Tell him you're looking to date a man. Not a teenager who has to be home when mommy says.
What a wall of assumptions.
Enjoy being bitter.
We’re making the assumption that this has been discussed before. Judging by how they just communicated with each other in this scenario, I doubt it has. He could have been more forthcoming about having a rough day, she could have informed him she had a friend over and also was way out of line for saying he didn’t deserve dinner.
If someone is jerking off to you while looking at you in person (like a man looking out a window at his neighbor while she gardens) vs looking at a public photo on Instagram, she doesn't know either way. How is that not the same thing? Why does the distance between the fapper and the fapee change the ok-ness of the situation?
Yes. You have to. I'm sorry ik its very hot to hear but you need to move on, maybe not right away cause you need time to heal but you should work towards it
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Yes he most certainly is checking out other women’s IG pages and thirst traps.
It really could be that he cares for you very much, would not cheat on you, AND goes on these pages. But it’s the lying that’s really bothersome, right.
I’m guessing he’s lying because you said this is a dealbreaker, and he wants to stay with you. You’re both four years from age 25, when the frontal lobe of the brain fully develops. That’s the part that regulates behavior and reduces impulsivity. So some of this is immaturity.
But your trust is broken, isn’t it? So why stay? Won’t that gnaw at you? Maybe breaking up now will make him a better person, more willing to be fully truthful in his next relationship. Maybe he’ll make changes now and be trustworthy down the road. Maybe even you yourself will feel less upset at your SO looking at pictures from time to time. What matters most is that you and your SO are in agreement on your values and goals, that you trust each other and demonstrate commitment to the relationship as you both have defined it. It appears that’s not here anymore for you in this one.
Bullshit . Are you truly believing this OP ? She doesn't know why ? Ok . Sure . She's the victim ?
Textbook sexual exploitation.
He is a selfish jerk, OP. He doesn't give a fluff about your boundaries – He refuses to respect them and tries to push the limits. If you say No, then it is No. You are not going to get guilt-tripped in order for him to get his way.
My honest opinion? You can be with someone better, someone more mature, and someone that will value you. My advice? Start the breakup. What you have posted here is something you need to get into his head, reasons why this isn't working out. No respect. And if you aren't comfortable with him sexually, you won't be able to trust him in the relationship at all.
I hope you feel better and I wish you luck??
If he can comment on her breasts she can comment on his penis. Being a factual person doesn’t give him a free pass to be an asshole and make critical remarks about her body. She’s expressed to him that it hurts her, but he continues to do it and criticizes her for her feelings. Maybe a few doses of his own medicine will help him see just how hurtful unsolicited factual remarks can be.
You should do it too
Oh, Jen5872, you are doing God's work. Thank you for this link. I'm going to head on over there and get banned myself!
My ex broke up with me three months ago due to cultural/religious differences
I'm not sure what cultural/religious differences would hold you back from marriage since nothing you are doing or were doing while dating is within the bounds of any cultural or religious restrictions I know of at least…
I don't want to lose her completely but sometimes I wonder if I am just wasting my time being in this arrangement with her.
You are wasting your time. You are keeping her bed warm until she finds her husband who fits her actual wants. You both need to just cut this now. Move on. Exes need to stay exes most of the time. No FWB are talking about children and Love.
> or my kids to hear it
How old are the kids? Are they teenagers too? Young children? That's important to know.
>I’m not saying anything because he likes to get physical and confrontational and I’m not trying to get into that.
Physical… as in, assault? He's an adult, and he shouldn't assault others. It almost sounds like he bullied his mother to letting him walk all over her.
>What should I do?
If your stepson is assaulting you, or her mother, when there are problems, he should be thrown out of the house. Your children should not online in fear.
I’ve dated toxic men back to back….I thought he was different
Yup red flag. Wife an myself joke about it constantly ( we don’t do it though ). She claims she’s gonna punch my back door if I keep getting on her nerves. I tell her if she don’t stop snoring I’m gonna make her wake up with it in her back door.
This is classic stuff. You’re both fighting to be right instead of working together, as a unit, to diagnose and address the issue. You’re part of the problem too, don’t make it like you have to “get through to her.” You’re both probably hurt and both probably immature. Calmly address how you feel using “I”statements and not making accusations.
If it is true that you wanted to have sex more, it is doubtful that you are going to be ok pretty much never having sex again. You may hear the refrain “aces can and do have sex” from the asexual community, but this one does not, or you would not have arrived at this point.
I would personally not see the point of staying with a partner who was not sexually attracted to me and did not want to have sex, especially at 20. This is not a situation where someone you've been with long-term has come down with an illness or is going through a bout of depression. It's a guy you've been with for a year who has never wanted to have sex with you. You will grow to resent him. Can't imagine any other outcome.
A prenup would stop that from happening
Sure ,no problem
Run!
What you said in reply to the post was being an arse. But yes I am also an arsehole well spotted.
Start renting together in order to test living together. You get to know each other better. From what you said, she is not really a team player (she is ok to take, not to give) BUT we have only your side of the story here.
Immediately.
Semen can throw off the ph balance. That's why it's usually more prone to infections. It's not always because the guy doesn't wash. It can be perfectly normal, just unfortunate.
The bacteria also comes from the area itself. No matter how well you wipe, there can still be bacteria left behind. So when you get all sweaty and mash your bits together, you're basically mixing and grinding all that bacteria all over the place. That's just life.
Good hygiene and peeing after sex just reduce the risk. But it is kinda a bad design in that regard.
If he's too immature to handle this, he's too immature to be around your vagina.