The best version of yourself is ignoring that invitation as a whole, he doesn’t get to skip his responsibilities and play dad of the year for Facebook and wedding guests.
If you’re that keen on being a good model for your babies about this buy something from the registry and say it’s from them. But to be clear, you don’t owe them shit.
Yeah, if he is having his hygiene slack, a lot, that means he doesn’t have things under controls
I say this as having had postpartum depression and gotten out of two heavily abusive relationships as well.
Sometimes, when you are in the mist of a mental health issue, we don’t realize how bad it is from the inside looking out.
Only those outside looking in can see what is going on in pattern of behavior to things that aren’t good for us. And because of this we’ll say it’s “fine”, that we “have it under control”.
But pride can get in the way big time when we are use to taking care of ourselves.
Op, he might not be ready for therapy, but you have to ask yourself, how long do you want to keep dealing with this if nothing changes? Another year? Two? Five? A decade?
Sometimes despite how much support, care, compassion, and love wee give… it’s not always enough if the person we care about isn’t willing to admit they need help and do something about it.
You may have to ask yourself a very difficult question and have a real uncomfortable conversation with him about this.
You might have low testosterone, you should get it checked for your own health and your relationship because it's not something she's just gonna “get over”
Because it’s not that weird. Everyone does comparison and self reflection. What’s weird is that OP thinks reading a note not intended for her or anyone is grounds for making him feel bad.
A small part of me thinks they are stringing me along, but I know that is not their intention. The things I know for sure is that they don’t want to date anyone and they wish to be with me however they would feel guilt if I needed them and they can not physically be there for me, thus they assume the relationship will not work.
She chose to cheat on you twice. Too bad if she and a test coming up. She shouldn't have cheated. You can't make someone stop being a cheater. They either want to, or they don't.
It's all in your own head. Sounds like she's trying to accommodate you.
Honestly men are much more fragile than people overall would come to believe. And I understand where you would be coming from. But honestly….
Nice she's young….roll with it and enjoy lol better than alternative So she's getting criticism and you getting residual noise….WHO CARES. Like people in general also care too much outside noise. Seriously maybe you just need to hear it. But it's YOU. Not her. She can't control this phenominon. You can control your own thinking (more or less)
I would start positioning myself for life as a single woman. If you're not working, get a job or get training to get a job. He might have a tremendous amount of credit card debt that you are unaware of – he has to be spending money on these affairs. Make sure he is paying income taxes so that you're not surprised if he isn't. Try to find out if he's taken out any equity loans against any property you might own. Look toward a future without him as it appears he will be leaving you. Contact a lawyer to prepare yourself for any legal action he may take against you.
Thank you. I really appreciate your response. I am in the process of facilitating family counselling for us. I am very non-confrontational and bottle things inside or try to accommodate everyone but i cant control everything, especially my daughters actions. I hope family counseling helps.
i read through that post. looks like the right wing mods are just happy to gaslight those struggling with the behaviors of privileged loved ones. “Hurt by a privileged male betraying you? SPAM”
Wow, I love this comment! Thank you so much for your perspective, it’s honestly so helpful. I’m on the same page- it seems weird to keep someone like that in your life when you’re trying to start a serious relationship with someone else. Hopefully if I talk to him about this, he’ll be open to hearing what I have to say. Thanks again 🙂
I was doing the majority of the housework he was feeling stressed and confused as to why I thought this was a problem he's not listening to me and how distant he's been lately I've asked him about individual therapy in the past but he never wanted to until now he cares about me, but doesn't love me he doesn't know who he is, and he wants a divorce
Follow your parents rules. They want the best for you. Where did you meet this guy? If you were just in rehab where did he come from? Proud of you for being sober. Congratulations on that front.
Stop putting effort into him, completely. Stop talking to him, stop responding to his texts, stop keeping tabs on him, unfollow him on EVERYTHING. It's time to move forward, it's time to put him in the past where he belongs.
She doesn't get to invade your privacy because of her insecurity. Why would you even have let her use the laptop if you were hiding something, which you're not. Yes, you're allowed to keep whatever photos of your past that you want, and no she's not entitled to look through your computer bc “trust issues”. Tell her she just created trust issues for you with her because she didn't even ask, just did it. And she apparently is approaching this very casually as if she had a right to. That's what's most concerning to me here.
You have a right to feel violated and not want to trust her. Do with that what you will, whether that's breaking up or giving her another chance with a firm understanding that she is to work on her own insecurity issues, ask questions she has, and accept whatever answer you give if you don't want to share whatever it is she “needs” to check. I, personally, would break up with someone who was so absorbed with themselves they decided to violate me to feel better about their own insecurities, but I don't know the dynamic of your relationship. You're valid in whatever you choose to do, and she will have to live! with the consequences of her actions.
Throwing around the R word probably did some heavy lifting in that category
And yet he's quoting her very specific concerns from this night he doesn't remember!
You should break up
The best version of yourself is ignoring that invitation as a whole, he doesn’t get to skip his responsibilities and play dad of the year for Facebook and wedding guests.
If you’re that keen on being a good model for your babies about this buy something from the registry and say it’s from them. But to be clear, you don’t owe them shit.
Yeah, if he is having his hygiene slack, a lot, that means he doesn’t have things under controls
I say this as having had postpartum depression and gotten out of two heavily abusive relationships as well.
Sometimes, when you are in the mist of a mental health issue, we don’t realize how bad it is from the inside looking out.
Only those outside looking in can see what is going on in pattern of behavior to things that aren’t good for us. And because of this we’ll say it’s “fine”, that we “have it under control”.
But pride can get in the way big time when we are use to taking care of ourselves.
Op, he might not be ready for therapy, but you have to ask yourself, how long do you want to keep dealing with this if nothing changes? Another year? Two? Five? A decade?
Sometimes despite how much support, care, compassion, and love wee give… it’s not always enough if the person we care about isn’t willing to admit they need help and do something about it.
You may have to ask yourself a very difficult question and have a real uncomfortable conversation with him about this.
I'm also a member of the community as a queer person. I will def pirate it.
You might have low testosterone, you should get it checked for your own health and your relationship because it's not something she's just gonna “get over”
Stick a sign on the inside of the bedroom door reminding her to get coffee before she talks to anyone.
You apologised about her whereabouts? Why?
Because it’s not that weird. Everyone does comparison and self reflection. What’s weird is that OP thinks reading a note not intended for her or anyone is grounds for making him feel bad.
A small part of me thinks they are stringing me along, but I know that is not their intention. The things I know for sure is that they don’t want to date anyone and they wish to be with me however they would feel guilt if I needed them and they can not physically be there for me, thus they assume the relationship will not work.
She chose to cheat on you twice. Too bad if she and a test coming up. She shouldn't have cheated. You can't make someone stop being a cheater. They either want to, or they don't.
Get over yourself….
It's all in your own head. Sounds like she's trying to accommodate you.
Honestly men are much more fragile than people overall would come to believe. And I understand where you would be coming from. But honestly….
Nice she's young….roll with it and enjoy lol better than alternative So she's getting criticism and you getting residual noise….WHO CARES. Like people in general also care too much outside noise. Seriously maybe you just need to hear it. But it's YOU. Not her. She can't control this phenominon. You can control your own thinking (more or less)
I would start positioning myself for life as a single woman. If you're not working, get a job or get training to get a job. He might have a tremendous amount of credit card debt that you are unaware of – he has to be spending money on these affairs. Make sure he is paying income taxes so that you're not surprised if he isn't. Try to find out if he's taken out any equity loans against any property you might own. Look toward a future without him as it appears he will be leaving you. Contact a lawyer to prepare yourself for any legal action he may take against you.
Thank you. I really appreciate your response. I am in the process of facilitating family counselling for us. I am very non-confrontational and bottle things inside or try to accommodate everyone but i cant control everything, especially my daughters actions. I hope family counseling helps.
i read through that post. looks like the right wing mods are just happy to gaslight those struggling with the behaviors of privileged loved ones. “Hurt by a privileged male betraying you? SPAM”
Wow, I love this comment! Thank you so much for your perspective, it’s honestly so helpful. I’m on the same page- it seems weird to keep someone like that in your life when you’re trying to start a serious relationship with someone else. Hopefully if I talk to him about this, he’ll be open to hearing what I have to say. Thanks again 🙂
I was doing the majority of the housework he was feeling stressed and confused as to why I thought this was a problem he's not listening to me and how distant he's been lately I've asked him about individual therapy in the past but he never wanted to until now he cares about me, but doesn't love me he doesn't know who he is, and he wants a divorce
No takebacksies!
Follow your parents rules. They want the best for you. Where did you meet this guy? If you were just in rehab where did he come from? Proud of you for being sober. Congratulations on that front.
You're disgusting
Stop putting effort into him, completely. Stop talking to him, stop responding to his texts, stop keeping tabs on him, unfollow him on EVERYTHING. It's time to move forward, it's time to put him in the past where he belongs.
She doesn't get to invade your privacy because of her insecurity. Why would you even have let her use the laptop if you were hiding something, which you're not. Yes, you're allowed to keep whatever photos of your past that you want, and no she's not entitled to look through your computer bc “trust issues”. Tell her she just created trust issues for you with her because she didn't even ask, just did it. And she apparently is approaching this very casually as if she had a right to. That's what's most concerning to me here.
You have a right to feel violated and not want to trust her. Do with that what you will, whether that's breaking up or giving her another chance with a firm understanding that she is to work on her own insecurity issues, ask questions she has, and accept whatever answer you give if you don't want to share whatever it is she “needs” to check. I, personally, would break up with someone who was so absorbed with themselves they decided to violate me to feel better about their own insecurities, but I don't know the dynamic of your relationship. You're valid in whatever you choose to do, and she will have to live! with the consequences of her actions.