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Ruby, 19 y.o.
Location: texas
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Notice how they won’t tell their bf’s until after because it is an issue in their relationships
What kind of stepmom porn have you been watching.
You sound like a child. Your worldview is really immature and your arrogance is astounding.
Your gf should break up with you and you should let her go and you really should do some self analysis to work out why you don’t understand that what you did was totally wrong.
I didn't read past the first few sentences. You are in an abusive, toxic relationship. Get out now before the violence escalates.
Slow down. Back up. Work on yourself.
I mean this with nothing but kindness – have you ever been professionally evaluated for autism?
A number of as traits you've described them could fall under the ASD umbrella. Understanding more about yourself, how your own brain works, and what blind spots you should be aware of can make a world of difference in your quality of life and overall satisfaction.
Unfortunately I can't afford it, the cheapest I've found is $120 an hour which is well outside my price range. Thankyou for the advice though.
I don't know what has happened or changed, but I recently found out that his contact is saved in my email and instead of deleting it like I know I should, I added it to my phone. I want to message him. I want to talk to him again but I feel all the same bursts of emotion I used to when I first started talking to him all those years ago. This terrifies me because I thought I had gotten past all of that and now I am wondering if I truly dealt with my problems regarding obsessive thinking.
I don't know what to do. please help me to figure it out. I don't know if I should reach out to try and rekindle our friendship or if I should accept that he is out of my life forever. I am happy in my current relationship and I have told my boyfriend about him but not that I have found his contact information again. I know that he is not interested in me but our friendship before I became obsessed was genuinely an extraordinary experience, one that I wish I could recover.
You need to delete that contact and go back to your therapist, because you have a tremendous amount of work to do on yourself still. For starters, look at what you just wrote, then think about what you didn't write. Such as a single solitary word about what might be best for HIM, how HE might feel about you catapulting yourself back into his life after attempting to ruin it. You're only thinking about you and what you want.
To be honest I'm pretty disgusted with your attitude. I opened this post expecting the usual dilemma of someone who has hurt people in the past and is now reckoning with making amends: “do I reach out to them to apologize, or will that only hurt them more?”
But you're not even there yet, are you? You haven't given that a second thought. Your “dilemma” instead is “I really want to become friends again (regardless of what he might want or what's healthiest for him) but just entertaining the thought is already making me feel possessive and toxic so I'll probably end up hurting him again if I do, so should I do it or not?”
First of all, fuck no you shouldn't do it. Leave the poor man alone, for God's sake. Your presence has been an enormous net negative in his life; you don't get to waltz back into it because you miss the company. Secondly, the fact that you even have the gall to ask this question in the first place shows you're not even CLOSE to being in a healthy place mentally and you need to get your ass back to therapy immediately.
The best idea I have is the modern family episode of mitch and cam proposing. They find themselves kneeling down to fix a flat tire and look up at each other and say “yes”.
Next best idea I have would be to rope a close friend or family member into the plan. Have a nice dinner at someone's house or restaurant, then have this friend/family member, without saying a word, place the two ring boxes in front of both of you. And then let you two take it from there… Obviously, it would take some coordination, meaning they would have to see if your partner was up for it while feigning you were clueless… idk, I think with the right coordination it could be adorable
You were engaged in an emotional affair and she understood that. Her message to him makes you uncomfortable because you know deep down somewhere that you are indeed a part of why this woman who was about to move to her bf's area had her heart broken instead. You should ask yourself how it made his gf feel to know that he had a female confidante he was sharing information with about their relationship. Betrayal is a word that comes to mind. You helped him break her heart. I think he got cold feet about her impending move and you made it very easy for him skate out of the commitment she believed they had. You didn't give him nearly enough time to be done with a 7 year long relationship so it isn't surprising that you are now very insecure about whether or not you're just a rebound for him. If you're lucky, this will be a learning experience you'll grow from and not make the same mistake again. But first you have to accept what you allowed yourself to be a party to.
Don't do it
Although I didn’t get a chance to read OPs post before it disappeared into the magic smoke, I appreciate your summary and analysis of their situation. It’s basically universal advice for people in similar issues. However the conclusive action item to suggest divorce seems extreme over an internet form. There’s likely a whole nest of other issues that aren’t easily resolved. Divorce may introduce even more complicated latent issues and loose ends.