Ah military men. Look, I’m sure there are a lot of great military men out there, my father and brother for example, but I grew up on several bases and I know how they generally are.
This would be a huge deal breaker for me. Too many strippers, too many children. There’s a pattern, and he may possibly be cheating (highly possibly).
If you're like me who tends to compare oneself to others baka lang same ka din saken na di confident sa sarili mo. We tend to compare since we are envious of what they have or we just don't see our best merits siguro
Everyone here I understand what is being said not to make a huge deal about it but there are times where something like this has blown up and it turned out the girl was cheating so I think we should go easy on OP because we would all be supporting if it turned out differently. Also miss dialing a number I get it but why is his contact still in her phone. And when I miss dial it takes me a second to realize and hang up 3 seconds seems like something is up even though nothing happened I can cause for alarm. I’m not necessarily saying he was right not to trust her but it also seems what’s the big deal him looking and seeing no point to break up that might have strengthen trust.
Yeah technically but like we have the same actual boss. I don’t really have any power to write her up or fire her or anything. Just if she fucks up I report it to big boss
Friends with benefits aren’t really friends. He wants a casual hookup and you want more it seems. Best to cut it off before you end up getting too hurt
She tried to justify it two different ways: thought she could only pass it through an outbreak and thought it would end things. Grasping at straws. It's indefensible. She put your health at risk for her own ends. That is the character of the person you're dealing with.
She either stays at the uni with her loans or with her parents until she can help financially.
It’s not wrong to compromise but it sounds like you may be right with being taken for a ride if she’s still telling you to do it after you’ve already said you’re not comfortable with it.
It needs to be equal footing and she needs to start understanding this.
Join bridging the gap on face book, literally create an account if you don’t have one. You have been used to a shocking degree, you have a full on hobosexual.
Get a reality check, there’s a whole world out there, I hope you can love yourself enough to leave.
He cheated on you and now you’re asking for advice on how to get even before you go to his house for closure. Honestly if your goal was to show him that you’re done you’re failing spectacularly. The best thing you could do to hurt him is restricting access to you forever and learning to be happy again.
Leave this poor woman alone. You have been nothing but nasty to her. You broke her and then continued to be awful to her. She got back on her feet and you have continued to try break her again. You sound like a narcissist. She’s done with you. Get your stuff and leave so she can move on with her life and be happy
While I collect my thoughts on this before giving advice can I just clarify, when you met she was 17 and you were 22. She was already married at that point and pregnant?
If the above is correct the power dynamic in your entire relationship feels so uncomfortably off from day 1.
And she didn't work since she had kids so since she was a child herself meaning she has never in her life worked?
Sorry for the questions just want to make sure I understand the whole situation.
First bit of advice is stop jugging her and for the love of got stop comforting her in bed. You may think that's not a mixed signal but it absolutely is.
I’m jumping on to add that I have a new medication cocktail that’s personally been giving me very vivid/intense dreams, usually nothing too scary or unsettling, but it’s common enough with these medications that some people have freaky dreams, but a friend recommended I try brown noise for sleeping and it’s really made a huge difference, my dreaming is back to “normal” and if I wake up during the night I fall back asleep much much faster.
Can’t hurt to try variations on white/brown/pink noise to find if any of that could help her brain to feel safer. (My understanding is that the constant “fuzz” of frequencies helps to mask anomalies and sudden sounds that might otherwise disturb our rest. I on-line in an apartment with a bad seal around my front door so sound carries straight in from the hallway and elevator.)
I use the free Atmosphere app and the pink/brown/white noises are under the “Home” category. (You can add in layers of other sounds that are relaxing, I quite like Rain on a Tent and Campfire and Waves, specifically, for unwinding as if I’m on a childhood camping trip on a rainy beach; but brown-noise is my go to for sleeping.)
Well since you find redeeming qualities in the guy, let's look into possible approaches. Is he capable of shutting his phone off for the duration of the date? Can he set up an auto-response voice message or text, saying that if the incoming call or message isn't urgent it will be answered the next day, and if it is urgent, please call or text (your number, a pager, or an answering service)? Let him consider these and other strategies and pick one. You'll soon see if he can enjoy an evening with you without interruption, or if he has an anxiety attack when he's without an active phone before the date is half over.
His storming off was his problem in not being able to accept that your relationship ended, and getting jealous.
As you were not in a relationship, why did you even care if he was talking to you or not?
How is it giving you the silent treatment when you are not in a relationship anymore?
The moment you broke up, the requirement for you both to talk and interact with each other stoped. If you were both stupid enough to keep spending time together after breaking up then that’s on you (and him) but neither of you get to complain about the other’s behaviour. (Unless it’s threatening or concerning for your safety)
Nothing you describe sounds controlling or manipulative on your part, but if you want to know if you are or not, then evaluate the decisions you made, the comments and actions you made over the last few months, especially over this issue, and see if any of them were deliberately designed to try to change his response to favour you. Then see if those decisions, comments, actions were necessary how they were made.
Him on the other hand, quite a lot of what you describe is controlling and manipulative (possibly not consciously especially if he had just started therapy, but that’s a very slim possibility)
This is absolutely rape. Withdrawal of consent means he stops or just rolls into SA/rape territory. This psycho needs to realize that porn ain’t real life and that if he treats his GF like this when he’s drunk, he needs to stop drinking.
That's what happens when you have a creep 40 year old dating a 20 year old, you know shit is gonna get weird real quick
Ah military men. Look, I’m sure there are a lot of great military men out there, my father and brother for example, but I grew up on several bases and I know how they generally are.
This would be a huge deal breaker for me. Too many strippers, too many children. There’s a pattern, and he may possibly be cheating (highly possibly).
I really don't understand why you got back together with Jay, and now on-line together….you clearly can't trust her.
BTW congratulations on the condo…that's a great accomplishment…
If you're like me who tends to compare oneself to others baka lang same ka din saken na di confident sa sarili mo. We tend to compare since we are envious of what they have or we just don't see our best merits siguro
Everyone here I understand what is being said not to make a huge deal about it but there are times where something like this has blown up and it turned out the girl was cheating so I think we should go easy on OP because we would all be supporting if it turned out differently. Also miss dialing a number I get it but why is his contact still in her phone. And when I miss dial it takes me a second to realize and hang up 3 seconds seems like something is up even though nothing happened I can cause for alarm. I’m not necessarily saying he was right not to trust her but it also seems what’s the big deal him looking and seeing no point to break up that might have strengthen trust.
ya think!?
Yeah technically but like we have the same actual boss. I don’t really have any power to write her up or fire her or anything. Just if she fucks up I report it to big boss
Friends with benefits aren’t really friends. He wants a casual hookup and you want more it seems. Best to cut it off before you end up getting too hurt
She tried to justify it two different ways: thought she could only pass it through an outbreak and thought it would end things. Grasping at straws. It's indefensible. She put your health at risk for her own ends. That is the character of the person you're dealing with.
Perfect prenup and you are good if that’s all he’s worried about.
I remember reading something about still being a partner even while your mad. I think Jay talks about it in one of his podcasts, Jayshetty
Try not dating someone that could be your dad?
Mine is mostly food and random memes.
Maybe he's just being polite, you're reaching.
Cheating isn't a mistake. It's a choice.
I really don’t know why he’s so upset about it, I thought it was just a joke, and a joke he started! No one took it negatively except him.
Maybe she lost her phone. Or got sick. Or got tired of the app. Or her BF found her account
Tell her what you said here.
She either stays at the uni with her loans or with her parents until she can help financially.
It’s not wrong to compromise but it sounds like you may be right with being taken for a ride if she’s still telling you to do it after you’ve already said you’re not comfortable with it.
It needs to be equal footing and she needs to start understanding this.
Join bridging the gap on face book, literally create an account if you don’t have one. You have been used to a shocking degree, you have a full on hobosexual.
Get a reality check, there’s a whole world out there, I hope you can love yourself enough to leave.
You gotta let go man
For your sake at this point
He cheated on you and now you’re asking for advice on how to get even before you go to his house for closure. Honestly if your goal was to show him that you’re done you’re failing spectacularly. The best thing you could do to hurt him is restricting access to you forever and learning to be happy again.
Wow this is 100% the way I feel
Leave this poor woman alone. You have been nothing but nasty to her. You broke her and then continued to be awful to her. She got back on her feet and you have continued to try break her again. You sound like a narcissist. She’s done with you. Get your stuff and leave so she can move on with her life and be happy
This is more about her threatening to leave the relationship over an argument. And we did define our relationship and the boundaries.
Sounds pretty flirty but it could be innocent. You'll never know unless you ask
While I collect my thoughts on this before giving advice can I just clarify, when you met she was 17 and you were 22. She was already married at that point and pregnant?
If the above is correct the power dynamic in your entire relationship feels so uncomfortably off from day 1.
And she didn't work since she had kids so since she was a child herself meaning she has never in her life worked?
Sorry for the questions just want to make sure I understand the whole situation.
First bit of advice is stop jugging her and for the love of got stop comforting her in bed. You may think that's not a mixed signal but it absolutely is.
I’m jumping on to add that I have a new medication cocktail that’s personally been giving me very vivid/intense dreams, usually nothing too scary or unsettling, but it’s common enough with these medications that some people have freaky dreams, but a friend recommended I try brown noise for sleeping and it’s really made a huge difference, my dreaming is back to “normal” and if I wake up during the night I fall back asleep much much faster.
Can’t hurt to try variations on white/brown/pink noise to find if any of that could help her brain to feel safer. (My understanding is that the constant “fuzz” of frequencies helps to mask anomalies and sudden sounds that might otherwise disturb our rest. I on-line in an apartment with a bad seal around my front door so sound carries straight in from the hallway and elevator.)
I use the free Atmosphere app and the pink/brown/white noises are under the “Home” category. (You can add in layers of other sounds that are relaxing, I quite like Rain on a Tent and Campfire and Waves, specifically, for unwinding as if I’m on a childhood camping trip on a rainy beach; but brown-noise is my go to for sleeping.)
Well since you find redeeming qualities in the guy, let's look into possible approaches. Is he capable of shutting his phone off for the duration of the date? Can he set up an auto-response voice message or text, saying that if the incoming call or message isn't urgent it will be answered the next day, and if it is urgent, please call or text (your number, a pager, or an answering service)? Let him consider these and other strategies and pick one. You'll soon see if he can enjoy an evening with you without interruption, or if he has an anxiety attack when he's without an active phone before the date is half over.
…..
You were not together.
His storming off was his problem in not being able to accept that your relationship ended, and getting jealous.
As you were not in a relationship, why did you even care if he was talking to you or not?
How is it giving you the silent treatment when you are not in a relationship anymore?
The moment you broke up, the requirement for you both to talk and interact with each other stoped. If you were both stupid enough to keep spending time together after breaking up then that’s on you (and him) but neither of you get to complain about the other’s behaviour. (Unless it’s threatening or concerning for your safety)
Nothing you describe sounds controlling or manipulative on your part, but if you want to know if you are or not, then evaluate the decisions you made, the comments and actions you made over the last few months, especially over this issue, and see if any of them were deliberately designed to try to change his response to favour you. Then see if those decisions, comments, actions were necessary how they were made.
Him on the other hand, quite a lot of what you describe is controlling and manipulative (possibly not consciously especially if he had just started therapy, but that’s a very slim possibility)
Start gathering evidences op, record everything, and put up cameras. All communication must be through email or through your lawyer.
I don’t get it? If this doesn’t make you leave, what would it take then?
From your answers it sounds that he is better off without you. You are projecting all of your insecurities to him.
If all it is is a snap streak, who cares if it drops?
How is it victim blaming??? I said repeatedly it was not her fault and told her to report him.
This is absolutely rape. Withdrawal of consent means he stops or just rolls into SA/rape territory. This psycho needs to realize that porn ain’t real life and that if he treats his GF like this when he’s drunk, he needs to stop drinking.