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OP, you need to consider it in the context of you telling a guy that your BF already said makes him uncomfortable. You showed this guy a crack in your relationship with your BF and he used it to pry, just as your Bf knew he would.
Now consider a female friend of your BF who shows him a lot of attention and makes you uncomfortable, which you communicate to him. You tell him you feel threatened by this girl. Then he goes out and complains to this girl about a particular thing that you lack sexually, and she uses it as her chance to show him she would satisfy him better. You wouldn’t care? If so, that’s extremely odd.
The commenter above just likes being an anonymous troll on the internet who calls men insecure and trash. Following their advice is not a good decision.
Good luck!
So, he tried out someone else and they dumped him and now he wants to come home?
Upperhand for what? What does this even mean?
You made the right call by breaking up with her. But since you already ended the relationship the title should say she's your ex, and that this is a rant, because I don't think you need any advice with this situation
Should’ve brought the coffee for her. But this sounds like it’s only a matter of time before it falls apart completely. She sounds out.
Have you ever spoken to your dad about your identity and presentation?
You don't need to answer here, but are you a man who enjoys women's clothing? Are you transgender? Nonbinary?
The excuses he's making suggest he's living in denial and plausible deniability, or feeling more uncomfortable with your progression towards 90% compared with your exploration when it was
I second this, absolutely great advice
Why are “we” best friends with ex-con drug addicts? Why is your sister required to have better taste than your boyfriend?
If (hopefully “when,” honestly) you break up with him you can tell him “guess u can include me in the past too, bye fucker”
Why the fuck did it continue if you were uncomfortable?
I wasn’t really looking for advice, just wanted to see if I was just over reacting or that my feelings can be valid too. Like to me those sayings are different
i was in a platonic best friendship with a guy for 5 years. we did all that and i always equated it to my other female friendships where i (cause its my love language) express love by physical touch. well after all of those years i found out he had a major crush on me, said he was “in love with me” and “obsessed”, sheltered me from other guys who were interested etc. safe to say we’re not friends anymore. but even after all that i still believe men and women can be best friends, its very case by case basis. i never had any romantic feelings for him and acted as (i’d assume) a lot of people would view as innapropriate. take that as you will. at the end of the day you have to draw the line where your boundaries stand, weather your concerns “are valid” or not doesn’t even matter. i’m now in a relationship and if my boyfriend expressesed he felt uncomfortable/jelous by the way i act around my best friend, i’d honor his feelings and take a step back on physical contact, even if were strictly platonic to me.
I just have bad relationship history so I guess I have a little bit of commitment issues atm. In my head having this one night stand was a way to make sure I wasn’t getting into a committed relationship w Kam. However, now I really regret it as I do really like him. I was also smashed when I made the decision to have the one night stand and it honestly was so stupid! I literally feel so disgusting and dirty for doing it but it’s happened now so I can’t do anything else. Kam said it was his fault too and now on we need to just communicate openly what we want and he said he’ll still see me so it has kinda resolved. I just hope this doesn’t change our dynamic cz I like it how it was!
I should rephrase. Have I left it too late to not he the second marriage. Or the second choice. Or meet someone that already has kids
She’s not asking for money,but she’s asking for a secure financial future,no matter your relationship status,while letting you support her after 2 months dating. I see.
One,can you prove she doesn’t get child support? Or anything? How did she survive before she met you? Dude.
Don’t get her pregnant.
Idk what to tell you, gender reveal parties are stupid. Maybe now you know not to do one ever again.
That's exactly what you're doing – manipulating her into things she's clearly not comfortable with just to stroke your ego.
The very fact that you even think about “if you've done that with them, I want you to do it with me” proves that you do not deserve even a tiny bit of what you're asking for.
She's not a sex toy for your ego.
Gosh, hope therapist will make her see the light and just ditch your ass.
Big red flag. Id be worried if I was you.
I think this post would have worked bette on AmITheAsshole. No, you did nothing wrong.
You sound very mature about this and you explained it very clearly and in a non offensive way.
Keep your distance from both of them. She is incredibly immature, she acts like a 15 year old while being 35. Ryan just wanted to smash; and her gf should know she got cheated on, but it might not be your place to tell her.
I’ve expressed how I feel about receiving small gifts many times in the past which is why I start feeling like I’m nagging. I can’t help but feel like he doesn’t care about my love language
Honestly you should’ve left the first time you saw it because there’s no way you saw her the same after that. But you gave it a chance and now you know how badly she misses and lusts for his dick. In fact every time you didn’t make her nut she went home, got her vibrator and pulled up her fave homemade video
Being broke forces you to share a room with someone ?
Lady, I’m just a few years older than your son and your husband. Even I wouldn’t date a teenager. You’re gross.
I would tell absolutely everyone that your husband doesn’t want to do anything for your daughter’s birthday. Maybe his own parents will shame him or chip in for the party.
Because honestly the Friday is a worse deal than the Sunday in terms of work (excluding pay). The hours Friday are 18:00-08:30 (6PM TO 8:30 AM), while Sunday it’s 08:30-20:00 (8:30AM to 8PM). There is more work Friday also. Not to mention that I would spend the whole Saturday sleeping so that blocks half the weekend.
I felt like since I would be doing her a favour by taking over a worse shift so she can have her vacation, the pay would sweeten the deal. Admittedly, that is the choice that I am uncertain if it makes me an asshole or not.
That's concerning. Look at it this way- how many embarrassing situations like this do you want to endure throughout the rest of your life with this guy? In my experience behavior like this only gets worse as a person ages unless they take active steps to stop bad habits.
Thank you.
And start talking about him getting nip tucked because his own private parts looked so saggy and ugly.
(They don't get any more beautiful from that. But shhhhh…. .)
And how he NEEDs a sixpack. And his ..um…backside… ough.
There sounds like a lot of red flags here. From both of you and I don't see any way this relationship is going to work. It's too toxic. She's untrustworthy and you have every right to not trust her based on her previous actions. But that doesn't give you the right to tell her what she can and can't do. If it's at the point in the relationship where you feel like she can't be in that sort of environment due to your trust issues then you may as well just end it here and now.
That's not yours. WTF? is not an “honest answer”.
I don't know that's the thing.. we both have full time jobs etc but I guess it's just a feeling…
By all that's unholy….your chick of a few months is thoroughly unhinged. You're 30yrs old. How the hell can she think that you WOULDN'T have a past sexual history! And “pre cheating” is basically her way of saying that you should've waited for her….a person you didn't even know existed. This isn't a carnival…..it's all the red flags on display. Take the hint and run. Block her on everything she has access to and change your locks.
This will not help. You’re on your way to an open marriage; this is step one.
I’m in a heavily male dominated friend, have been for 20 years, every workday-all day. Not once have I slipped and fallen on a dick. Made some great friend though that would absolutely support me breaking up with someone like this.
I get it. I'm not a fan of porn, I don't like how it can disrupt people's brain chemistry and how normalized it's become. When I only have eyes for my partner I expect the same, so why would I stay with someone that jerks off to other people. It makes me feel less than or I'm not attractive enough, so my partner needs to watch someone else to get off.
My personal feelings aside, it's best to gravitate to relationships where your partner shares the same values or loves you enough to adjust to what makes you comfortable. Have you had a sit down conversation with your bf? Does he understand how exactly him watching porn makes you feel? Does he love you enough to take your feelings into consideration? If he knows how you feel about it and does it anyway, why stay with someone that knowingly rolls over your feelings just to get his rocks off?
Ultimately you can't change people if they're not willing, and if he's not willing then maybe it's best to move on to someone that understands and takes your feelings into consideration. Unfortunately because of how normalized it is to watch strangers in a supposedly intimate act there's hardly any men out there that don't watch porn in some form, so hopefully there is someone out there that will care about your feelings enough to change their habits. Your feelings are valid, you're not making too much of this.
That's a really unfortunate way of thinking; it's like saying adopted kids aren't the same. It's a kid, and they would even have 2 parents, which is more than so many kids gets, what's the problem?
It also read as… Uncomfortable that she said you're too “masculine” to be pregnant? If you have the required parts, that's all that should matter, what a thing for her to say. Heaven forbid you have a “feminine” son or a “masculine” daughter – what gendered expectations would she have for them?
But really, OP, if you wish to experience pregnancy yourself, you may need to have some hard conversations with your partner, because it's pretty shitty for her to shut you down and announce she is the one who will have kids, your genes suck, and her family (and her, make no mistake, it's not just her family who wouldn't love a non-biological child) won't love a kid that's not blood related.
Even if your genes were trash (and if we are all being brutally honest, some people do have rougher genes than others – like with lines of illness or disorders, etc), what she's saying is: you don't look “feminine” enough to be pregnant, your and gene pool can get fucked, and my family and I would only love a kid with my blood.
Take care to have kids with someone like this – legality aside, you wouldn't have any blood ties to the children, can you trust that she wouldn't use that fact against you?
We plan on a long engagement Plan on a wedding in 4-5 yrs
But now I wanna go to the courthouse tomorrow 🙂
This should be top comment. OP is now too old for him.
So you want to suffer because it's not your fault? Because they won't stop badgering you.
It seems like burnout on all ends. Being a caregiver and feeling pulled at all ends is exhausting, and living like that for a long time can wear a person down. You're right to want a break from things, and I think that's a great call.
I think, if you still love him, it may be the time to call it quits, even if it isn't forever. Take time to be you without him and focus on yourself. There's only so long you can be someone's keeper, and at that point it would be ideal to spend time rediscovering who you are as a person and reconnect with those you may have had to put on the sidelines for him.
Maybe you'll find someone new in that time, maybe the stars will align and he's a better person for seeking help, or maybe you'll be fine with the life you'll develop and not need anyone who would potentially shake things up line he could. What matters is what you want, and having faith in yourself for the call you make.
Yes
Observation is a much better source of knowledge about another's character than the answers to questions. In the early stages of a relationship nobody knows if the other person is answering questions truthfully or if the answers are designed to further some personal agenda. Keep your eyes and ears open. Be observant, not suspicious. Best wishes.
move on. dont be the 2nd option
To be very honest, I have done that. It's also really funny in the morning coz he also needs to pee. But yeah, been there, done that. But making a mold of his penis, hmmm never thought of that. Will discuss that with my boyfriend. Thanks for that idea
Ok so first things first go look at the 18 year olds. And see how young they look to you (they are probably starting to look really young/baby faced through your eyes) listen to how immature and remember how you feel about those 'teenagers' getting married, they are young and silly and think they know better right? Now they have an age difference to you of a THIRD of what this guy has. 'Old soul' yeah I've got some mature friends, but inexperience still affects you, your still not on the same page as him in life.
Which leads us to point 2. Good chance guy is leading you on, what does he have to gain from marrying you? You already do all the wifey stuff. People who have been divorced are generally not keen to jump straight back into marraige, and I'll be willing to bet the ring is to keep you placated. He has enough experience to know “i don't feel ready to commit to anything. I think we should hold off on getting married. I don't know if i want to get married.” Won't fly well enough to keep a woman who has as many options as you do at your age. But a piece of shiny bait on the hook will keep you there so much longer wasting your time, and then he's got a good chance of you going “well it's been xyz number of years, do i really want to throw it all away?”
I know when I first met girls it would take me a while to finish. Then after a good chunk of time passed and got more comfortable I’d release much faster
You go and have a good time. She’s not your problem anymore.
Your reaction is the reason he didn't asshole