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thought about ending things over this but its difficult, especially because all the other time together is so good and I do feel like I would regret it
He also always has evidence for why traditional communication was impossible for that time- I just dont know why this never changes after any communication
you arent wrong though, thank you
Thank you so much for the kind words man. I knew I had to let her go at some point but it was just very hot for me to do. Because she always called me with some problems. And me being an empath went in auto mode to always help her out.
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Unpopular opinion probably: how is that cheating? I, too, (22F) compliment my men peers, since anyway I only have male friends around me, save for two amazing women in my life. Granted, I'm single, and most of them are too, and I'm not overly inappropriate, though I give out these kind of compliments.
Now don't get me wrong, there is something fishy going on, I just feel that it's wrong to immediately jump to cheating. What needs to be talked about first and foremost is his hiding of the phone and apparent breach of trust. Have you found worse messages? While it's probable he could have deleted them, and I know that definition of cheating may vary from person to person, you need to document everything he does and say about her, because messages alone (well, those, specifically) are not obligatory an indication of cheating.
Starting anything with a mentally unstable alcoholic with a clingy ex holding on to feelings for him is going to be more headache than it’s worth. Walk away.
Dayummmm. I’d say keep ghosting her. But honestly dude…you’ve only know the chick for a year and already engaged? C’mon man
It is clear from your post you really should not have gotten married in the first place. Stop playing games and get a divorce. Better for both of you.
It’s clear he isn’t interested in making you happy. You can’t be a team by yourself. Your trying so very hot to save a bad marriage. Move back to Miami single.
Because he is manipulating you. Leave.
But his dad doesn’t think the kid is his. How will you resolve this?
Is there any chance the paternity is right? Have you slept with someone else?
This is probably a fake post anyway. The topic of paternity has turned out to be a great way to rile people up and karma farm, thus why there has been an explosion of stories like this over the last month or two. OP avoiding questions and acting sketchy but also helpless is a great way to get people to comment more and get more outraged.
As people get older they usually get set in their ways to where it might make it harder for them to conform to the new demands of being in a relationship. It's unclear why you feel you have to police his activities (given that his faithfulness isn't in question). If you think he has a drinking problem then address that directly instead of making it about where he goes and who he brings home. You're 30, so it's not like you're that “young” or “naive”. If you want to spend time with him in the morning then prearrange that so he knows to expect you. It's not his fault you decided to become a parent. However, if you have any intention of marrying this guy you may have a challenge ahead if going out every night is the pattern he's established in his life.
If you are noisy it motivates him to perform. If you are silent he feels like you are not enjoying yourself so he loses motivation to keep going.
How long have you been in a relationship?
And the short answer is, if your needs have not been met in a relationship, you communicate that (which you have already done)
If they don’t meet your needs despite being told, it’s because they don’t care if your needs are met.
At that point, it’s better to find someone who actually cares about your needs.
I’m into bdsm too, and if I told my dom that my needs were not being met, he would take it seriously, make a specific effort to fix his behavior, and he would make a concerted effort to maintain that behavior in a consistent way, because he cares about meeting my needs (often more than he cares about meeting his own, unfortunately)
You mentioned in one comment if you should try therapy first for the sake of the kids. From my experience(my parents divorced), kids don’t need married parents and it is even counterproductive for them if their parents are unhappy. If your child would be in the same situation as you are, would you want them to stay in an unhealthy relationship or divorce and find happiness on your own? Just be an example for them. I don’t believe you would be an good example by staying in this relationship but it is your choice.
Also your current husband can still be their dad even if you’re divorced. If he was a good dad before, he still will be. If he was a bad dad before, that will also stay.
You are absolutely right
Is your boyfriend trustworthy? Does he conduct himself with integrity in general? If you asked him about the sexts, do you think he would be honest with you?
I think you need to come clean about the snooping. The snooping isn't healthy at all, so be honest and apologize for that. But it's not a “fruit of the poisoned tree” situation – the violation of his privacy doesn't negate what you found or give him a pass. Give him the opportunity to be honest with you. If he lies and gaslights, then I think you have cause to try and get the truth from Lisa instead.
I believe you both are finadamentally different.
Your toddler is seeing this and seeing you miserable, and taking care of all the house while dad is tired.
Breaking up a family is way better than crying until you are numb, daily. I believe it is time to either talk to your own counselor, or a lawyer.
You're doing the right thing, but you should be prepared for your marriage to end over it.
It might not, you might be able to make her happy being a mom. 6yo is a lot easier than a 6 month old or a 13 year old, but still a huge life change.
Work on it with a lawyer
Is it okay to message you? I do want to understand more about why you're saying this? I have also been suicidal and severely depressed. I've been living in an environment of abuse for the past decade (which I think I mentioned). I've always supported my cousin and was there for her exclusively for many weeks when her mom died. I never mentioned any problems of my own to her in the past six years. But I don't know how to deal with her rejection of me now when I needed some support.
Good luck and I will hope for the best for the both of you?? sorry if I came in harsh
Textbook sexual exploitation.
Really? Why are you with this dbag?
Nip that in the bud. Get a sitter for your kid and dump all us belongings at the friends’ place and let them know they can keep the irresponsible adult that neglects his family to party. Change your locks. It will take embarrassment to get through his thick immature head. Having another home and overnight party life on weekends with friends encourages him to pretend he’s single and provides an environment to cheat.
She still is. And it does read like that, yes, so I am definitely confronting her with all this and see where we both stand in this relationship.
Delete the email.
I see you dating my ex wife. Ha ha
Dude… it's good to be close to family… but they do take it extreme. I didn't think much of it in the beginning (25 years old me). It pissed my off so much after 5 years (already married, my bad). I was so fcking sick and tired of seeing her family weekends, and even in the week.
I got divorced 7 years ago. You know what? In my top 2 is that I don't Have to deal with them anymore.
It DOESN'T CHANGE. I promise you that. SHE WON'T CHANGE. You either accept this is your future… or bail.
To me it feels like you're the safety net so he's not alone in event he makes pass at his female friend and she rejects him.
Does his friend know you two are in relationship? Because this behavior feels like he's trying to hide it in front of her. Maybe he told her that you two are just roommates or friends depending on if you two are living together or not.
It's up to you to evaluate the future of this relationship but his behavior is questionable at best.
she is always my #1 priority.
If this is true, why did you choose to ditch her when you realize you'd double booked yourself? Like, if I had told my husband I would do something for him, forgot about it, and then made plans with a friend for the same time….I'd cancel the plans with my friend after I realized what I had done.
I used my cat as a character judge. Didn't work 100% because he was still nice to my ex but, to be fair, he turned into an AH much later, I didn't see it either.
My cats are my babies, my actual babies are my babies too. Of course it's not the same but to the furry babies, we are their whole world. Dump him, double cuddle the dog.
*as an aside, ex didn't want cats to sleep in the bed, I respected that. But I'm still so so so happy with my new boyfriend who likes to cuddle with the cats on the bed like me. Everybody cat and human is feeling better!
If she wanted a bigger ?, believe me, she would have asked for a dildo A LONG TIME AGO.
Plus bigger isn't always better. ITS PAINFUL AF.
Oh my god you’re dating a 5 year old, I would advise against allowing this type of mental gymnastics.