Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
She promised to go to therapy but did she actually go?
I think it is perfectly acceptable to leave someone you love if it’s in the best interests of both sides. And clearly, it is in the best interest for you. Her behavior is erratic
You and those people are entitled to your opinions, of course.
I'm just saying, like… I'm very hot multiple times a day and I'm celibate. Nudity =\= sex. The bf can still be uncomfortable but it's not like his girl is doing a strip tease specifically to turn other ppl on. Plus she didn't try to hide anything from him. Seems innocuous to me.
Personally I believe in bodily autonomy. Maybe your SO doesn't like the content to which you spank it, but they don't get to (in my book) tell you not to wank.
I was dating someone back in the day whom I told I was going to shave my head. They were like, “I don't think I'm going to like that, you shouldn't do it”
I told them, “oh I wasn't really asking for your opinion or for permission; I was just giving you a heads up” and I feel like this situation is no different.
I think a healthier outcome would be something like, the couple has a conversation exploring why a) this doesn't feel like a violated boundary to her as b) why he feels insecure about this situation, and where each of them falls in the nudity\sex connection spectrum and find a comfortable compromise. Maybe he should skinny dip with them all.
Ppl bathed and swam in the nude for a long time before there was ever a bathing suit to wear. But to each their own.
I have very extreme views on Male Genital Mutilation (Circumcision) and I'll start off by saying this: It's barbaric to do this to children… Period… If you as an adult want to get it done then sure go right ahead, but don't you dare make that decision for your child knowing the potential damage it can cause (it's painful, the foreskin contains nerves that will be severed or missing, and it's surgery and so there is every chance it could have complications or be botched), seriously… LEAVE BOYS PENISES ALONE!
Now regarding the issue I think you're absolutely mad for potentially going through this because you're not happy with what you have where there is no noticeable difference other than reduced function and a more normal aesthetic (which a mutilated penis is unnatural). If the genders were reversed and you said this about your wife, you would feel horrible and the whole of the internet would be against you. Normalise unmutilated penises.
For reference I was mutilated as a child, not only do I have a significantly reduced sensation but I also have an odd curve and a scar right down the shaft which looks horrible, in addition to that the glans has no protection which has desensitised it further and made sex a horrible experience for the most part.
STOP NORMALISING THE MUTILATION OF CHILDREN'S SEX ORGANS
met her a week after we started talking on the dating site. We met so that i could help her move out of her ex's house a few weeks after she moved out. We hooked up the same night and she said she loved me.
That's why.
She said she loved you as you were helping her move out of her exes… she was in no position to say that.
Don't do this kind of stuff:
I helped her out with money and bought her stuff she needed since i am in a good financial suitation and she is struggling a bit.
You extended yourself way beyond what is necessary for a new connection.
You need to reserve that effort to until you know its not in vain.
I had this kind of quarter life crisis as well after uni. Not relationship related but work related. I felt like my life wasn't fully on track, that I wouldn't have the career I was hoping for, felt so much pressure to succeed immediately, and so on. At some point someone told me “you have 40 years of work ahead of you” and it clicked and the pressure fell. With regards to relationships, you have even more than 40 years ahead of you. Take it easy, don't force relationships but put yourself out there and it'll happen.
If it's a constant abuse then you need to think about this situationship. Either to end it and move on or to persist with the constant back and forth of abuse. Choice is yours to make. It's a new year. Don't settle for crap so early on 2023.
Thank you so much for your response. We planned a fun date today, went to arcade and played some games and it was lovely. Unfortunately, it ended in us fighting again, and subsequently, this post. We both really want to sort this out and it's difficult because we're not completely sure why we're upset at each other (or ourselves) and managing to fight, even at the end of a lovely date.
I don't know. One tough question that he didn't act on, backpedaled on when challenged, and you are done?
My feeling is that he did not do anything wrong by asking and you didn't do anything wrong by saying no. You both have an opportunity to do something different if those boundaries are not given.
I mean, you have every right to be done. But to just be done after that feels like it must have been a super brittle marriage to begin with.
Also, if you are going into therapy with the notion that it is already done, rather than working on it, then it probably is done. I would recommend going in with a 'work on it' attitude if you want to be married. Hopefully, he will bring the same.
As a rule, we can’t change people or ask them to change. If you ask her to change and she does, she does out of fear of losing you, and reverts back when that fear is gone (and takes you for granted again).
If someone wants to change, they do it on their own. You are an example of that. She isn’t there yet, and you don’t have to wait for someone when she has not shown any evidence to want to grow in the same direction.
The kids will be happier in the long term having the example of putting mental health and well-being above societal standards. Make sure they know you love them unconditionally and that will not change regardless of how you feel about their mom.
No, just fell in love quickly. It very hot bc he has shown respect for my parents, but now if feels more like he was putting it on after hearing him talk like this.
No one kept anything from you. All relationships take a week or so to come to light. You are making yourself a victim but no one wronged you. I feel sorry for your dad.
I've been seeing a guy for 9 months, it's been wonderful with a few small hitches. We moved in together, talked about proposing, he wants to buy a ring
All of these are red flags. You barely know eachother. And there is something off about him and his stepsister.
With all due respect, come back to earth. I am sure you are a wonderful person (empathetic at least based on this post), but he pulled together for him and by himself, not because of you/for you. Stop inserting yourself where you don’t belong and take ownership of your own life.
If I were you, since your lease is up anyway, use that as an opportunity to live! separately at least until he gets his OCD treated. If anyone can just switch it off, everyone would do that.
There is clearly something going on, whether it is OCD or something else entirely is anyone's guess. But if he's not actively in therapy, it is not being addressed.
And I'm saying it wasn't bullshit just cuz you were tired and don't want it to sound worse than it is. regardless, communicate openly and honestly, it's always the answer
People who care about you are interested in your well-being and happiness. You'll probably find more of that in the comments left by strangers than you did in the whole “relationship”.
Turn her down. Don't even be polite about it. Tell her to get romantical with a cactus or something.
Hello /u/123Anonymous12345,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
run!!
She promised to go to therapy but did she actually go?
I think it is perfectly acceptable to leave someone you love if it’s in the best interests of both sides. And clearly, it is in the best interest for you. Her behavior is erratic
Well we’re thinking of meeting up and hanging out a couple times before we do introduce me to her father ?
Ugh, they certainly do. I burn really easily, so skinny-dipping during the day would be out of the question in any situation, but at night? YES.
You and those people are entitled to your opinions, of course.
I'm just saying, like… I'm very hot multiple times a day and I'm celibate. Nudity =\= sex. The bf can still be uncomfortable but it's not like his girl is doing a strip tease specifically to turn other ppl on. Plus she didn't try to hide anything from him. Seems innocuous to me.
Personally I believe in bodily autonomy. Maybe your SO doesn't like the content to which you spank it, but they don't get to (in my book) tell you not to wank.
I was dating someone back in the day whom I told I was going to shave my head. They were like, “I don't think I'm going to like that, you shouldn't do it”
I told them, “oh I wasn't really asking for your opinion or for permission; I was just giving you a heads up” and I feel like this situation is no different.
I think a healthier outcome would be something like, the couple has a conversation exploring why a) this doesn't feel like a violated boundary to her as b) why he feels insecure about this situation, and where each of them falls in the nudity\sex connection spectrum and find a comfortable compromise. Maybe he should skinny dip with them all.
Ppl bathed and swam in the nude for a long time before there was ever a bathing suit to wear. But to each their own.
I have very extreme views on Male Genital Mutilation (Circumcision) and I'll start off by saying this: It's barbaric to do this to children… Period… If you as an adult want to get it done then sure go right ahead, but don't you dare make that decision for your child knowing the potential damage it can cause (it's painful, the foreskin contains nerves that will be severed or missing, and it's surgery and so there is every chance it could have complications or be botched), seriously… LEAVE BOYS PENISES ALONE!
Now regarding the issue I think you're absolutely mad for potentially going through this because you're not happy with what you have where there is no noticeable difference other than reduced function and a more normal aesthetic (which a mutilated penis is unnatural). If the genders were reversed and you said this about your wife, you would feel horrible and the whole of the internet would be against you. Normalise unmutilated penises.
For reference I was mutilated as a child, not only do I have a significantly reduced sensation but I also have an odd curve and a scar right down the shaft which looks horrible, in addition to that the glans has no protection which has desensitised it further and made sex a horrible experience for the most part.
STOP NORMALISING THE MUTILATION OF CHILDREN'S SEX ORGANS
Because there was no reason for the fight in the first place. Idk very hot to explain.
It's a lie he keeps using as he keeps getting away with it.
met her a week after we started talking on the dating site. We met so that i could help her move out of her ex's house a few weeks after she moved out. We hooked up the same night and she said she loved me.
That's why.
She said she loved you as you were helping her move out of her exes… she was in no position to say that.
Don't do this kind of stuff:
I helped her out with money and bought her stuff she needed since i am in a good financial suitation and she is struggling a bit.
You extended yourself way beyond what is necessary for a new connection.
You need to reserve that effort to until you know its not in vain.
You were taken advantage of.
Sorry my guy.
And then tell him “absolutely ridiculous” to be bothered by it if he ever protests.
I had this kind of quarter life crisis as well after uni. Not relationship related but work related. I felt like my life wasn't fully on track, that I wouldn't have the career I was hoping for, felt so much pressure to succeed immediately, and so on. At some point someone told me “you have 40 years of work ahead of you” and it clicked and the pressure fell. With regards to relationships, you have even more than 40 years ahead of you. Take it easy, don't force relationships but put yourself out there and it'll happen.
All of those things are good, but have you considered seeking professional help? There is no shame in it. And no shame in what you're going through.
If it's a constant abuse then you need to think about this situationship. Either to end it and move on or to persist with the constant back and forth of abuse. Choice is yours to make. It's a new year. Don't settle for crap so early on 2023.
Thank you so much for your response. We planned a fun date today, went to arcade and played some games and it was lovely. Unfortunately, it ended in us fighting again, and subsequently, this post. We both really want to sort this out and it's difficult because we're not completely sure why we're upset at each other (or ourselves) and managing to fight, even at the end of a lovely date.
Her husband won't come.
This is implied in him saying: “siblings first.”
They even do come before himself now. This was what his decision means.
I find that realky sick.
And I fear that it will one day escalate and end in a divorce.
Because by deciding to turn his home into a nursing home he has left his marriage.
What result are you wanting?
I don't know. One tough question that he didn't act on, backpedaled on when challenged, and you are done?
My feeling is that he did not do anything wrong by asking and you didn't do anything wrong by saying no. You both have an opportunity to do something different if those boundaries are not given.
I mean, you have every right to be done. But to just be done after that feels like it must have been a super brittle marriage to begin with.
Also, if you are going into therapy with the notion that it is already done, rather than working on it, then it probably is done. I would recommend going in with a 'work on it' attitude if you want to be married. Hopefully, he will bring the same.
As a rule, we can’t change people or ask them to change. If you ask her to change and she does, she does out of fear of losing you, and reverts back when that fear is gone (and takes you for granted again).
If someone wants to change, they do it on their own. You are an example of that. She isn’t there yet, and you don’t have to wait for someone when she has not shown any evidence to want to grow in the same direction.
The kids will be happier in the long term having the example of putting mental health and well-being above societal standards. Make sure they know you love them unconditionally and that will not change regardless of how you feel about their mom.
No, just fell in love quickly. It very hot bc he has shown respect for my parents, but now if feels more like he was putting it on after hearing him talk like this.
No one kept anything from you. All relationships take a week or so to come to light. You are making yourself a victim but no one wronged you. I feel sorry for your dad.
I've been seeing a guy for 9 months, it's been wonderful with a few small hitches. We moved in together, talked about proposing, he wants to buy a ring
All of these are red flags. You barely know eachother. And there is something off about him and his stepsister.
It’s controlling. Control is abuse. He doesn’t trust you. He’s a walking red flag. Run.
Yeah it would take hours for me to do that, and I enjoy having the memories. I would probably regret it in a few years if I did delete them.
I like looking back at old times and wouldn't want a big chunk to be missing, I want to share my old life with my kids someday too.
But yeah to each their own. I don't think it's common to delete them though.
With all due respect, come back to earth. I am sure you are a wonderful person (empathetic at least based on this post), but he pulled together for him and by himself, not because of you/for you. Stop inserting yourself where you don’t belong and take ownership of your own life.
If I were you, since your lease is up anyway, use that as an opportunity to live! separately at least until he gets his OCD treated. If anyone can just switch it off, everyone would do that.
There is clearly something going on, whether it is OCD or something else entirely is anyone's guess. But if he's not actively in therapy, it is not being addressed.
And I'm saying it wasn't bullshit just cuz you were tired and don't want it to sound worse than it is. regardless, communicate openly and honestly, it's always the answer
You feel abandoned because you were.
People who care about you are interested in your well-being and happiness. You'll probably find more of that in the comments left by strangers than you did in the whole “relationship”.
Turn her down. Don't even be polite about it. Tell her to get romantical with a cactus or something.