How repugnant. I’m trying to recognize your situation and keep civil but you’re way of things is so disgusting. Morally, I human being can choose to only associate with those who treat them well and no one else. I can only imagine how validated you’re daughter would feel if she had access to this thread. My advice was to ONLY reach out IF you were ready to listen and acknowledge. Your reaction was to show me why your children don’t want you around. Ma’m your ownership of humans expired when they turned 18. Somehow your children are able to set healthy boundaries. Either treat them well or be alone!
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is one of the most difficult things a parent can go through, and I can only imagine how overwhelming and heartbreaking it must be to lose three children in such a short period of time. It is natural to feel numb and to struggle with your relationship in the aftermath of such a loss.
One thing you can try is to focus on the things that you and your wife can still do together and find meaning in. This could be something as simple as taking a walk, cooking a meal, or going to a movie. It may also be helpful to try new activities or hobbies together, as this can help to create new shared experiences and provide a sense of distraction from the pain.
It may also be helpful to continue attending grief counseling and to consider seeking support from a therapist who specializes in grief and loss. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space for you and your wife to process your emotions and work through the challenges you are facing in your relationship.
It is important to remember that healing takes time, and it is okay to not have all the answers right now. You and your wife are going through an incredibly difficult time, and it is important to be patient with yourselves and to seek support when you need it. Please know that you are not alone, and that many people have gone through similar experiences and have found ways to heal and move forward
i definitely agree. Even though I wouldnt want to know about anyone he’s hooked up with while we werent dating, I’d definitely want to know if one of those people was going to be his roomate. At this point, he’s hung around Caleb on multiple occasions and they really like eachother. All my friends love my ex and are excited for us to get back together, I just really hope telling him this doesn’t ruin everything
It's really unfair for both of you. You're holding each other back from finding love and a real relationship. It's not like this is the end of the relationship, you can still be best friends but you're lying to yourselves if you think this is going to be fulfilling in the long run. Just move close to each other and still hang out a lot. You both seem to be making this all or nothing and it's not. It's ok when relationships change a little bit. You told him you want kids but you didn't say he wants them or if he just said he would have a family because that's what you want. You owe it to yourselves to at least try and find other relationships and to be on your own. I mean you can always move back in together in a few years if you want right?
I always thought guys looking me 10 years older or younger ..like something was off… but
I did try dating someone 13 years younger once… but I thought 10 years tops… until he asked me to buy alcohol and was bitchy about it and he said I'm 19 lol I'm like omg..barely legal..after like a few dates we were like rhe age is going to be a problem but when…so why pursue it… but we had put fun and that was interesting lol
She’s approaching you because you had a magical night but she, for whatever reason, wasn’t ready. She has kept tabs on you and provided some nice support. If you like her, go for it. Talk. Ask why she backed away. You really have nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain. It’s not often that you lose track of time while walking and holding hands. Give this one a second chance.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My ex wife and I separated 2.5 years ago after 18 years. Two teen sons. We did nesting, which is where you keep the family house so the kids stay put and the parents take turns to live with the kids, so one in, one out. It eases the pain of family breakup. We are now divorcing and that will finalise in the spring. Because she stopped working, then worked part time in order to raise our kids, I have always paid for everything, for around 16 years and through this nesting time. Up until early Jan, when I got laid off, I had a lucrative job. My ex has increased her working hours now but keeps everything she earns, which I have also been topping up (she earns about £2k/mo). We have agreed a divorce deal where she lives mortgage free once we sell the house.
My new partner, who I met a year ago, and I, want to buy a place together this summer. However, she is upset that there are not yet clear financial boundaries between myself and my ex i.e. I still pay for all the house bills which are all in my name. She feels that for her to commit her assets to the relationship, for her part she needs a clearer indication of separation/disentanglement between myself and my ex. She wants my ex to take on some of the bills and put them in her name. I argued at first that all this was going to happen anyway when we sold the house in the summer, but she said she doubts it would be a naked stop of dependancy and wants to see interim steps to give herself confidence. Of course, we met early after my separation. Perhaps normally she would have met someone who had already divorced and disentangled. I see her point.
My ex gets stressed and anxious very easily. For my part, I still worry about her ability to hold a household together from a practical perspective (emotionally with the kids she is brilliant). She is always worrying about money, and has pushed back today on taking on some of the bills.
I am torn between making it not painful for my ex, because she is NOT organised around bills and stuff and says she has little money, and her friends haven't proven to be great, so she can continue to be a great parent – and doing anything I can to make my new partner happy because she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she has a point.
Part of me wants to say to my new partner, everything will be all right and sorted when we sort the house. The other part of me agrees she is absolutely right and my ex and I should be on the same disposable income and bill sharing until the house is sold and we are on our separate ways.
If someone says, “I know this deep secret about you, and I don't think less of you at all. I love you for even that,” that's a pretty sure bet that you've got a partner for life. She'll likely be incredibly relieved and super close to OP. Probably more than a little turned on by the intimacy as well.
My friends range from 25 to 38. I am 33. Different groups, different interests, sometimes all together, but rarely. Especially in the workforce, you have 18 year olds, hanging out with 50 year olds. This is life.
Pre-cheating? She sounds pre-psycho. In all seriousness, this relationship will not work. If you carry on with it your entire relationship will be one giant shit show every time you exist in the same universe as another woman.
While I am also skeptical about that, it doesn’t matter in the end because inviting someone who is single and into you to your place to drink and sleep over is unacceptable in a relationship.
Cheating makes it worse, but even if she didn’t OP needs to dump her.
Updateme!
So I will pretend with you that you are oblivious as to why your wife sees this as cheating.
-have you and your wife not defined what is and isn’t considered cheating within your relationship?
-if not, would you consider a half hot man dancing on your wife in a sexually suggestive manner, physically touching her, to be cheating?
-was your wife made aware of a stripper being there, if no, why not?
-do you care more about “the boys” opinions than your wife’s?
How repugnant. I’m trying to recognize your situation and keep civil but you’re way of things is so disgusting. Morally, I human being can choose to only associate with those who treat them well and no one else. I can only imagine how validated you’re daughter would feel if she had access to this thread. My advice was to ONLY reach out IF you were ready to listen and acknowledge. Your reaction was to show me why your children don’t want you around. Ma’m your ownership of humans expired when they turned 18. Somehow your children are able to set healthy boundaries. Either treat them well or be alone!
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is one of the most difficult things a parent can go through, and I can only imagine how overwhelming and heartbreaking it must be to lose three children in such a short period of time. It is natural to feel numb and to struggle with your relationship in the aftermath of such a loss.
One thing you can try is to focus on the things that you and your wife can still do together and find meaning in. This could be something as simple as taking a walk, cooking a meal, or going to a movie. It may also be helpful to try new activities or hobbies together, as this can help to create new shared experiences and provide a sense of distraction from the pain.
It may also be helpful to continue attending grief counseling and to consider seeking support from a therapist who specializes in grief and loss. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space for you and your wife to process your emotions and work through the challenges you are facing in your relationship.
It is important to remember that healing takes time, and it is okay to not have all the answers right now. You and your wife are going through an incredibly difficult time, and it is important to be patient with yourselves and to seek support when you need it. Please know that you are not alone, and that many people have gone through similar experiences and have found ways to heal and move forward
i definitely agree. Even though I wouldnt want to know about anyone he’s hooked up with while we werent dating, I’d definitely want to know if one of those people was going to be his roomate. At this point, he’s hung around Caleb on multiple occasions and they really like eachother. All my friends love my ex and are excited for us to get back together, I just really hope telling him this doesn’t ruin everything
I think you are hanging around with the wrong kind of women, sorry mate
But they live in the UK. She can go and report them to the police. She is 3rd generation which means her grandparents immigrated.
She doesn’t really like you, she just likes your attention. She’s stringing you on and will never be serious about you.
I would still really want to know why she all of a sudden feels that way. That’s fucking weird.
It's really unfair for both of you. You're holding each other back from finding love and a real relationship. It's not like this is the end of the relationship, you can still be best friends but you're lying to yourselves if you think this is going to be fulfilling in the long run. Just move close to each other and still hang out a lot. You both seem to be making this all or nothing and it's not. It's ok when relationships change a little bit. You told him you want kids but you didn't say he wants them or if he just said he would have a family because that's what you want. You owe it to yourselves to at least try and find other relationships and to be on your own. I mean you can always move back in together in a few years if you want right?
Then he can go sit on the bench and wait if he isn't going to say anything. Why is he asking for advice?
I always thought guys looking me 10 years older or younger ..like something was off… but
I did try dating someone 13 years younger once… but I thought 10 years tops… until he asked me to buy alcohol and was bitchy about it and he said I'm 19 lol I'm like omg..barely legal..after like a few dates we were like rhe age is going to be a problem but when…so why pursue it… but we had put fun and that was interesting lol
She’s approaching you because you had a magical night but she, for whatever reason, wasn’t ready. She has kept tabs on you and provided some nice support. If you like her, go for it. Talk. Ask why she backed away. You really have nothing to lose and possibly everything to gain. It’s not often that you lose track of time while walking and holding hands. Give this one a second chance.
yeah that's a common response when I tell people about it
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My ex wife and I separated 2.5 years ago after 18 years. Two teen sons. We did nesting, which is where you keep the family house so the kids stay put and the parents take turns to live with the kids, so one in, one out. It eases the pain of family breakup. We are now divorcing and that will finalise in the spring. Because she stopped working, then worked part time in order to raise our kids, I have always paid for everything, for around 16 years and through this nesting time. Up until early Jan, when I got laid off, I had a lucrative job. My ex has increased her working hours now but keeps everything she earns, which I have also been topping up (she earns about £2k/mo). We have agreed a divorce deal where she lives mortgage free once we sell the house.
My new partner, who I met a year ago, and I, want to buy a place together this summer. However, she is upset that there are not yet clear financial boundaries between myself and my ex i.e. I still pay for all the house bills which are all in my name. She feels that for her to commit her assets to the relationship, for her part she needs a clearer indication of separation/disentanglement between myself and my ex. She wants my ex to take on some of the bills and put them in her name. I argued at first that all this was going to happen anyway when we sold the house in the summer, but she said she doubts it would be a naked stop of dependancy and wants to see interim steps to give herself confidence. Of course, we met early after my separation. Perhaps normally she would have met someone who had already divorced and disentangled. I see her point.
My ex gets stressed and anxious very easily. For my part, I still worry about her ability to hold a household together from a practical perspective (emotionally with the kids she is brilliant). She is always worrying about money, and has pushed back today on taking on some of the bills.
I am torn between making it not painful for my ex, because she is NOT organised around bills and stuff and says she has little money, and her friends haven't proven to be great, so she can continue to be a great parent – and doing anything I can to make my new partner happy because she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and she has a point.
Part of me wants to say to my new partner, everything will be all right and sorted when we sort the house. The other part of me agrees she is absolutely right and my ex and I should be on the same disposable income and bill sharing until the house is sold and we are on our separate ways.
What do you all think?
I agree, especially about changing all his contact info.
Well she's now saying she's happy for the bride and has stopped calling her bad marriage material, unless I've missed a comment :/
How are you?
Or if he's unavailable, then I formally request John C. Reilly.
You’re married and unemployed at 21? As a woman, that’s my worst nightmare.
You’re right, I’ll try to focus on that!
Not when you're a good person.
If someone says, “I know this deep secret about you, and I don't think less of you at all. I love you for even that,” that's a pretty sure bet that you've got a partner for life. She'll likely be incredibly relieved and super close to OP. Probably more than a little turned on by the intimacy as well.
My friends range from 25 to 38. I am 33. Different groups, different interests, sometimes all together, but rarely. Especially in the workforce, you have 18 year olds, hanging out with 50 year olds. This is life.
Pre-cheating? She sounds pre-psycho. In all seriousness, this relationship will not work. If you carry on with it your entire relationship will be one giant shit show every time you exist in the same universe as another woman.
He is using you instead of using his own coping methods to de-stress and be in a good mood. You are not responsible for either. He is a grown man.
youre right
Most straight men do not want their own or any other man’s cum in their mouth. Do most women? Lol.
Don't screw roommates. It never works out so well.
While I am also skeptical about that, it doesn’t matter in the end because inviting someone who is single and into you to your place to drink and sleep over is unacceptable in a relationship.
Cheating makes it worse, but even if she didn’t OP needs to dump her.