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I don't like the idea of percentages. I think you should both contribute equally to expences. But he should be contributing rent to you the Landlord, he's living for free…. Why? Anywhere else you need to pay rent or contribute to a mortgage. It doesn't have to be half of the mortgage but fair market value. Work out your expenses and split. That includes housework.
Sounds like a bad friend and a great husband to me
I’d go full guns blazing (not literally because I’m not American) and have it out with her.
She’s 21 and an adult. Millions of people across the world have age gap relationships. If she was 18 I’d probably think the same as you, but she’s 21. If you have true friends, they’ll be happy for you if you’re happy. The fact you say it’s disgusting when it’s 2 consenting ADULTS is ridiculous.
I cut each person I knew after college. I couldn't get human interaction out of any of them. Some turned to drugs, others went job or family crazy. Nobody seemed normal to me anymore. Now I have amazing friends.
A song once said
Friends come and go, save for the precious few that remain Work hot to bridge the gaps in geography, because the older you get the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Everybodys free to wear sunscreen is the song
Happy birthday in advance. Stay blessed You ain't nobody till somebody loves you, and I love you, whoever is reading this, wherever you are.
Trust me, as a nurse some men will refuse to let any male healthcare workers anywhere near their wives and will pout if the woman allows it.
Absolutely you should let him know. I hope you kept the letter, and can show it to him. Even if you don’t plan to get back together, if you care for him still, I would think you’d want him to be happy in the future. This wont happen with a mother like his. She will continue to ruin his relationships. What he chooses to do with that knowledge is up to him, but at least he’d be aware.
If he knows and ignores it then that’s on him.
Well I believe we have done our fair share of kinks but nowadays it doesn't seem to work. I am not saying we have tried everything I am trying to explore that front more to see if anything works.
Red flag? Yes, you are a red flag. “I just hate kids and I don't have money for that” is perfectly clear and legit. The fact that you keep bring it up is a red flag. Why you thought you needed the internet for help is beyond me.
he didn't want her to work or atleast thought negatively cause of her school, as in, he thought it'd bring too much stress for her to study for what seem to be very important lessons AND work at the same time, he states as so in the post.
I think send her to her to her gyno. Some bc pills stop your period, nor all. And from your description it sounds like she is not educated about the medicine she's taking.
I honestly dont think this is some indication that she'll end up pregnant. I was like this as a kid because youth tend to be exposed to sexual content a lot earlier on thanks to technology. I was reblogging porn on my tumblr all day long at 13 and didnt actually lose my virginity until 19. Teens are curious about sex and want to engage with it but it doesnt mean they're physically engaging with others. My bf at the time would talk about sex with me and we never actually did it.
Although, my older sister at the time tried being harsh on me as well and it honestly sucked because I stopped feeling comfortable talking to her. I turned to the internet for questions instead of her.
Maybe I’ve reached that point!
See, and this is perfectly fine and healthy. Neither partner is necessarily 'wrong' by breaking up or feeling this way. You tend to learn in your 30's truly what you value in both friends and partners. I went through the “Lets do whatever at the drop of a hat!” phase and while it was fun, I am glad I toned it down for fear of making some stupid mistakes that I wasnt willing to live with. Im 34 now and have a baby on the way with the woman I love. We do things like museums, concerts, hiking now and again, and I and she both have our own hobbies with her being more of a homebody and I like driving a lot, riding motorcycles, etc… but I found someone who is really compatible with me in my mid 20's (weve been together 8 years now) and I never looked back. Good on you for seeing what you want. I hope OP makes the best choice they can.
It’s probably because she’s been around a baby and her biological clock has just reminded her it’s now or never. Queue panic mode.
I get that there are negotiations in marriages but bringing it up during sex is not the one.
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That’s tough, u sure about not having any tv to watch?? I’m binge watching 90 day fiancé and it’s so dumb it’s interesting, if that makes sense.
What is more important, your grandparents emotions or your child's pain/well-being?
There are exceptions to every rule, but don't ignore issues because of the rare exception. My first concern would be if he will be very controlling, so keep an eye on that. Of course, he's old enough to put on a good face and his flaws will come out only later.
Here's a challenge for you. Talk to a couple of his former gf's… Why didn't they work out? If you can also talk to people in the company, discreetly, try to get a sense of what his personality is like to people who know him well.
This is called vetting !
Keep the proof and lawyer up ASAP.
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I would worry about him less and concentrate on yourself more. You shouldn’t go back to being anxiety level skinny, but it’s not good for you to be too fat either. Concentrate on getting yourself into a healthy and happy state first because that is what is most important. Then you can concentrate on boyfriends, maybe too late with this one, or maybe you will find somebody even better for you who will stick by you during lifes ups and downs.
It's absolutely not your place to say anything to anyone about their spouses private life. This has nothing to do with your partners character and everything to do with it not being your, or his, business. You have NO idea what kind of consequences there could be as a result of you getting involved. Tempers, mental health, you have no clue. He's telling you to stay out of it because that's exactly what you should do.
13 y/o's don't get sent to jail. This doesn't sound very legit. Run a background check if you want to stay with them… I'd say I need space for a while.
This is why you can’t trust no man with hot pics. Ever.
You should get individual counseling for yourself. It'll help you sort out your feelings.
Laziness and not trying are bad enough, but please don't include those in the same category as being hurtful, mean, ignorant, and disgusting. The former are behaviors we can slip into. The latter behaviors are unacceptable.
I think it was decent and kind of her to reach out to you while you are suffering a loss. That shows some character. She cared about you and doesn't seem the type to throw someone away just because your relationship ended.
The drinking game sounds like something a dumb teenager would do, and she is a teenager. She will probably grow out of silly things like that.
Same with talking about your new bf in front of your old one. Rookie maneuver. She will probably grow out of that too.
Whether you want to meet for lunch to catch up, you gotta go with your you feel. But I wouldn't use it to rehash grievances. You blocked her after the behaviors. Nuff said. Maybe just actually catch up and see if you can build a new friendship on the caring you once had together.
You can stay friends with your exes. But you don't have to, and it is perfectly fine to walk away if that is what is what you want to do.
I think it is because he's realised I'm building a relationship with his friends back home, and that there is a good chance that I will move there, and he's jealous 'cause my sister never wanted to.
It is upsetting, but nothing is really jumping out at me that might explain why.
She wants to fuck someone else
Your check in msgs bore her to tears
I agree lol even when I was single I could only do a night or two. I went to Vegas with friends and all I wanted to do was go home after a couple of days
Why? I know plenty. My company employs a dozen of them
stfu you neek. I trust her
It will be harder if you wait longer. I tried sleep training when my oldest turned 3- she will have so much more stamina when she’s three than she does now. This is a very tough time. I am rooting for all of you.
22 and 34… there's always a reason they aren't dating in their own age range girl
You don’t need to set up cameras and whatnot in your home.
Take a few late mornings at work. Hang around and join them for the HIIT workout. Don’t say you are doing it, just do it and act casual about it, like you felt a little left out and figured you’d make time in your day a few times a week to workout together.
You’ll be able to tell pretty quickly by how that goes.
Agree with the other commenter who suggested a group text chat to discuss your workouts, momcare, childcare, etc.
Have you two sat down with each other and really discussed the issues you're having?
Christian, yes.
Each person has the right to define and communicate how they feel about marriage and their expectations of same.
If two people are sincerely living a happy, unwed life it's not our business to poke our noses in and say “why don't you follow my expectations of a relationship”.
If a person is unhappy because their partner won't marry them and they've tried communicating about it to no avail, that person is better off deciding if the relationship is right for them, than trying to mind read or mold another person into their expectations.
If you want to get married, fine. If you hold marriage in high regard that's your prerogative. But objectively it's not the end all be all of relationships.
He should be taking your feelings more seriously but it also sounds like you need to get help (therapy) for your own benefit.
Do you want to have to spend the rest of your life either screening before you watch any tv or movie, or having a few seconds of a tv programme keep ruining your day?
I am going to be very kind and not sarcastic- not your problem. Don’t give her alimony or child support. Your not married and it isn’t your kid. You want to help her future – help her get a career so she can stand on own two feet. Like an actual career
You don’t understand the difference between sex and gender, huh?
We'll be reading a post in a couple of months about how this situation went sooooo wrong
At least you didn’t sleep with a close friend of yours. Keep your baby. Don’t let anybody pressure you into anything, not even your baby daddy.
If you trust your partner why would you need that assurance? One of these things is not like the other.
Well congrats! Keep your baby. You know in your heart that you want it so it’s not fair for everyone else to gang up on you like this
Thanks a lot I'll give it a try
Oh, I'm not saying anything about this circumstance, especially as I had an abusive ex who did EXACTLY what her bf is doing. I think it's more than likely she is being manipulated and I put in my comment on the post (not this reply) that she should download one of those apps that record your sleep so she can independently find out if it's actually happening before getting further involved in the conflict he is trying to create.
I'm just saying that I don't agree your partner having sex dreams about someone else is the same as you having dreams about your partner cheating. That's very different.
As aways: DO NOT HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP IF YOU DON'T WANT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.
If you do this, you will be 100% miserable the entire time. Is your boyfriends “need” to cheat on you more important than your happiness?
How many times are you going to post this?
Seriously gross. He probably wants to bring his wife to the wedding so they can have a high school class reunion.
Thank you, and youre right about the self sabotaging. She's going to wake up any second and want to have sex but I don't think I can do it today because I feel so bad about my body right now, which is the kind of self-sabotaging of our relationship I want to avoid. But it's one thing to recognize this mentally and another to truly move past and be unbothered
All very true. He did tell me he wants to have polyamory be part of his life by the end of the year. And if I don't want to participate in polyamory then we have to break up.
Get the abortion asap because they is a time restriction. Just leave, take care of yourself, you’re dealing with a volatile person. You can’t trust him.
If he took pictures against your will and without your knowledge then that becomes a much more clear-cut situation. Should have specified this in the beginning. There's nothing wrong in keeping your SOs pictures on your pc, it's completely wrong to take nsfw pics of somebody against their will.
Sorry about everything, really. You should get the divorce paperwork written up, it’s time.
Your legal team should be communicating with her legal team, no?
A journal is meant for very personal thoughts. Including intrusive thoughts.
I've thought about cheating, ending my life, buy a farm and go on-line on a land, become gay instead of hetero, shit like that.
But that doesn't mean I would actually do any of that.
A journal is meant to write things off your chest/mind. And unless it states “I have cheated on this day with this person and that” does not count as proof that he has or is willing to.
Was there a reason you were married so quickly?
It sounds like you didn’t have the chance to get to know the real him which he is showing you now. He clearly has no respect for you or your culture, don’t waste your 20s with this man.
I wouldn’t drag the kids into it. Talk to a lawyer and see what they advise. Your kids don’t need to be involved in the drama unless/until it’s determined he’s going to meet them.
Get out now, why wait for her to actually physically cheat? The house is likely going to be spit 50/50 unless you have some legal agreement in place
This! She may be a wonderful person. But there’s a LOT of wonderful people in the world. You can’t date all of them. However you should date one of them who doesn’t send you through emotional hell constantly.
Thank you for being so insightful.
Also, totally shows that he just sees women as objects that can be passed around. Dude is f'ed up, the brother too for going along with it.
Thank you for your input, I’m glad to hear that it might not be what I’m thinking, and from what others have said an open discussion is best.
You can begin to move past it once you accept that your reaction to your dad dating someone is completely INAPPROPRIATE and well outside the boundaries of healthy attachment.
If you're experiencing a fresh wave of grief about the loss of your mom, that's understandable. But you're allowing yourself to feel as if your dad betrayed you. It's almost like you tried to step into your mom's shoes and now you feel like he's cheating on you by beginning to date. Honestly, the way you talk about your dad makes me really surprised to read that you have a boyfriend. You sound really enmeshed with your dad, or at least super codependent. Your relationship with your dad could be much more intimate emotionally if he wasn't clear afraid of how you'll react to him having a normal life.
Medication is one thing, but therapy is quite another, and you need to sell some professional help with managing your outsized emotions.
Proud of you ❤️
It's never that black and white.
Maybe it was attraction or (and what seems more likely) he's still struggling with his breakip and unwilling to put himself in a vulnerable place
Wait. So this guy took a very wanted cat to a shelter. And his coworker lied for him about it? I know some shitty people, but this is like top shelf shit.
How does he not see that by saying nothing he is encouraging her. If he cut ties then why are they coming over? I’ve been in a similar spot and she only started being friendly when I had my first kid. It took her a year to learn my name. She was far more subtle but there is a reason we do family events (including his bday) with my family instead. Go to dinner with your head high and if she says anything just carefully share some of the things she has said with the rest of the fam
You can't rewrite history but honestly this should have been done years ago. Have you ever heard the expression “lay down with dogs and wake up with fleas?” When you hang around with horrible people you are perceived as horrible too . My son and his friends worked this out at 14/15 this year when a guy in their friend group acted in a similar way . They told the guy his behaviour was creepy and not okay. The guy continued so they refused to hang out or socialise with him. He will never change . You need to hold your boundaries. He has dragged you down and most likely your reputation suffered because you tolerated his poor behaviour.for far too long Let it go. No explanations. Done
You specifically asked how to effectively end these dumb arguments. There's no way to win one of these arguments but if you've got to the point where you just want him to stop then you need to agree with him.
You could try putting on the dullest, flattest possible voice and saying something like “Yes, you're right. I understand now.” Then, if possible get up and leave. Go to the bathroom, go and get a snack, start doing a chore – anything to break away from the argument. If he tries to keep it going just keep agreeing with him. If he does the “I'm just trying to understand your perspective” thing just tell him that you don't have a perspective anymore. You completely agree with whatever it was that he was saying.
Obviously this isn't sustainable. If you really lean into this technique and he is not a narcissist but just a guy who doesn't know how to disagree with someone then he may realise he's being a dick and try to change. However, that's not very likely. You might be able to keep the relationship alive by agreeing with him on everything and then going and doing whatever you want to do but sooner or later it's going to bite you in the arse.
The real question is how much time are you willing to spend on a guy who doesn't see you as a separate person from himself?
Thank you very much for this.
About the marriage: this was something we discussed extensively with the doctors, and they felt that it wasn't quite an example of that so would be more helpful than unhelpful. I totally understand how that's a debatable point. It was the lesser of two evils at the time.
About treatment: yes, absolutely. With an excellent OCD clinic, specialist in the field and experienced in relationship and religious OCD. In-patient treatment currently doesn't seem to be the best option but I guess it remains an open possibility.
Your last paragraph is really helpful and well noted. Thank you. I want things to return to normal but I know I can't rush it. We're making slow progress already.
It sounds like you're extremely insecure and emotionally unstable (from reading your replies). You shouldn't be offended by him wanting to take his time with saying 'love', it shows he tales that word very seriously.
Honestly you need to really work on yourself and not be so dependent on him, as that might push him away.
Because of bad experiences, I don’t say it quick like most people do. It took a long time after my last gf confessed for me to finally say it back. Thankfully, she gave me the time and understood that I cared about her and wanted her in my life. In your own details, he’s affectionate and he’s committed. The worst thing you can do right now is stress test him. Life isn’t like the movies. People develop feelings at different times. If he’s a good boyfriend and he’s showing affection, then let him continue his growing so he can tell you he loves you when he feels comfortable.
Sex in dreams doesn't necessarily mean sex in real life… If I remember correctly, sex in dreams is interpreted as you being close to the person. Snakes are the ones connected to sex and attraction.
Maybe you're feeling closer to others than your husband?