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Kids are one area where compromise isn't possible. One (or both) of you will end up regretting the decision. If you want kids and he doesn't, be kind and end it so you can each find the right one. Love is not enough.
“Can’t we all just get along?” With the person who deeply hurt your spouse by sleeping with her previous partners while she was with them? No.
Personally, I don’t think you should involve family. Instead, an unbiased third party, like a couples therapist.
This.
It kind of sounds like she’s threatening to kill your dog if you don’t get rid of him. Winter in Minnesota? And she was willing to ditch the other animal without a tear. What happens if the baby cries too much?
Yup. Classic narcissist. The gaslighting “I didn't say that”, also classic narcissist. I fear for the kids but OP needs to leave. I bet the kids' mom already knows what a POS he is. Hopefully she'll protect the kids and be there for them because his AH tendencies are going to be focused on them.
I'm gonna say it louder: you don't have a responsibility to have sex with anyone at any time for any reason. Ever. You can ALWAYS say no. Whether you have 4 kids or 0 kids, whether you have MS or run marathons every week. Most of your comment is utterly irrelevant.
I have a perfectly happy marriage that has survived through some shit. We also understand that neither of us are under any obligation to have sex at any time. We can always say no. And that is the way it should be, and the only way it should be, morally speaking.
I'm very sorry that your wife has MS. That still does not obligate you to have sex with someone.
You're not bad at sex – he's just bad at being a decent human being. Dump the loser.
Gender roles especially in the household unfortunately exist.
Well, first bit of advice is always meet a person in a neutral setting first, not inviting them back to your house for a first actual date! A bar or a coffee shop, or dessert place, if you want to keep it casual and not go through the whole dinner date thing. (I mean, as a woman I would *never* invite a guy I never met to my house without meeting them in a public place first. I get you may have been looking for a hook-up not a “dating” situation, but still. This is a good idea both for safety and to avoid being disappointed at a deceptive app profile.)
I get that feeling of ickiness completely, though. I found out very quickly in my 20s that I just wasn't meant for quick and casual hookups after a similar experience (not really connecting with someone after a first encounter but going along with having sex with them.) I just didn't let myself be in a similar situation again – not going back to anyone's house or inviting them in unless I was 100% sure I was ok if the night progressed to sex, and also realizing that online communication was not always a good indication of how well I'd connect with someone face-to-face.
I've been divorced.
While I never hid it, I was always nervous about telling a girl I was interested in bc she may not want to be with me bc of it. He shouldn't have lied to you. I'm just throwing out there why he may have withheld it from you.
As far as the sickness part. I can 100% see why that would be a concern.
Personally, I would do nothing until I spoke to him.
1), that didn’t happen. But 2,) they’re in canada. There’s snow everywhere. Aint nobody having sex with the windows open ?
She may be wanting to explore more of her bisexuality and it was a safe way to bring it up. It's really up to you on what your boundaries are and what you're comfortable with. My wife is bisexual and she has a standing hall pass to be one on one with other women. Sometimes that works out for me since I get to join in. We are also in an open marriage though where we play with other singles, couples and groups. It's not for everyone and requires a strong base of trust and communication.
I think a serious conversation is in order. Don't make her feel bad about what she wants but also stay true to your boundaries.
well I already said that english is not my main language and I thought hooking up means going on dates and getting to know each other (no sex involve)
This. OP, she's told you to your face that she doesn't care about you, but about what you can provide for her. That is, money and support. It's up to you whether or not you want to be her provider, but don't fool yourself into thinking that she'll stop sleeping with Brandon and won't jump into a relationship with him again if he asks her to.
See, I maintain people can change by paying their dues (be that money, community service or prison time) and through genuine remorse and change.
One of the nicest people I met has a horrific past (drug dealing, DUI, murder). He served his prison time, got out and has kept clean even through his wife and son dying from covid when weaker people would've relapsed. He will give you the shirt off his back and the last of his food if you needed it.
All I'm saying is people can change and since OP is not privy to the conversation that his friend and her bf had, he actually doesn't know anything to warrant cutting off his friend.
I've said it before, but it bears repeating: comments on this sub recommend breaking up because people in healthy, well-adjusted relationships do not (feel the need to) ask strangers on the Almighty's internet for advice, and being alone is better than a bad relationship.
TL;DR: The sunk cost fallacy is real. Let's not encourage people to believe it.
Sounds like he wants to be busted down to just friends, but I wouldn’t even want to be friends with a jackass that enjoys pushing others’ buttons.
Holy $hit! I’ve work in the corporate world my entire career, and they are just now offering 12 weeks maternity leave. Before it was 6 weeks for vag. birth or 8 for c-section at 80% pay if you were a full time employee
She's doing yoga and we've changed our entire diet at her request to lose weight it's been working 🙂 I think it's a matter of time and therapy
he was joking about the first question about wanting to fuck another girl.
no he wasn't joking. In fact almost all 18 year old boys want to fuck other women…Not sure what advice to give you though. Next time asks go with “I don't know, would you be upset if I fucked a couple other guys?”. That should shut him the f up. Particularly since it is infinitely easier for a woman to get laid than a guy, so the threat is way more a reality than his version. Then for the 'friends' part go with “be friends with a guy who cheats on me and treats me like shit? hell no. I would treat you like the enemy you are if you did that and piss on your grave”. that should show him your feelings on the matter..
You go to meet him too
I wonder if there are any medications he can take for this… but then I have to ask him to pay for a new rx every month.
The blunt answer is no. I'm extremely allergic to cats (dander, presumably). I can tell when I'm close to someone who owns cats, because my eyes start to itch. Post-pandemic work-from-home has been a huge blessing, let me tell you.
I've tried benadryl, Claritin, Allegra, other allergy medications. The medications work, in that it prevents me from going into a full asthma attack within minutes of entering a home with cats. So if I need to spend a couple of hours at a family member's house, I can “dose up” and get through it without extreme discomfort.
But 24/7? There's no way. The irritation is constant, even when medicated.
The only practical way I could online in the same house with a cat would be to have an isolated room in the house on separate ventilation, with an absolutely strict no cat policy in that area. Then I could medicate and venture (briefly) into the rest of the house.
Sorry, that's probably not an answer you wanted. But it might give you some idea what you're up against.
He'd have to get her to actually agree to sex enough times to do said experimentation. If it took 10 attempts doing it every quarter, that's 2.5 years of suffering.