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Usually when im in such situations- i just go up to the person smiling, saying excuse me followed by saying quietly and politely to adjust. You could motion it. But quietly, discreet. Like for me its was difficult before because im shy but i dont want my sisters walking around with something amiss on their wardrobe, and now i can just walk to anyone who has a wardrobe malfunction in any way and let them know.
Sometimes it seems boundaries are a situation of semantics. His boundary could be that wants to be with someone who prioritizes spending relationship milestones with him vs trips with others. If she doesn’t do that then it’s his decision to stay or go. It’s a rule set on his reaction to his boundary. However it could also be seen as a way to control others decisions. It’s perspective and interpretation.
Dump her. What she did is an unforgivable crossing of boundaries.
I’m the same, I find it painful too.
Tell him sternly that you don’t like it and if he does it again, you WILL defend yourself. If he does, knee him in the balls.
It’s a good lesson about boundaries and assault for him.
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She can’t forbid you from doing any of that. That’s controlling. Do you wanna be with someone that controlling
Honestly with the abuse you’re experiencing your best bet may be to call Adult Protective Services to talk about this.
That’s completely fair and reasonable. Wasn’t sure what your relationship was like with your dad.
Let’s be honest – how many relationships between a man in his 30s and a teenager are not abusive on some level?
right? and even people with common sense can be manipulated.
I don't believe anything OP says especially after reading some of her comments.
Hey, I just want to say that I don't think you deserve the absolute roasting you are getting and people are drawing conclusions without enough information.
But I also just want to make sure you're very aware how your codependency has caused you to make poor choices in the past. And being aware of your issues is only step 1. Step 2 is making healthier choices for you and your kids. Often people become aware of their issues but still repeat the pattern a few times before they learn to do better.
The truth is you stayed with an abusive man for far too long and this meant your children witnessed that abuse. I want you to forgive yourself for this. I get it – truly. You didn't deserve it and you were doing your best at the time.
But be very aware that you may make the same mistake again. It probably feels like you won't. But you might. I hope your new partner is an angel but please be ready to end it at the first sign that he is not right for you or abusive or neglectful. There may not be signs yet. It may be impossible to imagine at this point. And if you start seeing signs you won't want to believe it. You will still have feelings for him and hope and it will be very hard to leave. For the sake of your kids, please face your fear of being alone if it comes to that.
I truly hope it goes smoothly for you and the new guy is as great as you hope.
I’m guessing you’re single.. I’m just glad I have a girl and am happy with her!
Waiting until the you are set up financially means no kids. Does having kids prevent you from advancing financially?
I say, if she is the right one, let her know it. Ring the finger, bake that bun, on-line your life. Finances will ALWAYS be an issue, with or without kids.
If he said you can come in, why aren’t you going in????
Thank you for your response!
I don't want to label it as abuse, because I don't think that's what he's doing. It's definitely more than going silent for a few hours though, which I would totally understand.
But even if it isn't happening as abuse, he's hurting me and it seems like he doesn't care :/
Can’t win these days ??♀️ the world has gone mad.
Which I guess that’s what I’m frustrated about. I have been patient with him and giving his affection as much as I can that isn’t sexual specifically so he knows that I love him and I support him. As we’ve been living with each other for a year now it’s been we have sex only once a week or once every other week and I guess I’m at the point where beggars can’t be choosers and just be happy with what I get when it happens
He seems genuine. Just needs someone, like a good therapist, to get it into his head the damage his behavior has caused. It sounds like there were issues where he was considering ending the marriage before cheating, which I suspect is pretty common with people that cheat. I hope they do seek out counseling. Learning how to communicate properly can solve a lot of big problems before they snowball into big selfish stupid mistakes that cause trauma and shame for life. :/
Him changing his tune suddenly makes me think he's projecting.
Ask him to show you his phone. You don't even have to go through it, his reaction should tell you everything that you need to know. And don't fall for his bs if he decides to show it 2 days later.
Alternatively, ask him if it's samantha or anne when he gets the message and see how he reacts.
Or, just be upfront and ask what the hell is wrong with him suddenly and if he has something to admit. Good luck
You're the best dad. Just be there; it's the most some of us can ask for and you're doing a stupendous job. Blessed be your little family and that Justice may come for him.
So you saw each other almost every day for a year and in all that time he was able to hide his kids? He couldn’t have been a very involved dad then. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that, and that’s not even taking into account the HUGE red flag that he didn’t tell you about them. Also considering how close you are in age to his daughter, yeah it’s creepy. He took advantage of your youth and naïveté. Someone an appropriate age for him wouldn’t put up with this BS.
This sounds so exhausting. You deserve better and shouldn’t have to track a man. Get yourself lit of this situation for your own mental health
Time to create some expectations.
Why not get a job working outside the home?
Tell him your deadline to get a car.
I want a car I can drive in 2 weeks. If that’s too much, then I will buy one myself. I needs to have X requirements. You promised me a car and so far you haven’t respected your own promise.
Divorce and find your happiness!
You have already explained it to him over and over, if he kept tuning it out, that's on him.
I'm so sorry, I think it would be best for you to just go no contact with them permanently.
Honestly. If he gets mad about you asking him anything, you should definitely take that as a sing that he doesn’t think you’re worth explaining anything to or working on anything with. He doesn’t want to talk like an adult ??♀️ food for though.
You're 30 and in the prime of your life, don't despair. Not saying rush back out onto the dating scene, but you'll find the one you're meant to be with.
Good for you. I dated someone like that for 5yrs in my 20s. An absolute black hole emotionally. Only ever took, never gave.
Sometimes people can’t get better without outside help. Depression doesn’t pass on its own. You are not a therapist and can only do so much.
She needs professional help. You can help her actually get that.