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You. You are damaged.
Why would you stay with her if it was “predictable” that she would cheat on you?
Did you ever think that a vasectomy could be terrible for him mentally and physically?? You don’t know what he will feel/think after that?? Why even risk it …. You either gotta use condoms or no sex I think he’s responsible
You cant expect your partner to make a permanent change to his body for you – that just isnt fair. If you dont want a kid and dont want to take birth control, use condoms, or dont have sex.
It doesnt matter if he expects to be with you the rest of his life. Things happen, and even if they dont, he has a right to do (or not do!) whatever he wants to his OWN body.
Stop insisting and trying to pressure him. Stop acting as if hes insane for not wanting an unnecessarry surgery. Hes told you an incredibly clear NO, stating that hed rather have no sex. Its important to understand what that means and accept it. Frankly, it doesnt matter if you understand his reasoning in the end – its his body, so the discussion ended as soon as he told you no.
To add to the other moments:
Early in the relationship she mentioned one of her friends being dumb for leaving her bf because he was a great guy, the type of guy she would marry. Again drinks were involved and we discussed this the next day.
Shes made out with her gfs and even random strangers a few of the times we’ve been out. Always girls but still makes me feel uncomfortable. We’re both in our mid 20’s so it’s not something I’ve seen since early college days..
To add to her intentions with “Paul” her body language last weekend when we were partying indicated a level of interest in him.. potentially sexually.
I picked up on this and brought it up after this weekends episode because in my mind I was heading to the worst possible outcome imaginable. I’ve been cheated on before and I hate the thought of it happened big again.
I brought this up to her, that I noticed how close she was seemingly with him but she shrugged it off that “he’s too old” and that’s not what this is. Paul is in his late 30’s..
I only have the story they both gave me. I’ve known him a lot longer and am taking him at his word but in life I’ve found people can definitely be different then what they appear..
He’s also going through a rocky relationship with his partner so it adds to it and she’s aware of this.
What is there to love about her when she trets you this way? Do you love her or the fact that you can get attention from her?
?♀️
That's how these modern girls roll if you didn't know. Entitled.
Even if its true which is unlikely, who the hell outsources decisions about their ethical obligations to a doctor?
Its like he has no moral compass of his own.
After only a few days he cheated… you're in the honey moon phase where you guys are both supposed to be lovey dovey, and super into eachother, and he cheated. I stayed after being cheated on, because we had a kid together… 10 years and 2 more kids later, and he's cheated more times than I care to count, despite the obligatory “it'll never happen again” each time. This will not get better, only worse. As of October I finally put my foot down, and said either we make this a fair open relationship, or I leave, and I have been the happiest I have been in a long time, literally for years my depression ate me away, and I just existed, DON'T PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THAT, RUN.
RemindMe! 24 hours
It's one thing for him to think about other girls while he's having sex with you but asking you to pretend to be them is degrading. I would walk.
Well, I can see why she wouldn’t want to walk him then.. He’s a large dog who hasn’t been properly trained. You clearly didn’t know what you were getting into with him, honestly. Or you were just lazy… which is worse. I’m sorry, but you are not a responsible owner. This added info made that clear.
Please get him into training courses. You can’t watch your child and dog 24/7. And many hyper dogs do not have positive reactions to children. Has he been around them before? I would also be very worried if I was your partner.
Do you not realize how many men in their 30’s go for teens or….
Hes a douche
land of the free home of the brave unfortunately
OP also says she considers their relationship as it is a marriage, and clarifies in her post edit she thought “settling down” meant getting married, not being in a committed relationship
“My ex occasionally trying to flirt” and that’s why most people feel weird with their SO being friends with their ex. If you want to keep your boyfriend best to drop the ex who can’t take no for an answer before it get to place where you lose everyone
If you’re fucking someone you shouldn’t be fucking someone else – that is all…
It’s 100% free to say “wow I havent heard that before,” then fact check when you’re alone.
Your problem isn’t that you’re a know it all. It’s that you insist on everyone knowing that you’re a know it all. You lack self awareness.
Learning to reject the urge to correct others and be the only right one all the time will serve you well in every aspect of life. You should learn to recognize when it’s actually valuable to speak up (rarely) and when it’s best to be diplomatic (usually) and zip it.
Now that you know she isn’t just immature and attention-seeking – that she is in fact just a trashy person – you just break up with her.
Her personality is not what you want. There will be some trashy guy who doesn’t mind having a trashy girlfriend. You don’t.
We don’t get to change people. Just get to know they are and accept or reject it.
Look, for me it’s not even that he kept the ex in his life.
It’s that he set the standard of “blocking exes out of your life” as the way to go. And then he didn’t live! up to it. That tells me a lot about him: he lacks integrity, doesn’t abide by his morals, has no spine, sketchy behaviour and going as fat as saying he could be manipulative, aa he may have only said that to get you to block your ex with no intention to respect his stance for himself.
Can you live with knowing these about your bf?
I had a close friend (he was going to be in my wedding) go NC with me once and it still hurts. I can understand why he did it (another story for another time), but I still would have wanted him to be open with me about it, and given the opportunity to hear it from him today, I'd take it. That said, your situ
Of course, steriods are pure poison.
Why don’t you ask her to marry you instead
Again, you're trying to justify his actions. Fucking run.
She’s clearly not as “liberal” as she thought she was. Honestly if she can’t accept the person you are and is so ashamed of you, why date her.
Yeah no this isn't healthy. You need to leave and sue him for all the money you've given his family. He's using you. Isn't that clear? He didn't rush in because he fell in love. He rushed in because he realised he could use you. Why he needed to use you when his entire family is clearly rich I don't know. You've been paying half as per your explanation and you need to get it back and divorce this scammer.
In future it would be best to say no if you aren’t willing to look after them when your family neglect them. A pet isn’t the responsibility of a single person, it falls on everyone equally.
you don't have to orgasm during sex. you can do it as foreplay
If “AT video” refers to who I think it does, that there is your main problem, OP.
You AND your friend fucked up lol.
Her for making a inappropriate disrespectful “joke” , and you for even defending that stupid ass comment smh
And then he'll come on Reddit and be like “my wife left me totally out of the blue. We had a perfect relationship. How do I get her back?”
I am not moving in him with him for the wrong reasons its pretty clear to me hes straight the thing is we have the apratemtn booked in advance for 1 year i cant get out of the deal. Its happening i just need to do sth to kill my feelings or gayness for a moment. But thank you so much for this comment i guess i really have to come clean i have no idea how to do that and where to start
First, I'd make sure you have a plan B. If your parents totally freak and make your last month before you go hell on earth, you shouldn't have to put up with that for a month. See if there's a friend or other family member you could stay with if this happens.
Second, I'd sit both of them down and tell them that you are taking this job and moving with your partner. Tell them you understand their feelings about that but you do not share those values, and you hope that for the sake of a grown, adult relationship, that they can move past their disapproval. If they can't, they are unfortunately choosing to damage your relationship.
Make it very clear to them that no amount of preaching, name calling or belittling is going to make you change your mind and that these things will only damage the relationship. After that, it's on them to decide to act like adults………or not.
It's pretty normal for law school to start off at 150K+. You'd be shocked at how quickly that turns into much, much more.
The student loan debt situation in America absolutely sucks.
I vote troll
If you didn’t see the results, he is lying about testing.
yup! he is TA but he is also “not the standard” of a moron, he is a BIGGER moron LOL
What a douche you are.
if I'm into minute 30 of ranting about Dwarf Fortress
impossible
You did the right thing by suggesting therapy, OP. Unfortunately this isn't a problem you can solve for her. You can be there for her to listen when she explains her sadness and her grief, but ultimately, her depression is her responsibility to manage, and if she won't seek therapy, then the prospects aren't good.
You are not obligated to sacrifice your own well being because of her mental health issue. It's not her fault that she is depressed, but it is her responsibility. It is not your responsibility. Whether or not you want to continue the relationship is your choice. But I think you are perfectly reasonable to put down the boundary that you want her to bathe before you two get intimate.
Good sex + weird dude/convo = bad experience It’s kinda like eating your favorite meal in the dumpster.
Is the food objectively good? Sure. Would you do it again? Absolutely not.
That's how this sub works. One person tells their side of a story, and, surprise surprise, that tends to make the other person look bad. I don't know what else you expected. And just because op's boyfriend seems wrong in this instance, that doesn't mean op is lying or omitting key details, it could just mean that op's boyfriend is, you guessed it; wrong.
It really doesn't matter that it was long ago and you were not that serious. Its rape,he passed you to his brother like it's nothing. You thought you were sleeping with him but it was someone else. That is actually so messed up and the fact that your husband even has the audacity to suggest the same thing now,just shows that for him it's still okay. He hasn't really changed his mind or values on this specific thing. I don't think I would be able to stay with someone like that,its totally messed up. Also thinking that he knew you're going to be drunk and sent his brother to have sex with you? Super fucked up.
>In these groups you can read about countless women marrying “the perfect guy” and once she is stuck with him the abuse starts.
If you have no self esteem or self confidence to tell if a man is “a psycho”, and you're scared that every man may be abusive, get help. You need help learning how to trust, and learning how to tell if a man is psycho. Those groups are toxic.
He sounds like a fan.
I agree. I will have a discussion with him soon. He is a great partner, but yeah I do worry he will continue to overspend as we build our life together.
Would there be a person close enough to you that you’d have more time to try to be them or their kids less enmeshed in a cult (Nazi or otherwise)? Like a sibling, best friend, child? Or is there no one that would cross that threshold for you?
There aren’t a ton of people I’d do extra anti-Nazi legwork for, but I’d do it for my niblings or kids.
If you learned that 4 hours of your time with Cousin’s kids per year made it 10% more likely that her kids grow up NOT to be Nazis, would it be worth it?
These are obviously made up relationships but I’m guessing we both have a point where it would and wouldn’t be worth it to engage.
Even if he did get bold and went to the parents’ Facebook, he didn’t just browse ! He saved em. And made a folder. Wtf.
Can you please not pretend that this has anything to do with OP being a woman? If this were a gay male couple, the predicament wouldn't be different whatsoever. The child is already created. One person wants to support her, the other does not.
We know that people expect to have greater responsibility for people closer to them familially. Don't want to take in a random orphan from across the world? Totally normal. Don't want to raise your own child? Most people would say you are scummy. OP's husband has a familial responsibility to the child that is somewhere in the middle. This has nothing to do with abortion rights.
This is one of those problems that does not have a solution. It does not sound like mental illness or depression, just realization on a topic that is irreversible.
I truly hope your growing resentment towards your child eventually fades when acceptance of the situation sets in. They are going to need one parent who is all in.
For what it's worth, when I divorced, my ex-wife had 50/50 custody but quickly moved away to be with her future husband. They married weeks after our divorce was finalized and she has prioritized her husband over our children in almost every way imaginable. Still, they have a good and stable life under my roof. It was not easy, but eventually they came to accept it too. They still visit with her and express love towards their mother, but I'm sure deep down they still feel tinges of the rejection. I share this story to give you hope that life can normalize for you and the children separate from your husband. You will likely have to work to supplement child support, but it's better that this bandaid get ripped off and you can start migrating towards your new reality, rather than continue to be dragged through a lie.
I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope you get settled without much pain or hassle. Children do adapt well when they're young and you will be okay.
I’m currently looking for any well paying job. I have a lot of great experience, but unfortunately a lot of the roles were temporary. I’m tired of being in the temp cycle, so currently looking for something permanent with similar salary. I am based in London where the salaries are disgustingly low and don’t provide for anything.
He should have just simply apologized instead of doubling down lmao but frogs are cute bruh I'd take it as a compliment personally
So he told you, you where just friends? At any point was an actual bf/gf relationship defined?
Whatever. ?♀️
I’m pretty sure that if I vented to my partner multiple times a week, he’d be annoyed and I would if it was the opposite. But we are generally happy people and don’t want to dwell on the yuck.
Is he in the closet to his friends?
Frankly I don't understand this. I was going to say that maybe he wanted it to be a guy's night, but that was before I realized you were both M. I can only guess that there is something he's hiding that he doesn't think you'd approve of.
You can't tip toe around because you are probably like the 100th person that notices his breath and foul feet and funk and he still hasn't gotten it at age 39…..
You need to be blunt and to the point. Write it out in advance if you have to and read from it.
“Your breath is offensive and I am concerned about the color and condition of your teeth. In addition, there is no easy way to say this, but you have a persistent odor that is not pleasant and your feet are extremely pungent. I love you but the smell is really offensive and makes me feel bad for saying this, but unattracted to you. I don't wish to have a dirty, unwashed penis in my mouth or vagina and it is unhygienic. Can we please work on this as it is very important to me. I would like you to get into the habit of showering at least once a day, using adequate deodorant and foot treatments. It is also important for your dental hygiene that you brush and floss your teeth. Can we try to do this? I love you and to me, this is basic taking care of yourself. Is there a reason you don't pay more attention to this?”
It’s not a love triangle it’s called cheating and you’re cheating on your partner. You should tell him and then you should break up with him because it’s despicable to cheat on someone.
She failed the test. She froze up when he needed her and she did jack sht. When I met my wife I got 3 tests before I got her father's blessing. He needed to know if I can be relied on too put his daughter first when the time comes. She could not even stop a dckn truck when he needed her.
I know, I don’t see him without my boyfriend and other friends and I’ve distant myself from him
this isn't a mood disorder, this is classic abuse. let's not make excuses. if it was a mood disorder he wouldn't be able to pull it together for a phone call/the cops.
The kind of person who calls a father parenting his own children “babysitting”. Drives me nuts. I assume you have told him how frustrated you are if things don’t change? If so, then leaving will either free you or perhaps encourage him to change for the better. Either way he needs a wake up call.
Luckily for me I care as little about you and you opinion as you do about fathers. You're all for them being there when it suits you.