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It sounds like you're more interested in the wedding than the reality of being married to this particular person.
I don't want to make a thread so I please excuse me posting my question here. I will keep it short.
Recently, I was in a situation where this girl treated this guy differently (better) than me . I have zero problem with that but assumed she must have realized that I noticed it.
The issue is now she is trying to be friendly with me like she pities me or something. I want her attitude to remain the same. I don't appreciate someone being nice because of perhaps feeling guilty?
How should I respond?
Yeah appearance only goes so far.
My wife and I both could do a lot better and I have dreams of a personal trainer once it makes sense financially but… while attraction was a huge part of me falling for my wife it isn't the sole element that keeps us together.
I worry more about my health and hers, less about physical looks than anything else. Nobody is perfect, a new person will also have their own set of flaws and you might be trading a kind and caring soul for a horrible bitch with a great body.
To me, marriage was a decision to stick it out no matter what. I choose my wife and I keep choosing her no matter what, no matter how frustrating life can be. She does the same for me. We give each other room to make the kind of mistakes that aren't deal-breakers.
But to each their own! I'll just say good luck finding a loving long term partner if looks are all that matter. Beauty fades in time for all of us
no point fighting to stay together if your fighting alone!
She has a crush on you is she's trying to find out if you have a crush on her if you're interested go for it if not let her know that you don't have a crush on her
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Sorry I should’ve gone into more details. 3 months after we broke up, he sent me a video saying how “he just made out with the hottest chick.” He came back to my country afterwards, which was when I let him know what he did is toxic and I just want to stay as friends now. He left my country after the winter break, and I still got texts from him like “I miss you ngl,” and just stuff like that that I’ve been getting up until now.
Him saying he wanted to “watch a movie” above didn’t mean going to the cinema, when we were together we would do that before we get intimate. He meant to watch a movie at one of our houses but “didn’t know how it would logistically even go down.” At least that’s the impression I got.
Sorry I should’ve gone into more details. 3 months after we broke up, he sent me a video saying how “he just made out with the hottest chick.” He came back to my country afterwards, which was when I let him know what he did is toxic and I just want to stay as friends now. He left my country after the winter break, and I still got texts from him like “I miss you ngl,” and just stuff like that that I’ve been getting up until now.
Him saying he wanted to “watch a movie” above didn’t mean going to the cinema, when we were together we would do that before we get intimate. He meant to watch a movie at one of our houses but “didn’t know how it would logistically even go down.” At least that’s the impression I got.
I’m pretty similar to you in that I struggle to stand up for myself because I don’t want to hurt anyone. But if I was in your shoes, and I could afford a different place, I would leave him the flat and whatever else I could live without just to avoid the argument. You don’t owe him anything AT ALL, but for me it would be a matter of mental health to make a clean break and start fresh somewhere untainted. He doesn’t deserve you being his literal butler and maid and chef if he isn’t giving you anything back. You sound like a golden hearted person, and you deserve a relationship that’s loving and generous like you are ???
Tell her you need space before you can be friends. You clearly need to focus on yourself for awhile l.
My biggest concern is actually that you all live together. If the relationship goes south, your living situation is going to be much more awkward than avoiding each other at the engagement party.
“Hey my session ends in 20 minutes, you want to go grab some coffee or something after this if you're not doing anything?”
It is, in fact, that easy!
Do I still stand a chance to keep loving her and win her heart again?
If being roommates worked – and being lovers didn't work, then you MAY still have a chance – but it's probably not going to work out.
It might help to think about how things failed. If she was uncomfortable being intimate – then it will be really nude, and probably unfair, to try again. But if it's the pressure of “forever” that was too much – then there's a chance that you may be able to take two steps back to where things are someone normalized … and then maybe to become better friends over time?
Seems like you don’t trust her. This cycle; you get over it, she does something, you don’t trust her, she cries, you get over it, will continue indefinitely
WTF?
She knowingly had an affair with a married man. There is NO way to justify that. Period.
Bro, it's commendable that you think so highly of your partner, but she knew. Don't gaslight yourself.
Take it from someone with lots of experience in drug addicted people.
You can not help them, if they first don't help themselves. If she is serious about getting help to stop she should first go to a rehab, or hospital and admit herself. She then needs to follow up with meetings, and programs that will help her stay clean.
Being in a relationship while getting clean for the first year, is not recommended. She needs to use that first year to work on herself and not worry about a bf etc.
I have heard so many times from loved ones, that they needed my help to get clean, and when I tried, they pretended to do what was expected, but were still using.
You can not help her, she needs to help herself
Thanks for the update! This is heartwarming 🙂 and congrats on the soon to be sibling.
“Couples Therapy” is just bringing in a third party to convince the man that nothing the woman did was wrong.
I would advise you not to do it. You aren't her parent and have no reason to take on the responsibility and support of another adult. I would not be happy to lower my standard of living and have to struggle for years to accomodate her desires. If you agreed to do this it would negatively impact your ability to pursue your dream career.
What is your GF doing for you? Relationships usually are comprised of a lot of give and take and compromise. I see no compromise here, and a lot of giving on your part, and a lot of taking on your GFs part. This is all very one-sided. There is a quote I have seen often that fits this situation. “Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”.
Your GF has a place to live and parents to support her. If you get sick or injured and are unable to work, or lose your job, she can go home, you are on your own.
I don't see how you benefit from this. Don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Way too much risk, and very little, if any reward.
i couldnt do anything legal because i technically worked illegally then. it would've backfired badly on me im just thankful i didnt get scrutinised back then
I have access to information that I am not authorized to share with anybody else.
To allow other access to my email or other systems would violate the agreements I have made with others.
As you have been told already, it does not take much imagination to envision these scenarios.
It sounds like she doesn't have any problem with him jerking off, it's that he's doing it to other people and he doesn't find her attractive.
You know that looking at porn is not required for masturbation, right?
I finally found by chance th piece of paper with the login info ro be able to log in and come back here! I can't believe it's been 4 months! thanks again
It seems you're just using the poor guy, hopefully he starts realizing it himself.
Funny story: I could eat ice cream when I had gestational diabetes. Sugar+protein+fat=no spike. Fruit in my yogurt, however, was a sad no-go. Gestational diabetes is bizarre…
Yes that we still find one another sexually attractive and we communicate our attraction all the time. While going through every hardship there was together united. I understand though it is not easy to keep the spark. We have also children and we keep going imagine that!!!
Wow your poor wife, I sure as hell wouldn't of taken you back and the women down the street would of lost a few teeth.
If you really have to message her. I'd say
I'm sorry you feel that way, but it was never anything long lasting or deep, I was never going to leave my wife, she is the one I love and want, I hope you feel better soon, sorry for my part.
Send that. Its not hurtful per say and would help her relise what she was thinking and feeling about what you was isn't actually what you was.
But I honestly don't think you can cheat in someone you love.
Just hope one day your wife values herself more than to stay with a guy who cant even walk the dog without fucking the neighbour.
Buy her a vibrator of her choice ( sounds like she probably has several anyway ) and tell her to take care of herself on every second occasion. That way at least it will halve the pressure on you. Alternatively up your hand game and give hera massage and a hand job every second time. Best of luck.
Is it just me or are the people who try therapy and then refuse it always definitely refusing to confront their own issues? Like that therapist called you out huh?
Is that your professional opinion? Lmfao
You don’t live together but he expects you cook and clean for him to “pull your weight”? Nah, that’s not on, if you live separately you are responsible for your own day-to-day chores. I take it that he doesn’t reciprocate by cooking and cleaning for you?
Between that, him being unreasonable over splitting a grocery bill and the way he talks about your interests I’d be having big thoughts about the future of the relationship. He’s showing you who he is, luckily before you have bigger (& more difficult to untangle) commitments to him.
Tell your ex good luck finding a good relationship without communication.
He’s also projecting about the manipulation. Using the silent treatment to get you to reach out to him. Silent treatment can sometimes actually be a form of abuse.
haha yeah girls are happy to remain committed for 6 whole months, turning down potential suitors while he doesn't actually date her. reality is not going to be kind to y'all.
Your sister's problems aren't for your daughter to suffer for. Congratulations you lost your daughter for forever. She won't talk or love you ever again. Bet on that.
How do I convince him of this?
Tell him “No.”
Tell him that you can not afford it. If you want, pull out spreadsheet, to show him.
Time heals friend. Broken hearts do take a long time though
honestly, I would consider filing a police report pre-emptively about the alleged assault. This would protect you in your scenario.
…but yeah. Just leave the team. Document his behavior, save chats, etc. Tell everyone that you're open to anyone joining and still are, he was just causing too much drama.
Are you sure you're dating? It sounds like you're just an occasional booty call.
I wish I had the guts to confront him. I’ll end up feeling guilty for spoiling his time w the boys. Ugh god why am I like this
Nah nah nah nah FRIEND PLEASE, if one of your friends said their SO was doing this to them what would you say to them?
I mean….great? I guess?
Not sure why other people have to want to bring other people into their monogamous relationships though. Not sure how that affects you either way.
I love a two pump chump. But I don’t care if other people do….