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Or maybe he figured you were bothered by it, since you brought it up, and he just wanted to not worry about it?
Ima chalk this up to a horny high school dude used you and he’s a piece of shit for guilt tripping you into stuff. Any dudes reading this know , don’t do that, if someone says no Or obviously is uncomfortable , just stop it and go away , nothing you continue to say or do will make it ok or less uncomfortable. So just stop it
Welcome to owning a business – letting employees go is the worst. Especially when you're pulling for them to do well, cheering them on and helping them. Im sorry you're dealing with this. And…looks like you know what to do.
You need to follow your state's employment laws – if this is your first firing, I'd recommend a simple attorney consult before you meet with the employee. Make sure you have your ducks in a row first, especially if you are not in a right to work state. Whether you're in a right to work state or not, do document what has happened. Make sure you've Very. Clearly. Made it clear to this employee that she's close to being let go – this needs to a be 1-2 or a 1-2-3 thing (unless it's an egregious situation). You'll feel better if you handle it this way (speaking from experience). Fire fast – hire slow. Sounds like you need to take some fast action right now – typically these things get worse. Not better. Wish I had better news. It's not uncommon for an employee to start off great – and be great for a number of years. And then start to tank in their performance, have excuses etc. When this happens, I typically meet with the employee and cleary state the specific behavior that occurred, and say, “X happened. This is not typical of you. (step 1 – state the specific behavior). (step 2: Clearly state the impact of the behavior) When you (state behavior) it creates problems with my landlord (Affects our businesses reputation, etc etc). (step 3: Clearly state how it makes you feel or concerns you) This makes me concerned that something in your life is causing you to change behavior – Are You Ok? **Then wait – be silent. No matter what the employee responds with, repeat these three steps until the employee takes responsibility. The goal here is for the employee to take respesibility -true responsibility. After responsibility is taken .. Ask the employee why they began working at your business and if those reason are still true. This opens the discussion if a behavior change can occur or not. If it's a no – then you both can dissolve the employment peacefully. If it's a yes – then outline a very specific steps she needs to take within the next 30 days – to be reviewed in 90 days (sho she needs to keep doing these things over a 90 days period) for her stay employed. It's ok if she has small mess ups during this time – you need to address those fast and clearly – but she does not get to make big mess ups like being late and making excuses like she's been doing. Make clear what fireable offenses are. This is what I'd do.
I would hope for her to have a change of heart, were it me.
Mostly so I would get the opportunity to tell her to eat shit after the new relationship crashed and burned
His non-answer is your answer.
Screenshot and send to yourself then delete them on his end so he can’t see. Don’t tell him anything yet. Get a divorce attorney. Get your money in your accounts. Leave his ass.
OP, you’ve done the major portion of your contribution to this process.
At this point you are a supporting character. She needs to have the people she loves supporting her. You can either be one of them, or not.
By throwing a tantrum that a woman about to become a first time mother through a geriatric pregnancy wants her mother with her you are showing that you are just a child who can’t regulate your emotions.
It is pretty standard for a woman to want her mom with her during these times if there is any kind of positive relationship.
Considering all of the risks she is taking with this pregnancy, you should be catering to her every need. Stress could cause miscarriage, birth defects, and worse. Your temper tantrum could literally cost her and the baby’s lives.
It’s so fucking nasty that any parent could go after their child’s partner. It’s just so fucking sick in the head
Go back to Miami without the baggage of a cheating husband who isn't supportive. It is your life. You're the one who has to online it and it's the only one you have. Do you want to waste it with someone who isn't even engaged in your relationship anymore in a place you aren't happy? Don't break yourself for someone who won't even do the bare minimum.
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My wife fell in love with her trainer and had a 2 month emotional affair that turned sexual 11 years ago. I caught her on Facebook messenger and after the usual denial she came clean with all the details. A lot of texting and emails. I was able to retrieve them-which showed her to be the aggressor. In the short time she said they had one sexual encounter with him performing oral sex in a parking lot and she says she didn’t reciprocate, it was only the one time. Highly suspect and I didn’t believe her. I made her take a lie detector test which she passed but non conclusive. As per my Dr’s recommendation I had her get an STD and hepatitis test which I did as well and all were negative. I was thinking about having the kids tested to see if they are all mine, but I’m not ready for that (maybe another question for Reddit).
Fast forward 11 years and she has been an excellent wife very regretful (I believe this was a one time mistake but who knows), went to counselling, communicates ok,sex is good etc. and I have not been the best (triggers along the way). My intentions was to make the relationship work but after about three years I knew I couldn’t get over the affair. I stayed for our kids who were all young but have now all gone off to college. I didn’t want to fight with a new father figure in my kids life so I held on. The problem is I can’t get over the sexual part of the affair and the fact that they were both married with children. Based on my wife’s personality, If I didn’t catch them this would have been a very long term affair. Because of this I am unable to build the same connection (bonding)with my wife. My perception of her has changed and I’m unable to connect with her on a deep trusting level. The fact that she fell in love and communicated like I would have liked to be communicated to is also a deciding factor. I must admit that I’m a little jealous of the communication that the trainer received from my wife, something in the 31 years of marriage I have never received. When I specifically asked her on this she told me “it was school girl stuff and that I shouldn’t read into it” and that it “took a lot of energy”. Call me old fashion, but validating and reenforcing the importance of your new affair partner is to your life and happiness is something that should be reserved for your spouse. Before the affair she was non communicative and just a very cold person. I know it takes two for a marriage and after the affair we have done counselling together and separate, but I didn’t have the affair she did. I did try to talk to her about our marriage long before it happened and actually confronted her about the trainer two weeks before the indiscretions but she decided to fast track it and make the choice to meet up and have sex.
My question is; I have been straight with her from the third year of resuming our relationship and told her this is temporary and at the end of the day we will be getting divorced and she needs to prepare herself. She has separate credit cards and bank accounts now, which I had to push her to get. The issue I have is when I talk about divorce she gets hysterical and has trouble breathing which frighten’s me. The last time I thought I was going to have to seriously call an ambulance. How would you break it to her as it’s been about a year since I last brought it up and our relationship is actually going great but I have to move on for my own well being (resentful, not trusting, not wanting to be married etc.) I was thinking about asking her for a separation (no contact) first and living in the same house as it’s big enough and I can close off the one wing. Which might soften the realization that the relationship is over and then file for divorce. Alternatively, I could file and get the papers served on her and don’t say anything (which I don’t think is fair) but she literally has trouble breathing when I talk about divorce. Any constructive advice or other options would be appreciated.
The old toilet seat bullshit 🙂 ?
Your friend likes you, romantically. But I suspect you already knew that and have done for some time.
When you were single he still felt he had a chance, even though from your end it was purely friendship there was a chance you'd fall for him, you laughed at his jokes, you spent a lot of time together you cuddled on the sofa eventually something would happen right? His jealousy is clear to see I don't think he's intentionally trying to split you up or anything but you probably used to do a lot together that he could joke about and now that you spend a lot more time with your boyfriend than him it's all he has left.
You need to love yourself enough to devote time and energy to someone who loves you back
You made a mistake and you are obliged to clean it up so You in a month like your life better. Come clean with her. It will be difficult and ncomfortable for a while and then it will become less uncomfortable.
So who do you think should be on his life insurance policy if not the person actually raising his children?
The fact that he is open about his diagnosis shows some insight, that's a positive sign. It's definitely worth speaking to a professional though. ASPD can be unpredictable and his reaction to stress may be dangerous for you and your baby. It's not just physical abuse either, it could be more subtle things like manipulation that could create a situation that is no longer in your best interests. As long as your interests align things might be great but you need to be prepared for what could happen when things change.
Yah this would be me too.
Hubby and I have full access to each other’s phones, neither one of us have any reason to look, ever. He is the most loyal, honest man I know, but if something was sus like these events he listed I’d be in his phone looking.
Trust your gut OP!
Your body…your choice.
Agreed. I know not every situation is like mine, but I left an abusive10 year marriage with three kids (8, 5, and 3) and had nothing. I was a SAHM with no bank account, no credit, no college education, no work history, no furniture… nothing.
It was the best decision of my life.
I agree. But what about the other stuff i mentioned ?
Right? How was she not aware she could get hurt?! This is entirely on her, OP, not you.
Do you think that slipping up despite a request is deliberate? They might not think about it. Have you asked them? Is that a fact or is that something that you have told yourself?
They told you that it was unrealistic, why didn't you believe them? You should have broken up with them then. They shouldn't have to stop cursing when they're mad and you shouldn't be triggered.
Because you set the precedent that it's okay to curse sometimes. With customers, it's never okay to curse. You don't understand that if it's okay to do something 99% of the time, it would be naked to stop for the 1% (especially when you're mad).
I don't curse. My significant others and friends don't curse around me because I set the precedent that it is never okay. If I told my friends that they could curse except for when they're mad, it would be unrealistic. There is a thing called habit and comfort. You curse around adults and not kids because there is a precedent that it is never okay to curse around kids. Same goes for customers, the precedent is that it is never okay.
Yep. This.
Ask him directly. Share your own relationship goals directly. But at 2mo in, don't ask or interpret these answers as having a “with me” on the end of the question.
You are not committing to this path together today, and betraying a promise if you don't form a successful long term relationship leading to marriage and family. You're just aligning so you can both decide whether to continue investor, have some discussions about key topics, or identity deal breakers before you're in deep.
Here we see a case of ‘weaponized incompetence’ in full display.
“She’s better at it, and I know she asked me to take this chore off her mental and physical load, but I’m just noooo goooood at it”
Cue tiny violin playing.
She’s good at it because of PRACTICE.
C’Mon man. Step up. Be better.