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Being aware of the fact that your partner has fucked other people and actually seeing it is exponentially worse lmao. Like you know your parents fuck (and probably fucked other people before they got married) but do you want to see that shit??? Hell no. ?
You have terrible reading comprehension. She said she does speak to her other friends AND that they're in relationships. There is also nothing to imply that she doesn't speak to her partner either, it is incredibly normal to get emotional support from a group of people.
Repeat with me: if it is not enthusiastic consent, is not consent at all.
He is a manipulative abuser. I don't know how he was during your friendship stage, but now he is showing you his true colors. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. His actions scream “I care more about me having sex than your mental well-being”.
That’s admirable, but at what cost? You aren’t her care taker, this responsibility doesn’t fall on you. You have your own life to on-line and she’s weighing you down no pun intended. Ask yourself, If she wasn’t suicidal would you have already left?
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Oh I like that !
He told you to cry it out when you told him you have anxiety? That is extremely callous and wrong for him to say this to you. Not only is he treating you as a friend he can get intimacy from whenever he wants it, he’s also not treating you as a person with feelings which you absolutely are.
It’s very obvious that he is uncaring toward you and cold. He only sees you as good for one thing, and you are so much more than that. I’m so sorry that you have been treated this way by someone, but even though I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, I’m proud of you for making the decision to move on because you’re making the right decision.
The first step would be that you should block him from all social media platforms. Block his number as well and block any other forms of contact you had with him where you have an open line of communication. I also suggest deleting any and all photos you have taken together if you have them stashed away anywhere else and deleting all texts from him and any screenshots of your conversations.
Your end goal is to move on from this relationship and to lessen your feelings for him until you have finally accepted what happened and are able to fully move on. I also highly suggest talk therapy with a therapist you’re truly invested in talking to that can help with strengthening your self-confidence and help you to think more deeply about what happens in your life and your relationships. I have a therapist I absolutely adore and she has helped me to see so much that I couldn’t before. She’s a blessing and I consider her an angel in my life because I don’t know what I would do without her to help me to mentally work through things I honestly couldn’t do myself.
Things will get better, I promise. This will take time, but as you climb the mountain, you’ll get closer and closer to the peak and will fully be able to say you no longer have feelings for this person and have moved on from them. Have faith in yourself. You are a good person, you are worthy, you are beautiful, and you are important. No one can ever take your value away from you, no matter who you encounter or what happens in your life.
I recognize it was harsh, but I also want my perspective to be seen.
I am not allowed to have my own free time without him getting upset and badgering me. I am not allowed to hang out with anyone without being accused of cheating. I on-line every single day having my character put into question and constantly dealing with his mistrust of me.
Then the same person who has been consistently questioning MY loyalty and MY character, has the audacity to ask me for an open relationship and believes he’s within his rights because I won’t perform a sex act that previously left me incredibly traumatized and physically injured.
I lashed out. Because I’m not heard in this relationship. Ever. I reached my breaking point and I was done with the hypocrisy, projecting, isolation and entitlement.
If OP and his wife agreed not to look at phones, she is wrong for asking to look through his phone. Telling someone that they are wrong, when they are wrong, is not gaslighting. Asking Reddit if you’re in the wrong is not gaslighting. Let people fucking on-line without accusing them of gaslighting. It’s a very specific pattern of abuse that people love to throw out when someone is just, in fact, a liar.
Just be careful with leaving. Oh you need to leave! But have a plan. The most dangerous time to you is when you decide to leave.
You own the house. Speak to a lawyer about getting him out. Cos it might not be easy. as soon as you serve him with those papers you can’t continue to on-line with him it might be your house but you say your scared of him I wouldn’t risk it. He will at minimum have 30 days notice. So rent a air B and B or go to your parents.
Plan everything, where your pets are going to go. Who’s going to help you move. If you don’t have anyone just leave it just take your important documents and pets. Some charities will foster animals for people escaping domestic violence. Contact a domestic violence charity they can help. You say you help with your parents just ensure security ie cameras incase he shows up trying to get you back. Just document everything he does once you leave incase you need proof, police are not great with stalking and realising that it usually escalates. So do what you can to keep yourself save once you leave.