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If she refuses responsibility for her aggressive actions then she'll never accept that both of you could be the solution to the problem. I've been thru a divorce with a child a place and two vehicles. I lost it all and wasted three years of my life. I'm 30 that's 10% of my current age don't waste anymore time. It's free to file a dissolution of marriage.
Yes it is! It’s like a breath of freah air so thank you! I take good care of myself. I won’t allow him to make me feel like it worthy. His addictions and finically issues are his problem it mine.
Let the religious zealots fuck themselves out of your wedding experience. Their loss, not yours.
You’ll find you rarely if ever get closure bro. It’s better just to say it wasn’t meant to be.
Yeah, dating apps are all about the photos for sure but you probably know that. Definitely try your best with that and just keep at it, you’ll get matches. Local bars / hangouts are good too.
Overall it’s just really important to play it pretty cool in the first few months. Constantly texting people and stuff like that won’t put everyone off, but for a lot of women have multiple people blowing up their phones right. So you gotta stand out and add a little mystery
Someone needs to remember their vows, or maybe shouldn't have made them if they didn't really mean it.
What about her colleague friends selling to her how great the poly lifestyle is to the point of interesting her to it, she try to sell it to the OP, but when it doesn’t work, she choose him over it?
That being said, if she got interested by the poly lifestyle to the point of really trying to sell it, she is still interested in experimenting and that looks like a disaster ready to happen: trust is eroded and she could be swayed by a guy.
I think you need a new BF or at least none for the next bit until you have learnt to say NO. Looks like he only keeps you around for his B own satisfaction
And after graduation, all the hours of training, hours of being on call, hours of needing to read and catch up on the latest advances….
OP, do not back down. You are being used as an emotional punching bag, and that’s simply unacceptable.
No job is a valid excuse to treat you this way.
How long has your husband been a cop?
Many bad relationships probably,
maybe you should split up. they don't respect your feelings.
He is just asking you to block male friends not all of your friends, he is a guy and he knows how guys think and he might have noticed a pattern or something that isnt making him comfortable, so even trust the man you've been with for few years or lose him, youve been with him and didnt leave him for alot of reasons think of them and trust his judgement in this if he havent failed you before
No means no. You’re wavering concerningly close to the lines of assault
You say you welcome babies, but you left to live at your moms without your kids? Am I reading that right? If so, you should not bring more kids into the world that you leave behind.
Run
You are correct, but unfortunately that is life and what OP needs to navigate.
Just be honest with her. Sure, it’s scary but it’s the best for everyone involved. Broken hearts are unfortunately part of being in relationships. There’s no way around it and trying to do things to lessen the heartbreak sometimes causes even more. Rip the band aid off but be clear, thoughtful with your words and kind and move on.
On a side note, I’m of the opinion that no one is in love in 2 months. Mostly because you don’t know the person to love who they are. Now, you know her. Now you know if you love her. The beginning of relationships are just curiosity, infatuation and sexual attraction. These feelings are so intense people often mistake it for love. People are usually showing their best sides of their personality in the beginning. It takes time and shared experiences to see a persons true character. Good luck!
That's the other kitchen item I hear is a must have. I'd rather get a bigger kitchen before I bring in anymore gadgets lol
Are you using your brain? The mom was abused. The mom is a victim. The mom thinks shit like this is NORMAL. Her mom isn’t a person who should even be a mom. She was a kid who was RAPED and FORCED into being a mother when she was a child. And you expect her to have figured out how to be a mother while navigating her own literal childhood and trauma?
You must be the most perfect person alive. Or just an idiot. And we know what is more likely?
The point? He’s not asking anything about Ownership or Assets or anything like that, unless he edited it out of the post in the last 7 hours.
He just is upset that she has no money to contribute to the purchase, she has no savings, and that she willfully throws her money away on things like the newest iphone pro when she just got a new iphone the last year instead of saving the money or using it on her debts. Like she didnt even get the regular new model of iphone, she went for the extra expensive Pro version
I feel like shit.
Best of Luck to you Both.
This sounds super weird and this friend group seems super sketchy. Seems like there might be more to his story.
New sheets and bedding? Sure. A whole new bed? No way. That’s expensive af.
Your feelings are valid. I work in a teaching hospital and have seen this happen multiple times. The fact that she didn't tell Jeff that she is engaged is a red flag. I have seen too many instances of trainees with partners find someone else during training and get together. Most nursing students I know who are engaged actively talk about their partner and of wedding plans. Something is fishy here.
Do not, it’s not your place to do so. Respect Angel’s wishes. You’re already considering breaking that promise when you thought about meeting up with Angel’s sister.
Yes my mum went out and got me a perm and a bleach asap
Sounds like you're the side FWB. I wouldn't be surprised if he already had a girlfriend.
It could be anything there’s not nearly enough info to give a good answer here.
I’ve seen people bad at compliments, people who use this to be nice but don’t have interest, somewhere in between, etc
Has this girl shown any attraction toward you or were you just friends and you just dropped a photo randomly? It could’ve been odd/unwanted if you get me.
Has your wife ever heard of a crib??
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Asking to bring your wife along to a professional networking lunch is completely insane.
Have you ever met real women or we think we're all creatures from porn? Another genuine question
It's so depressing how far I had to scroll to see this answer.
I do take care of myself. And yes, we are a bit stuck right now, however, this issue has been a thing longer than the kids have.
I would like to see things from his perspective, but he gets extremely defensive about the topic (of body care/fitness) if I try to bring it up.
Is relationsionship_advice just ridiculous today? Why is it full of women who post the entire situation and need to be told what is incredibly obvious.
Exactly. Even if they didn't sleep together (but I mean, come on, of course they did), it's still fucking awful what happened. She clearly has no regard for OP's feelings whatsoever. She's certainly not girlfriend of the year, that's for sure, and is clearly not ready to be tied down anytime soon.
Shit you're right. Maybe I'll repost with a better title
I do feel bad. So does she. We're trying to take a couple days to figure out what to do next
Google it.
Here's an update for anyone still interested.
I've been seeing a lawyer since it happened and filed for family court in late November and I'm hoping it will be heard in Jan/February.
My ex filed charges against me, one of the officers that was at the original incident was there and asked if I'd tapped into DV resources yet. I told them I had and I was told my ex is filing to remove the protection order and place one against me.
I went to court in December, my ex appeared by phone trying to represent herself and asked for an extension to get documents from hospital. An extension was granted until mid January.
The only hospital documents I can think of is when I had to lay on my stomach for months on end and not move. My ex visited with my daughter and her dad. My daughter and I love each other so much. She ran excited around the bed up to me and was so excited telling me about things she is doing and showing me her new toys.
I then felt something jabbing into my left arm harder and harder while I talked to my daughter then Vanessa softly said sinister things into my ear but I was only paying attention to our daughter. I couldn't see my ex because I was facing forward but I could feel the pain increasing so I swatted it away. In doing so, my fingernail took skin off her lip like a potato cut (thin slice of skin, no blood). My ex was screaming I assaulted her but I showed the nurses the hole indent on my arm, above my elbow.
The thing is I don't feel the skin on my left arm from a spinal cord injury. I can cut myself and not feel it. However I feel under the skin, I feel muscles, tendons and bones. For my ex to inflict pain she'd have to push something in my arm extremely naked.
Anyway… my lawyer is throwing the case out in January. It was filed after the cutoff date and my ex isn't going through proper legal channels.
The worst part is not seeing my daughter, I've seen her twice in 6 months. My daughter doesn't talk to me much, when she does it's to buy her something and then tell me to stop lying about everything. I was told this morning that she doesn't want to see me because I'm not stopping the lawyers. I told her of course I'm not stopping, I am not able to see you and I'm fixing this once and for all.
It ended with my daughter angry at me and hanging up the phone. I still have all her Christmas presents here but her mum won't let her visit.
The whole thing has been draining, I can't wait for this to all be over with.
Thanks to everyone's support, I've read most comments and will finish reading them all soon. I'm getting security cameras installed in the next week.
I was away for a week and my front door lock has been tampered with. It's good I changed my locks straight away.
That's all for now, let you know when it's done if anyone wants to know.
Thanks again.
Nah, I have no interest in someone that plays petty nonsense games like this.
Threatening suicide to prevent someone ending a relationship is abusive control. It's not your responsibility to stop anyone from killing themselves by sacrificing yourself.
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If her friend’s boyfriend is 35 and progressed well in life. That means he already has a set career, savings, investments, and significantly more free time. You’re already going to school and covering all the bills on top of that. You’re girlfriend needs to touch grass and be realistic. You have your own priorities in life, if she’s just gonna stress you out because she wants what her friend has then tell get that on her own.
Asking for anyone's number while they're at work in a service position is uncool. They're obligated to be nice to you, literally that's that they get paid for. You're forcing them into an interaction outside work that they may not be interested in, simply because you have power over them (if they upset you, you might leave a bad review, complain to their manager, etc.). Men with bruised egos do all sorts of weird stuff and this woman doesn't know that kind of person you are, so may feel like she has to err on the side of keeping herself safe.
If you really feel like you've got a deep connection with someone in this situation, just give them your number. That way they can get in touch if they feel called to, and aren't pressured to give their sensitive info out to random people.
Don't – stick to your age dude. 30 year old women and older are looking to settle down (as in get married & have kids). They don't want to waste time with a 20 something year old who can be a gamble and may waste years of their life that they simply cannot afford to waste.
30-35 years old is a critical time to find someone, settle down, and have kids. Most women still don't want to have children after 35 because of risks of genetic defects and disabilities. The biological clock is ticking BADLY in this age range.
From an almost 34 year old woman with several facial piercings and dyed blue/green hair…
I get this all the time. YOURE HOW OLD? NOOOOO….
Like yes, thank you for your kindness but im 34 next month, not 24.
It doesn't help I also have a 5 year old and almost 2 year old. So they see me “looking young” and then see my “young kids”.. they think im mid 20s.
Its sweet, but then they treat me differently once they realize I've been married almost 12 years and I'm not in fact 24 and looking to date. Most don't know how to react, others become rude, most just keep asking me how old my kids are again?
Its a perception that if I have young kids I must still be young. (I really do feel like im still young, but not THAT young. Lol)
Yeah when I was 21 almost 22 I dated a 19 year old and was like this is so weird. In my defense I thought he was 20 because he was a sophomore in college. The age gaps was 2.4 years but still.
Not the projecting in the comments ?
People's past matters, sexual, behavioral, criminal past, achievements, successes, victories, psychological problems, good or bad. Redditors in the comments defend the cheater simply because she is a woman, if a man was the serial cheater, they would have said that you did the girlfriend a big favor. Cheaters gonna cheat.
Imagine not letting a woman know that her boyfriend SA to all his previous girlfriends because “it's not my business”.
Yes, honest it might be time to walk away. I mean if he's willing and you're willing you can try couples therapy, but a lot of people don't understand that when you do that, you both also should be going to individual therapy. Also at couples therapy things will come out that you never knew or thought of. But if that's not a solution then honest you might need to consider leaving.
Trying to change another person is about the dumbest thing you can do, it's not even possible.
And OP it sounds like you desire a partner who will challenge your intellectual prowess. You have made it abundantly clear that this isn't that person. You will grow resentful over the years because of this.
Right, even if it was a person named Andrea, it was still a dream.
Yikes on using ptsd flashbacks as an excuse to gather empathy and an apology
Trash took itself out. Enjoy dating someone who’s not a D.
She 100 percent should cancel the wedding and have a fun party and vacation with her friends.
His brother will always come first.
Oh HELL NO.
Honestly, I think you should just call off the wedding completely and tell him “Unfortunately, I’ve just realized I’ve been dating a married man this entire time, seeing as how you are apparently in a very committed relationship already…. WITH YOUR BROTHER!!”
I took a chance.. she gave me one more chance. We're just back to talking but no idea if we are just like in the friend-zone but I just dont know what is going on with her mind. She told me I was toxic as fuck, that I was not good for her mental health, and did not want to pursue anything with me. Either she must have really like me or just gonna use me for attention.
Don't listen to these people. They are probably alone and addicted to pornography.
6 kids isn't selfish, it's beautiful! Your kids won't suffer, you have built them a future support system. I have one kid and would love more. The reason for not having more is a story for another day…. But if things were different I'd have a bare minimum of 4.
As for your situation…. give her some time. I'm sorry this is hurting you when you had the best of intentions.
But I think it is fair to express your confusion based on the past experience you two have shared. But she probably just needs time to come to terms with it. At which point you definitely need to communicate the strife her reaction created for you. I have an inkling that maybe some of her anger is coming from not feeling included. I could understand her wanting to be part of the process, going to the consultation with you, etc… she may just be feeling left out.
He is lying, girl. He is lying
She's setting you up. Don't fall for it. Get a lawyer and force a house sale so you can move on with your life.
Whenever I found myself not wanted to talk to people so they wouldn’t think badly of my partner, it was always a pretty good sign that the relationship was abusive.
You won't, he'll have to find that put himself.
Most, if not all people, will miss their alarm every once in a while. Regardless of the circumstances. I should know because I've had some bad insomnia problems which caused me to not hear the alarm clock way more than “every once in a while.” Needless to say, it was difficult to keep a steady job.
It wasn't on purpose of course and I would feel bad every time. Every manager I had in that time were understanding but there comes a point where it's just not acceptable. Everyone has a backpack with stuff. But employers also need reliable people. They expect you to come in on certain days on a certain time, so be there.
That's the lamest excuse, why would your wife ask him to fix her phone instead of asking you? Also, ask your wife to show you the pics on her phone, if they re deleted then it's probbly she is lying and she sent them to him directly.
This doesn't sound right and he is taking the blame for both, this seems like she is cheating on you with him. Good luck tho.
find a dimly lit bar, and get a private corner. Or invite her to your house and cook her dinner.
this made me giggle
Anytime relationships end it’s naked, it’s even harder when your ex finds someone (especially before you). You often feel like you messed up and you will never find anyone again. This is normal, it passes with time eventually. Best thing to do is work on yourself and start working towards getting back out there.
Girl no. Do not put energy into people that don't appreciate and reciprocate. Boy bye
r/amitheasshole would be better for this.
A trust is a good idea and could have the added bonus of tax benefits. Good luck working it all out!
Well you can say its a open relationship. I just hope its true.
Yeah, sounds like you're not compatible. Having good chemistry and getting along doesn't make you compatible. You have different goals, different dreams, it would never work out. She shouldn't have to sacrifice something that means so much to her, and neither should you. Stuff like this can't be decided in a compromise, and it'll only lead to resentment if either of you cave.
IMO you came on way too strong. Yes he only wanted sex and used you for that but everything else you did is a red flag and I would be extremely uncomfortable if a guy did half the stuff you did. It seems like he wanted sex and to just hang out and you were kind of putting GF vibes out with all the PDA.
Lawyer. Cease and Desist. Now.
She keeps digging like you’re hiding something because well YOU ARE! The key to any successful relationship is communication and you aren’t communicating. You’re holding back. If you’re into feet and hers aren’t up to par and you’re not willing to tell her, the kink stays in your closet until you are man enough to accept the road you’ve chosen. What are her fetishes and kinks? Maybe you both are keeping secrets from one another.
Your husband raped your sister.
Retarded? Ragamuffin? Rasputin?
Listen bud , anything that gets you through the day. In Wales they watch sheep…we are trying not to judge …
Lol dude. Asking men if they want to go on a “date” is literally her job.
So there’s a chance that I did even worse things that I just don’t remember… that makes me feel even worse lol I never acted on things and I understand your second point, I just feel like a bad person.
Screw you
She probably had to make the most of every cent she had for the past 50 years and gets mad when she sees you failing to follow her lead. Ask her about her past in terms of home finance.
Would it be better to have children with a woman who then convinces your son he's a girl? Or advocates for your 15 year old daughter to have her breasts removed, before she can even permanently tattoo her body?
(I'm not at all saying all trans people were brainwashed from a parent but scroll through TikTok and you'll see what I mean.)
But yeah, conservatives are the crazy ones. ?
Use an AirTag, they’re very small and easy to hide.
Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk.
He is jealous and insecure but I have never cheated or flirted with anyone and he of all people know how much I dispise my ex. And again I don't even know what video he's talking about. Cause I didn't find not one video. And I told him okay delete it he said he would not do that cause ita not his business.
It could be perimenopause, some women start experiencing that in their 30s, and loss of vaginal elasticity is a possible symptom.
Either way, I agree with above, a gynae check up should be in order.
Thanks for the insight, can I ask why you think he would end up betraying me? he tells me I am the love of his life and that he wants to marry me etc and he seems sincere when he says it.
Vasectomies are easier to get, sometimes reversible, and happens in less than an hour. Hysterestomies are very naked to get, non-reversible, and happens under general anesthesia and requires long term hospitalization.
Man your marriage built on lie! Cut that attachment off now no matter how painful it is, cause the wife and life you know never existed. Don’t sweep this shit under rug and let her get away it, you just gonna enable her to do more in the future. Her telling you was to lift the guilt of her not the remorse, real remorse would have been telling you before you guys got married, instead she stripped you of that choice of ever deciding to have forgiven her and build a new relationship in a new marriage, she took all the options from you. Try and reconcile but you know deep in your heart the trust won’t be the same ever; also you will never look at her the same again. Get your finances in order and lawyer up is what I say. Find you one that is trustworthy faithful and move forward. Good luck ! Hope you sort yourself out!✌?
There is a huge difference in power balance and experience her. Also, as a 43 year old, how do you emotional connect with someone so young?
I fear that no matter how careful you are, this imbalance in the relationship might prove problematic more for her than you.
My previous sexual partners even causal were eager to do these two things
You need to stop comparing your bf to previous partners.
Some people don't like oral sex, you need to figure out if it's a dealbreaker to you.
Some people (men AND women) don't like period sex, some aren't comfortable about the blood. Again, if your views are too different, reconsider if you're compatible.
Next time she asks if you’re going to get something for it, tell her, “Yeah, a new girlfriend.”
This is what you call sweet, ready for commitment and basically overall husband material? Damn, all my life I did something wrong… /s
Her “perfect picture” was destroyed. She doesn’t want the blended family/ex/step kid drama. Take her up on lawyer offer before she changes her mind. They will require a retainer which she can pay up front and can’t rescind. Regardless of how things turn out you’ll need the lawyer.
*ex boyfriend
There I fixed that for you
Your boyfriend making sexual jokes about other women to your face should be a reason to go bye-bye 🙂
To be fair it doesn't look like she would mind if you ended it
Don’t be a bit on the side to an older man looking for work time fun. You will never, ever take priority. You deserve better than that, no one deserves to be used.
Girl you don’t go five years without these basic conversations. Take this as a lesson. You should be talking about marriage, kids, life goals, values, etc. this is shit I talk about with friends. The fact that you just thought he wanted to be married and said nothing is shortsighted
Didn’t ask for anyone’s input about my boyfriend. And he’s too old for me according to you, which doesn’t really mean anything to hold any weight.
“I insisted she …” yeah if she were here I’d tell her to call off the wedding.
It is unfair for you to pay for your father and not hers. You’re correct in that it is you’re money and you can spend it how you please, but it’s still unfair. Your father couldn’t be bothered to show up for key moments of your life and you’re bending over backwards for him. This right here is a red flag that there issues that need addressing.
She is right. It is weird that you think your father won’t show up if you don’t buy him a hotel room. Her partners are showing up to support you BOTH without a bribe or special treatment.
Queen, you shouldn’t have to be with someone who you know won’t even try to listen to and understand you! And for your own sanity, just know that you’re being totally reasonable. He ignored your calls to talk to a woman and then admitted that he’d be upset if you did the same. How is that fair at all? And if if travels a ton, how are you supposed to even trust him 🙁
Some guys are FWB material, some guys are boyfriend material.
This guy is FWB material. Enjoy his skill, but don’t invest or get tied to him.
You are with someone who doesn't value you. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to meet his expectations. He should be happy that you are trying to learn the language, and cook some of his favorite meals. You can't become something you aren't. I don't think anything you do will ever be good enough for him.
You are with someone who doesn't even have a job, and has the nerve to tell you that no one cares about the stress you're under? He is causing a lot of the stress. He is holding his approval out of reach, forcing you to chase after it like it was something you need in order to live.
Dump this guy, he is abusing you. Find someone who loves you as you are and doesn't expect you to meet his unrealistic expectations. You could also stay single and work on your self-esteem. A confident, self-assured woman wouldn't put up with the disrespect this man is showing you.
You have value as you are now. I doubt you will ever meet his expectations and will continue to strive for his approval which is unattainable, and will remain just out of reach.
If you have a younger relative you love, think of what you would tell them if they were being treated this way.
Exactly, do you really want to waste gas and time to drop off two articles of clothing and a cell phone charger? Throw that shit away and keep it moving
Wow. Might be old tho
Reading only the title you are asking if you should judge your partner based off his mom's actions.
He's inappropriate. You need to tell him to drop talk about your body or clothing because it makes him sound like he's trying to get with his STEP DAUGHTER
don't text him, that gives him your number so just talk to him next time and say you're a flattered but not interested.
As weird and ironic as it sounds, that's exactly the advice people usually recommend that the guy should give his number to the lady that he's interested in, doing it this way so that she doesn't feel pressured to answer him right away
So he took his shot and you're not interested.
Why does it matter if she was? Why does OP need to “know” it? How is it directly relevant to her supporting her bf with his trauma and porn addiction?
Apologies without a foundational change are lip service. Your self esteem will never improve with him, he is happy to abuse you. He apologized because he wants to make you question leaving.
The fact that she didn't even come forward with this is a critical piece for me. Unless I'm misreading, it's not clear she ever planned to stop this until you saw.
First of all women have a higher marriage rate than men in across the board. Secondly, women are getting married later in life and often electing to remain single permanently and a large percentage of the reason is mentally abusive guys like yours. The days when women have to worry about finding a husband. Single life is way to good to give up for just any prick.
WTAF is going on with your misogynistic boyfriend? You are both exactly the same age. He's just trying to tear you down in order to control you. If you really were too old, he'd dump you. Notice how he's not doing that.
Time is not running out but life's to short to deal with this kind of BS out of the man who's supposed to love you. Everything you just said makes me think you are dealing with a narcissist who hit the devaluing stage. Trust me when I say the disrespect will never stop with this man. This is some seriously stupid crap coming out of his mouth.
Seriously, a sperm bank is a better option than putting up with this kind of mental abuse. Run away, fix your picker and throw a wider net when you start looking for a new boyfriend.
So sorry you had that awful experience. What you need is somebody who is themselves mature, mature enough not to blame the victim of a crime for being a victim of a crime.
You cannot afford at this point – well at any point in your life – to have a partner who is not supportive, caring and who would help you at a time like this. Get rid of the guy and you will instantly start feeling more confident and better.
She assured you she didn’t spend time with guys proactively or because you asked?
So the one thing I might be conscious about it people can change their own nickname on discord. It could be the person has done it themselves and everyone sees them like that.
But it’s also possible that he did it as well, since you can set specific nicknames that act like they do in texts. You can probably check her profile on discord and see if he’s assigned a custom name, or if it’s a name she uses normally / on a server both of them are in!
Either way, having a conversation with your boyfriend to find out more, and setting some boundaries in an adult conversation could be useful for the both of you, and I hope you figure it out!
Five years with someone is a very long time to be told that. If your partner has survived that long with you without being told that, and you automatically wanted to be reciprocated with the same answer then it sounds like you were meant for each other in certain ways. Having said that, saying I love you just to have it told back to you is extremely selfish. Say I love you without ever needing to hear it back. If it’s what you feel then share it without hesitation or needing to feel validation.
Why do you continue to date him?