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I’m giggling like Ron fucking Swanson on snake juice ? ?
I clearly would not want a pregnancy if I chose three forms of contraception.
what you did in the relationship were acts of service
she gives the sex part and the love to someone else
you've seen the messages and you're watching her move on with her relationship
you don't mind poking around until she breaks up with you
you need therapy for your personality problems
Omg I'm so sorry but consider your finding out he's cheating because if you had gotten pregnant this situation would have been worse. I'm glad you're ok stay safe.
Go to therapy
Find another gf, when something bad happens in the future you want someone who would at least care.
It could be spam, he could be lying. Impossible to know.
Kick him to the curb then sell the house.
LMFAO!!! Free range hobosexual!!! I'm dead
I think this is the checkmate!!
Is it your in-laws or, your partner, that is saying 6months? Are you sure this is what they want? ?
No judgment on how you handle it I would just suggest you address the drinking
I’m a girl and the best advice I’d give you is to work out and learn a skill, like cooking. Losing your virginity shouldn’t be the goal, you should focus on getting dates, making out, fingering/oral or someone you click well with. You won’t be a virgin forever don’t worry.
So you were perfectly fine with them lying to their spouses and family?
You do realize that if they're willing to lie to their wives, they'll easily be able to lie to you to.
What makes you think they'd tell their new side piece the truth?
Why are you still with a man who will abuse your pet and then make excuses? Today it's kicking her down the stairs, tomorrow it's really badly hurting her or killing her.
Unless it was a 55 yr old woman and a 40 yr old man. That still seems to make heads wobble.
Do you have no social skills at all? If someone is on the phone, that's not the time to have a serious conversation with them.
A 35 year old dating a 29 year old is an entirely different situation. You can't just say “if the situation were different then it would be ok”
I used information available. You're extrapolating based on an uneducated guess.
I think she’s being a little ridiculous & unreasonable. I’m friends with my ex because 1) we ended on good terms – 2) we were friends before I ever started dating .
From experience, if someone is accusing you of ulterior motives, it could be that they’re projecting their own insecurities. You’re adults, not everything is sexual in nature.
The people giving you shit piss me off. I’m a disabled woman, I know what it’s like to be in this position. Do you feel more like a caretaker than someone in an actual relationship? If so, that’s entirely unfair to you and no one should be telling you that it’s your responsibility to just suck it up and deal with it. You are a human being with, needs, wants, and mental health that need to be managed too. The part where you said you sacrifice your own happiness for hers because she’s been dealt a bad hand, that’s not good. Not at all healthy.
What does she do or bring to your relationship? Does she help with the chores she can, does she collect disability to help with expenses? Or does she just exist in the same place as you and wait for care. Because if that’s the case you should go. I refuse to ever be or feel like a burden to the person I’m with, and disabilities are not excuses.
You actually work more than he does, regardless of how much money that you’re bringing in, meaning that in reality he has more time to do chores than you do. In this situation, I believe that the two of you should be splitting chores 50/50. Both of you should be cleaning up after YOURSELVES and then dividing up the larger tasks.
Not all men are like this. Get a higher quality bf who gives a shit about you
No wait, I always put my bf over everyone, and he has always been my priority, but is it wrong to want that nobody suffer?
No more drinking and open access to everything.
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So what is this “place” that they always go to? In my opinion, it's wrong either way, but I am curious, and the particular place could make it worse.
Yeah If they are so butthurt over this gift OP’s BF should take it back from their son and explain to him his parents dont allow it
Sorry if I come off as rude, that's not how genetics work, both parents can have brown eyes but kid as blue, it's possible because brown parents must have blue as recessive and brown as dominant, as brown is dominant color shows up as brown,
But kid can get recessive gene from parent so only blue no brown, and shows eye as blue
Where as blue eyed parents don't have brown gene , they don't have it, how can they pass that on to their children of they don't have it.
Hope I'm clear now
2 years is a more than acceptable period of time. He doesn’t get to stake his territory on a human being for life.
Assuming it was a normal “we just didn't work” breakup, even if there were bad feelings, who cares what your ex does? She was free to date or have sex with anyone else the second you broke up because she no longer had a commitment to you.
NOR YOU TO HER.
She's not cheating on you. You've been over for two years.
The ONLY possible exception is if she was abusive. Then you'd be in your rights to feel disrespected by your friend.
Please go to the police and get a copy of that report. Then ask about getting a restraining order against him. He WILL escalate this behaviour as he sees you pulling away from him.
Stop all contact with him except through a lawyer. Change your locks. Change your passwords. Make sure he's not attached to your banking in any way.
Scrape this POS from your shoes and move on.
Block him and call it a day
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There's no way to know exactly why unless you ask him. The real question you should be asking is why do you let someone treat you this way?
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Well, “give them a list” was my phrasing for their words which were, “What can I get you? what do you want?” When I had already gone through what I wanted/needed/liked. So why should I sit down AGAIN and list off what I want either verbally or written?
Unless he's 5'5″, he can't be that big and still fit in a medium t-shirt.
Why are you choosing to date someone who does not like you and is mean to you?
You can't cheat on someone once they're your ex. You no longer owe them your loyalty.
Lol. I’m married and my wife has no problem with me watching porn at all. She gave birth to twins recently and isn’t ready for regular sex right now but at no point in our relationship has she taken issue with my porn use as long as it didn’t affect our sex life. Restricting your partners porn use, absent interference in your sex life/his sexual performance, is controlling. Full stop. It’s insecure and controlling and I think it’s wrong.
Speak to him directly, not everyone has their notifications active because they're annoying.
I typically don't count kisses on new years as anything because they're expected – people are driving and face humping so take it at face value, literally.
A very nice, very intelligent, very pretty 24 year old girl asked me out. I was 35 and was more recently separated so I agreed. We got on really well on the date actually, but I couldn’t shake the creeper vibes. It doesn’t help that she’s quite petite and young looking even for her age. Couldn’t agree to a second date.
And it’s not even like there’s much of a power dynamic as she’s much better educated and traveled, and will shortly be more successful than me lol. But still I don’t see how people hit that age gap
But i didn't look at anything, i didn't buy anything, i made the decision to stop. It was too late i had already done what i did, but it was a stranger i deleted the app i got away from it before i had seen or got anything.
On the other hand i hid it from her snd acted like everything was normal. I betrayed her.
I truly hate myself but i will do anything to rectify this situation. I hope to god she stays with me for me to be able to prove that to her
That's not polyarmory. That's, he's in an open relationship and you're in a monogamous one. My ex-husband tried this shit. It's another form of control and “cheating with permission,” but it's not a true open or poly relationship. Poly is dating more than one person, but he only wants you to date him, and whoever else he might happen to bring to the bed with him. If this is what you want and you're OK with it, cool. But it's not a true poly relationship, and I see that excuse thrown around on Reddit all-too-often as an excuse to cheat without consequences or losing the relationship.
It's not cheating if your partner gave you permission to do it. She just changed her mind, which is fine, but that's a different conversation.
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i better wish it's over for ever this guys doesn't deserve you, what a shame….
“he never told anyone apart from his therapist and me.
He then told me that when he did tell his ex girlfriend's about this they either left him or cheated on him openly”
Anyone apart you, therapist and then how many ex girlfriends?
How should you deal with what? What his sister did to him?
Nah it's a power dynamic. Having hit my thirties and looking back at who I was at 24.. wow. You grow a lot in that time. I have a lot of respect for younger people, and you don't have to be a certain age to prove yourself to me. But in terms of life goals, priorities, and partnerships, perspective changes as you get older. You grow and understand more, if not about yourself then at least about the world around you. Who you want to be in yours.
The general gist of these situations is the older individual goes after the younger one who maybe doesn't have the experience to see that they have other options, some of which might help them grow into who they would like to be.
It also tends to denote a less serious partner. Twenties are formative but it's a lot easier to jump around and try new things. Not that you should ever stop doing that. But the person looking to date younger specifically is viewed by society as stepping back into that time where things can change in an instant. Where you're maybe not balanced and looking ahead as much, only living in the moment.
I'm trying to explain this without going too extreme in any one direction, because everyone leads a different life and has different experiences at different ages and I want to respect that. Young twenties I moved far away from anything I knew and took on that responsibility and grew a ton. But still, someone older who already had all that figured a lot out.. that's where the power dynamic comes into play.
And finally, we NEED to work on the conversation about men's health and society supporting that, but supporting sleazy, skeezy dudes does men (and women) a disservice. Women have shown they can band together to stand up for change. As men, we need to as well. I believe these kinds of guys are holding us all back. Just my opinion.
Tysm for the advice!
And she told him she and friend would be uncomfortable if he came with
Can confirm this to be true. My second bf would get mean and intense over the smallest and stupidest things. He was sweet at times but was toxic more times then he was nice and he showed that side of him early on. I stayed with him for 3 years and it only got worse. Op- don’t make the same mistake I did. Leave now and don’t waste your time. At least he’s showing his true colors this early on.
So you would be perfectly fine if your spouse accused you of infidelity without no reason at all while you were risking your health to give them a child?
Can you get hold of a morning after pill from the chemist or family planning to be on the safe side?
My wife divorced me so she could go on holidays with another man.
after the holiday he seems to have disappeared, I never heard about him again.
A year later she asked me if we could marry again because “it would be easier”.
I laughed. Wouldn't make life easier for me. I refused, and we've now been divorced about 5 years. We have two teen kids, who live with me and i have %100 custody.
In your case…if no kids, I would say it's up to you. Although it would seem silly to give her a 2nd chance as a leopard does not change its spots…
But in this case your kids do not want to see her..and i think they too should get a say in this, they are part of the family too.
Still your choice of course. But given the kids do not want to see her…I would probably lean towards no. And what if she does it again? WIll your kids (And you) be hurt again? Do you want to give her that chance? Does she deserve it? What did the last divorce to to your financial situation, and what will another one do?
I understand your anger, you probably thinking that you wasted 10 years of your life to that bum! That’s ok! Eventually you’ll be able to move on
Forget what you want. Forget what he wants.
You've admitted this is a toxic relationship.
The only thing that matters here is that poor child. Leave and make sure that kid is brought up right, with or without the dad.
That child does not deserve to be kept in that environment, so if it won't get fixed you need to do the right thing and go.
Dump her ho arse from a great height right now!
People date through school all the time. I feel like she’s just using that as an excuse to break up. I wouldn’t wait around for her.
I had a relationship with a woman with BPD. She constantly tried to push my buttons but I wouldn't speak to her until she calmed down. A physically abusive person is the last person she needs – for that matter the last person anyone needs. A physically abusive person will not only hit her, but will totally blame it on her. Get out!
I personally don’t think him feeling that lost/sad without you is particularly healthy. Even when someone is in a relationship, they should still have their own identity and be able to function and still do things that bring them happiness/joy while their partner is off doing their own thing. It’s not healthy for someone to be fully dependent on you for their emotional well-being.
I think it’s great he opened up to you, but I’m hoping now he’ll consider reaching out to a mental health counselor for a few sessions to further work through these feelings and find better coping mechanisms.
Perhaps the next time one of you travels without the other, have a discussion about how much texting and photos might be too much for the other and just set up some ground rules/boundaries so to speak. That might help too.
His only red flag is that he wanted to rape you but didn't get the chance? THATS THE ONLY RED FLAG YOU NEED. Do you hear yourself? Good god
Jesus Christ do you have like your 80 year old mother painting walls for you??
With the really bad stuff, you either need to send thousands in money and usually buy your way into the community with material you've made yourself, so that everyone can incriminate everyone else. It's a blackmail failsafe.
Edit: I learned this from reading the coverage surrounding the Josh Duggar trial.
What if they bring up points I was already thinking off or points that I want her to respond to?
There’s nothing you can do. You accepted the med school offer and that’s that. She doesn’t want to be long distance.
Go to school and focus on that. If it was meant to be, it’ll be.
I’d be concerned that she would break up so quickly over you accepting an offer that she knew you had applied for.
6 years bro? No stop you are wasting your life. She will suck everything out of you. Stop try to be her savior, you got one life and not one single person is looking at you and saying “oh my what a caring boyfriend”, were all thinking you must also be crazy to put up with this… today your shirts tomorrow your throat while your sleeping. Leave, run, get in a boat and row.
It’s really not that weird on the range of weirdness out there. It does depend on how you feel about it though. If you’re not comfortable (or not comfortable yet) that’s fine. Your partner should understand and respect that.
he’s fucking her. period. just wanted open permission. sorry.
There's a difference between racism and discrimination. I typed a whole ass essay but really you're best doing your own research and education. Source: am white, have unintentionally harmed BIPOC through not understanding the difference between ignorance, racism and discrimination, and have tried to do better by learning.
I am confused why you're the one bathing and taking care of them. Where's their father?
Your relationship is over. You fucked up but your gf has been punishing you. This isn’t healthy. Call the code and let each other go.
Just get married already.
Only 1 or 2 weeks? I would think at least a month.
No work with him you will get thwre
Yes I know. But I did cheat 4 months ago. And I have been actively lying these months.
Holy shit, total mindfuck. I too would have no clue how to take this.
No, she otherwise seems fine. No mental health issues, just a desire to go out a catch up on some specific lost experiences.
Go ask your wifey for three paternity tests and check back in with us.
We joke that our dog is a perv because he doesn't get off the bed of his own accord if we're having sex. Honestly he doesn't understand what is going on, dogs don't understand what human sex is. Sounds like your boyfriend's dog was literally just trying to take a nap. This isn't like a weird sexual kink, it's a clueless dog trying to sleep next to his owner.
We now throw the inadvertent perv dog out of the bedroom when we're doing the deed. The cat on the other hand thinks we're the pervs because he literally flees the room as fast as he can when we start up.
Bottom line you're making a bigger deal out of this than it is. Tell your boyfriend that you aren't comfortable having the dog in the bed (or bedroom even) when you're having sex and then follow through with shoo-ing the dog out when the time comes.
Depends, is he a local?
This is the literal definition of its not you, its her.
Focus on yourself and do not contact your ex.
And you have been with her every time she’s been drinking the entire year?
He doesn’t call you bunny anymore because you demanded to meet his parents against his will. Great. Now you know why he didn’t wanted this. Give him space and apologize.
Victim blaming and transphobic. Fun combo.
Also that’s a nice way to side step responsibility for yourself and being called out for your actions. If you don’t want to be transphobic maybe listen to trans people and stop being transphobic. I personal, when I have flaws pointed out, consider if they have merit on their own because I want to be a better person.
But you do you.
She isn't getting better, she physically abused you, and she has changed nothing. She is practically expecting you to take care of her forever.
You will probably pay alimony to her, but it is better than being unhappy and with the threat of violence looming.
Talk to a lawyer, consider your options, and don't feel guilty for leaving. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
Wait, why are we not asking why he thinks jerking it at work is ok at all? Like who the hell does that?
Honey, you could win the Powerball, and you still wouldn't be his first choice.
He would probably marry you, sure, but he'd be cheating on you constantly, and using your money to impress his mistresses.
There is literally nothing you could ever do or say that will result in him choosing you over others.
Maybe if something happened to him to suddenly make him completely unattractive to other women, he'd settle for you… but he would still always feel like he had settled and see you as a symptom of his bad luck
You need to let go of this guy. he does not want you, and he is not worth your time or energy. He never will be worth it. He's an inconsiderate asshole who's willing to string you along — why do you want that?
Ewww just ewww. He’s treating you like dog shit girl. You deserve better and you know it. The fact that his friends called you ugly and he just went along with it!?!? Wtf is that? He sounds like an absolute horrible person. Please respect yourself more then this.
Hey, thanks for telling your story. Paragraphs next time would make this so much more readable.
I am divorced and divorce sucks. I unfortunately recommend it. You can leave on your terms, which is better than what I got. I was in the same situation as you only my ex stopped talking to the guy, and she resented me deeply for it so eventually called our marriage off.
The problem is, when (not if at this rate) they start sleeping together, it will be all your fault as well. You will never be the good guy. If you wait too long, she will develop an exit strategy, and screw you over as nude as she can in the process.
You're not wrong, divorce him
Relationship isn’t supposed to be this nude. If she’s been terrible for 2.5 years out of 3 that’s 83% of the time. The math checks out. Dump her toxic ass.
If you don’t want to get married, don’t get married it’s not 1955. You can parents really well from a distance and send child support payments every month.
It is a massive f up but probably a good life lesson. Of all the times to do something like this now really ia the best. He might have a loonnnnggggg commute for the near future but that will just give him more time to think about it!
Guys can be stupid, if this is his only screw up it isn't that bad. I mean its bad but it ain't cheating.
He needs to find a job so maybe support him there. Cause it is like important…..
He f'ed up, ask him how the bills will be paid.
Split the savings now!
He either thought he was too cool or went fricking nuts. Bills need to be paid, so he needs to do whatever to get money incoming.
Good luck!
Sounds like you’ve been through quite an experience. If you are unhappy with her as you mentioned, then you are obviously better off without her. Your feelings will take a little longer to come around.
But once you are free of her, you can find someone less toxic.
Nahh. It never works out.
What you’re doing is disrespecting her. She has been forthright and you need to get over it.
She will never trust you again, especially given that you won’t respect her decision. Give it a rest and stop harassing her.
You literally fucked around and found out. Now you know to keep it in your pants next time.
Fine, so split the delivery costs and pay him half of what fair market rent would be every month.
Old habits die nude. Cheating once or twice in life until you realize the gravity of your actions is pretty average, most of us learn very young. Someone who cheats well into adulthood, like say, mid 30's is probably not going to kick the habit anytime soon, especially if they justify their actions by saying it was because they were unhappy.
When emotionally intelligent adults are unhappy in relationships they leave. It may seem like you're in the clear now because she says she's happy, but will she be happy with you forever until death do you part? Long term relationships will tell you no. We go through phases and love ebb and flows. There are high points, and low points in every relationship. If you feel like she can't be trusted in not toughing out the lows without being unfaithful, you should be running the opposite direction of wherever that woman says she's going.
But I don't know her, maybe she's a bag of fucking rainbows and joy rolled up into a ball of perfection– but what I do know is: when people tell you who they are.. believe them. You won't be able to say it was a surprise, because she'll have warned you of the outcome long before it happens. Honest cheaters even have the balls to use that as leverage when the curtain falls: “I told you I was this way!” As if to make you feel like you signed up to be cheated on.
If I were you, I'd seriously be considering taking a step back in terms of commitment from this relationship. Keep it friendly, casual dating/friends with benefits even, but don't put all your eggs in one basket with this woman, she's told you straight to your face that she can't be trusted.
partner (26M) tried to commit suicide on Sunday nigh
Sorry. Get 'em the mental health treatment they need, support them as you reasonably, feasibly, usefully, and appropriately can. Hopefully mental health care is reasonable or better where you are (varies a whole lot around the planet).
he tried committing suicide by crashing his car after this phone call
Ain't your fault. He's seriously broken, and his head needs to get seriously fixed.
he’s not supportive at all
He's seriously broken. Don't expect much. But stand up for yourself, don't take sh*t from him, don't let him abuse you, and threatening suicide is also a form of abuse – he threatens to commit suicide, you make the appropriate phone call(s) – and generally he goes off to or gets hauled off for treatment, or whatever.
whenever i become upset from his behaviour it’s my ‘hormones’ and to wait until the baby is born
No, you're allowed to have feelings, allowed to be upset, etc. And allowed to express those feelings, etc. – just don't be abusing him, or anyone else, etc.
struggling to feel sympathetic towards him
You don't have to. He's seriously broken and needs to get fixed. That of course doesn't mean be an *ss to him, but certainly don't be babying him – soon enough you'll have baby that'll take tons of babying – you don't need two babies to deal with.
feel super paranoid about why the police have told my midwife
Dear knows, probably nothin' to worry about. Maybe he said something that caused the police to be concerned or want to contact your midwife for some questions or to confirm something or whatever (like yes, you're pregnant … you probably don't have a license to say that nor objectively answer that … midwife can probably well and objectively state that, and likely has a professional license on the matter and work and reputation dependent upon such and related accurate information – so police probably have a pretty good idea where midwife stands regarding other people's pregnancies – whereas you would be a highly biased and likely unlicensed source regarding your pregnancy). So don't sweat it, don't be paranoid about it just 'cause the police called your midwife.
that means they might take my baby away
No. Partner's suicide attempt ain't got sh*t to do with you and your baby or anything like that. So stop worrying about that.
20F
despite her agreeing that I am capable of being a single parent
You're 20, you're pregnant, the general presumption (and obligation!) will be you'll take care of the baby and are responsible to do so. Generally ain't nobody gonna be takin' baby away on account of what if maybe perhaps possibly. If you haven't royally f*cked things up to show you couldn't at all reasonably take care of baby – they probably presume you can, will, … and of course you must.
distancing myself from him and his behaviour
Yeah, probably highly appropriate.
tried so nude to be supportive
Can only do so much, and you've got plenty to take care of and deal with as it is.
He's seriously broken and needs to get fixed. Certainly not something you can do much about (you're not qualified mental health care professional who's sufficiently independent and objective relative to him), and also well above Reddit's pay grade too.
could impact my unborn baby who is my only priority
Keep yourself and things for you and baby healthy and safe and well, and should work out at least okay for the two of you. That's your priority … and don't forget yourself – as baby depends upon you.
He didn’t used to be like this
Sh*t happens, people change … personalities, medical, mental, … whatever.
last night he admitted to
He's quite/severely depressed. Don't expect his feelings to be “normal” at present. Might not be “normal” for quite a while … maybe even “forever”. Dear knows. But depression is generally quite treatable … so may get significantly to much better and become well stabilized … but that ain't where it's been recently … all too obviously.
Mark is going to continue to sleep with other girls. Your girlfriend won't like it. You are safe.
I really hope you're a troll poster. Because if you're not, you honestly are the densest man I have ever read about. How can you not make a list and see your GF does so, so, so much more than you do and you complain about this?
I never say this, but I honestly hope she dumps you. From what I'm reading, she can do so much better, than your sorry arse.
Women are getting nude in his car. Random women are getting hard in a married man’s car. And he’s allowing it. He did betray you and you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to suggest leaving him but you should. Or at least separate and show him you don’t tolerate disrespect.
Ok so to be clear i was very exclusive with my husband after 3 days. I was engaged after 18.
That said I’m not sure what to say here. Because truthfully flirting and sex are very different to me. And we clearly agreed not to talk to anyone else from the app we met on.
You weren’t in a relationship even according to you, she didn’t have sex with anyone else but you are still upset about flirting that doesn’t sound like it broke stated boundaries.
And it seems like you all have done this twice already.
I would personally end it and be more clear in the future. But I can’t understand locking someone down like that and not being in a relationship at the same time.
Oh common, dude is trying to not get horny. Just give him some space and try yourself to abstain from pleasure as well. In that way you can share your experiences after Ramadan
pls dumb him, you are a very beautiful woman, you don't need a loser (who wants to look cool) like him!
And showing pics of your sister?? thats creepy and really shows he has no respect for either of you!
My husband and I are similar. I struggled financially as a student because my parents do not work for 30+ years. I already had to part time jobs but it was just never enough. He still lived with his well earning parents at the time and helped me out when rent money was due. And I always felt bad. I promised myself to give it back to him. Now, couple years later and we live together (and are married), I had my student dept to pay (luckily, where I am from, it's only 7.900€ max). I managed to safe 5.000€ but it wasn't enough till the deadline. So he gave me the rest. I will always be massively thankful to him but I will also be a bit worried about it. He always reassures me that he doesn't mind. That we are a team and always work together but I plan to safe some more money and spend it on our next big thing (we are in the process of finding a new apartment or maybe a vacation). Just to treat him as well 🙂
She certainly does need to go into details as to why she lied. Keep in mind she didn't only lie once, she held & continued that lie after he asked again when she had the chance.
The support is now shaken after these giant lies. OP needs to step back and make serious decisions after he finds out her reasoning.
The lesson you should get from this, by the way, is “do not catfish people”, not “do not confess”
Do you have a counselor or therapist? For you to be so desperate for this man's attention that you would go to these lengths says that you have a poor self image. Talk to someone, learn to love yourself, never again beg, lie, or dégradé yourself to be with someone who won't choose you.
It's a matter of trust. You trusted her with your card and she proved to you she cannot be trusted.
I would ask her for the money back and break up with her.
What did YOU communicate, chosimg to be lied to, drawn into a date with “year long gf” “for her birthday”.
What did YOU communicate getting her into your apartment rather than getting her to sleep at a motel?!
Incredible.
She was NOT insecure.
She was just done with your bullcrap.
You’ve dated 3 weeks. He raised the topic right off the bat. If this is such a hugely upsetting deal for you, stop dating him.
People who have to “hate” every ex and erase them entirely are immature. He sounds emotionally mature, kind, and truthful. This is a you problem.
Damn. I just found this googling but this is erilee close to my situation
Just break up with her? There are a million fish in the sea and this is way beyond anything you need to deal with for a couple months worth of dating
He is already feeling that he needs to prove his intelligence. You need to be careful as to phrasing this to him as he is overly sensitive. He will interpret what you say in this area the worst way possible
Over the top nice and also abusive when he’s mad? It’s all controlling and manipulation. He knows he has to be nice sometimes. All abusers do.
Yeah but it's 120+ euros per month.
Well I just stumbled into a cesspit of toxic masculinity
When I got to the part where he was robbed on a run, I started laughing and could not stop.
If you don’t have any eggs (not embryos, just eggs) in storage do that now. This will allow you to have children in the future regardless of what happens in your marriage. If you two split you won’t be able to use your current embryos. I would suggest marriage counseling but be prepared to end the marriage if he can’t give you a definite timeline on children. Good luck!
I think she should discuss her low libido with her therapist, if she hasn’t already.
OP, lots try a of good advice here. I am curious do you have any sense of what this guys wife might think? Also I why would your wife push this boundary by engaging in this game night nonsense. If she has any empathy after these discussions she would find a way to be busy those nights.
So, she can’t be held to her word; the answer is always what she wants, which is a no; and she can’t tell you what a yes would look like.
As others have said, shorten this living arrangement as fast as you can manage it.
We live in Europe and my husband and me built our life from nothing. He is extremely successful in his job and I got a good job (salary above average). I do live rural and am new to the area and country. Most of the time things between my husband and me are fine. So actually my situation isn’t that bad but a big change indeed is frightening. Also that would mean I failed with my marriage and relationship:(
Don't get married until you find out what really happened.
Leverage in case he ever tried getting with OP later I assume. This hole thing sounds like a jerry springer plot.
LMAOOO midway just whip out a video ?
If you spend $500 on a lie detector machine and make your wife answer questions hooked up to it, your marriage is already completely over.
You literally called her fat in your post. Stop lying to yourself and accept your part of this marriage and the subsequent divorce.
Slow down there Pence
UpdateMe!
Who has the lease? If it is you, pack his stuff and leave it outside. What was your friends response?
I love when my husband compliments my mind. “You're so smart” or a genuine laugh from a story or joke I told really make me feel good. The booba praise is nice, too, of course.
I'm sorry, my post is confusing and vague bc my head is spinning. We are both on the lease actually. Our landlord does offer the option to do a month-to-month lease (for a higher price of course). That may be a good option for him if I don't end up being the one to stay.
I didn't mention this bc I wanted to limit any identifiable info, but when we first moved in his renter history made it so that he was not qualified to live in our building. My renter qualifications were fine, but not enough to cover the both of us, so one of his relatives co-signed the lease to allow us the opportunity to live in this building. I feel like I owe him the unit because of that.
Honestly I never should have moved in with him in the first place. But as stated previously, I'm a freaking doormat.
Maybe you could send him money for the snacks? You don’t “owe” him anything and I doubt he would accept money from you just to pay his bills. If you phrase it like you want to send him some money for the snacks he provided, he might accept it.
OP, you should reconsider marrying someone who can't save money. Schwab has sighted that millennials and zoomers will need to save 1.7 million dollars in the U.S. to live comfortably in retirement, which is nearly impossible in our worlds economy right now. Maybe you live somewhere else, but young ppl still need to save 3 times the amount our grandparents needed to save for retirement regardless. Unless you want to online with his mom forever, or at least be in financial destitute forever, you should move on.
He also sounds immature and is a bit unable to regulate his emotions. Is that really someone you want to spend forever with?
Why is she allowed to not miss you, but you're not?
I was in his shoes a few years ago, ruined my engagement and completely messed up my life. I’m still recovering. He needs to block her immediately and remove himself from being in a situation where he can ever see her. This can last years and it only gets worse the longer you’re stuck in it. Get him into therapy if you can. There’s a subreddit too that you can check out.
Thanks. I’m honestly fine. Been a few hours now and I’m relaxing in bed watching TV. I’m loving the peace already haha
It’s been years. There’s billions of women to date.
Seems like his whole life is one big game of “I was testing you and you failed!”
He snuck around being suspicious and then when she got suspicious, he got angry and doubled down to the point that she asked for a divorce. And now that she’s finally starting to date again, he wants to rekindle the meanspirited mindgames. He sounds emotionally abusive, tbh.
You sound like you want me to say that I think he's acting a certain way to validate how you're feeling but I can't. Some people can't quantify their feelings via text or even want to. If you're worried about him, call him so you can hear his voice and understand better what's going on. I have to admit this also: it sounds like you might be looking to fight about how he's treating you. I'd reflect on the relationship overall so you can figure out where your head's really at and then speak to him about your communication issues.
To answer your question, I prefer to try dating someone I already have an established friendship with than get on a dating app randomly to swipe, or signing up for some activity just to “meet people”. I was honestly not that interested in dating someone at all when ex and I broke up and was looking forward to being single for some time.
BF didnt “jump straight into dating me” after we broke up. In fact he wasn’t the one who asked me out. We were just hanging out as friends (after I’ve already broken up with my ex) and then I realised that he was acting more reserved towards me so I asked him what’s up. That’s how i learnt that he has grown some feelings for me which he’s kept to himself all this time. I thought about it for over a week and thought well ok why not try? He has been a good friend to me these years and I didn’t mind giving it a shot.
We kept it on the low because if we asked my ex for “permission to date” we knew it’d be a big fat no, so we thought it was better that we let it sit for a bit first then tell him at a later date so that it will be easier for him to accept the news
Why does he need to buy you anything?
I’d add that in many other cultures, ‘jealousy’ is viewed very differently. It isn’t a negative trait, or seen as insecure. It’s part of demonstrating how much someone means to you and how attractive you find them. These little outbursts and questioning about who you talked to would be seen as cute and endearing and a bid for connection. It’s soooooo not my cup of tea, but it may be another cultural difference you need to address directly? Could explain why she picks a fight- she’s expecting you to find it cute but you just get more and more annoyed (as I would, by the way). Esther Perel talks about this quite a bit.
This is another of the situations where you have been a couple since you were adults, and known each other longer. It's not necessarily that people freak out at their relationships when they go abroad. It may just be that he's not been completely on his own, and once he was, he found he enjoyed it.
No matter how well you get along with someone, there are always compromises in order to be a couple. If this is how he's feeling, its best not to change the terms of the break(up), and temper your expectations to reality. He went with a break after you cried for an hour. He's probably going to still feel like it's over when he's done with the semester, too. If he wants to reach you, he knows how.
She picked it out? Why does she hate it now?
Rings, especially diamond gold ones, have over inflated price tags. You’ll be lucky to get 10% of what you paid for it if you pawn it.
Also, why do you want to marry someone who’s forcing you to sleep on the couch? Do you pay your fair share of rent? If so you’re kinda entitled to a good night sleep IMO.
No contact. If your children ever begin to emulate her behavior, you and your husband will never forgive yourselves. She's horrible.
First:
Headline sounds as if she held a harm of Exes to go in and out at her parents house.
When the one who bothers OP obviously is his predecessor.
With whom she had been for 4 + years. At a crucial time of her life.
Apparently that man means something to her family. Not only her.
As long as she knows that Exes are Exes for a reason and he is there only randomly… that's a small matter, I think.
Hers seems to be a welcoming family. If they have taken OP in as warmheartedly as that Ex, that is.
Otherwise it may look as if they already have chosen their son in law and are just waiting for OP to vacate the place by their daughters side.
If this is how it feels… talk to her again.
And “my therapist also says it's normal.”
Oh… how come the therapist now has a say in OPs life (extended from hers?) How come the therapist has an opinion on that?
Whom for had she been asked already?
So she KNOWS, that to some it can be an issue. And she cuts that short and unvalidates OPs feelings for her own comfort and peace of mind.
Where I have stayed friends/ near adoptive daughters with an ex to be mother in law (relationship lasted 5 ++ years, friendship lasts for 38 years now) I think it is not thaaaaaaat normal.
Exes wife has her own place but has to live with me still being in her mother in laws life as Exes mother has made that clear to her son early on that I will always hold a special place in her heart. (Hardly existing relationship with her own daughter, daughter having always been “daddys girl”.)
But then: I no contact anymore with my ex. Which may make the case different.
He immediately took his place by her side (next, now wife), making very clear that he was with her.
Life moves on. He may in time fade in importance.
If OP makes a big deal out of it it may end up jeopardizing the relationship.
But then: one would expect a girlfriend to be LOYAL, set boundaries. And NOT text ex while on a trip with present partner.
I find that a difficult behavior and wouldn't find that normal either.
Why didn't you discuss your friend with her when it was making her uncomfortable? You assumed that she wanted you to cut off your friend and did so without talking to either of them about what was going on, if I'm reading this correctly.
If she was sounding you out by teasing you about how close you are with M, why didn't you spend a few minutes to explain the situation to her? You shut down a valuable friendship over a short-term long distance live relationship because you perceived it to be necessary.
It's probably a good idea to work on some in person relationships and learn to navigate them with physical cues, etc. Trying to read minds and then faulting the other party for what you imagined they thought isn't going to work out long term.
He says he doesn’t feel good enough or deserving of me and basically said “self sabotage” was the reason. I no longer pay for his phone however again he does drive my car because he totaled his. As for consequences, I mean I blew up at him threw his phone at the wall etc… again this was years ago now but once the damage is done it’s done