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How certain are you she even knows about you? It sounds like you’re the side-girl in their work romance tbh.
I'll get used to it. Was just blown away at first lol
Firstly, I can tell that youre a nice person who wants to look after his child. That’s a good thing, and it’s really normal. Most people want to look after their kids.
So let me alleviate some parental guilt: sex is not necessary to gestate a healthy child.
It’s not only “not necessary”, it’s not “good for” the baby. It’s also not “bad for” the baby – sex won’t hurt the baby. But sex won’t help the baby, either, so you do not need to prostitute yourself for the sake of your child’s health.
Your ex is coercing you into sex, and is ransoming your baby’s health to force you to perform. That is not okay. You do not have to have sex with her.
The reason I’m being so emphatic is because I understand how difficult it can be to be around manipulative people. Add in the normal desire to be a good dad, and you have a perfect storm.
Has his wife explicitly told you this?
Then you are an absolute moron. This is not a hill to die on. She paying one fucking meal doesn't mean you're a bum who does nothing.
What the hell is wrong with you.
He doesn’t get to tell you how to dress, and he has no right to yell aggressively at you for not following his orders.
He seems very controlling. Does he act like this about other things?
ostensibly equal partners
I'm willing to be OP's husband would describe that as “woke” or “radical” feminism.
She didn't threaten to kill herself if I leave, she threatened to kill me. But we're working on that
You do NOT bring it up.
She tried a power play, and it failed. Don't hand over the ball now.
She tried to get you in trouble, she basically used a third person to extort you. Sound dramatic? The intention was to force you to pay for the service yourself out of fear. Fear of drama, fear for your job, fear of losing face, all kinds of fear. But that was her intent.
When you made her look bad, she doubled down by coming to your job and trying it herself.
You won. She lost. Keep it that way.
Absolutely go to the party, and avoid her if you'd like, but I would revel in whatever feeble attempts she makes to make you look bad. Me personally, I love putting people in their place, but a well-placed “Why would you say that to me!” whilst crying and leaving the room should shut her down further. She'll be on notice that between you and your bf is a place she'll never get, and she'll just be finding new ways to look mean and stupid.
What to do next? Wish him well and let him go. Then you stop dating for the foreseeable future and see a therapist. This will continue – either with him or with someone similar to him- unless you see your own patterns of attraction and behavior and forge new behaviors. This takes time but at some point you must heighten your self awareness. You are young so get that head start!
Do not destroy your children for this abusive control freak ex who wanted you to abort them.
He made his choice and he has no rights.
DO NOT do anything without the advice of a family law attorney licensed in your state.
Don’t even think of any kind of visitation unless it’s court ordered and supervised and let your ex pay the thousands in legal fees to try to make that happen.
But don’t just give it away.
The children gain nothing but misery by being forced to meet their sperm donor.
Put the children first.
He had his chance, he left you hanging.
You’ve known your girl friend for years but don’t know when her birthday is. How is that?
Your date (girlfriend) didn’t get your card phone call or message because she had blocked you. Why did she block you?
I don’t really understand the story.
Often when people feel like life is running them over like a freight train they can try to exert control over what they can (it’s often food, especially in younger people with less agency).
So be supportive and patient but also be comfortable in establishing your own boundaries and patterns. She can do what she needs to do, and you don’t need to be subject to her rigidity.
I would also recommend, in future, focusing on and getting with some less based on their current lifestyle. That can and will change with time and circumstance.
All that said, it’s only nine months. That’s a lot to deal with that early in, and it’s reasonable to expect someone to be decent order. It’s OK to prioritize yourself.