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It's a shame a lot of people view therapy as a bad thing. It's a useful tool for learning about yourself and having a better life. Try talking to him about this fear of his, and when he says he wants to do better and work on it, bring up some potential ideas. He could try to figure out what thoughts are going though his mind and be more open about them, read self help books, he could write you notes if it's easier for him, and he could talk to you about these things after the fact so you both understand better what is happening. Therapy would be the easiest since they are more trained and know what to look for.
It seems like you too clearly like each other but this “spark” you feel like you are missing could be gone to poor mental
That’s just 1 perspective though
When you know, you know …or so it seems. Do what makes your heart happy and what makes sense for you all as a couple. Some people got together really quickly and it worked but for other people it didn't. Some people dated for a really long time and it worked, other people it didn't.
Updateme!
Are you genuinely pretending it's normal to have an adult man sleep over to protect you while your SO is abroad. He can't both make her feel safe and be a 'little baby' lmao.
Being in potential danger is a pathetic excuse to have an adult man stay over during nighttime. Get a better security system.
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This and on top i think now its time to figure out WHY he watches porn. Most people use it as material simply for self enjoyment. Not because theyre not satisfied with their partner. And liking 1 thing does not mean you cant like another thing as well.
You’re falling for the Sunk Cost Fallacy (Google it). Basically, it says that if you’ve got something that once was good, you shouldn’t hold on to it when it goes bad simply because it was good once. It’s like you have a container of milk; if it goes bad, you throw it away and get a new container.
You’ve been in your relationship for 8 years and it’s not good anymore. Unless you both discuss it and can agree to make changes, and stick to them, you should walk away and find a new partner.
Good luck.
It’s the end.
Your ex girlfriend is going to date other people. You’re done. You’re finished.
She’s giving you false hope because your begging was pathetic, women hate that shit and she wanted it to stop. Harsh, but true.
If you want to act like an adult, contact her and say you’ve thought it over, that you accept it’s time to move on and there’s no need to wait one month and there’s no need for a weekly call or anything like that, tell her she’s encouraged you to work on yourself and that you wish her well and hope she finds someone that’s suits her better.
Then do not contact her ever again.
Then you hit the gym hot. You focus on your career. Reconnect with your friends. You set goals and chase them. When you feel good, start dating again. Don’t rush.
some women view every guy as a reclamation project. he's gonna be great after i remake him into the pliable sub i expect. i assure you that you can never be the guy she has imagined for herself. the complaints and demands to worship her properly will never, ever end.
stand up, be you and find someone who likes you. don't be with someone that prefers remaking you into her fantasy dream date.
none of us are perfect. we all have some rough edges. however, be with someone who wants you. there is someone out there for you!
This left her absolutely heartbroken and irate. She was floods of tears on the day of our wedding and several days afterwards.
A week after our wedding they announced the date of their wedding which only made things worse.
Your wife is ridiculously melodramatic about this. She doesn't own the space around your wedding date and it is unreasonable to expect that no one else will ever have anything happen around your wedding. It's baffling how invested she is in being so dramatically upset about it months later.
She feels like my whole family haven’t taken her seriously enough about this and it’s getting between us.
Honest to G-d, what does she expect? Your brother and his partner exist in their own universe that occasionally bumps against yours. They are not responsible for managing your wife's melodrama. If she's looking for an apology, she's not likely to get one, because THEY DID NOTHING WRONG.
She needs therapy and you guys should probably see someone together. She needs to get her expectations of other peoples' behavior reset and to be reminded that she is not the center of the universe.
Good luck.
PP said that he's not giving her any money but she works and earns her own money.
So she won't be worse off by kicking him out.
You know what you're feeling is irrational, but the feeling is there anyway. That's how feelings are. The best you can do is to keep on making new memories and feelings with her, enough of them to swamp the ones you wish would go away.
I am a married woman. I watch porn sometimes. And I'm not completely sure, but I think my husband does too. Sometimes one of us is in the mood and the other is not. I am completely okay with him getting himself off. And he is okay with me doing the same and porn can help with that. I do see how this can be a big no no for people. But the way I see it, watching porn can be a solution for couples with different libidos for example. You are completely within your right to set this boundary with your partner, but I do believe that you may have to satisfy him more often if you do… Or find another solution together.
Great men don't rape.
“Hey, so this is what I need from my partner to be happy in a relationship and committed to it continuing. I am flexible on the details, and I don't expect XYZ every day, but I need to feel like I am being heard and see effort on your part.”
Then communicate what you need and be very clear that this is a need, not a want.
If she says “fuck off” or you see no effort, then enforce the boundary … assuming you feel strongly enough about this need to communicate that one exists.
Feeling neglected and unloved will poison your relationship and make you bitter in the long run, so get this resolved (one way or the other) now.
Yeah I would
Info: did it ever occure to you that she cares and thus it matters to her?
The cycle part could also be her not being comfortable.
All of this sounds like “but I don't care so she shouldn't” but that is not how life works she may still care even if you were not the partner in the equation.
Think of this as a golden opportunity.
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER agree to ANY division of assets proposed by your partner.
What I would personally do is take my half of the business NOW, be it by forcing a sale or being bought out – I would not delay it for the future under any circumstances whatsoever. Once his new partner is in town he may choose to do very differently. You should secure your assets RIGHT NOW.
Tell your children the truth, they're old enough.
Tell your ex that you will only communicate through lawyers now, none of this bullshit about coming over to make breakfast and play pretend.
You have to be stone cold now. Let this other woman have your sloppy seconds, AFTER you extract every single thing you are owed out of your marriage.
And then… online your best life.
So that woman reported you when you actually did nothing?
i wasnt threatening suicide. i was stating how i felt. would u think it would be best if i kept it to myself and then possibly done it?
This is how manipulative people talk. Trying to make your choices someone else's fault. This is childish and manipulative and exhausting.
Let him know that if you didn't need the stuff for a year you can do without it forever. If you do want it, ask him to mail it. There is no reason to be friends with someone who abandoned you and im sure asking to be friends is a precursor to trying to get you back.
I dated a woman who I later found out had BPD. She wanted me desperately and said she adored me and everything seemed great. But when she realized she was falling for me, and more important – that I was falling for her – she would freak out and say she needed space and disappeared for a few weeks to a month or two. She would then start contact again, apologize and the process started over. After 3 times like that I realized I dont want to be with someone who isn't sure they want to be with me and I sure as hell am not going to chase someone who isn't even sure they can be in my life on a day to day basis. She recently contacted me asking if we can be friends again but that is how it always starts and then when we see each other in person and she gets very touchy, very quickly. I'm seeing other people now though. I've moved on and you should too. Life is too short to spend on people who are unreliable. Let them lament what they've lost and maybe the pain will force them to get help and change their behaviors.
Honestly, I just think there are a lot of assumptions and lack of communication happening here.
Firstly, YOU are the one who should be issuing invitations to YOUR parents. You've been laying this off on your wife, which is totally inappropriate. She handles her parents, and you handle your parents.
Secondly, the passive/aggressive “we could have been there” BS has to stop. The solutions are a) block her from commenting on any of your wife's FB posts, b) call her out on FB, by responding “You were invited and chose not to attend”, c) Tell your Mom to cut it the fuck out.
Thirdly, there is a LOT of assuming going on here. Both you and your wife are assuming that your parents have tons of time on their hands because they are retired. My parents were WAY busier when they retired, because they were finally free to do all the things they couldn't do when tied to a job. They were on the go all the time and had plans months in advance. Also, you are both assuming that your parents should be ectastic to be thoroughly involved in your children's lives. But, what if they aren't? What if being around babies and small children isn't what they want at all? Your expectation that they should want to be involved and them not wanting to be involved can be sorted out by TALKING about it. Stop making assumptions and having expectations that may not be what they want at all. Going to Chuck E. Cheese with a bunch of loud little kids may be the stuff of nightmares for them. TALK to them.
Don't stay. You struggling to be healthy and happy is not good for the kids or you. Sometimes it's better to be separated and happy.
I don’t understand a lot of the comments here. If I was the girl in this situation and my husband got mad at me for this, I would just think he isn’t being very understanding and is also being a little controlling by trying to say who I can and can’t invite over.
Even if you “knew” his intentions, she didn’t seem to think he was a threat. Then when she found out that he was a threat on her own, she stopped him in his tracks and didn’t engage. She was well within her rights to invite someone over who she saw as a friend and make her own judgments. Nothing happened and she seems to have been creeped out by the dude so most likely won’t talk to him anymore.
It sounds like she felt bad for him, meaning she’s a nice person and didn’t wanna hurt his feelings. Seriously not a big deal at all and definitely nothing to break up over… Reddit is wild lol
If you feel done with the relationship, end it. You are both young. You can both find relationships that meet your needs.
It’s just the end of this but the beginning of new opportunities.
This isn’t complicated.
Why do people always try to mend relationships between parent and offspring? There's always a reason there's no relationship and it's none of your business. I don't blame him for wanting to call off the wedding, I would too. You ignored his boundaries and disrespected him in his own home. His safe space.
Your girlfriend is a narcissist and a psychopath