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He was honest with you, he told you what he wanted, now what do you want?
Both of you need therapy because I sense your attachment styles are unhealthy, and they leave both of you unhappy. She should not pester you to have conversations which end at 4 am, especially when you have to go to work in the morning. That is not healthy. That's unhealthy, clingy behaviour. I understand her pov, that if she was not around, you would have to do everything on your own. But you would also have a healthy routine, one where her negative energy is not around you. You will find the strength to be on your own.
You mentioned in one of the comments that you are not teaching her English so she cannot get a job. Seriously? There are tons of apps out there who can teach her English. She just does not want to make the effort and she wants to keep putting you down. Which works well because you have low self esteem.
Try individual and couples therapy. Set clear boundaries. You need your sleep if you have a regular job. Arguments can be solved better when both of you are in the head space. If she still does not understand that, it's time to let her go.
I don't really understand what the big issue is over having one kid or having two tbph. My daughter is an only child, but she's about to be living with her dad and his new girlfriend, who has two kids from a past relationship. My daughter is just beyond excited and thrilled to have siblings and it kind of hurts a little knowing how lonely she had to have been being an only child.
The only things that should be really considered here are: having more than one kid is not a deal breaker to you. Do you have the finances to afford baby number two? And finally, is digging your heels in to stop at kid number one so important to you that you're willing to lose the mother of your child over it? Because she sounds like she's absolutely okay with that. She's getting ready to walk, are you going to just let her because you're on the fence over having another kid?
Be honest here, you're stalling. Plain and simple. And that's alright to admit, but now you've got to make a decision. Your mental health absolutely will take a blow if you do nothing and your girlfriend leaves you and has a kid with someone else. There may even end up being custody disputes over the kid you have together. If you want to ensure your mental health gets better, and not worse, why are you self sabotaging by being stubborn over an issue you don't really seem to have a strong opinion on anyways? Go to therapy. Make a baby with your girlfriend. Stop building up a minor insignificant non-issue into the biggest disaster of your life.
I go through this sometimes with my partner (and no, partner isn't solely reserved for same sex relationships btw, I'm female and my partner is male, its just simpler than explaining we've been engaged for years but then Covid prevented us from marrying, and now we're technically common law, but not officially married lol). He gets so stressed out over something he can't make his mind up on, or something he can't get to work, or something not going the way he wants, etc. And he gets so worked up over it that he's exploding in nerves and stress and anxiety, and I'm like… Dude chill, just do the thing, it'll be okay lol. You've gotta let go of stressing over all the what ifs in life, all that's ever guaranteed us in life is birth, death, and taxes. Everything else is an uncertainty. What you have control over right now, in this moment, is keeping your girlfriend in your life. It hurts absolutely positively nothing to give baby number two a try. Best of wishes OP, and I really hope things turn out well for you.
Have you tried leaving your phone OUT of the bathroom so she knows you’re not sending creepy messages to young women whilst you’re in there?
It seems the two of you are done, and should be done. Move on.
She should move on, but she should collect evidence of his fuckery first. She may need it in court.
she eventually convinced me to give it a try
This is the moment when it all went down really.
Did he smell like smoke when he came back???
He just wants an excuse to interact with OP. Bet he's thinking she'll fall in love with him any time now…
He’s lying.
This is still a surgery! It’s a medical bill! You would be a patient!
He doesn’t have any authority to schedule a surgery for you, not unless you turned over legal rights to him. Yes, medical bills can be prepaid, but doctors are going to tie that to a specific procedure and billing cycle. You would need to have a scheduled procedure first.
And you wouldn’t want to be operated on by any doctor willing to take the payment under these circumstances.
And even in the hypothetical world where your boyfriend got a doctor to go along with it? Too bad for him! He can’t make you get surgery! Plus, this is a gift for himself, not for you. You are under no obligation to pretend like he meant well by this. He didn’t.
Your boyfriend is lying. He can’t make you go under the knife.
Seriously, you are way too young. You don’t want to be pressured into a medical decision that you don’t want to make.
Leave him. Talk to your family.
You a broken man rehab? Girl. No.
I'm putting a tracker in his car tomorrow ?
I do respect it
What do you respect her and her partners relationship? Or her the person?
I asked for advice on how to deal with it or how to step back because it’s hard since I see the person everyday.
Oh woe is you, who can't get over a crush.
Be kind about it, just explain that you don’t feel that the relationship is right. Once you’ve done it kindly you need never feel guilty for ending it.
I don’t want to hear about how “unfair” it is to you when your girlfriend has felt like a second choice for over a year.
That doesn't sound like someone I would call a friend
I travel a lot. I travel alone a lot. The way I figure is if I have my own transportation, my own hotel, and I’m in a city I have been to before and restaurants/ events I feel comfortable going to I did not take issue. Now as of today, when I tried to find his license number and I could not.. then it became an issue. He has told me where he works but I’m certain now that was not true.
You should really consider finding a marriage counselor, especially if you have children. There's no way to get enough information and context here to make a suggestion, and it's nobody's place to tell you anyway; that's a decision you have to make. It's never an easy one, and there isn't a right or wrong one, it's your life.
What I can immediately gather from what you've written is that you and your wife are doing an absolutely terrible job of communicating. That's abundantly obvious, and that's exactly what a good marriage counselor will help with. They can be difficult to find though.
She cheated on you and probably had his baby aborted. Honey there are key logging apps and text recovery software if you want the truth.
Be thankful you are not married.
Also you should probably consider taking this to HR. Get evidence first. This is not normal or healthy for you
$20 on she’s not trying to get your attention.