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Are you fr? Wake up this isn’t a movie where toxic romances are cute. You’re putting yourself and others at risk because you’re dating a monster. Do better
Girl you looking to win the Dumb Hoe 2023 award already??
Sit down and have a conversation with her about the time frame in which you are going to propose, but to be honest, do you know why she's doing this? Because five years is long enough. She's probably upset because, as you said, you own a house together, and you still haven't proposed. She wants to get married and start having kids sooner rather than later. She doesn't have forever. You two need to sit down and have a serious talk with her.
The problem her is your wife. She is jealous and insecure about your ex for no good reason except you used to be married. Your wife needs help, therapy of some kind. Your co-parenting duties don't end when your youngest turns 16 and you occasionally texting your ex has no effect whatsoever on you younger children by your wife.
It sounds as if your wife wants to erase your first family all together. No talking to the ex and no real contact with your older children. This is a huge problem. Your wife is being totally unreasonable.
I believe she’s lying and doing the trickle down truth. And there’s an affair going on there when somebody goes to all of that trouble there is something going on. I’m glad that you were kind to her, but I wouldn’t trust her either. Frankly, if not checked, a lot of times people will shoot again. I found a couple of great reconciliation stories on here. You however, in a difficult situation with her because she’s blamed it all on the bars and acted like a victim. So what is the stop her from opening her mouth going to HR if this happens again, you have a problem there. This is a 19 year old girl. This is a grown adult woman.
Maybe but why reveal it?
Your sexuality is different because it’s a bit more visible. Your friends and family will know who you’re dating etc. so coming out makes more sense.
But your kink??? Who needs to know that other than the ones you’re sleeping with? Why come out about your kink? Especially in this context?
Cut her off my dude , stop making shit complicated for yourself
no coming back from this one imo. who even says something like that
Couple's therapy? 6 months in? Honey….
You don’t get to decide how much is too much for her to handle. You shouldn’t be yelling at her at all but to argue your right to be aggressive towards her is insane to me. That you aren’t completely appalled at yourself is insane.
I think people get better at keeping commitments as we get older, not worse. It was pretty common to put out invitations and get half or more not show up when younger, that has yet to happen to me as an adult, it's rare for a single person to bail now, and often times more people show up than the number you invited lol.
I know people like this. They rarely, if ever, change. It doesn't matter how sweet and loving they are to you, their negativity and anger will poison our worldview as well. You'll be signing yourself up for a lifetime of misery.
Imagine if you had kids with him, too. It makes a long-lasting impression- nothing is ever good enough (including them), never right, and never worth being happy about, and that is all they will ever know.
Well I can't speak for everyone else but I have a low tolerance for bullshit.
Well it’s time to grow up now that you’re married, and accept it. It’s not like they cheated on someone with each other. It sounds like they spend time together anyway, and were single and lonely. Just let them be, it’s actually kind of cute.
Thank you so much, that’s a really good take. She’s been seeing a therapist but it definitely could be a good idea to join a support group. I’ll bring up the idea to them!
I mean trust me I've left him before. Moved out and moved in with family bc of the cleaning bullshit. but honestly all i realized from leaving was life aint shit without him.
That's great…if you are happy then your wedding night will be wonderful. Don't over think it, don't stress about it. Everything will come together like it's supposed to.
I think he's just an inexperienced 25 year old.
to be honest, in this current climate i absolutely understand how fear of being not only rejected, but threatened after revealing yourself to be trans could keep a 19 year old quiet.
I don’t think he handled it correctly but I do sympathize with him as someone else who is often fearful of revealing their gender to people (and my genitalia wouldn’t even be a surprise)
I'm gonna start off with the difference between preference and sexual orientation. What you have is a sexual orientation, not a preference. A preference implies that those other genitals (their sexual organs being the labia, vulva, clitoris and vagina) are an option, that you made a choice. A conscious choice on what you like and what you want and that it is an option but that if both are an option at the moment of choice you are likely to choose the other.
A sexual orientation is what you have. Their genitals are not an option for you. It is not compatible with you. They are not something you like or an active conscious choice you would willingly make w/o any form of interference (i.e emotional manipulation by means of emotional investment w/o the full information for fully informed consent). A sexual orientation is never a bad thing. You do not need to try or force yourself into something you just don't want or like. It is ok to have boundaries and have very hot stops.
What they did is, to be blunt, remove your agencies. Remove your ability to have made a fully enthusiastic informed decision for where to invest your time and your emotions.
was scared that I would reject him.
And please for the love of god do not accept that as anything more then “it explains it but does not excuse it”. The decision was yours to make, not theirs and they made it for you.
They have a harsh lesson to learn about enthusiastic informed decisions and consent.
This would be a deal breaker for the majority of people. As well as the omission of important information.
One major thing I would advise is to never force yourself into a situation you are not comfortable with. It is ok to say no. It is ok to have and enforce these types of boundaries that directly involve your body and the choice of who to give access to your body to. If this means the relationship ends, then it ends. It is not fair to you in any means to have been placed in this situation. Maybe it could have been different had they told you on maybe date 1~3. But at this current stage there's no take-backs, no rewinds or do-overs. What's done is done.
My bio father cheated on my mom while she was pregnant with me. He left her and couldn't deal with being in a committed relationship, apparently.
He was there the night I was born and then tried many times to see me. My grandma snuck visits with him but I didn't know who he was. He was a “friend” of my grandma. My mom found out and was furious. We moved from Germany to the US when I was really young. My stepdad was in the Army at the time.
For most of my life, my mom poisoned me against him. As a young adult, I found him on Facebook. I finally met him in person in the most unlikely of places, thanks to me being in the Navy, on deployment. He came to the Seychelles to see me. He lives in Italy, so it wasn't that big of a journey.
Anyway, it was a rough meeting. We didn't quite get along at first. A few years later, I went to visit him in Italy for two weeks and it was tense. I learned for myself about his personality. I hate to admit that I have some of his traits. And I look like him a LOT. My mom always would tell me that I reminded her of him, which is probably why she was kind of a bitch to me sometimes.
Anyway, I am glad to have gotten to know him. I am ok that I didn't know him while growing up. He has a big ego and seems to only do things for others for the praise and gratitude people give him. He didn't like my sense of independence and “Americanized” attitude and personality.
So all this to say, your kids are better off not knowing him in their formative years. Let them discover him on their own as adults. He missed out already this far. If anything, there will be a legal battle and things can get messy and strained for everyone. He sounds like a piece of work and your kids might be traumatized or get really confused by the interaction.
Yes, I hope it's clear that I think that as well; I just don't think it's the useful point to focus on.
Luckily we do not have any joint accounts. What really sets me back is rent, its almost $2000 per month, and then her health insurance which is another $500.
That goes more than half of my salary there.
God I'm so sorry to hear you went through all of this. People who lie about abusers are just as bad as abusers, in fact lying about abuse is abuse to the person wronged. She maliciously ruined your life bc she wanted to, that's so messed up. You deserved better, and I'm sorry she did that to you.
A girl lied to me about being assaulted, and I thought she was being honest at the time, so I warned others who knew the guy. When I realized she lied about it, it was too late. I will always feel guilty for blindly believing her and spreading that about a perfectly nice guy.
If I could give you a hug I would. I'm sorry your ex was garbage.
After you’re done wondering that, maybe ponder why the stereotypes exist in the first place.
ChatGPT says, “I can understand how you might feel hurt and disappointed by your boyfriend's actions. It's important to feel heard and understood in a relationship. While it's good that he agreed with the message generated by AI, his reaction to your feelings might have made the situation more challenging for you. It could be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with him about how this experience made you feel, and to discuss the importance of empathy and understanding in your relationship. Remember that it's okay to have different opinions, but it's crucial to respect each other's feelings and work towards a common understanding.”
Seems to me she wanted a friend/kid trip and just said “sorry you can’t make it” to be nice. You joining would change the dynamic.
She's being extremely naive. You're in the right, dude. Don't back down on this one. She doesn't need to be meeting strange men, especially not having been in a committed relationship with you.
No it's fine. Don't make an issue of it.
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