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Alex-Emily, 32 y.o.
Location: Europe
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^ Please take this comment seriously, OP.
Maybe it’s not maturity but she’s simply not that into him.
I always thought my husband was klutzy too. Thought our banging heads was a spatial relations issue. After an MRI we learned it was multiple sclerosis which was getting worse without treatment.
hi! i am the baby mom & i did tell him over & over & over again i was going to get therapy & i agreed with space & let him know i was trying to get better. there’s no excuse for putting my hands on someone & breaking their belongings i completely understand that & my emotions got the best of me & i’ve apologized multiple times. the reason why things got to that point is bc i wasn’t getting any help with my child & i was going through many emotions .. at that time she was only 3 months old she’s now 7 months & one of the biggest emotion I was feeling was frustration. i was with him for 3 years .. & we both didn’t treat each other right. i used to post about what he would do on here to get advice so i understand why he posted this. i had my baby in may of 2022 & august of 2022 is when this had transpired. i wasn’t getting help with our child i had to do every single thing by myself & trust me i tried & tried to have a conversation & communicate before things got out of hand bc that’s what happened before with BOTH of us & all he did was ignore me. i was always there for him & i loved him .. i still do but he told me even if i go to therapy he still wouldn’t wanna be with me. i tried & rn i have my baby alone every single day bc he didn’t want to step up as a father. my baby was never put in harms way , after we lost our apartment i moved in with my parents but it was hot for him to see my daughter so then i moved into my grams to where I knew I’d have more leverage BUT i was also uncomfortable for months but i did it bc i wanted him to see my baby. nothing from his family was ever done for my baby & he never did anything either.. his whole family talks bad about me & doesn’t respect me & his mother smokes weed in the house, has a bunch of animals, etc. The environment is not safe for my child & the reason why I was not letting her over his dads is because of his dads gf who felt entitled to speak on things that didn’t concern her/ ask for my baby’s social security # .. etc. but I never ever ever kept him from his daughter. him & his dad just got into something not to long ago to where he was forced to move out into a more unstable environment. this current house was broken into by the cops due to his brother doing illegal things. there’s a lot more to the story .. for example about 2 years ago i posted about him watching porn while he was with me & other toxic things & people in the comments told me to leave him just like how you guys are telling him to leave me. people make mistakes & i know i need help but so does he. i offered couples therapy, i offered therapy together to help us co parent, I brought up individual therapy, etc. but he denied all of that. he lets other people think for him & that’s why we aren’t together. i love him so much & i can say that very confidently regardless of how many people a day tell me to leave him for good. my parents don’t disrespect him , my parents actually did a lot for him & would treat him like a son. he’d spend every holiday with my family bc he didn’t feel comfortable around his own. what he didn’t like was the constructive criticism he was getting from my family due to not being a good dad. He’d rather get it from strangers who don’t really know him as you can see. Thank you for the feedback tho! what I did was wrong & i told him I was truly sorry. all I wanted to do was get better for ourselves & our daughter. I tried ! & still till this day try. I know actions speak louder than words & I move only by actions not words. That’s why im now filing for child support bc I only get $100 from him every 2 weeks for my daughter & im filing for full custody bc I get no help.
thanks again!
Already tried that years ago lol
Should have to*
She started freaking out as she’ll only get 50% grade for today without her violin.
Consequences are often what is required for change so if it upset her then it is probably a good catalyst.
13 isn't too young to remember what she needs for school.
You should ask him if he has anyone in mind…. and if he does, that can be red flag.
Ur sister needds to get SSI and on medication ASAP.
Good luck. This will be a long road going forward.
As for your fiance, maybe just let her go? It sucks, but I guess you do kinda have to choose. No shade to ur gf for not wanting to deal with it, its not her responsibility (nor is it yours) but you are free to make a choice and so is she.
But your sis cant work and should be getting SSI disability, that will help out with bills and etc and give her spending money. Also, she needs to take meds.
Ugh – the thought of breaking up with him makes me want to vomit. I love him so much
DO NOT SIGN THAT PRE-NUP!
You need to sit down and ask him straight up why he says he wants to marry you and have children with you, but he wants you to assume any and all risk in the marriage. It is DISRESPECTFUL of him to even ask.
Why should you give up your career, give birth to his children, sacrifice any chance of career growth whilst out of the job force, lose out on retirement benefits, and savings opportunities you'd aquire during your time at work etc. and if your marriage fails for whatever reason, he walks away with everything. That is absolutely abhorrent. A pre-nup is an agreement of splitting assets while you still actually like one another so that it's FAIR and without contention. THIS IS NOT FAIR. What if in 10 years he's not happy, and you're a couple of kids in, no work history for a decade, no fall back plan, no home in your name, no retirement etc, and he decides to leave you? You'll have to start at square one with a new job, a new house, and no financial support. He can drain the accounts and will have all the money for lawyers to eat you alive so he can maintain custody if he wants to and not pay child support. Maybe you don't want to think that your fiancée is that type of person, but that's the risk he's asking you to take, which would definitely make me second guess what kind of person he is.
I would not sign unless he agrees to a pre-nup that would give you a reasonable amount of money (perhaps the equivalent of your annual salary to start, with a certain amount of growth per year, plus a separate fund for retirement) and a reasonable number or percentage for child support per child.
You stop it by exercising self-discipline and refusing to entertain such thoughts.
The amount of time it takes to engage in certain acts is irrelevant, and nothing to do with attractiveness. If you think something is only going to be a one-off thing, you may be less inhibited because you don't care what the other person thinks. If you think someone has relationship potential, you tread more carefully.
If she didn't find you attractive, she wouldn't choose to be with you. She has been with other men,but prefers you. Take the win!
Get on Zoloft and youll be able to go forever.
If they are just friends, you should be able to go with them. If he won't let you meet these friends, then run. He's a cheater.
Take this from an older woman (36f) who has had her fair share of relationships. Leave. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. But it will be worth it. You don’t want to leave because you have invested time, energy, and your heart into a relationship. And I get that, completely. However, it isn’t ever going to change sweetheart and you deserve someone who knows you’re their dream girl. You deserve to be happy and loved whole heartedly. Make your plan, save some money or reach out to family or friend who are supportive. It isn’t okay for you to feel this way. Know your worth and walk away.
I was hoping someone would say this. I'm sure most people in Europe don't know much about them, but you should absolutely reconsider. Or just always stay in Spain.
I’m so happy that you responded this way, because you ARE taking action. That’s the point I was trying to drive home. There’s a huge difference between you telling him “I want to be a nurse” but have done nothing to work towards it vs “I want to be a nurse and am actively applying to nursing schools. I’m pretty confident I’ll get accepted because my grades have always been good.” So that’s awesome!
I just hope the same applies to your mental health. Again, I’m so sorry about everything. But are you doing anything to address it? Are you in therapy? Are you on medication? Like with the job, there’s a difference between “I have PTSD and intimacy issues (maybe some anxiety or depression?) because of what happened” and you’re doing nothing about it vs “I have PTSD and intimacy issues because of what happened but I’ve spoken to psychiatrists and therapists to manage them and work through them. I’m making progress but I can only ask that you try to be patient with me, because while things are getting better everyday and I know they have nothing to do with you and feel like I can trust you, my mind still sometimes goes back to what happened and might make me shut down. You might take it personally but you have to know it’s not about you. I’ll get there.” Or something along those lines.
That sounds like a bad time and something to be discussed with a couples therapist.
Agree with this comment 100%
I would recommend only inviting people you genuinely have a relationship and connection with. This way, the day will be more fun, relaxed and affordable, instead of feeling like you're running around trying to hold a party for everyone else but yourselves.
” I can see this causing a lot of drama with other extended family members”- Honestly? Screm 'em. The smaller you keep a party, the more you can also rationalize cutting people out. And if people resent you for stuff like this? They're not worth continuing pursuing relationships with.
Your wedding day should be about you both, not other people. I dealt with some similar issues when I got married, and our solution was to hold our wedding on a small tropical island (just the 2 of us) and then hold a wedding reception for a small circle of friends and family after we had gotten home from our honeymoon. This kept things considerably more stress-free (wedding day was perfect and being on the island, we got to start our honeymoon immediately afterwards) and afterwards, a lot of people commented on how they wish they'd done their wedding our way too.
This comment made a lot of sense and it hit me right at the chest. But I appreciate this a lot!!!
At the beginning of our relationship, he told me he'll get a job next month so he can come visit me (we live in different countries) but 4 months after, there's still no progress for it :/ I'm a very patient person but especially since I'm in love, I can't tell or draw the line when enough is enough.
We've had several discussions about this and he told me himself that he doesn't wanna lose me and he knows he has to change his ways so we can be together and we can work towards our future together. It just breaks me when I see no progress towards all those promises :///
Don't say all my replies when it's maybe 5 out of a hundred. They were all at the start of the post as well. I've since realized no matter what I say, how I deliver it, she won't be happy lol
Spot on. I checked OP’s post history and there’s a post about how a girl has never approached him. In his life. Yet, he’s on here in the comments, talking about how the girl who is blind was forcing him to date her.
People sacrifice to make partners happy all the time, when it’s THEIR idea, it’s a beautiful thing. When their partner is the one pushing it on them, ignoring viable compromises that respect both sides, then it’s controlling and toxic, like what you’re doing.
From the sounds of it…
– My (21 F) ex boyfriend (26 M) broke up very recently.
– I confronted my ex about this
He DID break up with you. The fact that you two were “working on your relationship” doesn't change that in his mind, and yours, you two weren't “together as bf/gf”.
I fucking love all of you
I’m in with the idea of the husband to be, talking to his mother. Have him remind her that people will think she’s trying to show up the wife. He also needs to set the precedent that his future wife will be of more importance to him than his mother. If he can’t convince her, he should understand that mom is trying to show up his wife and he will need to do something about it. If it were me, I’d tell “mom” that if you don’t agree to not wear white, we’ll just elope and come back for a reception and then she can wear whatever she wants.
A lot of people think that the ex wanted nothing to do with the kids but I think he did, I think he just thought you were lying to try to hook him and he was trying to call your bluff.
Obviously you weren’t lying, so all this clearly happened.
Either way, there’s no right or wrong here, honestly if you follow your gut it’s probably best. BUT I would say one thing – when the kids are older and find out that the current guy isn’t their biological father, do them a favor give them the full story.
Oh man, as if funerals aren’t already hot enough!!
Doesn't matter, you actively cheated on him after asking him to be exclusive JUST because he didn't call you his gf. Exclusive and gf aren't the same, but exclusive while having sex with others aren't even close to making sense.
He also chose to get back with you despite thinking he is allergic to you, and then continuing to blame you for his allergies. You also chose to take him back despite all the stuff he blamed on you. You both made bad decisions, he seems to be the one trying to let go.
Do you even know what moving on means ? Cus it doesn't seem like it.
You want to hear her voice because something terrible happened to you and you instinctively need your best friend to turn to only that’s who hurt you. I don’t think it’s totally unusual to feel this weird conflict of needs when something like this happens. You need to get over your closest person and they are who you would turn to in such a situation and you don’t have anyone ready to take the place of confidant yet. I get it. I’m so sorry this happened. Truly.
Awww… You've grown too old for him.
You're not the same person you were at 14 and he isn't either. 18 is about when most childhood relationships end (because you've grown in different directions). But he's likely feeling exactly what you're feeling because the onset of adulthood is when we all tend to take stock of our lives. You might find that he's on board with an amicable breakup that could eventually result in the two of you being friends.