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And what exactly are you going to do about that? Waste above year on a guy who isn't putting in what you are?
I would be outta there
I can’t see myself trusting, loving or committing to someone who has been with that many people.
Why not?
because I don't think her claims of me not being supportive of her are fair
Op, you have postpartum depression.
My mom has it after I was born and I had it after a situation. I wanted to end things due to an abusive ex who was so awful, that I tried to take my life. This was back in 2014.
You need to seek out a therapist and reach out to family if you can. You should t be getting married and this man needs to go.
Just because you love him, doesn’t mean it’s going to last. You two don’t have the same values about raising children. He thinks it’s your job to raise and stay home, he thinks it’s his job to earn the bread.
You clearly want him to help, he doesn’t think he needs to help raise this kid, period.
But please, please, please, reach out friends and family for help, get help with a therapist!
Talk to her and open up about it before you consider breaking it off.
THIS! I'm a guy but a 3 year difference above or below is a straight no for me. It genuinely grosses me out, I talked to a 22 y/o a few months ago and the difference in our maturity and goals in life was huge.
Lying about it in the first place is 'doing something wrong', but I get the spirit of what you're saying.
Calm down. Clearly we don't have the full story here. I get the feeling OP left out a lot of back story. I don't think her dad would turn off her electricity just over one ride. And honestly it's not THAT crazy of a punishment. You're exaggerating a lot acting as if her parents are crazy. OP won't due from joy using her phone charger or computer for a while.
My friend did archeological dig in an abandoned coast Oregon mining town. They found something like a turkey baster but were confused because they didn’t exist then. It was where the hotel was at so they found out it’s what the prostitute cleaned herself out with after a visit from a John.
Luckily she’s not you purrr
My friend, you cannot set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You are not her therapist, nor her counsellor, nor her rehab. You cannot stay in this relationship as it will cost you too much before it is finally over. For your own mental health, leave now!
I do have a question. What do you mean by “popped the question?” Historically that means he asked you to marry him, and I’m assuming that’s not the case. Otherwise, your three examples seem like something a high school girl would be upset about, not an adult woman. They’re minor/not really a big deal. In my opinion.
Haha. Thank you! I'm worried that maybe 10 years down the line, we'd want different things out of life?
It isn't irrational at all. It is a normal part of life to consider what you want for your future. It is entirely rational to realise that what you want isn't the same as your partner and that love isn't enough.
You sound burnt out emotionally from supporting him and getting nothing back. Perhaps you are a fixer type of person and it comes naturally to look after people but at a certain point that well runs dry. (got the t shirt on that one).
Your panic attacks are a physical sign that your body is saying no, your brain is saying no.
It isn't irrational to realise that love is not enough, that you have to have the same values and goals and you are using your logical brain to work this out, but your heart and caring side find it very hot to stop because you know it will hurt him and you both. Facing that is painful, the sunk cost fallacy makes you think of everything you faced and the idea of doing all that and not having a future together is a painful realisation.
You know what hurts though, that your dreams are being pushed aside and likely his dreams as well as you don't want the same thing he does. Embracing being the bad guy is also really nude, I would seek more support to work through this if you can afford it.
When I read your post the idea of having children with him, sitting in a rural house and having to support both the children and his needs feels like exhaustion and resentment will be the overriding feelings. That is not what you need, you need someone to do it with not for.
I realise that this might also mean not having children and that is something you also have to consider and that is also probably part of the equation, are you okay with possibly not having children? does the idea of having them with him fill you with joy or dread? And if dread then I would explore that further perhaps with someone in person.
She is not in a space to be dating.
Would tell me to cover myself head to toe, didn’t want me having male friends, would get mad if exes texted me for innocent reasons, said I couldn’t wear blush cuz it mimicked O face, accused his best friend of trying to sleep with me for zero reason, stole my phone without permission, stalked me and my neighbors on social media/Google, would keep me up till midnight making me cry yelling at me about my past.
If that isn't enough for you to close that chapter of your life with cement, I don't know what would be. You barely knew this guy. Why would you risk anything for him?
Yeah – breaking up with her seems like the best thing to do, from what you've written. I'm sorry you're going through this.
BUT – if she has a history of suicide attempts, please, PLEASE remind yourself that, no matter WHAT she does after you break up with her, no matter WHO tries to blame you – SHE is the only one responsible for her actions.
I dated someone a long time ago that reminds me of your situation. She, too, would spend all day long watching TV, not doing anything, except when she was around me. When I broke up with her, she tried to kill herself, and her mother called me to cuss me out for “what I did to her daughter”.
That shit can mess you up. So – I say again – you are not responsible for whatever she does after you break up with her. SHE is solely responsible for her actions. Do NOT let yourself be manipulated by her threats against herself. If she threatens suicide, call the police, don't agree to see her, and don't be alone with her.
Good luck, OP – I hope you find your peace sometime very soon.
This is tough and unfortunately no cure all. Every person is different and react differently to various methods. Some things you could try doing together or separately is meditation and light yoga. Drinking tea like green tea, peppermint, chamomile. Sometimes essential oils like peppermint can help. These are things to help calm the mind and keep the mind focused on other tasks.
Sounds like you are already talking with her about it. She’s also seeing a therapist, and a doctor. Has the doctor recommended anti-anxiety meds? If legal where you are from, could also try CBD.
This is from my experience trying to help a family member suffering from anxiety and depression. Trying different things, some worked and some didn’t. It took a long time, but now that person is in a better state doing the above. Therapy did not work for this family member, again different for each person, or perhaps not the right therapist.
Hope some of this helps and hope she feels better soon.
Ok, without looking at your post history, here's my initial thought: whatever she helped you out with when you got married, should be the same (or a bit more) that you help her out with.
If it was going to be difficult to return this money, you shouldn't have accepted it (and spent it) in the first place. So try to come up with an equal sum so you can be even.
She said she still lives with her family and they can hear.
If she's always been this way and there's small progression, you guys just aren't compatible..
If it went sudden, she's probably cheating or got sexually assaulted
Go to your graduation. Tell your selfish and self-absorbed brother that you'll go to his next wedding. Then walk away without discussion…
Thanks for the advice. Everything has been so very hot, do you know the name of the apps ?
I always just grabbed her, pulled her in real close, looked her in the eyes and whispered into her ear what I wanted to do to her while kissing passionately and biting her neck. That always worked for me.
I'm sorry, you have 24M in your bank account? Not like in an investment fund or stock something?
It makes no sense to have all of that in ONE place either. Usually you diversify in case one place goes under or something.
I think OOP is a troll. Nobody with this amount of savings would be so bad with money.
She could ntt consent, so it is SA, whether she wants to admit it or not. Which, in fact, admitting it can have very negative effects. Either way she likely needs some counselling and somoene professional to talk to, regardless of the outcome regarding SA.
For you, if you take the bright side view here, and you can, I think, then you are a very good man and it will help her to quit drinking. You will need to be very strong to support her as the mental images and after effects can be very hot, so some counselling for you may be in order down this path, and perhaps as a couple.
I'm not hurt. But all also never let a few people dictate how my feelings are controlled. You have a good life. Besides by your comment, not like your words can ever do anything to me or matter.
I don't know. As in every reddit thread ever, I guess you'd have to know the person in the flesh to really figure out what's going on. (even then, it's a crapshoot but a slightly more accurate one imo). Maybe she hasn't figured out that how the blackout mechanism works (your tolerance diminishes time and time again and the blackouts come earlier and earlier in your consumption).
Now, a blackout would probably be scary enough for a person to lay off the drink altogether, but maybe she thought that if she can moderate herself, she can partake in a social activity.
Perhaps she has been drinking less and less, trying to figure out what's happening to her body, without realising that her body is doing what it's doing.
It must be so weird when a certain input doesn't give the response you're expecting – we all know the limits of our body, but when they go completely haywire, I figure that there's a moment of doubting oneself, maybe fear (if one doesn't realise what's going on and is afraid to research it/ask a professional/find out) etc.
There are no direct flights and tickets are about $700, which is unfortunate! Planning any vacation trips from there would add an extra 4 to 5 hours to whatever plans we would have. So, that part really sucks for that location.
Thanks for your input!
Hahaha…you three really deserve one another. Continue.
First of all, it's understandable that you're feeling upset and angry about this situation. However, it's important to approach it in a calm and rational way.
Before taking any action, it's essential to talk to your girlfriend and make sure that you're both on the same page. It's important to understand how she feels about the situation and how she would like you to handle it.
Assuming she wants you to handle it, I'm guessing the best approach would be to talk to the guy in person when he's sober. I would go as far to say if you really want to have this conversation get a neutral 3rd party (witness) involved? It's important to approach the conversation in a calm and respectful manner, avoiding any confrontational behavior.
You or your gf could express your concerns about his behavior and how it has made you feel. Let him know that his actions were inappropriate and made you uncomfortable. Ask him to respect your relationship with your girlfriend and to refrain from making any further advances.
If the situation escalates or he refuses to listen to reason, it's best to disengage and remove yourself from the situation. It's not worth risking your own safety or getting into a physical altercation.
Remember that the most important thing is to protect your relationship with your girlfriend and to approach the situation in a mature and respectful way. Your gf will respect you handling it like an adult — even if that means ignoring it — if that's what she asks you to do
Sounds like he just gave you feedback and this is your response. Honestly, would you have responded any better if he had said it at any other time?
You have 3 choices. 1) Leave him. 2) Stay but don't give him oral. 3) keep trying and ask for his guidance on what he likes.
By the by… if there is anything he can improve on, 3) works for him too. Communication is important. Don't be scared of it or so easily offended.
Stop. Just stop. Stop pushing, trying, 'walking him through' 'building up to X' etc.
He is a person, not a project. Your description sounds like someone trying to teach a neglected animal that humans are actually friendly.
If he wants to drastically change his relationship with sex, that is on HIM and ideally a sex-positive therapist. He also has to be both willing and able. And those are very big 'ifs' that you are not equipped to help him with.
He needs professional guidance. Meanwhile slow down. It's only been a couple of months. See if he gets the help he needs and if it takes.
Good luck OP.
Slow down. 2 months of dating is way too early to be talking about any of this.
No he's not lovebombing
How do you know? This sounds exactly like love bombing.