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Yes! If you want a life with Sara TALK TO HER FIRST and tell the truth, that is the ONLY way you stand a chance.
Yes! If you want a life with Sara TALK TO HER FIRST and tell the truth, that is the ONLY way you stand a chance.
Why are you content with being someone’s second choice?
Find someone who is making your their first choice.
Trust me, I’ve been you. I’ve been with guys who were dating multiple and I was on their back burner. I finally met someone who made me their first choice. I am so happy now and the experience and relationship is so much better than I’ve experienced in the past.
Find someone who makes you the first choice. It will be nude to get over someone who you have been with 2 years, but it will be worth it. Especially with the positive mental impact it will have.
I'm so getting this for xmas. Thank you for the recommendation.
It's terrible what you went through and you should 100% get therapy to help you heal. Not every man is abusive. Not every nice person gets used.
I asked her if she would like me to wash her back this morning.
She obliged and left the door open. After I waited a bit I entered. I asked her if she had a washcloth already and she said no, and when asked she said she usually uses her hands. There was body wash in the shower (I used to wash my hair) and I washed her back and upper butt with a washcloth and body wash.
Hmm.
Thank you ❤️
I originally thought this was an AITA situation but turns out AITA isn't for interpersonal conflict and no one has specifically called me out for being an asshole. So I assumed it would make more sense to post on relationship advice. I'm not too sure if I'm dealing with this situation in the wrong way or if I'm being too controlling.
So you tell every new partner you have the amount of dudes you’ve been with from the get go or after the first few dates? If not then it sounds like you’re being a tad bit hypocritical for advocating this dude disclose his number of sexual partners (zero).
Ok, my apologies. This place has made me a horrible cynic.
Lots of the specifics in this post will be impossible to prove. No-one can tell you anything, and all you will get ia opposition or confirmation bias
But for me, the only telling thing in your post is this one comment: “he'll gaslight me like he tends to”
You're telling us that you're with a liar, and you know it. How do you know? And if you do know then why stay?
Hey OP. What happened here? Did you end up speaking with your date?
To be fair I've been using Reddit on various accounts since about 2009, though I feel like /r/relationships was the main advice page back then.
Also, I really do think I love this woman. Or maybe I am just in love with the idea of us? Does that make sense?
If you don’t think it’s creepy then maybe you can take it as a compliment for the time and effort you put in to getting ready.
Now if it’s creepy or bothering you then you have to address it, just tell him that it makes you feel awkward in the moment but you don’t want to not be friends.
How long has this been happening? Did he do it prior to you rejecting him?
‘For whom? For what?’
….they’ve answered this. It’s important to OP to maintain a friendship with her flatmates so in order to continue being part of this friendship group OP is going to have to find a way to be civil. How does cutting himself out of his friendship group’s life give him a ‘win’ result from this situation? And whilst what the girl did was wrong, and extremely hurtful, it’s not like we’re advising OP to try and ‘just be civil’ to a rapist or something.
By not accepting the apology, or at least acknowledging it – even if that’s just to say he’s heard it but doesn’t want to talk further about it, but wants to make sure this doesn’t impact the friendship group. And whilst everyone is horrified by the friend atm, they’re young and drama moves quickly at that age and if OP continues to maintain such high level anger/hurt about it as he (understandably) feels now then it won’t be long before the friends who start to feel stuck in the middle (and are not the ones feeling the hurt so will move on much faster) start calling on him to consider forgiveness and start to consider him petty for not being able to move past it and integrate with the group – which will ultimately only hurt him too. He’s much better to at least acknowledge her messages, the hurt that’s been caused and the desire for it not to affect the friendship group. It doesn’t mean accepting the apology if you’re not ready it just means putting it to bed if possible.
OP – for what it’s worth, whilst I think it would be totally legitimate to decide this has hurt you too much I also think it might be worth considering if this girl is worth a second chance. You’re not dating so this isn’t cheating it’s just massively shitty behaviour. Given your age and the use of the word cunt I suspect you’re British, if not maybe Aussie – but either way I suspect binge drinking, club culture and extremely impaired decision making was at play here. You’re all young and if some hyper confident guy swooped in when she was shit faced and already horny/pumped up/confident from making out with you all evening I suspect she wasn’t thinking…at all. Which doesn’t make this any less hurtful for you. And whilst I think civility will be to your benefit and I don’t think you’re under any obligation to forgive her I still think the most productive thing you can probably do is at least hear her out and be open and honest about your emotions too. Ultimately good strong adult relationships are built on excellent communication and being vulnerable and honest with your feelings so you can practice developing those skills now. There’s no defence on her part but the depth of her emotions will tell you what you need to know about how upset she really is that her stupid actions may well have ruined things with you.
If you aren’t exclusive then it’s fair game. Don’t overthink it unless you’ve discussed exclusively seeing each other
I love this response. I hope he reads it. I think most people dont realize even if you have the kids convo or any other critical topic convo a 1000 times before marriage, your views can change/evolve and that’s a risk you take when you get married.
I think you did the right thing. A lot of people would've settled and spent the time unhappy til the inevitable divorce. It's nude. I commend you for trying and then standing firm when you realized it wouldn't work. It sucks all the way around, but in the end, it's for the best.
I think it was kinda tacky that she was hellbent on making you go there, and then not trying to talk when you were there, instead making it seem like you're the one that ran out to avoid talking. But she was likely super emotional.
Good luck in the future! At least you know what you want out of a partner now.
I'm so sorry about your mom. One possible alternative would be to put going NC with your brother on hold for now. In the meantime, use the “gray rock” technique, and engage with him the absolute minimum.
Emotional blackmail, guilttripping and coercion are also coercive ways to nonviolently force someone into sex they don't consent to.
In your example if someone revoked consent in the middle of penetrative sex and told their partner to stop, but the partner told them to just wait until they finish without applying violent force, that wouldn't be rape either ? Stealthing wouldn't be rape either ?
I have no advice, but i have a question. Where do you get the patience to put up with that? Like really, i wouldn't be able to deal with that.
Oral sex is still sex. It's sexual intimacy with another person and it can transmit STD.
There's not a big fuss objectively and he's not wrong for doing that when single. But he shouldn't have lied when specifically asked. It's up to his gf to think it's a big fuss or not in her own perspective.
It seems to me you don’t understand the point of the person you are responding to. They shared that they have waxed at times when they didn’t intend to have sex. I have also done that. Used to maintain a Brazilian wax regularly when I was not even sexually active. Waxing is a form of grooming, it’s not a stretch to flippantly call it a “style” in a comment.
What’s weird though, is that you jumped immediately to “gaslighting” on such a stupid issue.
Because having a actual conversation with her about her weight and his concerns for her health wouldn't be better?
He can't say they should work out together? Or ask her if he can help her with workouts then?
You know be a supportive partner? If you are so concerned about a partners health and well-being why do u need to be a dick about it?
I totally get that putting on alot of weight at once is concerning YES!
SO YOU TALK ABOUT THE ISSUE!
you don't constantly neg at them and make fucking degrading jokes to hurt someone's feeling you are supposedly so fucking concerned for.
When has this approach EVER been helpful or affective?
Please let me know!
How does this motivate her to actually work on her weight when she feels depressed and bad about herself?
A positive approach isn't a better option?
No he can just be a complete asshole and it's okay because he's being helpful?
Ok
Sure but it’s not like you didn’t have a good reason and it’s not still public info. I think ‘invasion of privacy’ is a deliberately emotive term to use because it automatically paints you as the villain when he’s being shady.
It’s been 2 years. What’s to consider? If you want to be in a relationship with someone who always wants to be in one with you, you just… do that. Either he’s bullshitting about just wanting to be able to ‘give it his all’ (what does that even mean) and mired down by small doubts and he’s just stringing you along, or he genuinely feels this way and isn’t ready for a relationship. Either way if that’s what you want you’re not gonna get it here.
Do you want to be with someone who thinks it's ok to keep playing games with you & your feelings? If you don't, you either walk away or tell her she has to stop behaving the way she is.
For you to have a chance at her agreeing to sign off on not tracking what she'd be entitled to, you'll have to leverage it off something else.
I'm not sure why you'd want to see her take a loss as though only she could ever be the reason why the marriage might end. That's what you're going to piss her off about.
You are basically telling him that you don’t want to travel with him, that rather than go with him and his friends, or go with him after his trip, you’d rather go with a random stranger so long as they haven’t been.
That’s not healthy for your relationship.
And it will make your BF reconsider your relationship, and a break up is the likely outcome.