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JAY AND SAM, 33 y.o.
Location: England, United Kingdom
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She can't make decisions for you. It is okay to put yourself first. Why would she want to stay with someone who doesn't want to be with her? If you have to block her then do. If you are worried about her tell her friends and/or family to keep an eye on her but put yourself first.
To me, a break = break up
What did you expect? Meredith Brooks busting your door down with a bass-boosted version of “BITCH” as you broke out of his headlock while girls and women of different ages and ethnicities carrying signs saying #GurlPower march past as Supergirl and Wonder Woman fly you off into a Sparkly sunset? The man just called your bluff, while you were play-fighting. Unless you’re secretly packing Amazonian strength and he’s built like a twig, I don’t see why you’re so damn “surprised” and “scared” of his strength. It USED to be common knowledge that a man is PHYSICALLY stronger than a woman so I can see why you’d be stumped as to why you thought you could beat him. That awkward feeling is your conscience telling you that you done fucked up. Subconsciously you knew the truth but your damn pride got in the way of a good time. I can say for damn certain, that your man doesn’t “freeze with fear” and tell his mates to stop when he’s roughhousing with em. He takes the L and moves on. He accepts their strength, knows that as his mates, he’s safe while with them and accepts the outcome. You’re giving off major Chihuahua vs Doberman energy.
I don’t think letting her on-line with you is a good idea.
Question: have you ever asked her why she does the things she does? “Why do you leave your plate on the table instead of cleaning it?” “Why do you talk to me this way?” I don’t know if that helps at all, but I’m really just curious why people act like this lol
She knew you were married yet she thought it was appropriate to plant a kiss on you thinking something was going on. Even if she thought something was there that wasn't that was a disrespect of your marriage
It won’t go away unless he starts making more than you but it’ll be there every time you edge ahead. And that’s going to happen frequently because his depression will always hold him back career wise. You really want to be with someone who has a problem with you being more successful than they are?
Nothing, Reddit has a weird obsession with age differences, possibly due to the fact that most people on this website do not have particularly good social skills and can't understand that there is more to someone than their age
No! What the heck is wrong with you? ?
Girl. Love yourself more than this and leave him. Asap. And block him on everything. Please.
You fucked up. And now you're paying for it. It sucks.
The best that you can do is learn from it. Will it work out with this person? Maybe. Maybe not.
If you don't want the same results, don't do it again.
True regrets are the things that stay with us for the rest of our lives.
Im not sure your situation, but I’ve been the disabled partner who eventually allowed my ex husband to see other people because I felt insecure and inadequate, and trust me, it isn’t what I wanted… I just thought that was the only thing I could agree to to keep him happy.
Your situation is your own, but if she’s feeling similarly, following through is going to absolutely destroy her over time. She’ll try to tell herself she’s okay with it until it breaks her…. If you haven’t already, have a long, open, constructive talk with her to try to figure out how to make it work for both of you. If she needs special toys/equipment there are MANY disability friendly brands and toys. Get creative! Hell, mutual masturbation, simulated sex if you need closeness… there’s so many ways to compromise, you just need your imagination
It doesn't matter how less it is now or most is fine.
If he beat you once, but never again, does that mean its fine? because it only happened once?
What if someone was dating a female friend or relative and you found out he was lying to them, would you be like ” ahh its fine, its only sometimes! ”
He has shown capacity to lie. you will never ever know how far this will go or ever be certain ever again.
if you can on-line with that, fair enough, but you will not change or fix someone by your own actions or words. they need to see its wrong and do it themselves.
I'm an eye for an eye person, so I would be lying back in the same manner to give them a taste for it before i burnt the bridge. but im a bitter asshole with people like that.
No doctor will see you before 3 months! She is trying to get pregnant, and if she ends up pregnant maker sure you have a PATERNITY test, she is desperate, to keep you. Run
i can tell by your attention to detail that you are being abused by this person. you are still in the stage of looking for evidence to prove that you are not insane. the longer this relationship goes on, the more likely you are to lose this very valuable skill and just start accepting his abuse full blown instead of fighting to defend your reality.
i have been in this relationship before (he was 29, i was 19). i didnt leave until he had done permanent damage to my ability to trust my perception of reality, right/wrong, and set me up for a series of failed abusive relationships. i had no idea what i was experiencing at the time and it took about a decade for me to figure out.
good luck, trust your gut. you are not wrong. his behavior is not acceptable. but you're not going to teach an adult how to behave, no matter how much evidence you have that their behavior is not normal, acceptable, or good.
Future solutions: better job, extra job, move some place cheap.
SIL: obviously the family has let this go on and she does what she wants when she wants. There have been no consequences. If I were MIL, I'd charge money to sit the kid. SIL just drops off and picks up like any other day care. Treat SIL like she is a stranger.
But if you angled your phone away and someone asked you about it, wouldn't you answer honestly? You said he just completely avoided the question. Why would he do that if it were nothing?
This is the biggest red flag in your post:
I felt uncomfortable asking again.
Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you can't openly talk to? Is this the only time that's been an issue?
Not really sure where being patient comes into it lol. Asking strangers for hard pics completely out of context is crass no matter how long you wait!
Lawyer here.
Do not communicate with him or his family at all without a legal council. You don't owe him explanations. You told him you were pregnant, he refused to believe. You did your part. Don't be apologetic.
If possible, delete any messages where you admit they are his kids. The last thing you want is for him to have proof to get his name on their birth certificate. That would give him parental rights.
(In fact, it would be great if your husband could adopt them).
Thing is, every child deserves a parent, but not every parent deserves their child. Your kids already have a stable life with a father figure, ex interfering now does not have their best interest in mind. He is, in fact, a stranger. And a hostile one towards their mother it seems.
If they are entering HS, I suppose they are old enough to be included in the decision of whether they want to meet ex or not, but under np circumstances are they to travel there. Ex can go to you.
Want him to back off? Tem him if he and his family keeps harassing you, you'll go after child support, and ask for back pay all the way back when your kids were babies.
Btw, I'd monitor your kids social media in case they start harassing them.
It's not illegal to put a gps on a car you own and someone else uses
Dude. Was this necessary, did it make you feel good to say it? F off.
Get over to r/survivinginfidelity and realise you took the trash out.
This guy is an overgrown man child who lacks empathy and compassion. You deserve better. He needs someone to hold his hand, and that’s not you. Cut him loose because he will always resent your career.