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Why are you telling us this?
I've been in a similar situation. Sex was okay but it got to be a thing where she kept saying stuff about what she'd done with exes or old fwb. Do you really want to feel like you aren't going to measure up for potentially the rest of your life? Call it quits my man.
I certainly don’t plan on reaching out to him. Nothing that I would have to say would be nice or conducive to a constructive conversation. I would like to think he’s just needing time to process like guys sometimes do, but since he’s gone completely dark I can only assume the worst. So I hope he fucks off out of my life, for sure
Love them r/nofap bois
Sir, let me (28m) tell you right now, having had these exact feelings about my partner (28f) in the early part of our 8 year friendship and 3 year romance. Your girlfriend could be suffering from an undiagnosed hyperactive disorder. The indicator for me is the “you have to be doing it on purpose…” feeling you described. Actually, probably not.
On her phone a lot, bouncing between apps? Forgetting to complete requests? Struggling to build new routines or habits? Unable to hold at-length, complex discussions? Difficulties focusing on task completion?
Her behavior here is a red flag to you because it doesn’t match what you’ve come to understand about her character. “If only she had the full package.” That dissonance can cause real anxiety for you about your future together and stress you out over what might be a misjudgment of her capabilities.
Reaffirm to her that you love her and want to be with her long into the future, and also encourage her to talk with someone about this. My gf was just diagnosed earlier this year, the timing aligned really poorly for us as a couple, but has finally given her some sense of self-esteem: that she’s not some dummy that can’t do anything. Has your gf ever voiced a concern to you that she’s worried you might find her to be incompetent?
Statistically, it’s really unusual to meet someone who checks all of these boxes for you. I want you to work this out, OP. Don’t let Reddit fool you into quitting on yourselves.
Did she not know you were getting married that weekend? Why was she planning to be anywhere else but by your side?
Birthday or not, your wedding should take precedent and she could have celebrated later.
Instead, she used you and got pissed when her easy solution was taken away.
She's manipulative and hateful. Sorry, but I'd go no contact and move on.
I'm sorry.
Someone else has said that, but this happened last night, also I don't think he has Reddit, but you never know I suppose… Can you show me the post, please? I'd like to read – thanks!
Don't involve yourself into his bullshit.. of course it's a gaslighting.
It's your fault he cheated because you were working when he was horny… He thinks that you are dumb. Don't involve yourself into those conversations.. he's a cheater and a liar! It's not your fault! He knows what he's doing.
I guess it all boils down to what individuals deem “moral” in their own brains.
For me, I love my wife. If I were to die I wouldn't demand that my ego be fed by her having to grieve and be lonely for a specific amount of time. Who determines this amount of time? As with everything, it's all down to opinion. I would just want her to find happiness again and move on with life.
When I'm dead, I'm dead. There isn't a “me” around anymore to cheat on. Unless one imagines me hanging around her like Patrick Swayze in Ghost.
Hmm. In the first paragraph of OPs statement she states it is a loft apartment with no doors.
Ask him if he has a fear of her dating guys.
Heard this many times during my life from fathers who had no daughters.
I'll offer a different point of view. I know when I am overwhelmed I tend to shut down a bit and don't show the same affection I generally do. Maybe he's just stressed about the school work and is having trouble keeping up his normal self?
The friend thing could be concerning, but it could just as easily be platonic friendship.
That's not really the problem here ? It's not like his dick stopped working while he was in the mood, he was completely out of it, why would he do anything at that point ?
Super facts , people should try to make better choices instead of shaming people not to ask about the past.
This is malicious incompetence. He could have Googled how to do it, but he didn’t want to so messed up on purpose. The aim being that you would have a go and he could say “I don’t know why I bother”. I’d have put the rest in the oven to keep it warm and asked him to try again. Even if that meant I was starving and we ate late. This is not acceptable behaviour from a partner
Even if he was telling the truth, that it was from a woman months ago and he kept it in case she asked for it back…why hasn’t he just texted her to see if she wants it back? Why have it somewhere in his room where he would see it every day? Not worth it. Move on. I know dating can be intimidating when you haven’t been out there in a while but trust me, there are plenty of guys out there who don’t have random bras hanging in their rooms.
*than. Why would you compare how you love your kids and wives ? There are 2 different kind of loves. I think questioning your divorce should be done exclusively on the quality of your relationship with your wife. Whether you are able to face your issues and fix those together, whether you have both the mental flexibility to change, whether you want deep inside of you to spend your life with her.
Make sure u ask her to go complete No Contact with this guy, and not even indirect communication via her friends.
Just leave. Don't wait on her. You can consider getting back together after she gets treated. Choose yourself first.
UPDATE: We talked last night and she acknowledged the moods but at the beginning of the conversation she felt it was justified however was happy to see if there can be an adjustment. I explained how it made me feel and that I was having doubts. She got really upset about that then she put the ball in my court to think about if I see us together having a house, kids etc so I'm thinking it all through. When I say “yes” to those questions though, feels like I am lying to myself.
Things were left on a good note last night, I just have some soul searching to do.
Thanks for the varying advice everyone.
This isn't something I would entertain. There comes a time where you will need to have periods in which you support your partner financially, as your circumstances in life change. It tends to be much later though, when you have a family, not when you are in your mid-twenties.
I imagine if you feel resentful at the idea of doing this now, that will only build over the next few years. A successful relationship is about compromise, and it doesn't sound as though she's willing to sacrifice her life plan in order to allow you to achieve yours (the army).
Is there any way she could do a part-time Masters and work part-time to contribute to the household? If she really does want to on-line with you, she needs to consider how she is going to pay her way, as it just isn't fair having to rely on you 100% for living costs. How would she cope if she wasn't in a relationship with somebody working full-time?
Don't feel guilty about having your own aspirations and expectations when it comes to life and this relationship. It is completely reasonable that you don't want to give up all you have achieved to financially support somebody else, who has their own goal in life. Supporting two people on one income in London is exceedingly difficult unless you're a very high earner, and living the kind of kind where you're scrimping and saving just to get by (not to mention during a cost of living crisis) is likely to put a real strain on your relationship and mental health. Not to mention that if you're the only earner, there is a lot of pressure on ensuring that your income is regular and reliable – which means you'll be limited on what career options you're able to take in future.
I really do not agree with the emotional blackmail she's trying to pull, to make you do what she wants. It's reasonable enough for her to ask if you're willing to do this, but she should respect your decision and feelings on the matter (and also give you reasonable time to consider). I think she probably knows how ridiculous it is to request this and is trying to get you to commit to an answer so she's able to apply, get accepted, start the Masters and then put you in a position where you're unable to go back on it.
Well forst, you 2 are nearly 20 years apart in age. This nearly never works to begin with.
Most guys that go after women that much younger than them will often lack commitment or cheat because they like young women. You get older, 19-20 year old women stay the same age.
Leave him, and don't look back.
“We can’t throw away 5 years together…” yes, yes you can. This is what’s called a sunk costs fallacy.
You’re young and it’s okay to move on for the right one
Sis, stop ?. Poly is not a sexuality, it’s a lifestyle. Your man wants to have sex with multiple people and have you be OK with it. Polyamory, polygamy, and monogamy are all choices/lifestyles. Before y’all travel down any of these roads I think you need to educate yourselves.
I don’t have proper advice or I don’t have advice you want to hear? I commented because that was my honest advice. You are insecure and if you can’t get over it you are better of breaking up. You are embarrassed why? She has done nothing wrong.
So, do you get this triggered by all things you don’t want to hear? And do you always project or is today just special?
Yeah, I wouldn’t be so upset if he just suggested a threesome… But he just suggested having a threesome with someone who is so close to us. I can’t understand why he doesn’t see that there’s something wrong with that.
Then he sounds pretty good overall. Or at least, I don’t think this is a sign of him being controlling. By now you’d be seeing it manifest in other ways too, I think.
Well you wouldn't be the one putting yourself into that situation if that was the case. I guess just keep your guard up and see what happens?
i wanna hear the son’s side lol
I plan on enjoying the last few days of this pregnancy with just my wife
This is the way.
I also think that your wife would benefit from some therapy once she's up for it. To deal with her anxiety, her mom, potential ppd or just to talk through her feelings. Even if she's able to handle things, therapy would still help her.
All the best and congratulations!
If this is your deal breaker, then it is. It’s right up there at the top of my list! Think very carefully what YOU want to do about this. Other people’s opinions are theirs to handle.
I know women who will not have sex unless their partner is freshly showered. While that’s extreme, I think it’s fair for you to tell her that the vanilla perfume isn’t working, and she needs a post-gym/exercise shower for the good of all mankind.
You need to ditch the guy in love with someone else and move on. Don't discuss it. Don't have sex with him. Just fetch any stuff at his place, block him and move on.
His friends warning that they are soul mates and should be together should have been the walk away clue, before you got involved. His bestie was warning you that the guy you think is your boyfriend believes she is is one.
You are a convenient bed warmer and placeholder and he is probably hoping it will spark her jealousy making her dump her boyfriend for him again.
When he said after 1 short month that he HAD to have HER in his life… you should have told him to f-off and walked away at that point. I have absolutely no idea why you stayed but you did.
At this point, even the most hopeful optimist, which you clearly are, must concede this guy is never ever going to pick you. It will always be her.
Please cut your losses and find someone who is not in love with another woman.
I think I will do just that. If I told the dad all hell would break loose
If he is “withholding” something you don’t want to do…let him.
So true. What kills me is that me pretended to be exactly what I needed/wanted and then turned into this bullshit person full of lies and deceit. I’ve never had to deal with that before and it makes it so very hot to let go but I can’t take the stress and anxiety anymore.
People don’t always have to be explicit, but actively planning something at the one place you didn’t want to do something, knowing that there’s no room—does it make a difference?
I mean, maybe he’s great but a little obtuse and this wasn’t intentional; at the end of the day, the result is the same: he didn’t really plan anything for you if he’s just pulling in your birthday to something his family was already doing, is all I’m saying.
Sweetheart, as cold as this may sound:
You don't deserve this life. You didn't ask for this life.
I am the full-time caregiver of a severely autistic child. I do EVERYTHING for him. He should be reading books, going to friends bday parties, doing science experiments, etc. But he just cries, hits himself, can't talk, and can't use the toilet. It has taken a serious toll on me mentally AND physically. I have aged SO much in the last 5 years. You can tell I'm worn out. I don't drink or smoke, but I look so haggered from the lack of self care and the stress of caring for him.
I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If she's at the point where she absolutely cannot care for herself, she needs to be in assisted living. They work in 3 shifts because it's absolute torture for one person to do all that work. I will seek the same thing for my son when he's 18. It hurts and it's sad and it makes me feel like absolute shit, but I cannot imagine the rest of my life like this. And you shouldn't have to either.
Be honest and just present it like you did here. Open honest vulnerable communication makes for the best relationships.