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Oh dear… you’re going to get absolutely roasted in these comments
Talk to her about it and if she's into it get a strapon and pound her with it.
There's a guy with the biggest penis I've seen, in or out of porn, and he uses a penis extension to have sex with his girlfriend because she's a size queen. Literally no guy is big enough for her.
Could also just try to get into fisting. Been with a couple of partners who liked it and I found it really hot as well.
Um…. try not telling people you're a millionaire?
this comment is exactly why he should go to a financial advisor instead of listening to reddit comments lmao
From OP
“They're her coworkers. She never goes out and this has only started as of a week ago. She just turned 21 last month.”
Case closed. Now stop tracking her that's unhealthy and almost crossing controlling
lol, you are taking yourself way too seriously. A mature man wouldn't behave in the way you did.
Why are putting in all this effort and energy for someone who doesn’t respond with the same level? Not to mention the lack of respect.
its not uncommon for people to want to bang when they get donr crying though
I hope you read my comment as being completely in your corner!
It wouldn't be right of me to give you advice since I only know you here but maybe it can be a bump in the road on your journey. You didn't drive off that road and over a cliff by having the response you did. It's wholly understandable that that happened. I think 99% of victims of sexual trauma have had that happen.
It does make you feel so down on yourself. When I finally got the courage to disclose, some people in my life didn't believe me because it just sounded so f-cked up. It makes me feel gross that I handled things the way I did. The weird part about it, for me, is that I have to work so hot on forgiving myself for being a victim. I was trained to be a victim my entire life. Yet I still get so disgusted with myself for behaving in a way that is ingrained in me.
I think you have a lot of strength and courage that you're open with your boyfriend about it. Not everyone has been able to take that step. You're doing the naked work and it shows. Give yourself the grace that you give to others because you deserve that.
Start packing u stuff . If a minor accident causes this much drama its over .
oh my adhd kicked in and i must’ve skipped over that then ? hmmm
From what I’m reading he just doesn’t prioritize hygiene and cleanliness and doesn’t see the big issue of it so that’s a red flag for a potential future of living together. I have a sister like this and I think he might have people pleasing tendencies which makes him able to help others but not himself. She feels like others deserve to online well but she doesn’t feel like that for herself. She’s told me she usually feels hopeless in her future so she doesn’t see the point of doing things to improve her quality of life. Do you know if your boyfriend has similar issues with his outlook of life?
That’s like getting changed in the same room as ur sister.. I guess to him that would be cheating too ?
I wish I lived in candy land too 🙁
You’ll get through this. I’m sorry for your suffering. It’s a loss all around.
I don’t think you’ll be excommunicated. Just apologize and express the same feelings you expressed above and I think they’ll be understanding
So you cheated on your fiancé. AND 70 days ago you were “looking for girls to sext”? (Check his post history)
I don't think you're anywhere near capable of raising a child or deserving of it
I’m asking this as mom—how old are you? You sound young. I promise you will be able to move past this but don’t wast your energy on hating her.
Focus on putting positive energy and growth into yourself, and think about the kind of partner you want to attract. Be the kind of person that your ideal partner would be attracted to. And I don’t mean go to the gym—work on your mental health. Do things that bring you joy. Play video games. Enjoy being single.
But don’t waste your energy on hating her. Don’t carry that in your heart and with you into your next relationship.
You help her with pain management, learn about it and you’ll both have a lot more good days. Always jump hot on pain as soon as it begins. The analogy is that if you get a headache and take two paracetamol, it will take it away. If you wait until it’s a migraine the paracetamol won’t do anything. Layer the pain management, tens machine, naked bath and Epsom salts, pain gel, pain killers, etc. There are wearable tens machines, wearable heat pads, electrical stimulation. She needs help. This is what chronic pain looks like.
Don’t wait three months. Waste of time. Do it now.
My boi It is a huge red flag. If this other dude refuses or basically her to tell you not to go…. You got a huge issue on your hands.. I guarantee buddy is messaging her without your knowledge.
I’ll be honest, single people and married people don’t always mesh well. It’s one thing if it’s friends that started out one way and became another but to join a group of single friends as a married person is sending out signals you want to be single.
As for Ben, yeah F that guy. Him refuse to meet you gives me (he’s a home wrecker) vibes.
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I hate the just break up people on here. But I’m so unfamiliar with this type of logic that it would be a giant red flag for me. Where would this slippery slope end.
I say this to dissipate any doubts you may have on that area before helping me.
This preamble is pretty sus. You seem to have to convince yourself -a lot- that your situation is 'good'. Not implying it isn't, but like, my guy..
I dont know if i am making the right decision, but i dont know how to get past the issue either.
Man, you're trying to argue about what someone is dreaming about, which is outside of her control anyway. The only reason this is an issue is due to jealousy.
Why treat someone poorly over these factors? It just shows them that you're a butthole.
If she's at the “I want to fuck other people and you have no choice” stage, there's no fixing things, no making her want you, or whatever.
She's either cheating already or planning to cheat, and she is telling you about it in case she can get you to give her a pass.
There's no convincing her at this point. I suggest you speak with a lawyer, because this is the kind of thing you don't come back from. And for the love of god, don't let her pressure and bully you into accepting an open relationship when you clearly, CLEARLY don't want one.
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There's always the option, money permitting, to just send the dog to training school for some months.
What kind of breed is it and what's the age?
Trust him to do what?
You have zero commitment. He’s still free to date others. That’s not cheating, just disappointing for you. The whole point of a commitment to be a serious BF/GF is when he’s saying he won’t see others.
It sounds like he likes you. You need to go through the dating process to know if the relationship can work.
I don’t want to do too much victim-blaming, because your wife definitely cheated on you, and that’s on her. But if you all broke up 14 months ago, both had sex with other people, then got back together 12 months ago…why would you get married after only 4 months of being back together? You really got yourself in a bad spot with that.
There’s only two options here. You know that down the line, if you two hit another rough spot, that you’re probably always going to wonder if your wife will have an emotional/physical affair with someone else. Is that going to gnaw at you? Are you going to hold that over her head if you two argue? Is that going to make you feel insecure throughout your relationship? If you think she’s changed and you can forgive/forget, then ok I guess go on with your relationship. Otherwise, you’re going to need a divorce.
More likely than not, you don’t know exactly how you’ll feel about this in a year. Couples counseling would probably be a good place to start if you want to work on the relationship. But there’s also nothing wrong with just getting a divorce. It’s a shame, but don’t let your past experiences/decisions prevent you from making the best decision for yourself moving forward.
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Tell him you have endometriosis.
Talk with her … I know where you are – my wife was afraid of the kids of the neighbors.
You problem is not just a lack of sex but a lack of open and honest communication about how you look at each other, your expectations, your behavior, daily improvement and follow up.
If you do not communicate you do not improve.
Te point is to get some rules for open, honest, tolerant and kind communication established and start SMALL to build up trust. Then when you have trained communication for some time you can talk about sex ?
Dude. Let's say they didn't have sex… She WOULD HAVE IF SHE COULD HAVE. That's bad enough! She's trying to cheat on you and effectively has. All trust is gone. Relationship over.
I stare at a screen all day for work. As do most graduates I know. It's the way of the world now (and frankly it was when your son was a teenager). Staring at a screen all day allowed me to buy a house on my own in my 20s. Computers ≠ bad. Computers = earning a living in the 21st century.
Or the therapist is a ‘friend’
I tried this…it didn’t work
Your GF sounds broken.
She may be breaking up with you or she's just so used to lying that she does it automatically.
This is who she really is.
You are wasting your time with her. You'll never be able to trust her.
Are you sure she’s 26 and not 16?
I know everyone is saying therapy and that’s fine, but I would say therapy if she wants to stay there. Does she want to stay there? Would she be happier closer to family? Have you had that talk yet?
Maybe it is time to stop fucking someone else's husband.
Lol we’re allowed to say her boundaries are ridiculous, which this one is. She seems to be out of her damn mind if I’m being blunt, the type to accuse OP of rape if he accidentally brushes up against her booty one time. He’s gotta protect himself from false imprisonment and move on from this psycho.
Sex can always lead to pregnancy. If a man wants to avoid that, his best bet is a vasectomy, because other forms of birth control can fail.
One thing everyone seems to be skipping over here is you having a conversation with Vee. You seem to get decent 1-1 time so talk to her. Ask her how she would feel about you asking her dad to sign away his rights so you can legally adopt her because this decision is her's too. He dad signing away his rights likely means she loses access to any family on dad's side, including little sister who's she's close with so I can understand your hesitation in this situation because it's not as simple as “bios treat her like a burden but I don't so I should immediately adopt her and divorce mom” and there's a lot of nuances to consider for both of you. You also have your son to consider and that's another person/situation you have to consider.
Another option is for you to suggest an adult adopt once she turns 18 (if that's a thing where you are). In the states it's basically a way for a step parent to assure their step/adopted child(ren) are treated equally if there comes a time when it's necessary like if the parent is medically incapacitated or dies suddenly with no will. It's a way for you to show that you absolutely love her as your daughter without throwing a bomb into her already precarious life and messing with relationships outside of her parents.
Other than that I have no advice but I will say kids don't really care about legalities, she cares that you show up, you listen, you're involved and her calling you dad means she noticed who's parenting and who's just going through the motions.
I'll shed some light on it: it turns him on to think about his daughter being a lesbian. Get rid.
You’ve been dating 2 months. Give her some leeway.
It's always amazing and infuriating watching people's answers change with gender. I always see the same advice no matter what the offender's gender is, but it seems like there is a lot more shade thrown when the they are a man and a lot of “well what about her feelings?” comments when they are a woman. I get it. She got rejected and feels bad, but she did it to herself. She asked him what he wanted. OP asked for a sandwich. She disregarded his answer to her question and decided to “give” him sex instead. OP was upset but still took the time to communicate to her that he did not want sex period. She still wouldn't accept no for an answer and starts throwing a tantrum.
Anyone would feel bad in that situation, but that doesn't excuse her from not giving two fucks about OP's consent. Her behavior after getting rejected is sexually coercive. He said no and she should have been supportive. Instead she questions his reasons ( as if he needed to give her a good reason to be able to say no) and then has been stonewalling him and crying to the point that their kid is concerned for her.
Imagine a grown man getting turned down for sex on his wife's birthday after trying to gift her sex she didn't want and then throwing a temper tantrum that lasts so long his kid is asking about it the next day.
That’s fair. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Damn.. I’m a single woman nearing 40 living basically paycheck to paycheck… there’s no future with me… huh.. thanks for the reality check ?
It sounds like he might have misophonia and he isn’t managing it well at all. I have it too, and it can induce strong feelings of anger – I’ve snapped at people too, at the beginning, before I understood more about it. Now I just turn on a low-volume white noise app on my phone when things start bothering me. Pretty much fixes the problem for me.
I’ll note that mine also comes in phases. There will be a few weeks where it doesn’t bother me at all, then a week where it’s all I can focus on when I’m in a room with other people (unless there’s white noise or some other calming consistent noise I can use to refocus). Sometimes the worse times are brought on by stress – but sometimes it’s just random.
Anyway, long story short, I recommend he works with a therapist to develop healthier tactics for these types of situations.
Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my girlfriend was laying on her friends stomach but that doesn’t mean your doing anything wrong it’s just a difference of perspective and you shouldn’t have to change being naturally affectionate for your boyfriend you are just incompatible in that way and if this is a hot boundary for him with no room to compromise then your just going to have to break up
I’m sorry but I have a friend that doesn’t listen no matter what I say. She just needs to learn everything the hot way. At the end of the day, you can make your case to your friend til you’re blue in the face but ultimately she’s an adult with autonomy. You can’t stop it
The curse of the near perfect memory. I tried to just not use it but it made no difference because I just can't do that.
Did they make any plans of any kind, or just admit their feelings?
religious people have very flexible rules when applied to themselves
Ok, well literally anything can be anyone's boundary and you don't have to like or understand it. That's why they're personal. Either way it's shitty of you to tell the op that she doesn't know what her own boundaries are. But shitting on other women seems to be a hobby of yours by the looks of it.
*My (31f) partner (30m) is struggling with his individuality/independence, feels scared about our relationship but still wants to be with me?*
That is a lot to unpack, don't you think, Op?
Let's take it apart one at a time, shall we?
*My (31f) partner (30m) is struggling with his individuality/independence*
He is struggling with his individuality/independence. From who(m)? His parents, his family, his friends? Or YOU?
* feels scared about our relationship*
Umm, that sort of narrows it down, huh, Op? It's YOU.
*but still wants to be with me*
I am not a rocket surgeon or a brain scientist, Op.
But it seems to me, that he loves and cares about you but he feels like if stays with you
*a very independent person*
He will lose himself. He will LOSE himself TO YOU.
And I agree with him.
Stress can definitely mess with sex drive. If you haven't had a serious conversation with him about it yet, it's definitely time. My husband and I have been married 13 years and there are highs and lows in all kinds of areas, our sex life included. He needs more physical touch than I do, and I don't always do a great job of making sure that need for him is met, and I'm not just talking about sex there, but also simple things like hand holding and the like. There have been a handful of times where he's just had a conversation with me about it, telling him how it makes him feel, etc, and asking for me to make simple concessions for him. It's a calm conversation where he focuses on HIS feelings and letting me know what he needs/would appreciate from me, and also is checking in with me on MY feelings to make sure there's nothing of note with me that has made me drop off on things. For me, I have ADHD and sometimes just genuinely go for a good period of time without even realizing I haven't done xyz with or for him that I usually try to think about, and him having that conversation with me gives me the ability to put those things back towards the forefront of my mind, because they aren't things that I don't ALSO enjoy, just things that I'm less effected by if they aren't happening.
I've seen you mention couples counseling, and that's definitely a good idea because it will help develop solid communication skills between you that work for you 2 specifically, but a calm conversation that's not blaming him but bringing up your needs and feelings while checking in with him and HIS needs and feelings would be a great start until you guys get in to someone.
Move out.
Let’s review: ?boyfriend isn’t seeking help for himself, his parents are doing it for him ?relationship has had multiple breaks (not a good sign) ? his mental state is very bad. He needs to deal with that himself and you can’t make that decision for him.
You care about him. Letting him go so he can tackle these issues is the best you can do. Considering the many doubts and red flags, and you guys are so young. You have so much to offer and moving somewhere and getting more serious is not the right call. You don’t have a strong foundation to make more serious moves.
Sometimes, posting to Reddit or asking friends is just to reaffirm what you feel inside: something is very wrong with this relationship and it needs to end.
You’ve got a bright future! You don’t need to waste ur early 20s with someone who needs to help themselves first, which is hot to do because you care so much about him, but in reality breaking up is the best you can do for him.
Makes perfect sense to me. Freaks out because his son's skin is darker, was rude to the Spanish guy…
Unless racism is a mental health crisis I think it's clear what this dude's issue is.
Why
Sounds like you need better boundaries for yourself.
This post is so hypocritical it's gross, it pretty much sounds like you bullied him into agreeing, enjoy your victory??? How is it okay for you not to want to change your name but him having reservations is wrong? I require my fiance to commit to taking my last name.It was always been expected of women to do so… It seems more then fair to start expecting men to It's astounding to me that you have so little awareness that you can't see that the toxic mindset you're complaining about is exactly how your behaving yourself. For someone who clearly wants to be progressive you are incredibly backwards
A 30 year old man with the maturity of a 22 year old is not someone any mother should want their child dating, though.
“Some people never mature” is not an argument in favour of dating these people. They're a nightmare to be with.
Refuse to ever see the sister again since she basically tried to sexually assault you.
Oof, he “misses raising their son together in the same house”? I think he means he doesn’t like being The Parent for 50% of the time and misses when he could tell his son to “go get mommy” when he needed anything.
Info: what caused him to get locked up for 20 (+????) Years? Yoy say he was a kid (but he was in his 20s when it happened) so I'd really like to know what kind of “harmless” thing he did
Considering that she lied to you about it for three years (by omission), how can you even trust that she told you everything?
It’s going to suck for a while. There’s nothing else for it. But when you look back, you’re going to be grateful that you didn’t build a life with this person.
And take it from someone who’s happily single in his early 30s, you’re so young and have so much ahead of you. Build a life you love on your own.
Being a wingman at a club means buying drinks and grinding on girls. I doubt you’re cool with that.
Guys go to a bar. If they want to wingman there, it means just talking to a girl, which is cool.
I totally get your position, but a guy going with his boys to the club isn’t comparable to a girl going with her gfs. If a guy in a relationship is going to a club with his boys, you should be worried.
I get women go to dance with each other, but you’re also stepping in the lions den. He knows what those guys are there for, and it definitely kicks his insecurities into high gear when you say “I want to go too”.
If she leaves you over this then consider it a blessing. Get a prenup.
Do yourself a favor, dont marry her, she will suck you dry (and im not talking about your dick)
Bro. The ring you got her is enough, is plenty, is generous. Her attitude towards your as-yet unearned money is disgusting. Her friends are on her side, of course they're gonna follow her lead. Listen, this is a very pivotal moment in both of your young lives. Sit your fiancee down & repeat that no about upgrading the ring, gently but firmly. You're proud of the one you gave her, you gave it to her with your whole heart, & if that's not enough for her, then maybe you need to take a beat & reconsider or postpone the wedding. Here's the key – your marriage is more important over time, than your wedding. She doesn't need a new ring, that's BS, & her punishing you for not rolling over for her right away is revealing. Think about it. Respectfully, a truly wonderful person wouldn't try to manipulate you this way. You shouldn't worry about “losing her” over this. Instead, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
This dynamic is what you're signing up for, for the rest of your life. Is this what you want?
A six-figure wedding?? Why?? I get that your new job comes with a certain level of social expectation but a party costing that much is kinda gross, tbh. You need to rein this excessive spending in. Is she all about sharing a long life with you or an Instagram-flashy status symbol wedding?
She sounds all about your money & whatever her qualities are, you would be a fool to not insist on a pre-nup, especially in California.
TL;DR?
Not wait for his wife’s permission to stop crushing his son’s spirit?
I honestly really don't know how many more conversations I have left in me to talk about the same issues. I trust her, and since we're in a LDR whenever I feel a little insecure or I overthink, I always let her know and ask for reassurance. She provides that. But whenever it comes to me and any other living being, she just absolutely throws everything out of the window and treats me as if she's caught me red-handed fucking somebody else. It's exhausting.
Wow, the bar is really low
Hoping he forgets? Really? That's a terrible idea.
Do you understand masculinity?
That’s manipulative. And would make me walk out on the relationship. Because I don’t see that as being a good person, I see that being someone who is stupid and isn’t thinking long-term about their future with a potential SO.
Yeah I get that it’s ‘lads banter’. He said he doesn’t want to be made butt of the joke just bc he’s dating his flatmate but I think he’s being too touchy. Like no one really cares that much we’re all adults?
What a gross human you have married. That’s seriously nasty. One step away from pooping in buckets and just leaving them around the house.
Bro, let me ask you something sincerely. Have you ever disclosed whether you are cis before sex?
Well firstly why are you going after a teenager weird ass, second she fucked up and there's no excuse for that bur you referring to her as a toy is such a childish mindset
I think it’s as simple as she’s working twice as much as you are for the same pay and she’s getting bitter about it. Some people are slaves to the “hours worked” lifestyle.
I want to and do fuck them so I cant answer that question to satisfy your indignation.
Lol there is no such law here. That is just silly. They’re not even legally married ?
@national you deleted your comment but
I didn't have an appointment but I had already waiting over 2 weeks to go to the hospital and they were the ones that kept pushing me to go saying that I needed an IV or something I wasn't convinced it was dehydrated but they kept saying it was. We were all supposed to hang out the night I went to the ER and they were already together when I said I needed to go it would've been easy for them to go with me
I do think I shouldn't have told Kylie anything about my relationship because that would've prevented all of this but she is my best friend I felt like I could tell her anything. I didn't think she would turn around and tell Emily…
I feel like that she betrayed me by saying something in the first place and on top of that they all ganged up on me and were passive aggressively saying that communication is important so we can work out issues. But it's not Jake's fault that he is bad at communicating he was going to bring up the issue when he had time to process it and they stole that chance from him and attacked me
“I don't know why she is treating me like this. Like I cheated on her. I love her and I wouldn't change our life for the world and it was just a suggestion that was supposed to be fun for the both of us and I don't know how many times I told her that it was just that.”
You did change your lives with the suggestion that you want to f*ck another woman. You did want to cheat on her: you were in fact asking for her permission to cheat on her. You did in fact not think this through clearly. Emotionally she has checked out of your marriage because you wanted to F*ck another woman. And therefore told her she is not enough for you.
I have no idea what guys are thinking when they suggest open relationship. If your wife is even only somewhat attractive, she will find a guy to have sex with in less than a hour on a Friday evening, while you will be looking for days and weeks and months for one single somebody. She will find another guy on Saturday evening while you are dating mother palm and her five daughters. What were you thinking, dude?
There is such a long way between hitting people and being perfect.
side eye
You don't confront him: you would be putting yourself in danger.
Bring this woman and all evidence to your local police department and create your file. Tell your husband nothing beforehand.
After assembling everyone at the department, get him to come down and join you.
Post is very simmilar
2 things can be true, it's weird af to try to go to a barber appt like you're his mom and maybe he's talking like a misogynist ah. I mean how he worded what they talk about is weird. If he's respectful of women, all women, normally then I'd chalk it up to odd wording and you need to de cling yourself.
And don't lump me in with those guys, if my girlfriend cheated on me with a woman she'd be an ex. It is generalizing, stop it.
She specifically said “many guys” not “all guys,” quit trying to make everything about you and your insecurities.
I'd also not be surprised if his “friend” kept those photos. Nothing in this sounds professional, appropriate or healthy.
For OP's marriage or friendships. Like I can't imagine this not going sideways or someone ELSE having seen those nudes.
I don’t think you should pester or beg someone to marry you. If you’ve had the conversation and he hasn’t done it, that means he doesn’t want to. He’s given you vague answers all these years because he doesn’t want to, you tried to force it due to your mom and he still doesn’t want to. Do you really want to force this man to marry you and online with knowing that you literally had to force him and pressure him? That’s not romantic and that’s not right.
Send him a break up text then Ghost him an work on your mental health l.
No trust = no healthy relationship. If he feels he has to hide who he sees socially, it's a bad sign.
Conflict is sometimes a good thing, boundaries are set and feelings are communicated. Hiding dumb shit is just needless stress. If he feels he has to hide to do the things he wants to do hes going to get resentful. And you may get resentful because he's hiding stuff.
Theres a world of difference between respecting privacy and intentionally doing thing behind your back.
He's trying to do it both ways which is just plain stupid too.
yes
Damn!!!!! ?
He’s saying 70 dates in 3 years is pretty impressive. Look at the positives.
Her finding out is in my control. I start acting different or moving sketchy. She has all access to my phone and like I’ve said many times I am the man I need to be for her all around. Financially & emotionally. The basics of a relationship are there with extra wifey treatment. There are 365 days a year and 5 of does days were spent with another women. Let’s be serious here.
Every guy who watches too much porn blames their antidepressants. They also pretend to not know what porn is.
I might be wayyy overthinking, but with the dead bedroom thing, this sounds super shady.
As in “she might be pregnant with an AP’a baby and say used your semen and got pregnant despite the dead bedroom” level sus ?
If she seriously thought her little dance and a speech praising her was more important than the birth of her sister, than I don't know what to say, OP.
Your eldest daughter sounds like a real winner and needs to learn to self sooth.
The lack of empathy for the situation on her part concerns me deeply on how she is going to behave around her sister.
Which one of those wants the other out of your life, though?
Your daughter has made it clear since the start she doesn't want you to have another woman in your life. The fact that she is angry at you at all when you stayed and took part in her wedding when her sister was being born is appalling. She is an adult but is still acting like a bitter, angry child. She has ZERO ground to stand on here.
I'm sorry OP, but you've tried and tried and tried to please your daughter, and it's still not good enough.
It's time for you to set boundaries, and if she wants to have a relationship with you, then she needs to put in the work now. she isn't a child or a teenager. she is fully capable of taking time to come see you, pick up the phone and call you, etc.
Right now, your priority needs to be the newborn that entirely depends on you and your wife. Your baby is FIRST priority. If your daughter wants to see you, great, but it can't conflict with you parenting oyur baby. If your wife needs the day off to go have for herself and your elder daughter wants you to drop everything to help her move or paint a room, you need to choose your second daughter and mind after her.
This is a shitty situation, but it's time to dig in your heels and set firm boundaries. If your daughter throws a fit and has a meltdown, well, I'm sorry but she's an adult and that's on her.
Focus on your wife and baby now.
She left the other guy because he was “eek” to her then.
It took her one year! (that's long) to get over his eekishness sleeping with other women.
They now have only superficial platonic contact every two weeks. They share worries/ tips while on job search.
That doesn't make that guy less eek and more yummy.
On the other hand OP is stuck in his argument because he was looking through her phone apparently.
I would think, the old thing is thorroughly over.
It also happens to me to dream about past bfs. Mostly not all too nice things.
She didn't elaborate, if she dreamt throwing abuse at his head whacking him with a noodle roll, of him walking with a slip on his head through the big mall nearby, or what.
I would let that rest. He is her past. OP is her future.
Yes, you are expecting too much.
Dude showed you who he was before your wedding and you still married him. Now your expect him to change. No girl, no sympathy here. You should've known better.
Again, you made your bed now lie in it. Your focus right now should be on your wife, not your “best friend”.
He got his number because we all were in a group chat. The friend didn’t know he’s my bf. So I initiated a conversation about him, instead of directly asking if she talks to him. And she showed me stuff herself. I don’t wanna get out of the guilt or penalty of my actions by finding an opportunity. Both the things happened around the same time, like he was trying to get back at me.
And nothing I said when I was blacked out was genuine, I was baffled when I heard it. Because I find my bf to be the most attractive person out there, and do love him with all my heart. And I don’t have a history of cheating.
Despite all I’m taking his calls, where he’s doing nothing but yelling at me for an hour because him talking to my friend and lying about it is same as me talking to my male friends, which I’m transparent about. Because he is going through a stressful time and is taking it all on me.
Also, I feel this might be relevant here. My bf isn’t someone who apologises right away for his mistakes. If I get mad at him, he’ll be mad at me and will argue. He usually comes back around after 4-5 days. He’s not perfect and neither am I, but I’m hoping to make things work.
Hope it gives more context.
Trying to convince someone with BPD of something, when they are having an episode is impossible. Also, don't treat the episode as real, it's not, it's their disorder.
Is she in therapy at all?
I'll talk with her. I don't think she cheated, but she wants some chance in her online as there's a lot of professional pressure and this guy talks about all kinds of nice things to do.
It’s called birth control because it turns you into a raging monster nobody wants to have sex with
Stop leading your bf on.
Yes of course! I want my standards to be realistic! I under you won’t be able to text back all day everyday that’s not possible. But do I expect my partner to make me a priority like I’m going to make him one? Absolutely. Am I willing to compromise? 100 percent but the kid thing and my partner not being faithful and lusting after other women are things I’m not willing to compromise on.
You are not obligated to stay. If it's too much, it's sadly just too much.
lol you’re good I didn’t even know I made the mistake. Thank you for telling me!
Sounds like your girlfriend is in a phase of rediscovering what her Asian identity means as she learns more about the nuances of systemic racism, the racism that is built into institutions and programs. I'm Asian myself, and I went through this exact phase when I was her age. That was seven years ago for me.
The best thing you can do is be supportive in acknowledging that yes, as a white person, you lack an experience that she has as an Asian person. You should also encourage her to read more anti-racist authors and go out of your way to find some. The amount of racism in the world, especially anti-Asian racism on the American continent, can be staggering. I was certainly overwhelmed the more I read about Executive Order 9066 in the US, or the propaganda comparing Chinese immigrants to plague rats. What helped me even out was reading more and stabilizing my perspective with knowledge. She'll get there too with consistent learning. However avoid being overly defensive – that will only make it worse for her.
Also as an Asian person I want to express (ha) that I eat Panda Express myself, sometimes. Is it great? No. But it's fast and it's cheap. Regardless, don't treat this like an argument you're trying to win. Treat this as a sensitive moment of personal growth in both of your lives. You are young and starting to grapple with a very complex, adult issue. It's not easy to understand, and everyone and their mother has an opinion they'll try to shove down your throat. This will take patience and time, not just in this relationship but in your individual lives.
So you're not allowed to have a life before her? So many red flags
You already tested his loyalty once before and he broke it, why do you need to do it again?
Make a decision and either leave or stay, but don't keep on trying to bait him like this.
You already tested his loyalty once before and he broke it, why do you need to do it again?
Make a decision and either leave or stay, but don't keep on trying to bait him like this.
You already tested his loyalty once before and he broke it, why do you need to do it again?
Make a decision and either leave or stay, but don't keep on trying to bait him like this.
I agree. He is pretending it’s about 1. But really it’s about 3. / 4.
I can't speak for everybody, but my weekends book up fast with activities for the kids or family obligations, social commitments, chores/errands. . . So if I have 25 percent less time to pick from that makes it even harder. Does OP literally have every weekend she isn't camping just totally open?
So you didn’t actually tell him directly that you wanted him to come to bed and you don’t think you’re responsible for communicating. Got it. That’s not going to work out for you very well. Most people aren’t psychic.
And are still married, why?
How much does your boyfriend weigh? That's how much weight you need to lose.
That is what I said word for word. I can see how they could take ‘y’all’ as a targeted insult, but I had meant it to be a group question for all three. Still definitely could have worded the question better in hindsight.
This man is abusive. Please OP get you and your baby out of this situation. A lot of times men don’t show abusive behaviour until the woman is pregnant or after she gives birth. This seems like what’s about to happen.
He's cheating or trying to. That's what it sounds like.
You’re in an abusive relationship, do you have somewhere safe you can go?
Geez..get everything u and the baby need and GO..AND YOUR COMMENT IS SPOT ON..he is not going to stop to consider that baby is there…too young? NO..NOT TOO YOUNG U IDIOT
Yes I agree with this. I think the porn hurt her. And she might think it was “instead of her.” I struggled with this and my husband gave up porn. Still once I caught him jerking off in the shower and that also hurt. My friend was over and he didn’t know how long she’d be over so he just took care of it himself.
Women get sensitive sometimes (as I’m sure men do) and we think that we’re not good enough when things like this happen. You guys will need to have a real, deep talk about this and your mutual expectations going forward.
This is sooo sad. I was hoping everyone was wrong but this whole thing is sad.
The level of trust that was broken!
None of this is his decision though. She didn’t ask him to pick her up that night and she doesn’t need to compromise because he is being unreasonable.
My partner and I will sometimes stay for a weekend at one of our city's nice hotels. Helps break up the monotony of daily life, especially if your daily life is as busy as ours. Like a mini vacation without spending thousands of dollars and using PTO.
Words cannot adequately express what a heartless pile of shit this man is. This dude is trash and you don’t need him, please yeet his ass into the shadow realm and go find better people to include in your life. A literal trash can would be an improvement.
“He says you did, you say you didn't. One of you is lying. If it's him, we move on and you never speak to him again. If it's you, we move on and never speak to each other again.”
If you read my post you'd know I'm not cheating or even proposing an open relationship. Thanks for reading and giving such thoughtful discourse ? additionally, your assumption that it's “very acceptable” (and I'm assuming that you're implying that means its easy) to be queer is so… Wrong. There is so much work to be done for queer folks, even in “acceptable” societies.
Learn what you can, update your resume, and start looking. Companies do this A LOT and often times there is little you can do besides move on. If you ask for a raise expect dead air. I say this from experience.
People who aren't racist are not fucking comfortable being around racists who drop slurs all the time.
And your boyfriend drops a high amount of rent to online in his pal's house? He clearly makes bad decisions with regard to that friend and you are always going to come second to Steve.
Yea not so sure. There’s that famous saying that if 10 Nazis sit down at a table and an 11th person sits down that you have 11 nazis
It is not normal. In fact, without consent, it is a fucking crime. (Sexual assault) Sharing the pics is a separate, just as severe crime, as well. I would make it clear that if he is stupid enough to keep them, or share them, you will file a police report and fuck his life up before it ever even starts.
Thank you!! Exactly my point
Facts.
She knows honey, he’s been showing her!
You married a child.
Friendship is over, daisy wants your husband and right now she is doing damage control. Your husband didn’t stop it right away. You’re playing with fire if you keep her in your life cause she doesn’t love or care about you. She was willing to risk it all when she thought Steve would say yes. Do not give her a second chance to shoot her shot. Also gage your husband, and maybe get therapy because he should have immediately texted her I love my wife and I would never cheat on her please stop what every it is you are thinking.
He's untrustworthy. Get out of this relationship.
It was pretty darn foolish to move there after only an LDR in the first place.
You need serious time with a psychologist. Before you throw away a man who loves you
And you married this woman? Man.
She had gotten out of a pretty serious relationship right before we initially got together and I believe that’s why she was pulling back I think she still had feelings for the other man and wasn’t trying to commit fully to me then got pregnant. But had been telling me we were moving too fast.
It was a senseless argument that got started because our son was crying in the middle of the night that just went a little too far verbally
She seems to want me around and tells she does and tells me how she feels and that wants to be a me but apparently her mother isn’t on board and that’s what is kinda getting in the way in a sense or was until all of a sudden she wants to try but it makes it hot because I can’t be in her mothers house and she lives there with my son.
I personally don’t think we have any true issues! That’s why it’s confusing to me. We disagree at times and may have an argument but nothing too serious at all.
Sorry I’m new to asking for any type of advice I appreciate the reply
Some people feel so insecure about themselves they need to crush every happinness one may have.
Or they just don't want anyone else to be happy but themself.
Once my boyfriend was happy about seeing some very old wine bottle papers hidden in the wall while they were doing renovating the house. After seeing my boyfriend' excitement, he took the wine papers from his hands and destroyed them. For what? I really don't know. Reminds me of that. He didn't like my boyfriend to be happy it seems.
Says the person that types like they were kicked in the head by a horse. Sure.
You should give him a hint or something like that.
You said he has trouble remembering important events, so more than likely he means no harm if he doesn’t remember.
I went through something very similar with an ex and my mother whom I was estranged from at the time(she's dead now so ya know, slightly less estranged) and he decided it would be good for us to talk. Not because I said I wanted or needed to, I actively always said no, and honestly to this day(11years later) aside from because it made him look like a hero, I have no idea why. It literally only served him and only aesthetically bc at that moment he became unsafe for me. He was no longer someone I could trust, believe in, expect to support me or even trust that I knew what was best for me.
It made me regret so many moments after it with him. I didn't even feel like I could speak up about things because it obviously didn't matter to him. It's manipulative. It's controlling. It's hurtful.
You chose to believe the person that caused him harm over him. You chose his abusers words over him. You decided how you felt meant more and negated his lived experiences, his traumas, his life. I hope he moves on, heals and finds someone that loves, honors, respects and trusts him. I don't give a shit what happens to you.
I think it’s fine, you’re a single mum, so probably a bit more mature than others your age.
Just take things slow, don’t combine finances or move in together at the start.
Everywhere I've worked that has Friday night drinks, usually at a nearby bar, the colleagues would head over together and partners would drift in, some coming to pick up colleague and say a quick hello, others joining us for a drink then the couple head off, others staying on. We always welcomed others.