Well, I don’t know that just so you know. I’ve just noticed that in a few people that I’ve known about it’s happened to. I noticed a lot more people have differences in libido styles, which is probably what it really is.
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You deserve to date someone who likes you and how you look. You don’t deserve to be told you’d look better if you change to look more like someone else, even a relative. The answer to how to react is to tell them to go be with her then since it’s over between you.
There’s a difference with being around each other at social events vs being friends with the ex. If you are friends with the ex then you need to re-evaluate if this is worth it. Most people will not be okay with this. If you want to remain friends with the ex then i’d re-evaluate the relationship you have with your girlfriend.
If people can send me a message or reply directly to this comment that would be helpful. I can only see my own comment, and none of the comments that others have left me. I am really hoping for some advice in my situation. Thanks…
Abusive relationships are addictive. The more 'Highs & lows” the harder they are to leave. During a good part they can feel so exciting and electric & wow the passion.
A healthy with stability can feel dull and “boring” compared to a Abusive toxic relationship. I think it is healthy he recognizes his feelings and issues he has.
This is why folks can struggle to leave them and feel broken afterwards in normal relationships.
If she didn’t have that boundary before and now she’s enforcing that boundary that might be a bit suspicious and you might think she’s getting it elsewhere, but in this situation that does not seem to be the case. While the chances of an accidental pregnancy are low when protection is used, it’s not impossible. Her reasoning is sound and you have to either get on the same page or leave. This isn’t really something that’s negotiable. She’s planning ahead, so you can’t fault her for that. No one wants to end up pregnant with someone’s kid and then dip out
Don't stress just put a bookmark in it and see what happens. If it turns out it's something youre not comfortable with you can have that conversation and if need be, dip later.
I’d break up. So many stay in unwanted relationships because of kids. I think that is doing these children a disservice. Your kid is also only a year old, s/he won’t remember anything. It’s better they grow up in two happy homes, than one broken home filled with resentment, mistrust and bad feelings. It can also give them a wrong impression on what to expect from a partner and a relationship, and what that partner has a right to expect in return.
I have double the PTO that almost anyone I know has. My job is more flexible than average here. I just cannot fathom leaving my wife and our home by myself for weeks on end or how I would possibly justify that to her. I don’t even know anyone who’s done that and had their marriage survive. I know plenty of people who go away for a few days to a week, but spending half of your annual vacation time on yourself is selfish, imo.
I mean, you think your paradigm is right and I think mine is. That’s how different viewpoints work.
Thanks for the update OP your girlfriend will find mature friends someday when she's ready. Those ex friends sounds crazy and stuck in high school. Give her a hug from us reddit people
The unfortunate reality is he's co-dependent. It's also possible she's controlling, but that's nothing but pure conjecture. Either way, he's decided what's important to him. It's sad, but if there's any solace, I doubt it's out of any sort of malice. He's just insecure and relies on partners for his happiness. It's an awful mindset to have.
So should you accept it? I mean, it's not like you have options here. This isn't the natural course of getting older and having a partner. Independence is important and healthy in a relationship. That means time to yourself and with friends. Having a partner doesn't have to mean giving up the rest of your life. You yourself confirm that. Obviously some people do that, and there are absolutely situations were people drift apart over time, so I'm not here saying that doesn't happen. It's just simply not the case here.
I'm sorry you're in this situation and I'm sorry you lost a friend. Unfortunately, it's just out of your control. Good luck.
Someone who has been informed by an ex partner that they’re pregnant has fingers, right? 10 of them? Which means they should be able to count to 9 and get back in touch to double check if a) the natural end result of a pregnancy has occurred and b) get a paternity test. You seem like you don’t think men are very smart or responsible, and need women to tell them everything. It’s kind of sad how low your opinion is of men and their intelligence and character.
And child support is for the child, not the mother. So there are cases (dependent on location) where fathers who have been identified later have owed some portion of child support, if not to the mother then to the state as reimbursement for payments given to a single mother.
Yeah, when I was pregnant I would’ve been over the moon to be brought yummy edible treats, especially as I’m assuming they’re not readily avail where SIL is if you’re taking them to her!
I’m sorry you didn’t see this side of him before you married him – this seems to happen often as I’ve seen it so many times on Reddit! I hope you can work things out OP, but honestly, I’m angry on your behalf. What an AH. Only you can say if this was a one off or if this is his norm.
You may not have known better as a kid, but you do now. Tell him, if nothing else but to unburden yourself of this secret that was never yours to keep in the first place. As a Dad I think the thought that you have to carry this around and the negative effect it has had and is having on you will affect him a lot more than what your mom has done.
I appreciate you saying this, because entirely too many people are telling OP how to navigate her boyfriend’s immaturity instead of pointing out said immaturity. A camping trip at a state park isn’t something to improvise. She deserves a relationship with a grown add adult.
I would say to bring it up like this “In the event of a divorce, I want us both to take from it what we Built as individuals before we got married. And anything that we built together while married would equally be both of ours. I feel at ease and safe with. This type of arrangement. What are your thoughts?”
If I ever get married, I would sign a pre-nup for sure. It's the smart way to do things now-a-days.
I’m a 30 year old M locally in SF. My experiences have included many relationships since the age of 12. I’m MBA educated, emotionally intelligent, a former model and now a entrepreneur actively in the bay.
In summary I’ve been through this similar situation when I was 20 with a partner that sounds much like what you’re describing. A relationship per definition of most humans is defined by two people coming together. It doesn’t sound like the two of you are doing anything of that nature. There’s a lot of disconnection and selfish acts happening.
What I’ve learned looking back (a decade ahead) is that partner was my love however it wasn’t supposed to be for the long run. Sometimes when we’re in it our feelings can keep us in a relationship that isn’t good for us.
Ask yourself this?
Can you go to sleep at night and know that you’re living your best life and is he the one you want with you living that?
If yes than ask why? (This will help gain clarity around the situation)
If no than ask what made you hold on for so long? This will help you make peace with yourself and ultimately learn for the next time
Ultimately this was your first.. 99% of folks have feelings for the first but when’s has anyone ever had major successes on the FIRST try?
You’re beautiful, educated and have a ton of life ahead of yourself. Perhaps realize that this will soon be a blink of an eye moment to a much brighter future.
You’re worth it, have the time of your life and enjoy yourself. Life only gets better from here
You're right. I hate that I make him feel this way. I have to leave him alone. Thank you for reminding of me that.
I just randomly checked his photo gallery
Did the phone just randomly unlock itself and the randomly entered the photo gallery and then randomly opened that video?
How dumb have you have to be to cheat, and to film it and then just leave it like that openly.
This relationship sounds toxic….
Well, I don’t know that just so you know. I’ve just noticed that in a few people that I’ve known about it’s happened to. I noticed a lot more people have differences in libido styles, which is probably what it really is.
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You deserve to date someone who likes you and how you look. You don’t deserve to be told you’d look better if you change to look more like someone else, even a relative. The answer to how to react is to tell them to go be with her then since it’s over between you.
Contact an attorney and movie if you can. Block him and communicate through your attorney
Wait, lemme get this straight…
She wants to get married so you’re not going to propose?
Dude you’re not mature enough to get married…
A lot women drop hints when they’ve wasted so long with a man who doesn’t seem to be understanding that they want to get married.
Her end goal is marriage. She’s dropping hints because if you don’t propose, eventually she’s going to go find someone that will.
Wow
There’s a difference with being around each other at social events vs being friends with the ex. If you are friends with the ex then you need to re-evaluate if this is worth it. Most people will not be okay with this. If you want to remain friends with the ex then i’d re-evaluate the relationship you have with your girlfriend.
???WOW???
I guess there are therapists out there encouraging their clients to lie and hide things from their partners.
Why are you assuming your GF isn't lying to you again?
If people can send me a message or reply directly to this comment that would be helpful. I can only see my own comment, and none of the comments that others have left me. I am really hoping for some advice in my situation. Thanks…
Abusive relationships are addictive. The more 'Highs & lows” the harder they are to leave. During a good part they can feel so exciting and electric & wow the passion.
A healthy with stability can feel dull and “boring” compared to a Abusive toxic relationship. I think it is healthy he recognizes his feelings and issues he has.
This is why folks can struggle to leave them and feel broken afterwards in normal relationships.
She needs to start being accountable for her actions too. Otherwise she won’t ever get therapy.
Have a proper conversation with her, calmly, about what’s been going on and if she refuses to acknowledge your feelings, then I think you know.
If she didn’t have that boundary before and now she’s enforcing that boundary that might be a bit suspicious and you might think she’s getting it elsewhere, but in this situation that does not seem to be the case. While the chances of an accidental pregnancy are low when protection is used, it’s not impossible. Her reasoning is sound and you have to either get on the same page or leave. This isn’t really something that’s negotiable. She’s planning ahead, so you can’t fault her for that. No one wants to end up pregnant with someone’s kid and then dip out
Well, you're going to find out pretty soon.
Don't stress just put a bookmark in it and see what happens. If it turns out it's something youre not comfortable with you can have that conversation and if need be, dip later.
I’d break up. So many stay in unwanted relationships because of kids. I think that is doing these children a disservice. Your kid is also only a year old, s/he won’t remember anything. It’s better they grow up in two happy homes, than one broken home filled with resentment, mistrust and bad feelings. It can also give them a wrong impression on what to expect from a partner and a relationship, and what that partner has a right to expect in return.
Oh DEFINITELY tell his wife and show her the screen shots!
I have double the PTO that almost anyone I know has. My job is more flexible than average here. I just cannot fathom leaving my wife and our home by myself for weeks on end or how I would possibly justify that to her. I don’t even know anyone who’s done that and had their marriage survive. I know plenty of people who go away for a few days to a week, but spending half of your annual vacation time on yourself is selfish, imo.
I mean, you think your paradigm is right and I think mine is. That’s how different viewpoints work.
Thanks for the update OP your girlfriend will find mature friends someday when she's ready. Those ex friends sounds crazy and stuck in high school. Give her a hug from us reddit people
The unfortunate reality is he's co-dependent. It's also possible she's controlling, but that's nothing but pure conjecture. Either way, he's decided what's important to him. It's sad, but if there's any solace, I doubt it's out of any sort of malice. He's just insecure and relies on partners for his happiness. It's an awful mindset to have.
So should you accept it? I mean, it's not like you have options here. This isn't the natural course of getting older and having a partner. Independence is important and healthy in a relationship. That means time to yourself and with friends. Having a partner doesn't have to mean giving up the rest of your life. You yourself confirm that. Obviously some people do that, and there are absolutely situations were people drift apart over time, so I'm not here saying that doesn't happen. It's just simply not the case here.
I'm sorry you're in this situation and I'm sorry you lost a friend. Unfortunately, it's just out of your control. Good luck.
Did you try waxing before?
Girl, run. This is not going to work out.
Someone who has been informed by an ex partner that they’re pregnant has fingers, right? 10 of them? Which means they should be able to count to 9 and get back in touch to double check if a) the natural end result of a pregnancy has occurred and b) get a paternity test. You seem like you don’t think men are very smart or responsible, and need women to tell them everything. It’s kind of sad how low your opinion is of men and their intelligence and character.
And child support is for the child, not the mother. So there are cases (dependent on location) where fathers who have been identified later have owed some portion of child support, if not to the mother then to the state as reimbursement for payments given to a single mother.
Yeah, when I was pregnant I would’ve been over the moon to be brought yummy edible treats, especially as I’m assuming they’re not readily avail where SIL is if you’re taking them to her!
I’m sorry you didn’t see this side of him before you married him – this seems to happen often as I’ve seen it so many times on Reddit! I hope you can work things out OP, but honestly, I’m angry on your behalf. What an AH. Only you can say if this was a one off or if this is his norm.
You may not have known better as a kid, but you do now. Tell him, if nothing else but to unburden yourself of this secret that was never yours to keep in the first place. As a Dad I think the thought that you have to carry this around and the negative effect it has had and is having on you will affect him a lot more than what your mom has done.
Just stay away from him. The dude probably healed himself and doesn’t need you coming anywhere close to him. Let it go and leave him alone
I appreciate you saying this, because entirely too many people are telling OP how to navigate her boyfriend’s immaturity instead of pointing out said immaturity. A camping trip at a state park isn’t something to improvise. She deserves a relationship with a grown add adult.
I would say to bring it up like this “In the event of a divorce, I want us both to take from it what we Built as individuals before we got married. And anything that we built together while married would equally be both of ours. I feel at ease and safe with. This type of arrangement. What are your thoughts?”
If I ever get married, I would sign a pre-nup for sure. It's the smart way to do things now-a-days.
Absolutely this! “That was fast” got to me… he was completely egging her on… yucks
Tell them 'I didn't kill my wives and I also don't want to kill you, si good bye.”
I’m a 30 year old M locally in SF. My experiences have included many relationships since the age of 12. I’m MBA educated, emotionally intelligent, a former model and now a entrepreneur actively in the bay.
In summary I’ve been through this similar situation when I was 20 with a partner that sounds much like what you’re describing. A relationship per definition of most humans is defined by two people coming together. It doesn’t sound like the two of you are doing anything of that nature. There’s a lot of disconnection and selfish acts happening.
What I’ve learned looking back (a decade ahead) is that partner was my love however it wasn’t supposed to be for the long run. Sometimes when we’re in it our feelings can keep us in a relationship that isn’t good for us.
Ask yourself this?
Can you go to sleep at night and know that you’re living your best life and is he the one you want with you living that?
If yes than ask why? (This will help gain clarity around the situation)
If no than ask what made you hold on for so long? This will help you make peace with yourself and ultimately learn for the next time
Ultimately this was your first.. 99% of folks have feelings for the first but when’s has anyone ever had major successes on the FIRST try?
You’re beautiful, educated and have a ton of life ahead of yourself. Perhaps realize that this will soon be a blink of an eye moment to a much brighter future.
You’re worth it, have the time of your life and enjoy yourself. Life only gets better from here
My DMs are open if you want to discuss further
“Maybe he just doesn’t think that way.” Is absolutely defending him.
Leave him as soon as it is possible for you to do so.
Sorry this happened to you…