Having never found love, imo. Love brings on loads of emotional pain, but I also believe love is what life is all about.
That said, just because you haven’t yet found romantic love doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, or that love still isn’t present in your life.
I honestly think a lot of you are missing the part where I said our baby was not planned… ?♀️ we did not plan for a baby, although I did make the decision to keep the baby… We were not “trying” for a baby. My husband and I were sexually active (as most are, I would assume) and I accidentally became pregnant. Believe it or not, sometimes prevention methods fail.
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So this concerns me. The value isn’t introspection and doing work on ourselves (which you’re doing) but being at peace with yourself. But the reality is bad things happen in life. There’s no way to foresee what traumas may happen and my fear would be that if a traumatic event happens and there’s a trauma reaction, that he would leave. This would all make me very nervous. Being grounded and present is ongoing work. It’s never going to just be finished. For everyone.
Hi, thank you for getting back to me on this. I appreciate your feedback and take on board your comment. I don’t think I articulated my thoughts very well at all. It does seem to come across this way, which I appreciate – but I did think my bf was too good for me too when we got together, but because we are similar (more reserved etc), I found him not intimidating, I found it easy. I never felt he was keeping me on my toes etc. And as handsome as he is, there was always more ‘love’ than ‘lust’. I don’t think I’m ‘better’ as such but I think it became clear I wasn’t of sound mind when we got together and how deeply insecure I was. But also, I think I’ve started to wonder what it would be like dating someone who was outgoing etc.
I think i’m just wanting to know who it is you marry. Is it the person who you love being around, and feel safe around? Or is the person who you have to hide parts of yourself around but everything is fun and exciting? Who makes you weak at the knees? Or is that fairytale nonsense?
Sorry if that doesn’t clarify much – I’m very confused and finding it hot to figure out my own thoughts at the moment. Other people have got in my head too by saying he’s boring (feel guilty typing this even!) and asking me if I’m sure I want to marry him 🙁 which is so rude but you do want your S/O to be really liked.
Because your wife didn't act on her affections and because you have kids together I really wouldn't jump to unforgivable or divorce. I think this is really worth making an attempt to save. I suggest trying therapy for awhile and see how that goes. And immediately putting the stop to any inappropriate lines she's crossing with the daycare worker. You need to set very clear boundaries of what you are and aren't comfortable with. Such as texting. Limit texts to emergencies only. Make sure you identify categories of what classifies as an emergency or important. No chit chat about what they're doing over the weekend. And set a time for when she's expected home if you can't pick up the kids yourself. That way it limits their chats. Those are fair boundaries when you know this is a crush.
My husband once had a crush on a friend of his. I really appreciated his honesty about it and I was hurt but I understood that crushes can't be helped. You can't help liking someone. But you can help how you behave. He kept me in the loop with any interactions they had. And they stopped hanging out. I didn't make him go no contact or anything like that because I didn't want to make it weird. He didn't need to ignore her. But he had to limit the interactions as much as was polite. We worked on the relationship in therapy and we were able to fully move past the crush and be in a really healthy spot. I know your situation isn't as good since the girl is 17. But it sounds like she really didn't know she was that young. As long as she doesn't continue the crush I'd forgive her. But that's just me. You do what is comfortable to you.
Thank you for your comment. I have some healing to do, so therapy will definitely be one of my (safe) places to land along that journey
Having never found love, imo. Love brings on loads of emotional pain, but I also believe love is what life is all about.
That said, just because you haven’t yet found romantic love doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, or that love still isn’t present in your life.
I honestly think a lot of you are missing the part where I said our baby was not planned… ?♀️ we did not plan for a baby, although I did make the decision to keep the baby… We were not “trying” for a baby. My husband and I were sexually active (as most are, I would assume) and I accidentally became pregnant. Believe it or not, sometimes prevention methods fail.
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Don’t stick your pickle in crazy
Next time say that genitals aren’t supposed to look nice.
So this concerns me. The value isn’t introspection and doing work on ourselves (which you’re doing) but being at peace with yourself. But the reality is bad things happen in life. There’s no way to foresee what traumas may happen and my fear would be that if a traumatic event happens and there’s a trauma reaction, that he would leave. This would all make me very nervous. Being grounded and present is ongoing work. It’s never going to just be finished. For everyone.
I'll see what she says next week when I ask.
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
Can you record yourself in your sleep until it happens?
Also, it's very much not a big deal and nothing you can control. It doesn't mean anything, despite what your bf thinks. It's very much a him problem!
I'll be honest, this sounds like she's having an emotional affair, even if nothing physical has happened.
He… gets like that a lot. Whenever we fight he calls me all sorts of stuff. I try to forget about it
Hi, thank you for getting back to me on this. I appreciate your feedback and take on board your comment. I don’t think I articulated my thoughts very well at all. It does seem to come across this way, which I appreciate – but I did think my bf was too good for me too when we got together, but because we are similar (more reserved etc), I found him not intimidating, I found it easy. I never felt he was keeping me on my toes etc. And as handsome as he is, there was always more ‘love’ than ‘lust’. I don’t think I’m ‘better’ as such but I think it became clear I wasn’t of sound mind when we got together and how deeply insecure I was. But also, I think I’ve started to wonder what it would be like dating someone who was outgoing etc.
I think i’m just wanting to know who it is you marry. Is it the person who you love being around, and feel safe around? Or is the person who you have to hide parts of yourself around but everything is fun and exciting? Who makes you weak at the knees? Or is that fairytale nonsense?
Sorry if that doesn’t clarify much – I’m very confused and finding it hot to figure out my own thoughts at the moment. Other people have got in my head too by saying he’s boring (feel guilty typing this even!) and asking me if I’m sure I want to marry him 🙁 which is so rude but you do want your S/O to be really liked.
Give her a role reversal situation… and ask her how she'd feel if a cute single girl did the same to you.
I've noticed a lot of women rarely do this.
Your BF is looking at this from a financial side, you are looking at this from an emotional side.
Right now financially it’s a horrible time to buy a home. Everything is unrealistic high in the housing market right now.
Slow down and wait save money and build a future.
He owns a home what is his mortgage payments? Interest rate? HOA?
This is not cold feet or lack of commitment it’s just a smart move. Follow his lead and watch the market.
He says they like me, and I have even gone on one vacation with them, so I dont understand this situation
She should invest the absolute bare minimum of her time on this person, escape now.
Because your wife didn't act on her affections and because you have kids together I really wouldn't jump to unforgivable or divorce. I think this is really worth making an attempt to save. I suggest trying therapy for awhile and see how that goes. And immediately putting the stop to any inappropriate lines she's crossing with the daycare worker. You need to set very clear boundaries of what you are and aren't comfortable with. Such as texting. Limit texts to emergencies only. Make sure you identify categories of what classifies as an emergency or important. No chit chat about what they're doing over the weekend. And set a time for when she's expected home if you can't pick up the kids yourself. That way it limits their chats. Those are fair boundaries when you know this is a crush.
My husband once had a crush on a friend of his. I really appreciated his honesty about it and I was hurt but I understood that crushes can't be helped. You can't help liking someone. But you can help how you behave. He kept me in the loop with any interactions they had. And they stopped hanging out. I didn't make him go no contact or anything like that because I didn't want to make it weird. He didn't need to ignore her. But he had to limit the interactions as much as was polite. We worked on the relationship in therapy and we were able to fully move past the crush and be in a really healthy spot. I know your situation isn't as good since the girl is 17. But it sounds like she really didn't know she was that young. As long as she doesn't continue the crush I'd forgive her. But that's just me. You do what is comfortable to you.