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I feel really guilty that I did not support him and was selfish and took from the relationship more than I gave into it the last few months.
Ok, so I get why you feel guilty, your bf has been struggling and you didn’t notice. But take a minute and think about it, HE didn’t even notice. If he didn’t even put two and two together, how were you suppose to? And even if he did know, did he tell you, ask fir what he needed? No, he did not, and you’re not a mind reader. That said, you’re absolutely right to feel bad that he felt bad, but the solution isn’t for you to take responsibility for this, it’s for HIM to learn to be more aware of his needs and speak up for them sooner. And ask for his needs to be met and warn to negotiate with you on that.
So I’d start with asking him what would help, what does he need right now. If he doesn’t know, use active listening skills and empathetic guessing (both easy to google) to help him figure it out. But ultimately this is on him to share what he needs, not on you to guess at it or do it for him with out him communicating it first.
So pregnancy aside, you, as a mother to 3 children, are teaching them it is acceptable to stay with an abusive partner. That is what needs looking into. Did you know that if you don't get yourself and children away from the abuser, they can be taken away from you? It's true! Please, for the sake of everyone (minus the abuser) get some DV specialized help. The children are going to need a ton of therapy to undo all the damage done to their psyche. If you don't want to abort the baby, find out about adoption? I would not want an abuser raising an innocent child! I hope he doesn't try to get custody. That's a scary thought!
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She needs to go. She will never be honest w you again, and you will never trust her again… she isnt going to give up gaming for you so she isnt going to remove the possibility of cheating. Emotional cheating or physical makes no difference. Do u want to have to worry about her being unfaithful eveytime she is live!, or every time she leaves the house?
Has he built an art room in your house for his best friend?
Do you want kids?
Yes? – divorce him
No? – decide if you are willing to put up with all the other issues you’ve shared with us as well as give up having children. If not, divorce him.
He either doesn’t want children, or doesn’t want them with you. At 45 your chance of getting pregnant is like 3% and that’s probably WITH very expensive fertility treatments, not to mention the very increased risk of birth defects etc.
Then you’ll talk shit if he marries a younger woman.
I need to get more confidence
Honestly? I’d tell Emily it would’ve been better if she HAD cheated and had sex with Mark, at least then she would’ve been utterly disrespectful to you for a reason. But in the narrative she’s spinning, what did she gain? She lost a loving relationship with a successful dude for a guy she is adamant she wants nothing to do with and pities.
You’re right, maybe you’re better off than being with someone who is either really dumb, or simply a liar.
You’re in good company, I also fact mode my way through the numbness.
Let’s prioritize mom here as far as relationships that matter to you at this point in your life where does she stand? What effect does she have on your life when involved?
Hopefully for you that’s low, because she clearly damages those around her which you’ve learned personally.
So is she capable of understanding when you tell her even if you do?
Based on all her actions and what she’s dealing with, I think No is the most reasonable answer.
You think the emphasis is on you… it’s on her at this point.
When she shows she can be a neutral to positive influence on your life and has dealt with her demons, only then does she deserve the shot you keep giving her.
Till then deciding to give her that shot comes at the expense of you and adds stress potentially damage to relationships that matter more at this point. So don’t invite that evil in the door.
Sorry you are dealing with the this. Addiction is a tragedy for all involved.
Holy shit. I need to be slow for you don’t I
You assumed she had a phone and was on tinder too
Buttttt if you read the fucking story. She said she CHECKED HIS FUCKING PHONE. To me it just sounds like you are a lonely lonely guy who probably thinks they will be alone until They die so your mad about that and side with guy in stories that are similar to this
Are you ok with selling and getting a new house in the future? Because if you do want to marry her and she hates the house, you can't expect her to want to live! there. Now, if you don't see a long term future, great, but tell her that. But if you want to online in this house for 20 years and want to be with her for 20 years, you have to take her into consideration. Whether it's her opinions on the house, or planning to move in the future in a different home together when things become more serious.
You are not being selfish, not overreacting & not a priority to your husband
You really need to rethink getting the divorce OP, nothings changed
Absolutely divorce. You are not a priority to your husband and you never will be. You mention paying the bills and doing the bulk of the housework. In other words, he has a maid that pays to be his maid. His act of gifting his friend the meal at that restaurant was a deliberate act. He was letting you know your place in the animal kingdom.
Your place is bottom rung in his eyes.
But you are top tier in the right man’s eyes.
Never settle for being one man’s option when you can be the right man’s only choice.
Given your situation, I would mentally and emotionally let go of him as a bf and keep him as a roommate. And you don’t even have to tell him that. He’s clearly gonna keep cheating so it’s time for you to stop caring. If he’s keeping a roof over your head until you can find another place then just keep doing that.
tell your husband, the adult in the situation, that you cheated and let him decide what to do, it doesnt matter who you cheated with atm just come clean to your partner who you decided to deceive in this relationship
you have to face the consequences of your action at some point, because its going to be worse if it comes out even laters; and if the relationship does fall apart, its your fault for cheating to begin with, reap what you sow
Yup, if this isn't a fake post, OP got the malicious compliance she totally deserved.
Jsvr some cake on me. ? I had the same thought.
You need to leave. This feels like grooming
Tbh not really, I feel like he’s the only guy I find attractive