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You want to PM me? Because you’re god damn killing me here lol
Calling the police in situations like this is really not a good idea. Police don't know how to deal with mental health crises, they aren't trained for it. Situations can easily escalate and has resulted in death. I think you would have better luck calling a crisis hotline.
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Keep in mind he’s 25
This age gap is a problem. You have already done things YOU didn’t want to do, just because you felt like you should do so to be polite. (Meet up with him, and accept the proposal). This man doesn’t care about you. He is intentionally manipulating you and making you feel pressured to do things you actually don’t want to. This is a bad relationship that will bring you unappiness. It is time to break up. Remember that he is the one being rude and mean and crossing boundaries like buying a plane ticket so you would feel obligated to meet him, not you.
Because she doesnt want to admit to her rich friends and family she failed her marriage
If you can't ever ser her the same it is over. However before making decisions you should have conversation with your gf. Ask her to please first listen and tell how you feel about it.
If you entered into a monogamous relationship. Wanted only a monogamous relationship. And then get the open relationship question, because of a work friend and their visions of that green grass. I would openly end the relationship.
You got with her, not anyone else.
I think because this behaviour began gradually (it started after we moved in together), I was sort of caught off guard. Initially when he made comments I would get really upset, sometimes cry, and his response would be like ‘oh I’m just trying to help you be better and improve’. He would say it in such a caring way that I thought he was genuinely interested in making me a better person. Slowly over the span of 2 years I noticed this ‘advice’ becoming just a normal part of our relationship and it has become more critical and cruel.
Thank you for your input, I appreciate your perspective.
First, your finances are your own business. You can say something like, “thanks for asking, but it’s not something I’d like to discuss, but I’m very satisfied.” And just shut it down. And if she keeps asking, continue to shut it down and work on changing the subject.
Sounds like she might be a bit jealous of you, and so she’s trying to copy, but also to ‘make it look better on her’ so to speak. It’s not exactly healthy and it’s insanely annoying.
Have you vented/talked to your husband at all? Having his support and him perhaps noticing these things too can be helpful so you don’t feel so alone.
This book was really helpful for me, and it might be for you in regards to practicing setting boundaries with her: Boundaries (Henry Cloud & John Townsend) I didn’t even know boundaries were a legit thing until my therapist educated me in my late 20s.
I think you’ll need to work on strengthening your ‘shut it down button’ in regards to her. If she starts prying, be polite once. Then if she keeps at it, be firm. And if she keeps at it you can call her out for her behavior. If your husband is on your side, he’ll figure out how to keep his friendship as well as make sure you’re content and happy. If that means him having more outings where it’s just him and the other guy, so be it. It’ll be a process, and it’ll likely get a bit worse before it gets better, but you need to do this for (mental and emotional) yourself.
So I was in your gf's place back in 2021 when I saw my marriage falling apart. We had also been together almost 3yr. I remember getting ready for a date with my husband and sitting down before leaving and feeling miserable. I felt like I was having to put up a strong front and act like everything was fine and our relationship was in a great place. When he came in to check on me and asked if I was okay and still wanted to go out I broke down in tears saying almost exactly what your gf was saying. “Why're we doing this? What are we even doing?” I felt like we were just married roommates at that point. At the time my husband was stressed from the pandemic, his work and my chronic health issues so I was getting pretty shafted (and not in the fun way).
You mentioned things being rocky at work for her but are you sure it's not your relationship that's rocky that's stressing her out and therefore making things rocky at work? If my SO did what you did when things were bad I would have probably reacted the same way as your gf because it would feel like you were only putting effort in for that one day (that seemed more for you than her). If he did it now though I would be very excited and happy to leave work early for a spa day.
I think you really need to have a sit down with your girlfriend because she may honestly be considering ending the relationship.
Omg that’s exactly right
No one should comment. If you were eating a gallon of ice cream or an entire 9 inch birthday cake on your own, I could see someone commenting. If you are not bingeing it should not be mentioned. I would consider this controlling behavior. It isn't helping you, and before I let him “finish” it, I would finish it or save it for later. If someone did have a problem with portion control this behavior could drive them into sneaking food. It isn't healthy.
No proposal? ?
Your post made me think of an interesting question. When two gay men date for the first time, who pays?
Yikes- you're not kidding.
You were wrong, and you know it, instead of punishing be the best girlfriend you can be and show he is right to you. You made a mistake. Nobody is perfect
Just say no. 'no, that won't be possible.'
it seems doubly weird throwing my parents into the mix, especially since she’s already pissed them off (rightly so) a couple of times lately. Oh, and she’s only given me 5 days’ notice
Definitely say no. Your GFs brother and his friends are most likely strangers to your parents?
Maybe if you’d raised a better man who didn’t lie to his wife, none of this would have happened.
Or maybe if your SON didn’t date his FAMILY MEMBERS none of this would have happened. Gross.
I know it was crazy and I wish I never did it, but I thought he would love me enough to look past it as crazy as that sounds.
I would evaluate the relationship on its own merits. But also have a serious conversation about the age and lying. It doesn't mean that she has lied about everything but it's still pretty immature.
It just never ceases to amaze me how so many people under 21 are in such a hurry to be seen as “mature adults” and meanwhile, anyone over 25 starts trying to slow down the aging process. It's like you are only the right age for about 4 or 5 years in your life??? LOL Kids, you are all going to get there soon enough!! Don't be in such a hurry!!! It all goes by sooo fast!
are you comfortable asking him why he doesn't like intimacy? He may actually have some other thing going on.
You’re too old to be making this mistake, OP. 27 isn’t the most mature on the planet but you’re closer to 30 than 20, this is the age to “know better than this”.
If dude doesn’t care about YOUR feelings to the point that he suggested fwb, why are you so interested in how you’re coming off to him, that you need a “sassy” reply?
Do you think sass and a smart mouth will suddenly spur some feelings in him, “gee that girl has some lip on her, better make her my girlfriend before some other guy scoops her up” ?
It won’t happen. And making the story short – no amount of hanging out around a guy, sleeping with him, being all up in his grill when he doesn’t like you enough and doesn’t have any feelings for you will make those feelings appear. If anything things will only get worse, you’ll just devalue yourself as a person.
Stay away from men who tell you from the get go you aren’t who they’d date/ be with. Listen to them when they’re saying that. They’re doing you a favor.
Now please do yourself another favour and go focus on you – not on how you appear to others. Hope this helps ✨
There are 3.5 billion men on the planet, a fair share of them would LOVE to see you in lingerie and hype you up when wearing it. A fair share of them would fall in love with you. A fair share of them would be a good match for you. A fair share of that loving, hyping, infatuated bunch of dudes that fits you perfectly – you would fall in love with.
How many better men and matches? Must be… At least 8-7 million.
Go and find one of those instead. And as for communication: “You treat me like shit so I have no respect for you any longer, I'm out”.
everyone's past has an impact on how they behave.
Have you heard that saying that if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be.
Great job OP! Keep on doing what’s best for yourself, sticking up for yourself and you’re doing great. Us internet strangers are so proud 🙂
There is someone below that said she would divorce her husband if decided to grow a beard. I think this response is just coming from some of the other comments suggesting if she gets the tattoo she better to be willing to accept the outcome which could be divorce.
Now now. He can't do that. Then again I totally understand from where you're coming.
Married after one year of dating, going on 12 years.
engaged after less than a year of dating she believes you’re hiding a child general lack of trust
I think you need to slow things down at the very least…