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He had a wife and kids… both babies under 2yr ??? so yeah you were on the money, you have some good instincts….
You had me convinced at your title that you need to leave this relationship. Reading the other sordid details has only confirmed it.
This is a person who doesn't respect you. If you stay with him, not only will this erode your self-worth and self-esteem, it will model disrespect for your daughter. This is not healthy for either of you, and you need to get away from this man.
His issues aren't your issues, and this guy has plenty of them. Let him be someone else's problem, and let him project all of his issues on someone else. He doesn't sound like the type of person who will ever personally take any responsibility for challenges in his life, so hold your head high and forge a better future for yourself and your daughter.
It can only get better on your own, not worse. Sure there will be challenges but they are a different sort of challenge… the kind that lift you up when you surpass them, not beat you down.
She’s weird
Of course I want to find someone who will date me but I’ve been struggling to find people to date and life has been incredibly busy lately so my fwb was a nice inbetween where I got the physical intimacy that I needed without the commitment. Obviously it would be nice to find someone who sees me as more than a sex doll though.
I don't think there's much you can do, then. Don't lose sleep over this. People end up in the quagmire of their own choosing, often.
Imagine yall were dating LOL
Just don’t bring it up. See if she does. To be clear, you didn’t do anything unethical. You didn’t cheat on your wife, and you didn’t betray anyone. Yes, people involved might have heavy feelings about it, but that’s on them, not you.
Thank you
I think its ok to have friends, but every couple has their own boundaries for that. If partners are cool with the friend or its a friend from before dating, i’d say thats more reasonable, although across a whole continent might mean a talk about expectations is in order. I don’t know if a follower is a friend though. I do think it’s good she invited you, i think thats open. She may really see them as just a friend. But, I also think talking to you about your concerns and actually validating them would go a longer way. If they are actually friends and not just followers and became game friends over time, I can see that being something that happens in game communities.
I think of myself and I have long time friends i met thru gaming that if we met in person, i’d invite an SO, but I’d want to allay any fears as well. As a streamer is a persona, i’m not sure they even really know each other if hes just a follower that comments. I also think if i was in reverse positions, unless we had been long term friends of more than a year, i wouldn’t fly across the country to solely visit a guy with a gf. I might go if we were longtime friends, and only if his gf was ok with it and i became friends with her too (or at least friendly since not everyone clicks). I’d want to make sure she was comfortable, so i’d ask if she wanted to talk or anything beforehand or become friends first. I’m not saying every guy who wants to visit someone they’ve been talking to for a while is trying to sleep with them, some people are asexual or really do want to meet a friend live, but he’s not doing much to allay your fears either.
DM pics, I'll settle this debate on whether or not you're repulsive. Unlike him I'll at least let you down easy from one uggo to another ?
To answer your question, imo he isn't oblivious, he knows. But rather than confront you about it he's being awkward. He's completely aware. Problem is you're being passive aggressive. Just stop playing games and tell him off. Tell him what he did was incredibly mean and hurtful, and that you aren't friends with people who use you and verbally put you down.
Wow you’ve hit the nail on the head! I do consider myself to be a people pleaser now that i think of it…putting other people’s wants/needs before my own, even if it’s for something i don’t want to do or agree with. I’m not like that all the time, but just like with this situation, it can be a problem for me. Years and years ago when I was 13, I had mandatory counseling for trouble i got in with neighborhood friends. One of the conclusions the counselor came to was that i’m not assertive. 16 years later and I think that’s still the case with me – being a people pleaser and not being assertive enough.
okay, thank you for your help!
Don't do it, it puts you in a terribly vulnerable position, where you might feel like you can't say no. At 20 you are just embarking on your adult life, and there is so much more that this out there for you.
He can enjoy his job, but he can also get another one to help out with the bills.
Dude, guys are gonna creep no matter what. I went to the store hungover with no makeup, wearing baggy jeans and an oversized hoodie with my hair in a bun AND my wedding ring on and STILL had a guy follow me a few aisles and ask for my Instagram. We deal with this crap daily no matter what we wear or what we're doing
No, I don't and you don't know what I think. I already told you that I can be rude or unfair but still want to help you, check links I provided and reach to the ones that fit your needs. Later we will think about what we can do more.
Ashes can be divided. In fact, they already have, to make two necklaces. I assume there are some left; OP could send this girl enough for a pendant or something.
If that other girl didn't know the guy was with someone else, then she's not a bad person, just someone who was deceived like OP.
OP, if you're feeling generous and forgiving, you could send this other girl some of the ashes, but you're under no obligation to do so.
(Note: if this other girl did know that the guy was in a relationship, then she can just fuck off.)
I’ve been rearranging my room furniture at least once a year since I was young. I’d barricade the door (so my parents couldn’t come in and stop me) and move things around – took all day because I’d also clean behind things and that type of thing.
Then when it was finished, my parents could come in and say whatever, but do nothing about it! My mum didn’t really understand why I needed to have things a bit different sometimes.
So when I became an adult and got my own place, I was doing it all on my own, just like when I was young.
I only ever needed help with the heavy couch, but when you don’t have a husband, you can just ask your father or cook dinner or lunch for a male friend, and he can help. But everything else, I’ve always done on my own. ?
I truly hope this is a troll.
I'm sorry to say this but your boyfriend is an asshole. The only way to fix this is to dump his ass. There is no way in hell a 27 year old with no kids is not tight enough. You boyfriend just wants to have anal with you and this is his excuse.
Unless his dick is the same thickness of a knitting needle he would still be able to achieve completion and get enjoyment. There is nothing wrong with you. I reckon he has a porn addiction and has rubbed himself insensitive, would explain the ass fetish too.
Sex is meant to be about love and connection, not some race to cum in your ass.
Find a guy who want to make love and considers your feelings.
Good grief, stop saying you're “violating your agreement”. People are allowed to change and grow. This is normal and healthy. What isn't healthy is demanding that your spouse – the person you choose as a life partner- isn't allowed to have a personality outside of the home. Ick.
You can have more than one FWB. But I doubt your boyfriend thinks that's what he is.
Some people just love that shit. There is a chance his last partner melted at the knees when he did that and he is trying to recreate that response.
It is discussed into the ground in certain circles, but education regarding consent is woefully inadequate.
Yeah, even in 8 months I would not share my finances with a person that I am not married to. I understand she saw it on accident, but yeah nothing will ever be the same between you two.
Do you think you want to continue with her?
Yeah I've tried to have open convos. Hes not fully comfortable talking about masterbation habits etc.. even though I talk about it openly on my side. I can respect that.
I think if you cant even go two weeks without it that it seems like a red flag. Or it has become such a huge part of your sexuality that you defend it. But maybe I'm wrong shrug
You got it, Op.
Yes, you really should keep her feelings and decision in mind, please.
Well I want kids so no
I wouldnt be comfortable with this. Maybe he genuinely means no harm and nothing shady is going on. Tell him this makes you uncomfortable and see how he reacts. If he is understanding, listening and willing to stop this behavior then I think it shows he cares about you and your relationship. If he doesn’t seem to care and wants to continue doing this then I think it shows partying is more important to him than your relationship.
Take care of yourself and look after yourself. Don’t settle for less than what makes you happy and feel loved.
He insults you and puts you in dangerous situations like waving broken glass in front of your face. Anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or tried to is being abusive. Leave him, you deserve to be in a relationship in which you feel safe and you don't have to question whether the other person is being abusive or not. It will only get worse.
What would ever make you think that someone you aren’t dating would be exclusive with you? You aren’t dating. She has made it clear that she doesn’t want that commitment.
!updateme
first some professional advice:
if it is a dead end, time to job hunt. Keep perspective on what he is “running from” and what he is “running towards”. Don't let short term frustration lead him to another job that will be frustrating. Hire help if needed to review resume and practice interviewing. As someone who professional is in the situation of taking a job over someone who thought they would get it I can tell you this. I don't think any less of that person. It isn't humiliating. Quite the contrary – I value that person more than the rest of the team and am out every day fighting for him to reach a promotion as well, either under me or somewhere else. Because I know he deserved it too. It wasn't a negative reflection on him, it was positive on me. It is only humiliating if you make it that way.
As for the personal advice:
be there for him. Highlight the things you love about him. Know when he wants to vent or when he wants advice. But when he wants advice, as his partner, you may want to push him. But this loss is perfectly normal to feel hurt, humiliated, or depressed. You can't just “take his mind off of it”. Don't minimize his pain. Help him find something good from this. One story I do tell some people who job hunt or even have lost their jobs. A water bottle is worth maybe 25 cents at the grocery store, $1 at the gas station and as much as $5 at an airport or stadium. But the water is the same. Different places will value you differently, but it doesn't mean you are any more or less of a person, better or worse at your job, based on where you are. So if you don't like it, change places. You can also look without moving if you just want the satisfaction of seeing what is out there and making it YOUR choice to stay.
What’s a shadow ban?
Even if his story is true (and I tend to think that it’s not), it’s still a major betrayal and he’s shattered her trust. That’s not the sort of decision that can be made without discussing it with your partner.