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Listen, you are either mature enough to tell her you like her and accept the consequences, or you aren't.
You have feelings, but can you communicate them in a non-threatening way, and be ready for the rejection and still be her friend?
Keeping her long term happiness in mind with your choice is all well and good, but how much of that is avoidance or cowardice on your part?
No woman I know thinks being a coward is a pro instead of a con, especially when it comes to confidence and projecting your desires.
My advice, decide if you are willing to end the friendship or not, and then make a decision to tell her, or a decision to forget these feelings for your friend.
Next time you’re ill just tell him you have a heavy flow and your uterus is cramping, see what happens then.
There was an article in the British medical journal a few years ago about this. They reviewed old data and found that men are more likely to be hospitalized and die from respiratory illnesses than women.
Looking at studies in mice they found that female mice have better immune responses. After some more work they thought oestradiol might be the reason for it.
They infected male and female cells in a lab and compared the results. Premenopausal women had better immune responses than men their same age. There was no difference between postmenopausal women and men their same age.
They also infected women's cells that had been treated with an oestrogen receptor antagonist and the cells lost their antiviral effects.
They also had data showing that men with high testosterone had poor immune responses to vaccinations. this was repeated in lab tests on mice and they got the same results.
Not a ton of research has been done on this specific topic so I wouldn't say it's a hard scientific fact at this point, but this is evidence that on average men probably do feel worse than women and take longer to recover when infected with the same virus.
I don’t know that I’d classify a full sized blanket as a large object. It’s actually a go to and practical gift that many people give because it’s SO commonly useful. Literally everyone uses blankets. So, I don’t think it was foolish at all.
He was gaslighting you regarding the attempted strangulation. If he makes it your fault, every time it happens you'll know you're to blame. In a few years, your baby will be the one at fault. She'll just drive him to violence, right? Not his fault he lives with people who make him crazy!
Does that sound like the life you want to live!? Walking on eggshells, praying for his good mood?
Please, please run. I know he's in your head, I know it seems impossible, but I promise you that it is not and there is a good life for you. Away from him.
Get a full time job.. open your own bank account and see how he like that..
She's been on her best behavior with you so far, to win you over. But that fake mask cracks when it comes to service workers.
Anyone that will personally attack a service worker, especially a food service worker, without that person totally screwing everything up, is NOT a nice person.
In fact, they have some serious mental issues. You better run while you can.
Also, you need to make this one of your requirements before getting into a relationship, to watch how the woman treats service workers. Don't tell them you're watching them. Just sit back and watch if she treats them with respect and kindness.
Just, wow. Why ask why if she's happy with that kind of behavior? Honestly, I don't think it's going to change. I find all of those thing pretty disturbing, kind of “self trashing” and self objectifying. ? I would probably react very badly to someone calling me “mommy” during sex and I sure as hell wouldn't ever call anyone “daddy” even if the guy asked me to. Incest does not turn me on…in fact, I'd probably not want anything do do with them after that, but that's just me maybe. It would be an instant turn off. She probably is not going to change.
I do have some therapist friends and they unofficially and honestly diagnose her as having MPD, signs of bipolar, and a legitimate narcissist. It all pops up in spurts. When life is good, it’s GREAT. When she acts up in her spurts, it’s MISERABLE. She blames it on her diagnosed depression, her upbringing, etc. I’ve talked to her and pleaded to her to go easy on me for other scenarios and she purposefully does and says things to hurt me.
Getting her into an office is going to be a long shot but it seems like it would be worth it. Couples counseling? Psychiatrist?
Mismatched sex drives will absolutely kill a relationship. Sex is important to some people, and to others it is not.
Honestly you need to sit down and have a calm conversation. Ask him what his ideal amount of sex is per month, and tell him what yours is as well.
Also discuss sexual initiation and if he's even willing to step it up in that department.
Sexless relationships don't work for me. I want sex, I want SATISFYING sex, and I want orgasms. Being with somebody who doesn't care about sex would never in a million years work for me.
It's your relationship so you need to be OK with whatever he did. If you find it as a mistake of a past then you just have to push that information as far to the back of your mind as possible.
He should definitely seek therapy though because he was molested and he also did that to his little sister for few months(If it really ended there) because this is not “haha I played with her dolls once situation” this is “I willingly engaged in incest relationship with 8 year old situation” and it can manifest later in something really bad. Unresolved trauma can seriously ruin lives and this trauma is really serious.
Ask her directly who she was talking about. It’s hard, it’s scary, but it’s the only way to stop this from dragging out and hurting you further.
“Hey, when we were talking the other night, were you referring to (Other Guys Name)?”
It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.
“Sorry I can’t make it. I’ll be up in the woods with the rest of the coven that day sacrificing a goat. You should come up. Now the weather is getting better we’ll all be hard and you’ll probably get some.”
That should stop the unwanted invitations. The only down side it that you may need to find a goat and put a party on in the woods.
It's not rational or logical and that makes it a lot harder to deal with. It's an emotion and if his not used to working through stuff like that it will be difficult and take time and probably need professional help.
I was pretty much in his shoes at a bit younger age. Didn't get any help and had grown up with anger being the only emotion men can show basically since it wasn't considered an emotion and all that bs. Took me a long time to not get angry at the thought of her going through something like that, and the helplessness and uselessness I felt not knowing how to help and hating that I couldn't prevent it from happening even though we didn't know each other then. I'd get pissed off if someone made any rape jokes, still do actually over a decade later, but not as bad.
Thankfully I've never been violent towards anyone and have had that much control at least, but I may have punched a wall at some point out of frustration and anger(if I remember correctly it was because I guy harassed her, made her cry didn't back off when I told him to). And I feel lucky that while I was rubbish with my own emotions I was good at supporting other people going through theirs thanks to my mom. And I really don't mean to praise myself here in anyway I just feel glad that I wasn't all bad at The time.
I was really worried at the time what would happen if I saw the guy when we were visiting her hometown. I knew myself enough that I knew I wouldn't be able to control my actions. I had worked with anger management for a few years at that point and it had worked well until I heard what happened to her and emotions were running high on the positive since she was my first love, so that made the anger worse imo. I was totally unequipped to handle it and looking back I definitely could have used help from a professional. But it will likely be hard for him to realize that.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help, and I'm sorry you have had to go through what you did and he isn't supportive or helpful. Maybe try to get it in his thick head that this is more about you and your needs. And tell him the best way he can help you. But he might just not be good for you right now, or ever if he doesn't care about getting anger in control and priorities your feelings. And it might be best to brake up or get space at least. Good luck. And if his interested I can try to help if it's easier for him. But sounds like he needs a professional.