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There's such a thing as pre natal DNA test, safe for mom and baby. Go for that route to find out asap.
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I know……
my justification I'm telling myself is that I'm trying to buy a property when the lease is up and I really need all that money to be able to afford to buy. But I'm starting to question if that logic makes sense.
What's extra frustrating is that he has family nearby he could easily stay with, he just refuses.
Yes, if she blocked you on everything then you need to respect her wish, and not try and worm your way through to her with flowers. She doesn't want to hear from you.
Continuing to stay with someone who’s suffering through addiction is VERY HOT, especially if they do not or are not ready to get help. If you stay with him you’ll have to keep finances completely separate and make sure any access to your money/information is on serious lock down. You’ll have to prepare yourself for the reality that if you two move in together there will be times he can’t pay his portion of the bills, or will ask you for money that he can’t pay back maybe ever. Is he willing to stop/get help? Also the fact that he’s continuing to do it even now should be eye opening.
red flags usually denote danger. so if you've found “red flags” …..
That part was really apparent to me also, as her parents seem very caring. I think she’s frustrated with them trying to keep her alive.
Just very sad
As others have she doesn't have too. My son has step siblings. I don't interact them at all. I see them and say hellos at drop offs and pick ups, that's it! She has no obligation to help raise that kid or take them out with her children.
If you're happy just ignore them. If you're not, maybe do some more self reflection. The only thing that matters is how you think and feel about the situation, no one else.
5 hours is a while, tbf.
She doesn’t have depression dude. She’s literally living her best life. She went on four vacations this year alone and had an all expenses trip with her best friend. She is not depressed.
You are depressed. Your father is sick and possibly dying. Your body is suffering. You’re working yourself to death and still can’t keep up financially. Your life is a complete lie and you’ve decided all of it is worth it if you can just keep this relationship.
You should feel angry. You should feel resentful. You should feel angry at her for sitting back and watching you destroy yourself while she reaps all the benefits, and you should be angry at yourself for allowing it to get this bad.
But your self-worth is so in the gutter you feel nothing but the gradual overwhelming pressure that your life is a catastrophe and your relationship is a lie and you’ve done all this work for nothing.
You should be feeling a lot of things right now. But your coping mechanism for your depression is to redirect the effort you should be putting into yourself into her. The metric of your self-worth is how much you do for her. “I can’t be a flawed person, look how well I treat my girlfriend.”
You have some severe co-dependent and abandonment issues. Deep down you know the truth. She doesn’t love you and she’s not depressed. You know she’s taking advantage of you.
If you got injured and couldn’t work for six months do you seriously believe she’d go out next week and work two jobs 12 hours a day, pay all the bills, come home and cook for you and clean the house and be happy to not even get any gratitude, affection, or appreciation? You know she wouldn’t do any of that. She’d leave you in a heartbeat. She wouldn’t say that’s why, she’d come up with some BS reason she thinks you’d believe — but she would never do any of this for you.
That’s why you’re so afraid of confronting her. If she leaves that means all of this was for nothing and the only person you’re left with is yourself.
You need to start focusing on you. Quit the second job. Flat out. There is absolutely zero reason why she can’t work at least part time. Stop cooking for her. Stop paying for her vacations. When was the last time she paid for a vacation for you? In five years she couldn’t have scraped some money together here and there and surprised you with a nice vacation?
Start putting some of that energy into yourself. Chip away at your denial. Start seeing the truth for what it is and stop allowing her to use her mental health as an excuse to not contribute. Depression doesn’t prevent people from being grateful. She’s not.
Yes I am going through my history, but I don't think it goes over 24 hrs or my phone cannot upload more I really don't know
My advice is to go to the couples counseling session that's scheduled and as soon as the session starts, tell the therapist that you no longer want to be in a relationship with this man and you have tried to tell him that and he's not accepting it, so you need the therapist's help in this last session to get him to understand that this relationship is over and he needs to leave you alone.
Extremely difficult :/ Going to give myself a migraine from all of my crying, especially after your comment.
I’ve agreed with everyone on it being best to postpone, it was just SO very hot to do given the circumstances. Thank you for your kind words
This is a troll post.
Nobody could possibly be dumb enough to ask if being locked in a dog cage is normal. Even severely abused people wouldn't ask that because it is literally illegal (false imprisonment).
This though.
I've got so much shit on my HDD I've no idea what all is there and I can save things to one directory without actually going in there to look at what else is in it. Also I've got files that are years old that say their creation date is more recent which is absolutely incorrect. I don't think this was malicious. But I don't know him so I can't be certain.
Either way it's important to note they could be much older than listed and just because they're near something doesn't mean he has seen them directly when using other files.
It's good you 2 are in therapy and trying to figure it out but it sounds like you both have some things to work and it needs to be mutual effort. You can't say you've got to set boundaries when you're breaking his currently. It has to be both ways. But old files shouldn't be the reason you give up on everything.
It sounds like you're fantasizing about your ex, and making yourself think it was better than it was bc you're frustrated and unhappy with your current BF.
Do not get married, do NOT get pregnant, whatever you do. Get out of this relationship. Get into therapy, and spend one year just working on yourself, figure out what you want and need from a partner and how to assert your boundaries, needs, and desires and communicate assertively.
I guarantee you if you do that you will be in a much better place at the time you enter your next relationship. Do that work now and spare yourself the divorce that will come eventually if you stay w this guy.
What are better ways to have sex without offending him?
Yep, now it seems like she's enabling it.
“Home boy, give me the space. I need some me time and I feel like we’ve been together for 5 years and it’s only been a month.”
And you carry on with YOU. If he gets pouty or blows up your phone or guilt trips you or does anything like that all that it’s going to do is wear you the F down and defeat you. You will change and you’ll grow to resent him more than you like/love him. He needs alone time just as much as you do and it’s not your problem to fix his problem with that. It’s only your problem to fix your problem with this.
We talked about it and he got mad at me since I am the one that does not want to move and he just want's to get out ouf his parents home which I understand, but I think he should wait for me.. o
When are you going to be ready? IMO he can just move out alone and do that before you start living together.
I’m not sure he is going to break up with his girlfriend. I know it’s in the title, but in your post there is no indication that he wants to leave. Holding off on cutting him off til after he breaks up with his girlfriend could take…… idk….. a super duper long time? No matter what you choose, cutting him off now or not, be there for him when the break up. It’s okay to set a boundary with him while he’s in that relationship, but loosen it when he’s single again. Everyone deserves a friend during a breakup. He doesn’t sound too deserving at the moment.
Regardless, real talk leave your husband. He shouldn’t have agreed to it but if you care about him at all let him go.
worrying about losing her is what makes you lose her, assume you've already lost her and then just enjoy the moments you have, this will make you more attractive instead of being clingy. It does not 100% prevent losing her but you're already past it now and it does up your chances.
Both, I suppose. But his fixation on both women is the biggest red flag I’ve ever seen. This is be careful breaking up, because he might kill you level creepy.