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The silent treatment is a for of abuse. What he is doing is cruel and not something you do to a person you care about.
Thanks for your comment! I’ll start first by saying that I deal with anxiety and severe ADHD. Neither of those are good for approaching a situation like this. I want to talk to him, I just don’t know how to bring it up or even what exactly to say. I want to be precise with what I’m saying or asking, and I need a little time to come up with something.
My friend doesn't really need to educate and I don't need to become a Democrat. I'm not going to completely change who I am and what my morals are for the sake of my friends or even just the one. All I ask for is respect for my views as I respect that he has his. I'm not going to change his mind. I'm a Catholic and he's pretty much an atheist. I'm not going to “save him” by preaching about God and Jesus. I would hope he would treat me the same way. Do I agree with his decisions? No. Do I support him as a person and as a friend? Absolutely. All I ask is the same amount of respect I give him. I don't think it's too much to ask for.
It's not the trans stuff that's the problem. It's the undermining and how, whether he knows it or not, he's bashing me in the face. I just ask for the same respect I give him. I don't stand and talk about conservative stuff. I don't try to convert him to it. When I said what I did, I didn't say it as someone who supported the candidate but, again, as someone who did my research on the candidate. I wasn't preaching, just giving information on what the candidate stands for on the subject.
Also, note that if I didn't respect him as a person, I'd be calling him a she. He can talk about being trans all he wants. I just ask that he tone it down on bashing the other side of the argument, my side of the argument, to my face. I don't think it's too much to ask.
I dmed him asking for her omeggle username , ill help her 'quit' ???
Hey, hopefully you can fix this, but a heads up.
LDRs are very difficult, and they require excellent communication. There is a huge risk for jealousy, insecurity, and worries about how the relationship is going to work out. Especially for people so young, and trying to figure out where your lives are going to end up.
So don't joke about stuff like that. I understand you were trying to make a little joke, and you clearly had NO intent for this to happen, but see, here's the problem. Now, is he going to believe you? When you say, “no, it was a joke, I was going to say I love you even more,” I mean… that's also what someone who was trying to tell him something bad, then is trying to backpedal when he got upset, would say.
You're being absolutely truthful, but I'm just saying. You don't joke about relationship status, cheating, sexual ability, nothing like that. It's a recipe for disaster.
You're right to not spam call; let him read your messages, and hopefully you can get this smoothed out. Just be more mindful in the future
You're only 22, you've got your whole life in front of you.
I've never met an ultra drunk person hurt an animal , let alone a kitten.
I know myself so well that if I was super drunk I would've cuddled my sis' cat and risk being scratched all over my face and hands than hurt it. And it'll still be worth it.
Neither the ex girlfriend
Interesting, but that raises the question… In this case at least the sexual attraction shouldn't go away, right
He is in a brand new environment- all new faces and potential friends. It’s a very upbeat time to be away at school. This is normal— it’s best for you to focus on your needs and plans for school. ❤️
He loves your mind and personality more than his physical desires. That means he looks past superficial aspects when looking for a long term partner. You are who you are. He still wants you.
OP has serious mental illness. Do not engage.
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UPDATE!!! We had a long talk and he’s been taking better care of himself now.
Old lady here. Why in Tf was any of this shared with you? That would be a private discussion and consent between the two of them.
Seems your friend isn’t a friend. Not because of the ex. But nothing good came out of him looping you into this. That was malicious.
Sounds like your ex helped you sort out who you don’t want to date and who you don’t count as “friend”.
Ask askreddit
You mean you didn't notice any red flags when he never once admitted fault, or said sorry (and actually meant it), or said sorry a thousand times and didn't mean it even once?
He just wants to get laid. Nothing more.
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Who on earth wants to put their sick, pregnant wife through something that will only discomfort her more? What the fuck is wrong with you that you believe justifying his selfishness on the “need” “most men” have for sex is worth putting his wife through physical and emotional hell? Get out of here with your made up statistics and have some empathy for the poor woman.
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Some people do not have the ability to forgive. If your wife is one of those people then she is going to suffer but you will as well. Those who can't forgive, those who cannot move on, create suffering for themselves and others. You cannot change them. Just forgive yourself and know that you made a mistake and move on as you have. If your wife keeps bringing it up then tell her “Look sweetheart, you're going to take that to the grave but I'm not. I forgave myself and I've moved on and I know you never will but that has got to be your problem and not mine.”
you, her, and your roommate are all garbage people.
Yeah, that only make it worse
I read it as he found he was 30 on the first date when they shared Hinge profiles. The rest is still weird but I don't think he asked her to be exclusive without knowing her age.
I genuinely suspect that your memory isn’t much better than most people’s. You’re just more confident about your memory than most people are.
Please explain where I said I’m using her for my benefit
Why you still with him lmao
Another person said last night to put it where she can't get it. My cousin says I can start moving my stuff into his garage early. He was going to let me stay there for reduced rent in exchange for maintenence work starting in March, but I'm going to see if I can move in next month instead. Already paid the rent for January at my mom's.
Totally – needs to be completely financially independent, including getting work elsewhere (which he could do very easily, he has an in demand qualification). I promised myself after my last relationship that I would never spend years begging a man to get therapy again, but I hope it’s something he decides he wants for himself
He's going to choke you next. You should get out before then.
Paternity test should be standard by now.
Why is what you 'prefer' matter more that something your wife NEEDS
That doesn’t really matter -fact is, you did it. You really must control your drinking next time.
Don't contact her again, you don't wanna be in that mess.
Before she leaves in a bodybag.
Get me a tour, please it's not a joke.
This is honestly a really well put comment and is giving a lot more to think about. I'm going to sit with this for a few days and think about if this is a state of relationship I can ever be long term happy in or if I've been hoping the future will be different
She is interested in someone else and you're the back up plan if it falls through. Break is just short for break up. If you can't work on it together, what's the point? Every few years is she going to take a break? 40 years with my wife and we had all sorts of rough patches, but we never took a break. What really does it help? Just let her go. In her own words….she needs space to gain back feelings??? Ridiculous. It sucks but prioritize yourself now, don't sit around and hope someone catches feelings for you again.
She's an independent person and for example, last week she had a kidney infection from an immunocompromising disease she has. She was in pain and we were in bed last week and she was grunting. So I asked if I can do anything to help her, if she needs a heat or cold pack, ibuprofen etc and she's like “if I needed that im more than capable of getting it myself” … instead of” thanks for offering but im fine, I appreciate it”. Very dismissive
I spoke to her about it and she said I need to be aware of her triggers and the fact that I was trying to differentiate the radio from her fathers cheating, if making it worse. She didn't want to hear it. So again today, I tried to explain gently — and she blew up in my face saying I don't know what she went through so who I am I to tell her how to feel?
May you elaborate on why that is a deal breaker?
You just made a excuse for a woman cheating on her husband. It is wrong or it is not.
You need to ask yourself how you feel about having a relationship with a transgender person. It is perfectly okay to not be comfortable with continuing to date this person. When you boil it down to the DNA, she still has the genetic code that made her male. Surgery doesn't change the DNA.
I think that if clue a guy you’re dating into the fact that you’re in a FWB with someone else that’ll turn them off real quickly. I’m not saying you should hide that fact, I’m saying that if you want to find that “better person” it might be beat to give up the FWB arrangement while you do. Or you can keep the FWB alive but simply give up the search for a committed relationship. Having one or the other is fine but it gets messy, dancing around with one while trying for another.
Why are you doing it? What are you getting out of it?
I know you said that he is often enabled by your future in-laws, but what I would suggest is having a very serious sit down with him. No coffee, no beer, no pizza, no chips, just 2 men on a porch or balcony or whatever. Look him dead in the eyes and tell him you being so on the level with him about this is a show of good faith that you are going to take him at his word and that no matter what he does, you will be marrying his sister and he gets to decide the tone of the relationship for the rest of your lives. Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he can't look you in the eyes and tell you he can put away the family jester bit so for one day so the most important day of you and his sister's life can be beautiful and everything you have both dreamed of, then he is welcome to not be a part of it, but he is not welcome to show and make y'all's day about him.
You are both grown men. If he can't accept putting himself second for your fiancee for one day that plate is better eaten by someone who respects you. If he can't respect a serious boundary as a grown ass man, then he shouldn't be allowed to approach the fence.
For so very many reasons dump him.
Really relieved to hear that you're leaving him, OP. I wish you all the best in future. Stay safe. ?
Go to the doctor to check if you're still a virgin?
Why does Stepdad deserve anything? He had an affair with a married woman, then married her, and helped her move her kids away from their Dad. He's not a stand up man.
rhythm method) & that is her preferred choice of B/C
This is the part you start running
I'm so confused by this post?
If you're so disgusted by her weight why are you with her then?
Most redditors will immediately call you an asshole for having a weight preference, which I disagree with. If you are working out and are active there is nothing wrong with expecting that from your partner.
But you're a douche for a different reason. You say you are grossed out by her weight and even go as far as to say you are TERRIFIED to introduce her to friends because of your fear of being made fun of ?? But you're still actively dating her?
How old are you? I had to recheck the post to see if you were like 16.
You have a decision to make. You either sit her down and explain that you would like for her to workout and lose weight, or you leave her so she can find someone who isn't going to talk constant shit about her to his friends. Good grief.
If you have preferences, that is okay, but you need to be upfront about those beforehand. Think about how you would feel if your significant other was already talking about how out of her league you are to her friends. Unbelievable.
Yes
Change midwife asap
I can tell you from my personal experience in the navy, your best option is to go your separate ways. I have seen so many dysfunctional relationships in the navy because people just had to stay with their high school sweetheart. It sounds like you really want to go to Guam. You will eventually grow to resent missing out on that opportunity if you don’t do it. 4 years is a long time to be in a long distance relationship while so young. Obviously it’s not a nude and fast rule and I cannot say it’s absolutely going to be the case with you, but I have seen so many navy spouses cheating and being cheated on. You are both so young and you both have a lot to experiences to be had. Go to Guam, experience life and don’t look back. There will be other partners for both of you
I'm so glad for you that you were able to make it work and that you're both happy now! I have chronic health conditions, both physical (pretty similar to CF/ME in a lot of ways really) and mental (depression and ADHD) too. Being on the right mental health and ADHD treatment makes everything so much more manageable! Which is extra necessary when your partner has health conditions and you have to be a caretaker/have the sole financial burden resting on you. It's a lot. But good partnership and communication saved the day for you guys! It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're both able to support each other, which is fantastic. I wish you both many happy years to come!
Tell him to take down all of his pics because his cock is too small. You've been showing your friends pictures of “Big Cock George” with a visible bulge, and his pea shooter ain't cutting it.
Then dump him.
Why would you stay with someone who creates problems like this. Life creates enough problems on its own. Don't be with someone who creates even more. It is absolutely not worth it.
This is so dumb that it sounds like something a 14 year old boy would do.
How can I help her to get a job.
He sounds like an idiot.
He knew you was standing there, you don't say that infront of you or infront of people you know what the hell.
I would personally consider ending it, for a 27 year old he sounds immature.
The fact he thought it was ok to even say that in front of people then thought by saying your hotter is a save shows he is an idiot.
Me personally think he wouldn't hesitate to try get with her if he could.
What is confusing? He clearly has a different connection with her than he did with you. Is that really so difficult to understand?
When it comes to actual sex acts, there is not really any “normal”. I'm sure some people give/receive oral sex every day if that's what works for them! What is most definitely NOT normal is how he is pressuring you and guilt-tripping you into doing something you don't want to do. He is manipulative and coercive, that's not okay
I’m sorry, but you need to leave – and take the kids if you can – you are in an abusive relationship. I would go to at least one counseling session to describe your relationship and these incidents in front of the therapist.
It’s also like, yes. Have and express your valid concerns about the health of your partner and future child.
But the shit about her family not loving their baby enough is a giant red flag.
We did try counseling a few times, but that was when I had moved to the other bedroom and was considering leaving her (for other reasons as well). I’ve suggested going to counseling shortly after I moved back in but she sort of brushed it off.
This is tricky. But since he’s kind of.. strange, a lie might be the safest way out.
Tell him you started seeing someone off Tinder and you would feel its inappropriate to keep hanging out. Short and sweet, don’t go into detail. Wish him the best of luck, and send him off.
That will make him lose some weight!
Jesus porn has messed people up. No way I could come back from that.
I’m a mother close to her age. That was beyond inappropriate. I would talk to her about this. It’s sad that she went through that but it’s not okay to dump her trauma on you and it’s certainly not okay with your partner. That’s what therapy is for. It’s a bit stunning that she doesn’t understand that her actions were obviously going to make everyone uncomfortable. It really is. She needs help. I’m really sorry that you have had to deal with this.
So gay people can't discuss these things with friends of the same sex? What about bisexual people? I guess they can't discuss relationship problems with any friends at all?
It is not your boyfriend's place to disclose someone else's sexual lifestyle. You do not get a free pass to know everything about everyone he knows just because you two are together.
I understand where you are coming from. I feel the need to plan and organise every part of my life, including when other people are involved, because the organisation helps to feel in control of my environment. For me it's an anxiety thing because I catastrophise every situation. Slowly learning to let go of control and go with flow of other people's wishes is difficult but necessary as I don't want to be a control freak. Maybe ask yourself why you feel the need it to be done your way?
Bub. Get out now. A 30M with a 19F? Yeah, no. That's not a friend, that's her sugar daddy. She's not for you.
And once you've broken up, get yourself tested. You don't know where her and her sugar daddy have been. Or who else they've been with.
And I think it's okay if we weren't who she thought we were and if she doesnt want to hang out with us.
That does still seem to be the main takeway from it all, yeah.
She wanted to become part of your friend group because she liked the idea of that, especially after she got together with Carlos, but she was probably more keen on the idea of it than of actually being friends with you.
I'd chalk it down to her young age and potential immaturity if I were you. With how eager she is to be liked by you all, it seems like she hasn't yet discovered that there are in fact a lot of healthy nuances between liking someone and actively seeking them out versus disliking them and actively avoiding them.
Maybe he can’t control his feelings but he can definitely control his actions and if runs across a room to talk to her and texts her constantly, those are controllable actions
Why are you saying he creates drama, and brings drama? Your only evidence of that is that he ended something with a woman he met who posted him on a website…so she created the drama here, and he left her. That means, very obviously, that he avoids drama, not that he creates it.
You're not ready to date. You're jumping T shadows to turn him into the same sort of bad guy that your ex is, rather than dealing with the trauma of what your ex did.
Please don't date again until you've dealt with your trauma.
Sweetie…NEVER TRUST ANYBODY W UR NUDES! Not your gf not your husband! If he knows/knew her & he has it even with her consent remember she once trusted him & sent it to him…keeping nudes after the relationship is over is malicious! I might be wrong but even the 0.00001% chance of being right is scary in its own
As a hertro woman, with no history of SA, this is not true.
”I asked him if he wants to marry me he said you know I do.”
No, actually, you don’t know. What you do know is he continues to “move the goal”, if you will, as he leaves little trail of crumbs keeping your hopes up whilst leading you on.
OP, anytime the answer is “you know I do”, take that as your sign to run far and fast.
Someone is out there hoping and praying for a woman like you as they long to start their own family. I truly hope you find that someone!
Sounds like the modern day 'feminism' where the woman retains all the benefits of being a woman while not dealing with any of the 'negatives' of equality.
If she wants you to pay for everything, she should be doing all the cooking and cleaning, plan to take care of the kids 100% and let you lead as the man of the house.
You feel like there is a complete lack of empathy because there is a complete lack of empathy. She wants all the benefits of a partner without giving anything herself, you can see what kind of life you're going to be living.
You aren't her fiance that she loves, you're a provider for all her wishes and desires, not even a human being.
He deliberately hid his kid from you until you became attached to him, hoping that you won’t leave. Don’t let yourself be manipulated any further by him. Break up
Unfortunately, this fundamentally comes down to trust.
In a relationship, you *should* be able to simply trust that your partner won't cheat. You shouldn't have to earn that trust. You shouldn't have to prove that they can trust you. If he doesn't trust that you won't cheat on him, the question to ask is, “Why”? Why doesn't he trust that you won't cheat him?
The answer here isn't anything that you have done, it is because other people have cheated on him before. That's a him problem, not a you problem.
So if he has trust issues, or insecurities, because of past relationships, then it is his responsibility to work on those. It is unfair to hold you accountable, for someone else's actions.
If this is not something that he is willing, or able, to get past, then the next logical question becomes, should he be in a relationship at all?
On your end, all that you can really do is make sure that your words & actions align. That you are open and honest with him, make sure you communicate with him, express how you feel. It might be a good idea to sit down & have a heart to heart with him about all of this. Let him know how it makes you feel when he makes those comments.
If she doesn't wear cheap things, she can by herself the god damn ring! Ugh!