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My opinion. What else?
He lying. He's not lying. I don't know if he is or isn't.
I choose he's not lying.
Throw down a tarpaulin and some visqueen and then end the relationship
Nah not rape at all, but is heavy regret that set in for her. What you should tell her is to not destroy a man’s life for her mistakes and either get help with drinking or not drink at all because according to your comments this seems like a trend with how she has sex which is a dangerous thing in of itself let alone her ready to claim rape should she regret her actions afterwards. Honestly your friend just sounds like a HUGE red flag that men need to stay away from until she sorts herself out and gets that drinking in check
You just answered all of your own questions right here
Perfect, out he goes. He is abusing you and it will only get worse from here. Good luck OP.
Well said!
Thank you kind stranger. Hopefully with time.
hahaha
I'm ok with paying more than 50% in a relationship but no way I would pay for someone specifically to look a certain way. I dont think it's unreasonable to find a successful woman who looks after herself that also wants the same in return.
Also I'm not looking for someone 110lbs. Even when wife was 130lb, I was ok with it. It was when she let herself go after that and didnt seem interested in my wants or needs even with everything else she is getting from me.
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OP I'm not gonna tell you to shoot your shot but you need to get this off your chest. Even If it's just to let it die. You need to close this chapter or open it the fuck up. But honestly, would you care if you told him and he left your mutual friend for you or would you feel like shit. All I'm saying is you need to clear your shit
I know everybody is giving OP shit for not saying anything but feelings are confusing. We all make mistakes. This is not a sub to trash somebody who's fallen in love. Yes it's your fault for never having said anything before , but your feelings are entirely your own. All this bullshit people are saying about not shooting your shot because omg you never said anything before are cowards. You have one life. If he is the one then you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Let him know and then let him go. If he wants to come back and if he feels the same then he'll let you know, otherwise it's over. Atleast you'll have closure, atleast you'll know you tried. You are the main character of your life and if you're going to listen to people on reddit on how you should on-line your life then listen to this. Life is unpredictable. I've seen people come back from things that are unthinkable, but if there's love, then there's a reason. And no love is wasted. If he's your one then you should tell him, and if he doesn't feel the same then that's his choice and his decision. Then you can let him go. But this hope will kill you, and keeping him around as a friend who you're in love with will also slowly kill you. It's toxic , it's unhealthy and it's not right. So be honest. You can't go wrong with that. And if everything goes to shit atleast you listened to your heart, and you won't have any regrets.
And? This is relationship advice so your question is?
Because he has either very low self esteem or no other options.
tl;dr mind ur own business
What does he play on?
Tell him to quit being a gross child
dont care about her, just as simple as that. she is nothing but a burden in your life so i recommend you free yourself from that burden
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I met my husband on tinder. We talked for a whole month before meeting.
Everyone, unfortunately, is different. I was exceedingly wary about anyone who wanted to meet right away. I wanted to make sure we could have a conversation first. I found people who wanted to meet and not talk couldn't really communicate in a way I wanted and often just wanted to get physical.
You mentioning meeting and then her slowing down likely means she doesn't have an intention of meeting you… or you could always ask.
Great advice on how to waste your 30s.
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It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact. There is no way for it not to be an authority figure’s fault. This man has control over her grades, like get real.
Keep your head up king here your drop this ? now don’t drop it again know your own worth
You can't wake up early because you are too tired.
You can't change people's built in circadian rhythms though. If you're an early bird then trying to change your bedtime to 12am is just going to make you miserable, and vice versa. I physically cannot go to sleep before like 11pm unless I'm exhausted or jet lagged. It's not as simple as refusing to wake up early because one person is too undisciplined to just go to bed early. For a lot of people a 9pm bedtime is just not gonna happen.
For 8 months he still acted as if he wanted me
I’m “give ‘em a taste of their own medicine” petty so I’d mention that no-one’s ever 100% happy with their partner, and that everyone has something they’d change about them but most don’t mention it because they’re too polite and kind so they pretend their partner is “just perfect” She will immediately ask what you would change about her, reply that she is “Just Perfect” with the exact same inflection as the way you said it earlier. When she feels annoyed, say the way she is feeling is the way she made you feel, she can take you like you are or you can both break up.
Or you can not play games and tell her to go fuck herself.
Relationships you have at 18 rarely go the distance, don’t be too upset if it doesn’t work out
All about sex and how very hot it is for you…
Like to hear your wife's version.
Do you pull your load in the matting or just want to shoot your load?
You made him the priority and he made himself the priority. That doesn’t work in a relationship. It’s time to walk. Focus on yourself and your kids and let him be the turd he wants to be. If you stay with him you’re letting your unfounded negative self worth hold you back. You are a provider, a mother, a strong woman who can easily on-line a better life without this dead weight.
This would be a relationship ender for me. If my boyfriend was supposed to come to Christmas Eve dinner with my family and they expected him there and he decided to go to a football game instead and then have basically 24 hours of radio silence I would be mortified and livid. Doesn’t matter what excuse he tries to give you, you deserve so much better. Someone invested in you, that truly loves you, would have either stayed home preparing for the meal or gone to the football game and limited his drinking so he’d still have plenty of time to get home and wash up / change clothes and make it to the dinner on times. Maybe he is young and just doesn’t know better but that tells me he isn’t ready to be in a relationship at the level you are wanting.
I think you’re right. I’m just worried about what her family might think if she were to move back home. I’m not sure we’d have the potential for a future together, ever. Her dad might think I can’t take care of her. Idk.
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Sexless whatever. You said he has diabetes and seems it isn't managed at all? Diabetes is unfortunately one of those things that is mentally taxing to manage properly, but if he doesn't he will have to face the consequences earlier and damage already done is not recoverable.
If his interest in managing diabetes is this low it isn't a good sign for his interest in managing kidney failure which is a way bigger pain in the ass to deal with and inevitable result of bad diabetes management.
Okay just for some background, some months ago, we were at a bar about to leave and she told an acquaintance of ours, who neither of us know very well, “We gotta leave, I’m gonna go get laid!” And she pulled me into her. I just went “Yeesh” and she turned to me on our way out the door and said “I’m leaving right now without you! Please don’t shame me!” And she walked out. I chased after her and managed to salvage the evening, but that was the first time I felt like this would become a problem.
On xmas eve, she said, “I’ve got tiny Trump hands, which is good because it makes cocks look bigger.” But that actually didn’t bother me that much. It was much later in the night when we were all very drunk and she told a close friend of mine, “I’ve had ThrowRAFela’s cock in mouth!” The next day I told her that made me cringe and didn’t understand why she said that because it wasn’t even a joke.
Double of a relatively affordable amount is not a lot.
yes, you need to learn to cook. if, god forbid, you lose your job and ever have to spend time away from your wife, you’ll need to be able to fend for yourself. or just to help with the workload in the event you suddenly can’t afford to order out every day.
You're full of shit, I'm full of shit. Every living creature that eats food produces gas as a byproduct of that. The fact you find farming gross shows you haven't grown up since preschool. It's natural and there is nothing wrong with it. God I would hate to know someone like you. I don't think any adult I have ever met irl shares your opinion because it's so ridiculous.
So the white noise machine goes outside your door and it's not loud enough to where the therapist would hear it but it will make it impossible for your gf to hear acting you and your therapist are discussing
Yeah if your rules are “never lie or it's over” good luck.
Some days I'm just not up for an argument. And will lie to you to avoid that. Life's stressful enough without having to deal with your insecure bullshit.
Nah. He wants to tomcat around. That's not your fault, and there's no amount of good-girlfriending that can fix that. Throw him back, this one sucks.
Ok got it
You got lots of good advice in this thread.
My 2 cents would be to tell your friends, get a restraining order, then ghost
Well you’ve got to wear it for your whole life so I’ll default to your opinion here. You’re not a trophy case to flaunt his future wealth on.
Some other options to look into are family rings, alternative stones, artificial diamonds, and used rings. If you’re paying for your own wedding you could also spend X amount extra over him so it’s his money going to the ring and your money going to the wedding if that feels right to him. Maybe it’ll just take going to the ring store and checking out the options in his and your budget to come to a compromise.
Your partner deserves your honesty. Discuss with them.
Yeah..he just treats me so good and triggers my daddy issue
I don’t know how this guy sees you, but it is odd for him to send mixed signals.
I want to give him the Benefit of the doubt here. Sometimes guys say dumb things and they don’t mean any harm, especially when they really like someone but him doing this is just weird to me.
I would trust him when he says he's trying not to overwhelm you. He is cautious and it makes sense that he would be. He isn't trying to keep you from seeing your daughter, he is just trying to make sure you both are safe. Sounds like he's doing a great job.
That's a great point! Thank you!
She waits to tell you after now she’s entitled to half your shit. If you can’t work through it consult a divorce lawyer.
Except that he's been lying and hiding in for 13 years. He lied and denied it the day the “friend” spilled the beans. Pretty fucking recent.
Condoms were definitely yours.
You don't have to read anything, she told you that she doesn't trust you!
I think you’d be better off focusing on how you feel about her and what your hopes for the relationship are. I know it’s a risk to be that vulnerable, especially given that you know about her dating app profiles, but you’d make her feel safe enough to share openly where she stands as well. Stick with „I-statements“ and speak from your heart, but try to avoid observations and assumptions about her. It might not be at all what you think, and it might come across negatively. When you’re done, just look at her and let her talk. My bet is you’ll know exactly how she feels after that.
May I recommend The Anxiety Workbook? It's on Amazon, it's pretty widely sold. But don't keep asking other people to relieve your anxiety. Eventually you will drive them away. You need to work it out on your own.
That sucks. I like to flip a coin. If you’re happy with the answer you usually take the first flip. If not you go for best out of 3. It lets your subconscious speak to you. Just do what would feel right if you weren’t afraid of anything. You’ll feel better once a decision is made. Be honest with yourself and be honest with her and you’ll be okay either way. if you really love her, what are you waiting for? Something better? You don’t want to waste your time if you’re wrong for eachother too. Good luck.
Your guy sounds like a total loser with absolutely no regard for your feelings. I don’t see a way through this unless he admits to a lot of things and works to change.
That said, I’m not saying you need to do this, but you mentioned never being able to look a certain way again… and that’s partially bullshit.
I have a good friend who, like you, was naturally petite and fit looking and her first baby changed that pretty drastically. She gave up on ever looking a certain way again. (Which is totally fine, once again) then she had a SECOND baby and within months said fuck that defeatist mindset, I’m going to look thin and fit again. So she did it. And she looks better now than she did when she was young and thin, IMO. I also know people who were NEVER fit looking, always heavier, who choose to become fit after pregnancy for the first time in their lives. Takes some dedication, but also not as very hot as many make it out to be.
Fitness is absolutely attainable for essentially everyone, barring some very rare health conditions. But for weight, reminder it is about ninety percent diet.
However if you do choose that path, choose it for yourself. Ava preferably without this dead weight next to you. Making your next bikini photo torture him for his poor life choices works be particularly good revenge. But whatever you do, just do it for yourself.
She's been friends with them before she started dating you. You need to chill out.
She can have guy friends. If you want to get to know them, ask her if you can join in on a game and meet her friends. Asking her not to hang out with any men is just ridiculous.
The one I'm referring to as his main account us the one which has all the friends from college, it has everyone, except peopl from work. It's Not a public account. Both are private accounts
I've told guy and some chick's for that matter the I'm not interested and married with children and still continue to get harassed by them. Until it's a matter of me saying if you don't back the f… off I'm gonna do something drastic. So yeah it IS THAT VERY HOT!!!!
I've told guy and some chick's for that matter the I'm not interested and married with children and still continue to get harassed by them. Until it's a matter of me saying if you don't back the f… off I'm gonna do something drastic. So yeah it IS THAT VERY HOT!!!!
Are you willing and able to pay her an allowance?
Would you be fine with dating someone that will only continue to date you if you give them money? If not, don’t pay her the money and if she leaves then she leaves.
Look, here's the thing:
I've been with my wife for nine years. Things are a little tense right now. We have an 18-month-old and my wife is still struggling with postpartum depression, and she's also deeply disillusioned with her work. The result is vast amounts of moping and small amounts of sex. We had some major fights, and I had to quit a hobby group we enjoyed together — or, at least, were supposed to enjoy together, but she couldn't stand the way I wanted to approach it. I've had to link up with a different group, allowing her to keep the one I personally built. Both of our kids are sick: the older woke me up at 3:30 the other night vomiting all over his bed, and the younger one kept me up for so much of November that I might as well have just not slept for a week straight. And, of course, my wife is too tired, too lonely, too depressed, to ever let me get to bed at a reasonable time: late nights are the only time she can spend with her friends, and that's obviously more important than things like me not dying of sleep deprivation. So I don't sleep, I don't get to spend time with her, and I barely have the emotional energy to think about the fact that, oh yeah, I've been unemoployed since June, I should probably do something about that. Maybe after I finish recovering my sleep debt, which at this rate will only take until January of next year.
What's stopping me from just giving up and going somewhere else, where I could actually on-line like a human being?
Some of it is my kids… But only some of them. They've both left that “ultra-young, ultra-cute” stage and have since reached the “ultra-annoying, I-know-everything, No I don't want that bottle, I can't believe you would offer it to me, and I can't believe you would take it away from me because I do want that bottle, give it back right now” stage. They have no personality beyond “Fuck You You Fucking Fuck” and it's getting a weeeeee bit tiresome. No, the main reason I stay is because if I left my wife now I could never have her back. And I married her because I want her in my life. When the chips are down and the buffalo is empty, I choose to be with her.
Your times aren't tough and you already aren't choosing either of your guys.
That should tell you all you need to know.
A good thing to remind your husband: “You can do the same things with a girl child that you can do with a boy child.”
My parents wanted a boy, called me a “he” the whole time my mom was pregnant, bought baby boy clothes and toys before I was born, and had a boy name picked out for me.
When I came out as a girl, they picked a girl name from a shitty 80s movie but basically still raised me like a boy. I’m actually really glad they did. Doing traditional “boy stuff” with your kids will get them further in life than dolls and sparkles.
“Boy stuff” my dad did with me: learning mechanic work at a young age, carpentry, gardening, fishing, hunting, teaching me that being strong and able bodied was far more important than being “pretty”, wakeboarding and barefooting, driving boats, backing trailers, and not taking shit from nobody/standing up for yourself and protecting others.
Im still “feminine” but all these things really made an impact on my confidence and self respect.
pull up with all that alpha energy you have. you beat him once , right? just do it again lol
What advice are you looking for?
I'm simply trying to say that couples should talk things out with each other though and that there is rarely any one person in the right.
That's not what you said though. If that's what you're “trying” to say, you should try harder, because it's not even close to what you actually said.
Ok I’m going to give you some thoughts from a different angle. Let’s drop the blame game it isn’t getting either of you any where. This is about a lot more than work and a spa day. You say your looking for new housing. Stop
Before you look at new housing you have to fix your relationship and communication. Now without blaming or yelling the two of you need to sit down and discuss what happened. She’s not that upset over 1 day of missed work or going to a spa. She needs to tell you why she’s feeling overwhelmed. In specific terms and without blaming you. You also need to tell her why having that day together, without blaming her or yelling, meant so much to you. What you were trying to accomplish and why you felt her. Without blaming her. All that anger coming from both of you is really frustration and hurt. Why are both of you so frustrated and hurt? That is the primary question. You need to figure that out before moving into a new place or go to therapy and do it. But if you get that new place with your relationship so strained you’ll never make it to the end of the lease and be in a bigger mess.
Either fix this without blaming and yelling at each other or split up.
Everyone reacts differently to things. His reaction could’ve come from a place of “how dare you accuse me of the very thing I told you I hate, and have experienced myself.” Id be angry too and I’ve never cheated in my life.
You need to go else you are impliedly opening the door for them to have alone time.
Anywhere she is, make sure you are blocking her view of him
Either way, our situation is coming to an end as I’m moving across the country. He did mention if he was able to move, he would have liked to come with me and that he plans on visiting me as soon as he can. The relationship discussion we had started when he found out I was having sex with other men and I told him, I would only be monogamous in a committed relationship. He wanted to go on dates and see if we clicked. And while we did click we both said our lives were too hectic for anything serious.
I don’t doubt that, I’ve seen it in my friends who have had kids before and since I’ve had mine. And I’m envious of them but it’s my reality to come to terms with. It’s inspiring to know that there’s happiness out there still
If you acted like a step-mom and they were teenagers when you married, his logic makes no sense. It will create a wedge between all of the kids. Also, I'm going to assume you did all of the woman gender role. Or did you only make dinner and do laundry for your own kids? Did you only drive your sons places? Maybe, retroactively charge your husband for your step-mother role since he doesn't consider you a parent of his son, but more like someone who did chores.
If you had married 2 years ago and you all brought 50% into it, it would be different, but you didn't.
Also, if he has a medical problem and you need money, I'm guessing only his own son has to provide financial support and care. You shouldn't spend your own money and your sons shouldn't be asked for their time and support, right?
His logic can be taken to pretty unsavory extremes.
Good luck.
I know it's not what you're asking for advice on, but why are you still (or again) together as a couple in the first place?
If you know your girlfriend would like to get married, and you know you would like to get married too but not to her, then the relationship seems kind of pointless from an outside perspective.
I have to say it happens to us sometimes in emotionally charged moments. But when it happens we both know it's time for a time-out, we both need to calm down and we both also apologize for shouting.
So I don't think raising your voice is necessarily end of the world. But doing it repeatedly, swearing etc the way OP describes, yeah that's a BIG YIKES.
Stop having sex with him. He is just manipulating you.
Jesus, what are these responses? Did a bunch of Mormons brigade this place?
OP, most reasonable people don’t think like your gf. It is totally reasonable to want sex PIV sex in an adult relationship. There’s not a lot you can do about your sort of gfs unfounded anxiety, other than break up with her. From the sound of it, I’m not sure this would be a great relationship even if you guys were sexually compatible.
Update: now he doesn’t wear a ring to work…
I mean, you're probably onto something there. Have you asked her if she considered the two of you to be exclusive after 3 weeks? Maybe there was a big miscommunication. Or maybe she wasn't sure then but is now. I think it's up to you as to whether you can on-line with either scenario though
I know but i love her and she reassures me she loves me, just her actions confise me
Mutually assured destruction is the opposite of what I am advocating. I am advocating developing trust over a period of time and then maintaining it, in the absence of any objective reasons for suspicion. Once someone has shown themselves to be trustworthy, why would you suspect them unless you have some sort of new information?
If you think your partner may have cheated on you and is planning to hide it from you and make you raise another man’s baby, and you think that’s a high enough chance that you want to take a paternity test, KNOWING the damage that will do to the relationship, that’s obviously your perogative. But that is a very serious demonstration of laco of trust on your part, and it’s entirely reasonable for her to say “I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who would suspect me of that.”
What advice are you looking for?
Impossible to say. Yes, it could mean he's checked out of your relationship… But you have a newborn. It's normal for first-time parents to be completely overwhelmed at that time.
That being said, I want to know more about what your relationship was like before you had a baby. For that matter, what's the division of labor like right now? Your post makes it sound like you're following the baby 24/7, which is absolutely ridiculous; he should be way, way, way more involved, regardless of the fact that you're on FMLA and he isn't. (Why aren't the two of you trading overnight feedings so that each of you can get longer segments of consecutive sleep? I mean, assuming that works: if one of you has insomnia and can't go back to bed for another 4 hours, it makes sense for the other one to do all the nighttime feedings. Now you know why I haven't gotten much sleep for the last 19 months.) To be clear, none of this conflicts with my previous statement — it's overwhelming as all heck; and, even with what seems to be a comparatively reduced workload, it could be that your husband feels completely swamped. But I'd still question this division of labor.
We have a belief in our culture that good parents are dedicated parents — that the proper way to parent is to have no other identity. This is not only wrong, it's backwards. As you've just discovered, self-care is incredibly important; it's the foundation of being a good parent. So, while I wouldn't be pointing fingers or lofting accusations, I would point out to him that putting your relationship, as husband and wife, off to one side in favor of the child is fundamentally harmful to the marriage and therefore to the child by proxy. And, if you've been doing the same — which would be understandable; a child is still overwhelming — this would be a good opportunity to confront that and question it.
Best wishes, and happy belated birthday!
I'm confused – is this a couples friendship? Or is OP only friends with the wife of the other couple, and the four of them do not socialize?
If it's the four of them – would you meet up with a husband and wife as friends and act if everything is peachy if you knew one of them is cheating on the other? That sounds messed up.
Similarly, if you have a spouse who has a friend who is stepping out on their spouse, not because they found the love of their life in their affair partner, but because they are love starved and need some on the side, I think it would be kind of marital malpractice to let your spouse “hang out” with that “friend”.
She said he would refuse to wear condoms. So that either means sex without or no sex.
As someone who has also been NC with a parent for the entirety of a 4 year relationship I made it very clear to my partner why I was no contact. He comes from a stable home with two wonderful parents. He’s never pressured me into meeting her because I was very clear on the things that lead me to be no contact. Communication with the person you are discussing marriage with should be easy.
I hope so. Truly. It was the “this is the third and last time I’m telling you to stop … Please stop, it is done.” And the stuff about you (allegedly) breaking your word about going to the gym and running into her. Gave me the willies for you. I just thought if she takes things out of context with law enforcement, how that could initially be perceived when she’s crying that you won’t leave her (and her child) alone. ?
I know you’ve chronicled a lot here. But write everything down. In detail. Dates, quotes, everything. I realize that won’t be the most fun you’ve ever had, but doing it now while it’s all fresh in your mind may help you later. Save all texts, emails, etc. Change all your passwords. Make sure she has no access to misrepresent you. Please take care! ?
Well i don't know how you expect people to give you advice on a post that doesn't exist.
Ah yes the incredibly sensible reply to something I wasn’t arguing about at all.
I was speaking about two marginalized communities who were both affected heavily during the holocaust, and who are now currently being affected in the exact same way in modern society.
And that means he’s a crap therapist if you are his client. It’s illegal in fact to be screwing your patient.
Yall should just divorce and move on to other people. Life is too short for all that bullshit.
Dumbass
Confirm this is all true First. Maybe he's a stalker. Maybe she's a liar. Find out which, then act accordingly.
A girl with no streets smarts, no empathy for why you did what you did, makes it about her, claims you were rude? yeh leave.
Your first mistake was going back to the hood lol Leave that shit behind man, don't hang around people who pull silly shit like that over hurt egos. Your gf may not be the sharpest but can't blame her if she has no experience with it. She's focusing on the wrong thing but you inadvertently put her in a situation she was not prepared for.
Three weeks in and she is already dictating orders for you and deciding on the amount of dog visits Ex gets (which is likely something you and ex decided together on)
Honey, and I say this with all sincerity, you DO need to cut ties, but not with your ex. Cut ties with the control freak you just started dating. I promise you won’t regret it.
Thankyou!
Neutral towards people not being discriminated against? It's called being pro-discrimination.
There are medical conditions that dramatically increase the risk of miscarriage.
Do you really need him to propose?
I mean….if he doesn't but says he would marry you, you could either propose to him. Or skip the proposal, talk to him and you both agree on a date for the wedding and start preparations.
Yes, I think there's a saying “Be nice to people on the way up, as you might meet them again on the way down.”
I love how it's also somehow only on the parent to provide this info in these people's minds. Everyone in these comments going “I'm childfree, so this would be a deal-breaker” is asking like they can't ask the person they're dating if kids are something they want. Like…it's just as important to state early on that you don't want kids, as it is to state you do, or that you have them. But nooooooo, not in these commentors eyes!
Why did you make me do the math?!?
I genuinely think some people just can't let go, they're so afraid of moving on that they cling to toxic or abusive relationships. Unfortunately no one can make them leave even if it's what's best for them.
You didn’t only say that you felt rejected. You called him an asshole.
I just dropped my comment in the wrong spot. You are spot on
Consent can be withdrawn at any time, even partway through. However, I’d really not do this
Nobody can force your bf to marry anyone he doesnt want to.
Tell him to be mature and adamant to his family on who he wants to be with.
Just cautioning you tho, your bf is the key person in this situation, if he breaks to pressure either now or when you both are finally married, there goes your relationship.
He is the one who needs to stand up and make decisions, be a man and responsible for his life and also you as his future bride.
Looking at his personality, do you think he can do this?
Are you saying your wife is not your best friend? But another woman is?
I know how this story ends.
He was really sorry about the fact that you woke up and he had to stop?
You really need to add this comment to your main posting. It really emphasizes his twisted attitude towards you.
So just to be clear: are you saying that you on-line somewhere where deliveries are uncommon, so when your gf asked for the right address you gave her directions but maybe made it sound in the text like you weren’t sure those directions were right? And then your gf broke up with you, seemingly because you weren’t confident in your directions? Because if so, then either a) this was a pretense to break up with you and she was just looking for an excuse, or b) you are missing/not explaining some element of this interaction.
No, I wouldn't date a 36 old man who never had a relationship and only fucked hookers whenever he pleased.
No, not how it’s written ahahah I meant that they went there for? Winter sports? Yet no mention of snow related activities or anything but drinking beer. I can bet what you want that that reunion is not a skiing event… More like a sausage party with only one potato.
We’ve been doing therapy for months and part of our homework is getting each other involved with our interest. Like I’m a way to better know each other. This is the first time he’s said anything like this which is what REALLY caught me off guard. Usually he’s kinda interested or will give input, but all of a sudden this…. I’ve been suspecting narcissistic behavior for a while. There’s just too many instances where his feelings are prioritized over anything
When you were dating his daughter, you were his daughter's boyfriend. Now that you aren't, he see's you as just another lad he could potentially befriend. It was also probably just as awkward for him to start a conversation with you as it would have been for you to start one with him. He made the first move, he sounds like a decent dude.
You have two main options. 1) You hire a lawyer and legally evict her. 2) If you’re in an apartment, break lease and leave. Go find your own place and force her out of your life.
Sorry but your girlfriend is the one into much younger partners, not you. Get rid of her, she’s weird, Netflix loves you more anyway.
The fact you were afraid to speak up in the first place place because you didn't want to “annoy him” pretty much says he has you pretty beaten down.
You can either continue to allow him to disrespect you and wait for him to toss you aside, which he will at some point. Or you can stop doubting yourself and dump him. I vote strongly to dump.
She broke things off and hasn't been responding to your messages, I think that's pretty clear that she doesn't want you there for her. Tbh, with how you've been handling this crisis so far, you don't sound emotionally mature to offer her the support she deserves.
Of course and I wouldn't go against her wish but she doesn't know when to tell her either! That's why I asked…
Lol I don't hate her – I don't even know her personally, I can't emit such a quick judgment. She's probably cool if they dated. It's the relationship between them that I find strange. And yes I know it's a personal problem, hence why I asked if it's better to just break up since I'm the one feeling this way.
A year ago, I was talking to a guy that I wanted to meet on a dating app. Out of the blue, he told me that I could never expect to be more than fwb with him. I asked why and he told me that due my weight, he could only have sex with me when he was in a certain mood, so ofc, this can't lead to a relationship.
I told him that I was not looking for a relationship but that his comment made me feel too self aware and I lost interest on him. He tried to take it back but I thanked for his time and blocked him.
People are entitled to like what they like, but they are not entitled to use you and put conditions to love you. Your bf is totally entitled to like skinny girls, but after eight years of relationship and the express of wanting to have a family with you, he put conditions to officialize what you guys already have is shallow and selfish. You guys already on-line together,.you guys already have a house together..he using this that you really want as a way to control you and mold you in to the person he wishes you to be, emotional or physical, tells me that your relationship will always have this dynamic where he punishes or rewards you for your behavior.
Even if you lose weight in months,.you can gain it again, and what will happen? He will resent you because life got in the way? Because you got pregnant, got sick, got older? When you will be good enough for him?
I would think deeply if this is the guy you really want to be on sickness and poverty. Is easy to be happy in health and happiness, but the wedding vows go way beyound that.
“I’ll go down on you after you go down on me, for as long as you went down on me.”
See how he keeps that up for….
No, re read it, she had two “cheating” events, with known friends of hers, two times with one and once with the other one. That was during kinda break-ups so not knowing the exact scenario (I never asked so much into detail) might be cheating or not. But the counting I made is right
My husband would never force me to call him to say I'm okay. That is what texts are for or sharing locations so he knows where I'm at in case of emergency and doesn't have to bother me otherwise.
My point being that your boyfriend is being controlling by dictating how and when you have to check-in with him. He is being controlling by putting the emotional labor of his not liking this trip onto you. He is being controlling by trying to use his daughter as a bargaining chip.
Sorry that you are living through that OP
You should be living one of the best period of your marriage and still be in the honeymoon period. Instead of that you are playing the detective and coping with her betrayal.
It is not worth it OP. There is nothing to salvage OP.
Update: i may have fucked up. She was definitely a freak. I stayed up for a long time w her. Just got back home. … ??? she said she had an iud so i gave in ti my inner dog. Ik it was stupid of me. Otherwise it was just a good night of debauchery.
Drop his ass. He's not relationship material.
If I was homophobic I wouldn’t be his friend now would I? I definitely wouldn’t be trying to rekindle our friendship
Seriously, money problems are just relationship killers. You can't be on two different paths when it comes to that. Financial maturity is not an option in an adult relationship. Same with house chore responsibilities.
Omg once I heard this horrible sound, my neighbor told me it happens when you overload. Immediately stopped doing that
He would meticulously sort the whites, only to find out there was already a pair of colored socks in the washer.
He should have checked first, I always do.
He once boiled our underwear but swears up and down he made sure it was on the right setting
He got it wrong.
He sets a timer with Alexa when cooking and she just doesn't remind him.
He probably got it wrong, gave the wrong time or something like that. Anyway, the rule is you don't leave the kitchen when you're cooking.
He has been rear-ended FOUR TIMES in the last 8 months. Once while he was at a gas station. Once while he was stopped at a red light. Two fairly new cars just ruined.
Are you sure he's not reversing into things and not admitting it?
He bought a new TV and had it installed. It broke off the wall two days later. TV broken and the wall needed to be fixed.
Whoever installed it is responsible for fixing everything here.
He electrocuted himself changing a lightbulb a month ago, fell off the ladder and needed six stitches on the back of his head.
Only an idiot changes a lightbulb without making doubly sure there's no current first.
He got bit by a cat at a friend's house and got such a severe infection that he ended up being hospitalised for three days.
What was he doing to the cat? Mine only ever attacked when feeling under threat. And why didn't he disinfect his wound?
He got robbed while on a run last year.
What sort of place does he go running in? I feel like I'm victim blaming here but I never take anything worth stealing if I go for a run.
He gets food poisoning at least every three months. I'm not sure how he's still alive at this point.
Then there's something seriously wrong with how he prepares meals or stores food.
He walked around the corner outside our apartment complex a week after we moved in and got hit by a rock some kid threw. It chipped his front tooth and split his lip.
Kids just randomly throw rocks at strangers in your neighbourhood? Or did he do something to provoke the kid? I mean I've had stones thrown at me, but only when travelling abroad, like in Nicaragua. There was an election when we were there, and white people were assumed to be sympathisers to the former régime, so we were an obvious target for victorious drunkards.
There are some things in that list that seem to be down to bad luck, like food arriving comically late when he orders. But maybe he has a way of stating the order that the person taking it finds off-putting, so they decide to make him wait?
All in all, there's a certain amount of carelessness in that list. If you're stressed out by it and end up doing everything yourself, it needs to be addressed. I'm wondering whether him being scatterbrained is due to some undiagnosed condition? It's maybe worth looking into if he's otherwise a wonderful caring guy. I mean, my mother always said I was scatterbrained, and I am somewhat accident prone, but as an adult I've learned to keep checks on what I'm doing, and now that I've identified erratic pedestrians as the one source of all my cycling accidents, I am now very wary of pedestrians and touch wood I haven't had an accident for ages.
Man, this is what I’m talking about. At what point do we stop coddling someone?
She’s not being abused, manipulated, tricked or anything. Shes only known him for two years. I’m not calling her names or anything. Y’all are crazy with the baby gloves. She needs to stop wasting time. If everyone treats her like a fucking child she’s just going to waste more time not knowing her worth. I was being direct but not rude in anyway. Sometimes I hate y’all, lol. I can’t imagine living my life absolutely sensitive to everything. I’m not some ball buster or boot straps guy. I’m not someone who doesn’t understand abusive situations, but goddamn some of the people here are so fucking soft
His lack of remorse should tell you everything you need to know. He’s told you how he plans to treat you. He’s told you how little he regards your feelings and your mental health. He’s told you that you he considers the house solely his and you are beholden to his territorial whims.
He’s telling you who he is. Believe him.
If I were your wife, it would mean a lot to me if you gave me space and let me know that you were going to counseling to work on yourself and that you would like to go to couples therapy if I was ever ready. In my opinion, that is both the most and the least you can do.
As we get older, our bodies change…just food for thought. Are you two active together as far as going on walks, biking or working out? You might try physical activities together if you’re unsure on if you want to break up. It’s a very hot decision. Only you can make it. Good luck OP.
So leave him, then.
I agree with you on the first part, I think her past just really, really shocked me and affected me like a traumatic event. I think I was just not mature enough to handle it.
I'm surprised the relationship has been that long since you dont trust her, and she doesn't seem 100% ready, but relationships are complicated and easy at the same time. And love will always be crazy.
Hmm, interesting, thank you for this, it's really been eye-opening. I think the reason why our relationship has been so long is because we both (unconsciously) worked really very hot to make each other codependent. I can't say how much I've been struggling to not text her today.
Honestly I just don't know what to do. Deep inside me, my heart wants to reconcile, but my rational self knows that it's not gonna be sunshine or rainbows after that and I am gonna regret going back.
The fact that he didn’t mission huge red flag. Your body is your body.
And…? How does this affect you? Stay in your own lane and worry about only your own lips. They weren’t doing anything wrong.
He's not telling you the whole truth hon. Do not believe it's just a friendship. Whatever the validation is that she provides, it's manipulative and that's where the secrecy comes from. just a huge NOPE to the dog as well. GET AWAY is my feeling about the ex. For you fiance? I have no advice. You know him well clearly and you have chosen to be with him a specific way. This one with children, etc., you have to decide if you want to be a single mom or buy the garbage they are selling
Most man settle down with one woman, forgoing their access to other women because they enjoy the intimacy so much and literally only want to be with their woman.
Some how this has gotten twisted around as something that is gross or ugly for men to want this from their wives.
A friend of mine in a similar situation had the following exchange with his wife.
“Are we monogamous?”
“I should certainly hope so”
“Well what does monogamy mean to you?”
“It means we only have sex with each other.”
“Well we never have sex, so it doesn't sound like we are monogamous, what would you call us?”
The two traditional vows that define monogamy are
To forsake all others (Don't be with other people) To Have and To Hold (We are there for each other sexually)
It isn't fair that women can just shrug and decide sex isn't a thing anymore and still expect fidelity in my opinion. They can do what they want, it's their body, but if they drop out of the marriage covenant they have no right to expect you to still be bound by it.
Then maybe thats the reason for the cold shoulder
or cared about
When you're too stupid to care about all the things you don't know then I guess this makes it a pretty easy position for you to take, doesn't it?
Yes she told me she felt guilty about it because she couldn't drop the thought.
Hey I get it, you've been in this relationship a long time, you're used to how things are with him. It probably makes sense to you to marry him.
But please sit back and think for a bit. Read your post, read the comments. Do you actually think you will have a good future living with this guy? Do you two have the same outlook on life? Love is not enough to make a relationship work.
You're probably just used to this relationship, you're young, this relationship is probably all you've known about how relationships are. And if you're staying because you think you can't do better or find love, yes, yes you can.
You really need to understand the benefits and risks of prioritizing each other like husband and wife without having the legal protections of husband and wife.
You cannot be on each others health insurance (in almost every state). You are not legally next of kin, that's a big fucking deal. Hospitals, medical decisions etc. If you make career sacrifices so he can focus on his career, you get nothing from the fruits of that labor. If one of you drops dead, that's a whole nightmare and you're entitled to basically nothing and if you do have a will, there's still taxes in there. The govt is involved in every financial aspect of life, it's delusional to reflect to exclude them from a long term, financially enmeshed relationship.
Personally, don't prioritize a man like a husband if he is not legally your husband. Do not make sacrifices for your individual future for the benefit of the partnership. By all means, on-line financially separate, parallel lives. Do not cosign property with him. No joint back accounts. No shared property. No prioritizing his career over yours.
But this guy is asking you to socially and financially prioritize him like a husband without offering the security and rights of a wife. You're really, really young to be prioritizing a man like a husband anyway.
If you want to continue a relationship with him, I'd say that you aren't comfortable prioritizing him like a husband at this point in your life. You don't want a ceremony to say that you will prioritize him like one without the legal protections of marriage. Then just date the guy, don't plan your life around him, don't prioritize the future of the partnership over your individual future.
You ever heard the expression “if there’s one Nazi at a table and ten other people who know that and are still talking to him then you have eleven Nazis”?
Yeah. Despite what you’d like to think, your boyfriend’s utter lack of anything even remotely resembling an objection to his best friend’s vile racism means he’s a racist too.
Well then either force a conversation, and find out why he’s being an idiot, or go out and get a bike and tell him to shut his hypocritical mouth when he complains.
You may love him. Love is not enough. Do not stay in this relationship hoping he will change.
We aren’t getting married so closest to getting on the deed would be a legal document stating what I contributed and what profit it entitles me too. (If I were to contribute)
This is why you don’t get married young. Your ideas of marriage and ‘friendships’ are immature.
Are you okay? Lol
You know, I believe that.
Yeah, you’ve gotta pay attention to what people do, not what they say.
You can’t force someone to not like someone else, it’s futile and a waste of time. I mean, you COULD certainly try, but it never ends well; and that sort of thing stems from desperation. Which is never a place you want to be in a relationship.
If she keeps pushing it then OP just has to move on. You can’t get hung up on someone who sees you as the “safe” backup plan. Imagine if you notice her getting moody if she found out that other guy got a girlfriend. …Yeah, no one wants to be in that position.
Have enough respect for yourself to know you deserve better. We have more control of what we allow in our lives than we tend to realize.
Don't move in with them, you will always be the third wheel.
So sorry this happened to you and your fiancé. She does not deserve this. I think your fiancés self worth is in the tank right now and she needs to be pumped up a little bit. Maybe some therapy? Maybe do some couple events where you will have the opportunity to meet potential couple friends? Like a weekly cooking class for example? Join a running club or gym?
He is cheating on you, and trying to make sure that HIS activity has an “explanation.”
Cheaters like to accuse the innocent partner of cheating.
Every accusation is a confession.
Get tested. Get away.
What if this is as good as it gets ? Its very overwhelming the thought of losing someone i love this much.
Maybe you hit closer to home than you realized. Is she seeing someone who is not Sticker Boy™?
Sounds like you have great defense for this accusation, so why not tell her instead of us?
The issue isn’t you or how you present things. The issue is that he enjoys negging you and taking you down a peg anytime you feel good about yourself because he can only feel adequate if he makes you feel less than. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that, but whatever you decide WRT the relationship, this issue is something HE needs to address.
he treats you like a transactional whore
my girlfriend comes up and button mashes my controller.
I think it is game over for her.
When this subject has come up, it’s been married people but yeah – the guy pays the premiums. They are going to be high because it is risky.And it needs to be like a million dollar payout so the kids are taken care of.
You can but the first question should be “What do I need to change? What do you need?” If you can't get that or won't do that then there's nothing there to help you. Anything else that works is…. well good luck:)