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First of all you need to have a conversation with him about this. You can't read his mind and he can't read yours. It's all about communication. Also I find it to be absolute bullshit that in my opinion, he's pretty much checked out of the relationship and wants you to be the one to break up with him by putting you through this. If he's that unhappy he needs to man up and do something about it
So anyone on here can give you their opinion formed by their own experiences and biases but only you know what the dynamic is like between you and your fiance and his dynamic with this specific person. In my experience your intuition about these things is usually correct. Even if there's nothing going on with this person it seems like you know your fiance well enough to know the signs of him having a wandering eye. That being said, I don't think it's necessarily a “bad” thing in and of itself. Imo it's natural for you and your partner to develop crushes in a ltr. Being in a monogamous relationship is a conscious choice, and it doesn't mean you don't find other people attractive. What I think is important is that you and your fiancé create space for honesty in your relationship. Getting mad at him isn't going to change any feelings he may have and could end up creating a self fulfilling prophecy by driving him away. It also gives him no incentive to be honest with you. I think if you and your fiancé respect each other as complex human beings and accept each other's perception of reality you can more easily get to the root of the issue. Consider whether you only care for him in relation to yourself or if you care for him as an individual human being holistically. You don't have to like his truth, but you have to accept his truth and accept that only he can determine what that is. It can upset you, but if you want to continue your relationship there's no point in acting on your emotions in a manner that pushes him away. Your emotions are yours to process. He needs to fully realize these things about you as well and consider you in kind. Once everything is laid out on the table you decide what you're comfortable with, if you need to set a boundary, if you have room for compromise. He has no obligation to agree with you, but if he doesn't and won't respect your boundaries or compromise I don't see how you can go forward in your relationship. Same vice versa. However, he can have a crush and still choose you and you can still choose him even if he has a crush. Truly knowing and accepting your partner can create profound intimacy that deepens your relationship. And with that added depth and understanding in the relationship you may both want to choose each other even more. I wish you the best through this tough situation 🙂
You have no kids together, which makes it so much easier for you to separate. This man now has exactly what he wanted – he can as adventurous as he wants! Let him have at it .
First think, would he have suggested therapy if he hadn't been caught? If he was having problems why didn't he talk about it? His solution was to cheat? Really? Also, I can't imagine forgiving a cheater (who I previously trusted to death) and making love to him as if he hadn't f'ed someone else behind my back.
Why would she get a paternity test?
There’s a broad spectrum of laughing – she could have snorted or giggled out of surprise. She could have laughed in a teasing way that wasn’t mean-spirited. I doubt she laughed openly in his face in a mocking way. He’s obviously got a hair trigger around the issue of his hair trigger so I don’t think he’s the most reliable narrator.
With how they have supported you and always had the door open for you i think they would be happy and proud(especially your dad with the name change) instead of being weirded out.
Communication. You need to be communicating a lot more before, during, and after. You need to know each other’s boundaries and likes/dislikes. You need to be able to read each other’s bodies in order to anticipate what your partner wants. You can’t get to that point without communicating.
If there’s something outside the bedroom then that requires communication as well. Maybe she’s not entirely comfortable expressing her needs/wants. You gotta ask her. You have to take the time to learn how she wants to be touched, how to give head, or whatever.
She needs to do the same for you. 99% of relationship problems are rooted in communication. Same thing happens with sex.
Please do not bring another child into this mess. It will definitely not fix anything. If your wife has any investment in your relationship, she will tell her friend to stop trashing you and respect your relationship even if she doesn’t like you. Instead, your wife is just adding fuel to the fire. The sexting/nudes also shows how little your wife values your relationship. You both just seem done at this point.
I’d let him know I’m busy throughout the day and don’t love those little messages back and forth that don’t really go anywhere. I’d rather save those convos for irl (or a phone call once a day or smth if you want that)
If you're embarrassed don't go. I don't know what you want people to tell you. If the dude wants to out ketchup on his food let him. Or just try being grateful
I disagree. I am choosing to make this an absolute for what I feel is best for me. He has freedom of choice in this will all my love and support.
Good luck! I hope to see an update that you were fretting about nothing and that you have the best partner!
Why are children the prize when a person decides to get clean, it often doesn’t last another life is ruined, thanks, a person is not a sobriety prize
Your action was , yes, shitty. BUT….it does indicate your lack of trust. For some reason. I’d focus on that because, who knows, there might be something to it.
Everything you said feels spot on, I’m kind of amazed. I feel so seen right now, thank you for the detailed response. And yes, we definitely need therapy, together but probably more importantly, separately. May I ask, was your exW diagnosed with anything in particular? I’d love to do some more research myself.
Absolutely not. Your bf should not tolerate physical assault. How disgusting and so wrong. I would never talk to someone again who did that. So disrespectful and unforgivable. I don’t care if its culturally acceptable to you, that is toxic and abusive. BF: may want to seriously rethink marrying into this if your GF doubles down and maintains her stance.
Mate she is clearly not having children. Also your imagination about it having to be spontaneous and romantic is proof you aren’t ready to be a parent. You could ask her if its pregnancy that is a no or children in general because you could adopt.
And 10-20% is not even halfway sure i don’t know what you expected.
You need to make a choice. Are you fine with no children but your wife? If yes great. If no also great but you need to break up
The silent treatment is a form of abuse. I will give the person I’m dating a warning upfront. If you need space, ask for it but don’t just go silent. I will not be in a relationship with someone who ignored me for days. You should block him.
Any talks we have on this always go the same way. He profusely apologises, we think of small little steps to address things, he never does them, he continues his behaviour.. if the circumstances were different I would have left long ago, but I know this is coming from a place of true despair over his dad.
Precisely. And if he was comfortable enough to have his hands on her breasts in public and this wasn't the first time they'd hooked up (“it can't happen again”), there is now way on earth they scaled down to just cuddling that night until the wee hours of the morning.
Has she said what happened the previous time/s?
I wouldn't trust any of it at this point either.
I didn't compare an open relationship to sexual assault. I don't know which comment you meant to reply to, but I only defined “mental gymnastics”, and commented that consent can be withdrawn at any point for any (or no) reason.
As I never said one (sexual assault) was like the other (open relationships or being cheated on), this is the end of our conversation. Have a good one, internet stranger!
That would decrease sexual arousal and satisfaction, but not desire. Desire is primarily hormonal.
My ex assumed I was cheating with every man I had a cordial conversation with.
Some people are just like that.
Treat him how he treated you. Ignore him. Block him. Forget him.
Yup… story of my life.
I wouldn’t text you knowing everything o write is open to her too.
She was the one that broke up the relationship. She doesn’t get to say here.
She screwed up and now she’s living rent-free, and making demands? No no no.
You should pay 5x more than he does if you make 5x more than he does.
By fucking your sister and having her rub your nose in it for decades
Well, I'm sorry to hear that.
I want to go on my own terms, in my own way.
That's precisely what I meant, and I hope it al works out for you!
Technically it may not be cheating. But what is she doing to keep him from ditching her and finding someone? What promises did she make to this guy? What stake does he have to stay around with someone who gives him nothing in return? She's likely breadcrumbing this guy in some way. Flirting and making him feel like he has a chance. I'd honestly just dump her and do yourself a favor.
Don't invite either of them, your wedding should be a stress free joyous time with people that love you and respect you. The pair of them have demonstrated that they are the opposite
It's probably tonsil stones, which aren't serious (but can be uncomfortable and smell bad), and can typically be treated at home. If she looks up info and can't tell if she has tonsil stones – or if she does but can't clear then out – she should see a doctor. Lots of people aren't aware it's a thing – I think I was in my late twenties the first time I'd heard them mentioned – so they don't know the symptoms or treatment.