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I'd break up with her, she sounds really inappropriate and creepy asking you those questions and you have a right not to trust her after ignoring your safe word and carrying on.
Before you reply “be kind” to this, consider who deserves “kindness” in your situation.
Is it your husband, who is clearly making mistakes but also doing his best to provide for you and your kids? Is it your kids, who deserve a loving family? Or is it you, who is taking the easy way out, only thinking about yourself and actively having an emotional affair?
Why would you deserve kindness more than them? You're taking the easy path and committing to an emotional affair instead of the harder path of communicating with your husband/making the difficult choice of divorce.
All your actions have done is hurt yourself and your family. How about you think of them for a change?
You don't really think you're being too demanding to want a bf with whom you have a real relationship? You really don't think this is you not trying nude enough, or expecting to much? Perhaps consider that this is the man you are with, and he is not likely to change (and he sounds super boring if he works so much and can't be arsed to do things you want, ever), and make your plans accordingly?
It took me longer than it should have, but eventually I recognized that keeping my parents in my life was not the right move. It personally bothered me to lend credibility to people that supported awful things and just generally made me sad to see what they've become.
You're young and maybe my strategy isn't best for you right now. However, it's probably a good time for you to take a step back and get some distance from your mom and see how you want to proceed. Know that complete separation is an option and keep it on the table, because you don't know just how bad it will get. My guess is you haven't seen the worst yet.
Ugh, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Do you know if he was dating/seeing other people in that time? For some reason I have this huge paranoia that he's going to be dating while we still live together
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Good. Continue to do this re whether he wants to report your friend. But as for cutting this man off and leaving the friend group, that decision should have been instant for you and shouldn't even be on your husband's shoulders right now.
Just cut all ties. Your ex friend knows what he did. If anyone from the group asks what happened to you both you can say, “he crossed a major boundary and we don't want to see him again.”
Done.
The fact you think you are in any way responsible is alarming. When he breaks your daughters arm will he convince you that she made him do it because she was playing too loudly or otherwise acting too much like a child?
Him convincing you that it’s your fault he put his hands on you IS ALSO ABUSE. And it’s TEXTBOOK ABUSE.
I wouldn’t let him alone with the baby when she’s fussy, I can 1000% see him shaking her because she won’t stop crying.
Did she ask for advice or did she just want to vent about the job search
I'm scared to walk out and down the line find out that I made a mistake
Saying this kindly, it sounds like you've been making a mistake for years. There is no reason to keep making it. I know it's scary to think about ending things. But you are not helping either of you by staying in a relationship you hate. Leave, and give both of you the chance to find better love.
Well the bad decision has already been made. When someone threatens suicide, but they're doing so manipulatively (on purpose or as a side effect) the correct response is telling them you wish them the best and hope they get the help they need. Followed up by “if you're serious, and you're telling me this information, I'd be happy to call the police or your parents and have them take care of you and get you the help you need.”
This last bit shuts up manipulators.
And at least you're not egging someone on.
It's not your fault he attempted suicide, but let's be honest with ourselves. We still feel like it is – so why have that weight on our shoulders the rest of our lives?
As for moving forward, you should be no contact. He didn't succeed, his parents are aware, and he's receiving the help he needs.
If you resume contact, you're providing false hope and getting sucked in to it being your responsibility again.
My rule for dating: Always no contact until both parties have moved on, and if contact is forced, always be cordial and cut the conversation ASAP.
Based on your comment, your bf needs to say. “When I'm at OPs house I'm not going to tell you everything I'm doing while there. I will call you once a day though.”
She should be able to accept that. even with helicopter tendencies, she's still getting her call once a day then.
So what is the problem really?
Him quitting his job, or him not being with you during weekends?
It's a lost cause. I can't say anymore.
When asked the first thing he chose to do was lie.
That tells me a lot about him.
The second thing he chose to do was also lie because well just no way does a person leave a random bra hanging on a door. If it is clean it is in a bag, if it is worn then urgh leaving a dirty bra on your door knob?
If it was months ago he could have got rid of it before this, so why was he keeping a bra for months?
Just no. Really, just no.
No where does it say that she goes out and spends money. That's just the one sentence her father harped on. She also clarifies that she rarely ever asks for rides from her parents. And getting an Uber at the end of her late shift is not a simple thing to do. They are harder to find and are often way more expensive. She's paying rent and for food. They pay none of her bills. Rarely asking them for a ride is not burdensome. And if she carpools with coworkers, then that's a pretty normal thing to do.
So many assumptions insulting OP. No one seems interested in how her situation is set up. She manages her own transportation, just sometimes it doesn't work out the way you plan.
She is NOT a burden! He IS an asshole, who appears to be setting her up to fail. So much of society really likes to treat adult children like entitled assholes, while not even considering that it's the parents in the wrong. Flying monkeys, man.
The WHAT
What? your maturity is showing I think…
I don’t know about other people, I just know he thinks “is wrong to kill unborn babies”. I figure that connects to killing innocent animals too
Better break up instead of trying to change him.
Love is never enough. And after years of being disregarded, disrespected, and disappointed you’ll realize you don’t love him and that you’ve wasted years.
Honestly it's probably for the best as the kids will just be used by their mom against you or to manipulate you. Kids shouldn't go through that.
It’s clearly something in her past which she regrets and potentially makes her feel differently about herself. It could be anything, including SA. You don’t get to demand this but maybe you should urge her to speak with a therapist about it.
Sounds like he was afraid to make a move and the knowledge that you had a boyfriend was enough for him to finally make a move. You guys are young so I wouldn’t put too much stock in it but him asking you out even though you’re in a relationship could be a potential yellow flag. However, it seems like you and the long distance guy have already decided what should be done in this situation. And I think you both realize long distance will never work out long term if you have sexual needs. At the end of the day though, it’s up to you what to do, and no one can make decisions for you.
Who’s forcing you to do anything? I didn’t read anything about anyone forcing something on you. At best your new girl has made a request, idk why you’re villanizing her
You have a choice between your ex and your new girl. If keeping contact with ex is important to you then bid good bye to the new girl and move on, find someone who won’t have a problem with the ex. It’s been 3 weeks it’s not that nude.
If you instead see a future with this girl and want to see where this goes you must respect her boundaries that she doesn’t want exes in either of your lives. Maybe suggest using a coparenting app for the dog.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
The new person always gets shit for enforcing their boundaries and the OP acts like there’s some great injustice going on. And it’ll probably get downvoted. But the truth is I have learned the nude way what happens when you let an ex linger around when they have no business lingering. All in the attempt to be the ‘cool’ girl. Either the guy is still fixated on the ex and looking for a placeholder, or the ex suddenly wants to try again and the guy is like ‘I must give my ex a chance, we have so much history‘. Good for her for trimming the redundant so early on.
End the relationship.
You can't handle this dude's labido. That's just kind of how it is. What's the use of getting pissed off at him for being horny all the time?
I did ask if he wants to join. It’s a nude no for him right now but maybe in the future I’m sure I can get him to come around.
I don’t think it’s bad to post on social media as long as it’s good intentions. It helps spread the word. In fact I’ve had many other friends wanting to go or ask about it & some actually now going.
I do really appreciate you jumping in to give context. The live world can be a mean place. The convo totally steered towards something else.. but I suppose without all context that is what will happen.
Donate some more instead of going. Your money helps a lot more than your daytrips ever will.
I wouldn't say any of this. Your second para is trying to say “it has to be about what's best for our children” but the first para is about OP defending her actions and the second will be completely disregarded by the type of person that needs to hear it.
The talk to a lawyer part is good though.
ok I see, thank you
He cheated. And WTH why would he send her one of your nudes?? were they talking about you ?? i would be so mad. omg
The web of lies, istg
Seriously? You're talking about men from the 40's, not in their 40's. He's just a predatory asshole. It's got nothing to do with his generation.
I wish we didn’t break up but I don’t want to be in a toxic relationship either. What is best for me to say or do ?
To him? Nothing. No one gets to tell you – an adult – who you can and can't be friends with or connected to on SM. Block him and go on with life.
Weird how nobody agrees with you…
Get on the internet. Find some foot porn. Make a note of some of the things that they do.
Try them with your husband and see which ones you both have fun with.
I unfortunately don’t have any family near by to help me with any of this. I’ve tried some jobs live but it’s so nude to find one that’s not fake and just a scam. I almost got scammed one time and ever since I’ve been scared to try anything further .
Aw that's sweet. You realise it's monthly and she's coped fine for years – so just ask her if she wants some treats. She'll tell you.
Own up to your own shitty actions. Tell your fiancé that you chose Dave over him so much that you openly declared you didn’t love him. Tell him that all it took was a guy that wasn’t him to show you a little attention, and you dropped them drawers. Let that poor dude find someone who’s loyal.
I know everyone on Reddit will be shocked to hear this, but not everyone wants to kill their child.
None of those four children are regrets for their families.