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The worst thing that people with feelings do after a breakup is to continue being friends. It’s never a good idea. And you need to make changes in your life if your closest friend is a long distance relationship. You need to get out more and spend time with more people in real life. Then find someone local to date. She has made it clear that she is trying to do the healthy thing by taking a break from you, you need to respect that and do the same. Maybe in the future when you have both moved on and healed, there could be a chance for a friendship, but for now you need to stay away.
you need to drop them both and move on. you shouldn't even be thinking about marriage until you're 30.
Okay quick advice from someone who's been in your same position. I think the worst case scenario you're picturing isn't as bad as you think. It's reasonable that it's a little uncomfy setting up a situation where your partner can't give consent in the moment. But she's a grown adult making a conscious decision, and it's clearly something she's but thought into beforehand. Part of experimentation is trying some things with the risk you might not like them, but with a partner you trust and proper communication that's the worst it has to be. If it's a bad experience, you cuddle and talk about it until everyone's comfortable again. Aftercare beats a contract any day.
You got this – you know you are doing the right thing!
I appreciate your honesty and I’m inclined to agree. I’m sure you can imagine it’s just frustrating to see her surrounded by people that I know have hurt her when I can’t be there. It is absolutely something I’m willing to accommodate.
Yes it’s cheating. I have female friends and colleagues and I have sent naked pictures to none of them. This isn’t normal behavior between friends in any society.
Yes we can feel. But holding up is no good, optionally you could point your butt outside of the sheets 😉
Reading comprehension lol
I guess we know the reason he is still single at 40…
Lmao my boyfriend said it’s not a real shower unless we pee on each other ? she’s wack
he doesn’t want a strict schedule
This isn't a minor disagreement. This is a sign of fundamental incompatibility. Sure, she can keep having these conversations with him, but what if he holds his ground? After 6 years, he should have a pretty good idea of what he wants, and so should she. If those ideas don't match, how long should she wait for him to change his mind? How many more wasted years should she dedicate before she's allowed to walk away? If they'd only been together a year or two, I'd be more inclined to agree with you. But 6 years, and he's almost 30, and he's not ready to move in with her? She'd be perfectly valid to decide she's had enough and leave him. If he doesn't want to commit to her and she wants commitment, what's the point?
“I never do aside from this time because I still want to respect his privacy”….
What the fuck are you talking about? He set zero boundaries, that's cool of him… And you exploited that. Very whack. I don't think shame is going to cut it.
It sounds like he proved to you that nothing was wrong and you're still concerned…. Sounds to me like snooping was not worth what my response would be.
What's your boyfriend's Reddit? I wanna go read the “my girlfriend went through my phone for no reason and found something that seems harmful but is harmless and I showed her everything.. Now I can't trust her.. What do I do?” post and comment on how I'd have a very serious talk with her about snooping and how fucking ugly it is.
Anyway… Shame on you. But… I hope he still trusts you and you learn your lesson and learn to control yourself when he sets no boundaries like this.
Sincerely, 36M who sets no boundaries with his gf. And whose girlfriend hasn't violated my trust once…. About 1.5yr relationship.
Your attitude is is what makes you awful, not the fact you have preferences. You are comparing things that aren't even an accurate comparison
I am not an attorney but I did have this issue with someone before. And they kept texting me and I was instructed to tell them that their messages were unwanted and tell them to stop contacting me. I had it documented in a text just in case. I think I said “stop contacting me. Any additional contact from you will be considered harassment” or something like that. they did leave me alone so I didn’t have to get a PO but if they contacted me again I would have had grounds to get one.
Honestly, you need to stop asking those questions. I understand you are insecure, but I can't fathom why people insist on asking questions when they aren't able to handle a truthful answer. I generally don't stereotype and generalize, but women have a problem with wanting their partner to be honest, yet when we are honest you have a problem with the honest answer, so why ask? You can't tell your partner that you want them to be completely open and honest and when they are, you get mad or upset about it.
I wish I had a solution for insecurity but I don't. The only things i can say is to stop comparing yourself to other women, there will always be someone who is more attractive, that's life. There are men out there more attractive than your boyfriend. Looks aren't everything, yes it plays a role in initial attraction but how you act and are emotionally is what makes someone stay. Stop comparing yourself and then stop asking those questions to him. I'm not saying it will happen, but I can predict that the more and more you pester him about that, he's going to get fed up one day and leave.
There are lots of comments here saying I should have been understanding.
Reverse the genders and boom. Fuck understanding. Call his mom and report him for dick pics.
What for? Do you need her to be your babysitter? Come on!!!!
You seem to be more angry with her than the guy that assaulted her. Dude, you need to get your shit together.
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Nah you playing victim you hit him and got to find out what equality is. Doesn’t matter who you are if you put your hands on me your getting put in your place.
If you are describing the relationship as toxic then you already know that going back to it is a bad idea. It is easier to remember the good times over the bad times, but, as soon as you get sucked back into it, it is usually very apparent why the relationship was toxic. It is also easier going back into a situation that you already know as it feels safer than trying a new relationship where you don’t know what to expect. I would say the best option is to move on.
I'm not sure I understand your question, my brother. If she said she's not ready for a relationship, you have to give her all the time and space she needs. The rest of it is just kind of confusing.
Exactly this. Sometimes it’s too late for “I’m sorry.”
Except he specifically said that all he wanted was a sandwich, so this was her lack of communication, not his.
If you're not making progress, get a different therapist. Also look for a couple's therapist. Couple's therapy isn't to necessarily fix things, but to get you two communicating. If you can't get past this, it's not healthy for you to stay and be in a miserable marriage – that will fuck up your kids. At least couple's therapy will get you communicating so you can co-parent in separate households. Trust me that knowing you stayed for your kids will fuck them up. I cried myself to sleep for years knowing it was my fault my mom was miserable staying with my dad for my sake.
“It's more realistic!” Where's the realistic cock? Don't show me a massive prosthetic hiding the actor's grower, show the the realism!
?
Honestly with all the fentanyl around I'm not snorting anything anymore. Definitely not worth it.
My partner signed our daughters birth certificate. He did not have to go to court for a judge to rule that she is in fact his. It’s all dependent upon the states I guess.
Go without him?
My friend, that was not a joke. Listen carefully. If you do anything with her from now on, make sure
To use a condom Get her back on birth control. If she has issues with it, make her consult a doctor, as they are able to recommend her alternatives Do a water-test after sex. When she goes to the bathroom for example, go to the kitchen sink and pour some water into the condom you’ve used. If it leaks from a tiny hole, you know your answer, and make her take a morning after pill.
Protect yourself at all times. Once sperm leaves your body, you no longer have decisional power. So apply extreme caution. Trust but verify, it’ll make you sleep better. Girls are very good at baby-trapping you if you aren’t careful.
Your body, your choice.
She should probably go over to the “friends” house alone, late at night, to talk about how to resolve the whole thing
You are 21. He is 33. Trust is gone. You might not want to break up, but it would be better now than later.
i thought the same.
or it was important for her to complete something at work that day.
ask why specifically she’s upset about the day
Exactly!
Tell her it makes you uncomfortable. However it is something she is definietely aware if, but she is still doing it. If goibg firward you feel like you have to compete for her time and attention with her ex then it's better to leave.
Thanks for the advice!
Ummm that mother was absolutely an asshole for abandoning her child. What on earth is wrong with you? Are you actually this devoid of morals or are you just twisting yourself into knots trying to convince yourself your boyfriend is a good person?
It's a terrible idea. You don't understand how therapy works if you think this is what is going to happen.
Lol hell no, what the fuck are you doing trying to give a person you just meet alimony and child support? Have you lost you're mind, are you ok? That has got to be the dumbest shit I've ever read. Dude get Dover the coals were child support and your in here trying to freely throw your money away. Get straight the hell out of there
Roughly 1 in 5 married couples experiencing infidelity is pretty common. Of course, these statistics are dependent on accurate reporting.
I am saying it's not about the dude's wife at all, though, the way I see these (generally). It's more about their own anxiety and irrational fears.
No one owns anyone’s body. This isn’t OPs business. Or his wifes
Dude trans genocide has been going on for hundreds of years on the white west, trans people were prosecuted by the nazis alongside of Jewish people. (Nazis burned decades of research on trans people in Berlin for example since you brought up Berlin and the Nazis) The hostile bullshit going on in the US is literally not news to any of us but we have always been there and we will always be because being trans is not a choice.
You are on the wrong side of history here.
yeah he's super pissed. let him be. he doesn't want to snap at you.
let.
him.
be.
don't make it about you
Pepper spray may not be a great idea. If you spray it, the spray will linger in the air and if you cant get away quickly, you'll pretty much pepper spray yourself.
OP do you and your husband have any children by any chance? Does this woman share any characteristics with your husband?
Dawg. Even the pros aren’t really pros
The fact he feels the need to call strangers ugly,or comment on their appearance at all, is concerning.
I'd say he's deliberately negging you. Trying to make you insecure so you'll think he's the best you can do.
Spoiler alert: he isn't
You’re doing the most to justify him saying this and it’s ridiculous. He said that MESSED UP pancakes resemble her genitals. That’s not saying he wants to eat her out or saying she looks good. He said that MESSED UP things look like her. That is negative, not positive.
Why are you sending him messages?
Just stop acknowledging his existence and move on.
The med school will have new BF candidates
you shouldn’t have forgiven either of them tbh. let’s be clear you can never leave your girlfriend alone with anyone never mind your so called best friend because he’s capable of sneaking off and having unprotected sex with them!
You are talking to the wrong people. Ask your new dating (?) partner these exact same questions, and see what he has to say. Maybe he's going through a really busy time at work but it's temporary, and soon you'll be seeing him much more often. Maybe he has other priorities, and you are farther down on the list than he led you to believe. Or maybe he actually enjoys having an online romance, with the occasional in-person date. But until you know what the issue is, you won't be able to reach a compromise that works for both of you. If it turns out his idea of dating is vastly different from your own, obviously the smart thing to do would be to break up and find someone who is a better fit.
We don't know that for sure, but the video being on recent videos (1 week ago) is reason enough to have a serious talk with her putting a separation on the table.
I am going to get voted down but I am going to advise keeping your mouth shut. I just don't see the benefit of killing her relationship for the satisfaction of the morality police.
The thing you don't see now is the burden this is going to place on you to keep her secret. You will see the bf again and have to keep quiet.
No need for it to be cheery, actually in this case I would say the contrary.
He could easily say hello, that he’s not feeling all that great and he’ll see her next time. Then the wife might understand that she should have warned him. If not, tell her next time so she can do it differently.
He's 25, dump him.
He's shown your friends a picture of your sister. Because he prefers the way she looks. If he's lying to his friends, he's definitely lied to you, I wouldn't trust this man to be faithful.
Sure you don‘t stay with cheaters. Luckily it has nothing to do with the post.
He’s gonna call me later when he’s free. Would’ve been nice if he came around but I guess a call will do
Get an annulment unless you want a lifetime of this every time you talk to a man. If the groomsman stole one of his exes, why was he in the wedding?
Help? Why isn’t my post showing?
She would need to realize it first in order to break up with him, tho
We can see your history, you're a misandrist.
And the way you got defensive stating that you had a perfect relationship, shows how insecure you are about it.
You're one of those “feminists”.
She told you that she was having her fun and told you to go have your fun.
That's an indication that you are not exclusive.
If you want to be with her exclusively. Stop playing stupid games. Go tell her.
Hmm. Well I think you hold off on getting married and maybe consider more whether or not you actually want to. You can really really REALLY love someone and still have them be the wrong fit as your forever person. You could also not be ready to meet a forever person. You said yourself you thought the proposal was rushed. Imho you don’t sound ready for (or really all that interested in) marriage.
At first I thought ‘Oh, that’s cute. What’s the problem?’.
But three weeks?! Yikes. Has he known you for a lot longer or something? Not that that makes it any less skeevy…
Yes break up. You should not be in a relationship with someone who abuses you.
You are nuts.
So, you never masturbate? That may explain why you don’t have empathy enough to see it as something that is not about you.
You have to go into this with your mind & eyes open. I know you don’t want this to be true but I’m afraid it is. They don’t need to message because they work together. They can just walk over & talk therefore leaving no trail of messages. So don’t get hung up on the fact there are no messages.
Remember he has no reason to lie to you. He has nothing to gain and nothing to lose. If he said this was on a Monday, she told you she was going to be late on a Monday, and it’s her shade of lip stick the math is adding up against her. He knows what lipstick she wears because they work together.
She has everything to lose by being honest so she’ll deny everything as long as she can.
You have to take this by the totality of the situation from the first time they met and all the lies she’s told since. All the actions and your gut feeling.
Just tell her she has one last opportunity to be honest and before she says anything just say I talked w X and he told me everything and have proof so don’t lie to me again. I need to hear it from you to move forward. Watch her face because her eyes can’t lie. I’d she drops her head as you tell her this she knows she’s caught. If she takes a deep breath as you tell her or before she tries to talk it’s a good indicator she’ll lie.
Tell her I can’t stay w someone who will lie to me. If I’m going to stay I need to know you won’t lie to me again. I can’t stay if you’re just going to lie and I can’t trust you.
Tell her you need the truth from her because your imagination of what happened is running wild and you need to truth to shut down your imagination.
I know you won’t stay if she cheated but she’ll think you’ll stay by working it like you will stay if she comes clean.
You can walk away from a relationship no matter how long you’ve been together fyi. You’re ONLY 27!!! She sounds content to be miserable.
Your BF is a racist he just doesn't show it to you bc he knows where you stand re racism.
But if he lays with fleas he is bound to catch fleas..
His bestie is a racist..being able to tolerate certain things with family is one thing..tolerating racism..that's wrong..if your boyfriend hasn't called him out on this it's bc your boyfriend uses the word too and finds nothing wrong with it.
Yuck..
She’s sunk the full cost of 5 years into this guy. That’s what she really values right now.
What makes you think you can handle his emotions? And why would it be your job to handle his emotions? HE needs to learn how to handle his emotions. Ridiculing his elderly mother is disgraceful behavior. He sounds like an immature, selfish jerk.
I verbally sighed when I read the part about the dreams. He's trying to get you to suggest on your own to become a thruple. Leave this man. It starts with all this b.s and then one day it's “oops! Honey I slept with her! I'm sorryyyy” (if they haven't already, she seems friendly.) Get out now.
Just like your daughter in law trusted you with the information I trusted my mother as I stated in my post we’ve had the best relationship up until now. My post is just that, learning that I can’t trust my mom and being unsure how to navigate that as she was the one person I thought I could trust 100%. I told people who I thought would keep it private when I first found out and everyone but her was able to manage that and that’s what is disheartening for me. Now my entire family and all my friends know and I send and share photos to the people I trust and love it’s naked realizing my mom is not going to respect my boundaries when she really was my best friend my entire life.
It did seem like you’re giving me a very hot time and being a touch condescending when I’m just now learning and realizing I can’t trust my mother and last thing I wanted or imagined is that I would have to stop sharing important information and memories with her. I do appreciate you giving me the nude truth and I apologize if I was being rude it touched a nerve.
Tell him you have doubts about this working out, and ask him to look harder for a job locally.
This other opportunity is making him feel better about not being accepted into his grad program of choice. The thing is, though, there's no need for him to make such a big change. Are there no jobs in your present city? Of course there are. After putting in a year, you can both relocate together.
Anyway it's worth asking him to consider it.
Going to the movies is a good time for BOTH of you, apparently he doesnt enjoy spending time with you unless you are on your knees sucking him off
This is NOT how most men act at all
Stop wasting your time on a guy who gets angry and snappy if you dont drop and suck the moment he demands it
This is NOT a good man
Dump him already
I have tried countless times inviting her to coffee, lazer tag, bowling, movies, dinner… She has turned me down every single time.