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Would you be okay if your wife befriended a man and started texting and going on coffee outings with him on her own? You should be more considerate. What would you gain from texting this woman and meeting her for coffee?
I’ll take stories that are absolutely made up for 300 please Alex. Tried to take off your tights on a bus full of people – no he didn’t, stop it. That’s absolute bullshit
Pride before he fall. Allow your partner to treat you once in a while. It is a very liberating experience and gives joy to both.
You will need to go back to your attorney and find out if there’s anything you can do with the co-parent agreement regarding her. It doesn’t help that you became friends again and brought her back.
I mean, I see what you're saying, but she's already not a part of the community. Even my grandma was trying to marry me back into it (the one for her country, which would be a Muslim guy). They might just need time to adjust to this. You are essentially marrying out. You are cutting ties with big parts of your culture. Any potential kids won't be raised in the culture. That's probably a big blow to them, maybe the wedding is a reminder that things are not going to play out how they envisioned.
It would be very sad if they didn't come to the wedding, but they could buckle and end up showing. I've seen it happen outside of my own family as well. I guess it comes down to what is more important to them. It may be worth explaining that if they take their distance, your future kids will be even more alienated from Islam and anything else important to them because they've created a hostile environment to have your wife around, and that's not something you want and most likely is not something they want. I remember all the times hanging out with my grandma as a kid and running into a friend of hers and having them exclaim “mashallah!” and gush about me when they saw me. Maybe they had thoughts about me, I don't know, but there was never shame. I didn't integrate with the younger people in the community, but that shouldn't really be their concern because it sounds like you on-line somewhere multicultural and there will be a place for them (as there was for me — just not in a culture I didn't grow up in). Just my two cents. I can't imagine having grown up totally alienated from that side of the family. The wedding is the first step, so they should choose wisely.
The irony was completely lost on Daniella. That Facebook group needs to be closed down, as you know it would be if it was a male group.
Listen, let me say I understand your struggle. I come from a home that went back for generations of abuse. My dad tried to break away and the cycle, and he kind of did, but kept the abuse part. Not a single person from his family showed up for his associates, bachelors, and masters graduation. Absolutely no one. Just me, my brothers, and my mom. I broke away before his masters. And you know what? I would much rather spend my graduation with myself than a bunch of POS people who don’t care about me. OP, they don’t care about you and they never will. That’s the sad truth. Your love is one-sided. Tbh, if I were you, I would forget about the headache and go NC. But, that’s a decision you need to make. Congratulations on your medical degree!
I was incoherent and my self esteem is so bad that I was seeking external validation and at the time it didn’t matter to me about who it came from.
you work on yourself until this isnt an issue. its up to her whether she forgives you.
But you don't know that. You're assuming A LOT. the only time I'd say ANYTHING is if he now starts coming onto you after they've gone out and she seems serious about him.
Honestly, you sound annoyed that he'd dare go after anyone else as though that's unthinkable. He knows you don't like him back. He's allowed to move to the next interest, especially one that is interested back. Stay out of it and focus on yourself.
I am a surgical resident
OP out here saving lives
he feels neglected and overlooked
Well yea… tons of jobs leave loved ones feeling like they’re in 2nd place, especially when you’re at the beginning of your career, and ESPECIALLY when their career is literally saving lives.
Being a surgeon isn’t easy, dating a surgeon isn’t easy either. It takes a special kinda person and this guy isn’t it.
Man, if you got that defensive I must have hit the nail on the head.
You’re going to be OK. This happens more often than you think. You’re strong and you’ll get through this. In a years time, this will be a distant memory.
But you can’t let her treat you like this any longer or support her in any way.
You need to harden yourself towards her. I know it will be difficult but it’s important to realise it’s over and start planning to protect yourself emotionally, financially and in any other way that might be at risk.
Ignore any claim of loving you. She doesn’t love you. We don’t intentionally hurt people we love. You know this is true.
In fact it’s possible she used you or at least took advantage of the situation in a way that served her own goals at the expense of your feelings.
So switch off your emotions and think a little more coldly for the next month or so. You can reconnect with them later when all of this is sorted out.
I call it robot mode.
If you have any shared bank accounts, take your money out of them and into a separate account. Don’t take her money. Don’t touch anything of hers at all.
Call any providers with both your names and have your name removed. If they kick up a stink, call the ombudsman for that service, and make complaint to have your name removed due to relationship breakdown.
Close any shared services that you pay for.
If you want to leave, let the realestate agent know you’ll need to break your side of the lease due to a relationship breakdown and ask if they have any places available that you could move into now.
You need to get out of lease or have one of you take if over. Decide what you want to do and make it clear to her that you’re 100% done.
If you’ve decided to leave, pack your things and move to another room in the apartment or if you’ve decided to stay, like if the lease is in your name, tell her she has to leave and say your going to look for a room mate. She has 60 days to get out.
If she’s into him so much, she can stay with him.
If you share a car, either sell it or buy her out of it or sell your half to her.
Furniture can be replaced so don’t get too stressed about that.
Don’t contact the guy. Don’t snoop. Don’t do anything stalkery or weird. Just cut her out of your life.
Seriously, do not try to get her back. She’s made her choice. You have to move on. You can make friends and you can date again and find someone great. You don’t need this kind of thing in your life.
Not all tattoos a lot of the ones she picks I think are beautiful, its just a few and if she gets that one I feel it will take a while for me to adjust hope that makes sense.