You absolutely do not have to service a person just because you're dating.
Please don't ever sexually service a person for the sole purpose of keeping him with you. If you have to do that, they're not a good choice of a partner.
Two months of dating isn't actually that long and you aren't required to have sex just because you've been seeing each other for a matter of 8 weeks or so.
You are not ever obliged to have sex when you do not want to have sex.
He's responsible for his own balls and can take care of himself if he's actually hurting.
If you've recently left a high demand religion, you need time to recalibrate, educate yourself, and determine your own sexual ethic. Take that time. If you don't you may end up in some really traumatic situations.
What you need to do now is communicate with him. Communication is a foundational requirement for a healthy relationship. Especially with regard to a healthy sexual relationship. So tell him you're hesitant and that you're afraid your hesitation will make him upset. Thank him for being respectful of your boundaries and not being pushy. Talk about how your relationship might progress towards including sex and what you need in order to feel ready.
This is exactly it. It's so damaging knowing you'd give your partner time, answers, support, validation, reassurance, etc.. Then they go off and get it behind your back and in a way that usually makes the original problem worse.
“They said I didn't do anything wrong.”
Yeah, with half a story.
“He thinks you're being unreasonable.”
Because he isn't respectful to his partner.
“I just wasn't sure.”
So you asked someone with no clue instead of me who has answers?
I am so sorry for you Sis. I was in a similar situation with an ex. My self-esteem was shit and i tried so nude to make them love and appreciate me but nothing i did was ever enough. My best friend had to basically yell at me to open my eyes to get up the courage to leave. Guess what, once i got rid of the asshole trampling on my self-esteem my mental health recovered and i no longer feel the need to change my body to please someone who does nothing but hurt me.
There is nothing wrong with your body. There is everything wrong with your BF.
Do you really think the car thing would have been such a big deal if he wasn't taking his family to Disney without even having asked his daughter if she wanted to go???
I don't think this was necessarily about the car but the car happening on top of not being asked on a family trip… yeah, her dad prioritized his new family before her car even broke down. She has a point.
I was kind of understating when I said I'm not very experienced, I actually have barely any experience at all and that was my first time actually going that far with someone. I've dated people and done some stuff but just not that. I feel really stupid that it was such a bad experience. I know losing your virginity doesn't have to be a big deal but it still sucks that that was technically my first time. I still feel quite bad and ashamed about it. I do realise it's not supposed to hurt that much and I should have tried to stop him when he didn't slow down.
I can count on my hand the number of times my ex called me my real name. Babe, love, honey etc. “love of my life” when he wanted something lol. But…..a bird call? And the strangest thing is that OP answers. Like he knows that he can disrespect her because she won’t do anything about it.
Your husband is emotionally abusive but since you have kids you should at least try some marriage counseling before you consider separating. You're not clear on whether he reciprocates with oral sex. But either way, this level of petulance and threatening the family over his obsession with hummers isn't befitting someone who's already created children. Get a handle on this before it explodes in both your faces (pun intended).
That’s what I’m saying! And it’s even worse on r/sex ? I’m glad I could help
No need to feel guilty.
You absolutely do not have to service a person just because you're dating.
Please don't ever sexually service a person for the sole purpose of keeping him with you. If you have to do that, they're not a good choice of a partner.
Two months of dating isn't actually that long and you aren't required to have sex just because you've been seeing each other for a matter of 8 weeks or so.
You are not ever obliged to have sex when you do not want to have sex.
He's responsible for his own balls and can take care of himself if he's actually hurting.
If you've recently left a high demand religion, you need time to recalibrate, educate yourself, and determine your own sexual ethic. Take that time. If you don't you may end up in some really traumatic situations.
What you need to do now is communicate with him. Communication is a foundational requirement for a healthy relationship. Especially with regard to a healthy sexual relationship. So tell him you're hesitant and that you're afraid your hesitation will make him upset. Thank him for being respectful of your boundaries and not being pushy. Talk about how your relationship might progress towards including sex and what you need in order to feel ready.
This is exactly it. It's so damaging knowing you'd give your partner time, answers, support, validation, reassurance, etc.. Then they go off and get it behind your back and in a way that usually makes the original problem worse.
“They said I didn't do anything wrong.”
Yeah, with half a story.
“He thinks you're being unreasonable.”
Because he isn't respectful to his partner.
“I just wasn't sure.”
So you asked someone with no clue instead of me who has answers?
It is the WORST.
This is extremely helpful, thank you!!
I am so sorry for you Sis. I was in a similar situation with an ex. My self-esteem was shit and i tried so nude to make them love and appreciate me but nothing i did was ever enough. My best friend had to basically yell at me to open my eyes to get up the courage to leave. Guess what, once i got rid of the asshole trampling on my self-esteem my mental health recovered and i no longer feel the need to change my body to please someone who does nothing but hurt me.
There is nothing wrong with your body. There is everything wrong with your BF.
Do you really think the car thing would have been such a big deal if he wasn't taking his family to Disney without even having asked his daughter if she wanted to go???
I don't think this was necessarily about the car but the car happening on top of not being asked on a family trip… yeah, her dad prioritized his new family before her car even broke down. She has a point.
I was kind of understating when I said I'm not very experienced, I actually have barely any experience at all and that was my first time actually going that far with someone. I've dated people and done some stuff but just not that. I feel really stupid that it was such a bad experience. I know losing your virginity doesn't have to be a big deal but it still sucks that that was technically my first time. I still feel quite bad and ashamed about it. I do realise it's not supposed to hurt that much and I should have tried to stop him when he didn't slow down.
Second this. I think it’s something that will just breed resentment over time.
I can count on my hand the number of times my ex called me my real name. Babe, love, honey etc. “love of my life” when he wanted something lol. But…..a bird call? And the strangest thing is that OP answers. Like he knows that he can disrespect her because she won’t do anything about it.
At this point just end the relationship.
Many good responses here. Next time it comes up, stand your ground, but add on “how about YOU?” If you turn the tables, he may get the hint.
Your post made me nauseous. I think that says it all.
Your husband is emotionally abusive but since you have kids you should at least try some marriage counseling before you consider separating. You're not clear on whether he reciprocates with oral sex. But either way, this level of petulance and threatening the family over his obsession with hummers isn't befitting someone who's already created children. Get a handle on this before it explodes in both your faces (pun intended).