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Camila, 20 y.o.
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F that. I'd feel like I'd just been cheated on. Especially after telling you he didn't want anymore kids. Well guess what, he has another biological child on the way. That was an awful way to find out. I would seriously consider leaving. There is nothing you can do now and every time you see that kid, you'll see your husband's other child. He should have talked to you about this before doing it. I'm sorry. I hope you can heal and move on from this.
There are many ways to betray a person without cheating on them. This is a complete betrayal of trust. It’s not like she’s his girlfriend, this is his wife of 5 years. You talk through decisions like this together, period. For her to find out the way she did is devastating. I’d be leaving without a doubt.
That’s dumb. They obviously care about each other and it’s tough for both of them. Probably a good idea to just talk though it and figure out what they both want at this point.
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Cancel the process. Don't marry someone who sees you as a plan B. Because that mean she has a plan A in progress back home, but wants to keep her options open with you in case it doesn't pan out or that visa is sure thing.
If her relationship with you is contingent on the visa application going forward and she is willing to re-enter the relationship then but doesn't want to be in the relationship while it takes a while to process, then she IS in the relationship for the visa, not you.
Personally, I have no issue with people wanting to come to the US and using marriage as a fast track for a visa… IF they are fully open and honest about their motivations with a partner that understands and is willing to take on that risk to help them. Natural born citizens marry for all sorts of stupid reasons, I see no reason the US should be more obtuse about international couples.
But in this case, you're being played. You're a means to an end for her and you are both seeking different things from this relationship and she isn't being up front about what she is seeking. So for your own sake, I'd suggest you just end things and cut contact entirely.
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Stop all contact. This back and forth stuff isn't doing either of you any good.
Why? This is not some stranger trying to force himself onto me. It's my partner. In theory someone I want to have sex with generally.
If i got home on my birthday and my partner set up and evening for us to have some bday sex I would think it's sweet. Maybe i would want a sandwich first, but i wouldnt dismiss him trying to surprise me with something he thought I would enjoy.
I wouldn't be offended “omg how dare my partner want to have sex with me on my birthday”
Gender doesn't matter, because you can still say you're not interested, of course, but you can be more sensitive about how you say it to consider the feelings of someone trying to something nice to you.
It’s been two now, but I felt like I needed more time after that first month and I don’t want to derail any emotional progress she’s made if she’s still not feeling better. Just trying to figure out how to break the ice
As a woman in a heterosexual relationship, these comments confuse me. If my partner felt rejected and embarrassed after making himself vulnerable trying to surprise me with something that may lead to sex, I would feel bad that he feels that way and would want to comfort him and improve the situation between us….even if it was MY birthday. It’s not about sex or sex drive or manipulation, it’s about caring when your partner is hurting. Also I don’t care who it is in the relationship and whose birthday it is, if you’re going to be butt hurt that dinner is not on the table exactly when you want it, that is entitled and unappreciative behavior and you can make yourself a gd sandwich.
So he left a bra hanging on the door for months just to collect germs and mould and then give it back to the girl one day? How OBLIVIOUS can you get? So desperate..
He's not really disabled, he just gets the rent.
You can say it’s the demographic but this post is literal proof. OP got sexually assaulted by a woman and the first response from most of these people are to make sure his wife is okay.
His wife doesn’t even care that he was assaulted. Heck, OP doesn’t even have time to process that he was assaulted because he cares more about how his wife feels (rightfully so he should care but he should also recognize what happened).
Toxic masculinity is only discussed in ways that hurt women and is used to attack and vilify men (justified or not). It’s rarely used positively uplift men in order to shut down actual toxic concepts thought of by men and women about men.
Say whatever you want but this is our society.
You’re too young to fall into this issue.
Sit her down. Tell her you love her and want her to know this is coming from a place of support.
Then explain, relationships don’t work when there isn’t room for independence and personal growth.
Then explain you’re concerns and if there is fear of codependency. (hint: your making statements that allude to it already)
If you guys want this relationship to work, she has to know how you feel and she has to take time to digest it.
If she gaslights or guilts or attacks your position, then you’ve found out you’re better off moving on.
I know if i were in an homosexual relationship, i would end up missing having sex with a man in the long run. I
Are you talking about being in a homosexual relationship as a heterosexual? Because that's completely different than being a relationship with either a man or a woman as a bisexual.
And anyway, the thought process you outline is exactly how thinking someone isn’t a strong candidate for monogamy works, you think that they experienced something, that they won't be content with just you in the long run.
Well, you’re 38 years old and you just got screwed by your girlfriend. I I don’t know your financial situation, but I hope you have some savings. Can you call your old landlord and see if he’s got any place for you? Any old friends that need a roommate? And your current location are there any people looking for a roommate? Check the craigslist for situation wanted.
I’m in the southeast so I’m indifferent on this game. Plus, it’s all about college football here. My son goes to Georgia, where the party has been non-stop since winning the national championship (again). Wife and I went to FSU when that program was fighting for it most years.
But if it helps get that downvote changed to an upvote I’ll root for NYG.
On what grounds? He can't annul a marriage just because his wife doesn't like fucking him. They'll have to get a divorce.
Nope. It sounds like you are a nice person that sometimes struggles with boundaries. Pretty normal really. You aren't doing anything wrong that I can see!
No you are not at all.
I don’t completely understand the context about a ring to keep others from falling off…. But no you don’t have to wear a ring from his ex that’s ridiculous. You don’t have to wear any ring you don’t like.
frankly your communication skills suck, talking about stuff isn't forcing things, it's how you get answers and things resolved
People are making it about sex and incest because he’s calling her disgusting and filthy. The implication is obvious. We are using context clues here. If it was just about it being his sacred space, different words would have been used by the husband. And even if it was just about that, the husband would still be very wrong and overreacting. Your spouse does something minor that you don’t like, you don’t turn into a lunatic about it.
Yeah. I could never imagine doing this anywhere around anyone. It just seems so disturbing and honestly impossible to do
What in the actual F…. Um no. If my man said that I’d drag his ass right on out the door right then and there. You don’t need advice on this. You know that’s a damn lie. What he’s doing is testing you to see what he can get away with. Go read all those posts of women trapped -married with kids no money to leave and being cheated on and abused by their spouses. That’s your future with this one.
Lol it's ok honestly I think it's completely normal to want to go out or even travel and have that sense of freedom, it's not just a “young and dumb” thing I'm 33, married and have 2 kids and trust me I go through the same motions. Not traveling to other countries but just going out on my own for a good long walk and to just be on my own for a while and will always want to go back home to my family. And it's enough for me.
Whenever you imagine going out or traveling do you have that feeling of wanting to go back home to her afterwards?
People make mistakes. Move on.
Sell the property and split the profit and bounce.
Strange timing. I suppose he sensed something was up, the same tension that had you reach out here in the first place.
It may not seem it but he likely did you a favour. As I noted previously there were a lot of hurdles unlikely to be overcome and this action by him is consistent with all that.
Your boyfriend is a liar and a cheater who wants to have the benefits of having a girlfriend and sleep around too. He knew you were in a vulnerable position when you moved in. He knows you don’t have a support system, which is why he gets away with abusing you. He knows you won’t leave because you’ve shown that to him. Why would he change? You’ve proven to him time and time again that you’ll stick by him after he cheats, so he has no reason to change. You deserve better.
Then porn would be banned from most relationships I've told my bf even “idc if you watch porn/hentai/whatever else aslong as its not paid for and your not developing something with the person(1o1 can girls things like that)”
There's a difference between voicing your feeling to give the people in your life an understanding of how your brain works and voicing your feelings because you want a specific reaction from that person.
Just because her neutral comment made you feel bad, doesn't mean she actually did something wrong. And while some situations do deserve acknowledgement and an apology, some situations require you to acknowledge your feelings to yourself, determine if that person actually did something wrong, and if the answer is no, deal with your emotions on your own or with a therapist.
When I'm upset with someone or they upset me, I need space. Her reaction isn't weird to me. She needs space and doesn't want to be around you for any number of reasons, let her cool down and come to you on her own. If she was forcing you out of bed, it'd be bad but she's giving herself what she needs. Why suffocate her when times are tense?
So, basically you're asking if you should be worried because a known cheater is being shady?
My dude. Girl is flat out telling you directly to your face that she has no self-control and has no plans on trying to develop any.
You didn't 'work through' anything. He molified you, married you, and warped your mind to think its normal to be talking about porn with another woman. When you start questioning these things and are made out to be over reacting you are being controlled. He wanrs you to shut up and stop pestering him whilst he has his fun. And its accepted at this point because you have allowed him to get away with it time and time again. He must think you are an absolute doormat.