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He’s a pot head with a GF he can get to pay his way and has low expectations so he doesn’t need to put much effort in. Life is good for him!
Im not sure why you’ve accepted this for a month—forget 3 years!
I can appreciate that not everyone wants to be out and about all the time. I think it’s great that you have your own friends, hobbies, and interests. But when there’s literally no overlap at all, that doesn’t sound fun.
You could certainly think about couples counseling but it sounds like you’re being financially abused and there’s not much going right here otherwise.
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only over text and he wasn’t gonna meet up with them
lol
You caught him cheating. Only one thing for you to do. Divorce him.
Interesting that you're married at 21 to a 31 year old… I assume you've been together years. Maybe you're growing out of the children he's interested in?
I fail to see how trying to change your partner's fashion sense without addressing it with them wouldn't be manipulative…
They aren't trying to get them to change into an old outfit: they're trying to get them out of a new one.
If my partner did this in an attempt to get me to stop wearing new clothes it'd fail for one big reason: I'm going to still default to wearing what I like. This strat might work on date night, but it isn't going to be a solution that works consistently. Eventually, OP is going to have to own up to disliking the new fashion choice, better to do it early.
I know that from real-life. Plenty of people I met in my life omit facts about their relationships to gain sympathy. Why should it be that different on-line? If you are extremely self reflected I would assume you dont need on-line advice.
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This. If she had good parents they would be looking at ways to get her independent and earning more, not punishing her for being dependent on them. How is she going to get enough money to move out/get a car if most of her income goes to her parents?
Personally OP I wouldn't see him again. This is very bizarre behaviour, and very much makes it seem like he does not trust you not to try and impregnate yourself with leftover sperm. At most sperm can on-line for 15-30 minutes outside of the body, and even then the lubricants on condoms will slow a sperm's swimming ability, usually meaning the sperm is long dead before (or if it even) reaches the cervix (source: had many long years and talks with fertility doctors while trying for a baby with my husband). A lot of condoms also contain spermacide anyway, with the exception of some certain brands (always research your brand thoroughly before use, and pick the best protection for you). The actual likelihood of you being able to get pregnant from leftover sperm in a condom is less than exceptionally low, so this behaviour is just odd. It seems paranoid and I personally wouldn't want to be sleeping with someone who can't trust me. That for me would ruin the vibe and give me the ick. It also isn't a great indicator for being safe in his presence, as he clearly is on edge thinking you're wanting his sperm.
However, if you do choose to continue a sexual relationship with this person, it might benefit him to be educated on how almost impossible it is for the “stealing sperm from a condom” method to actually work. Of course someone will always know someone who they say it worked for, but with the science behind it I would feel safe in saying that those people are very few and far between, or straight up lying for whatever reason. I would also suggest buying condoms with included spermacide, so he is reassured knowing the condom will be equipped to kill any sperm.
ok thank you, I'll go for it
He showed his true colors. In the future it will be a slap or a push.
Two options in my mind. Divorce now or go to counseling to work it out probably first alone to get your thoughts and feelings straight. Then couple if you want to. This could still end in divorce but I'm assuming you want to think through it instead of reacting rashly.
Ultimately it's up to you as it's your life and relationship. Just know divorce is usually permanent and fairly tales don't really happen. But your going to be the one in the relationship not me.
God what are these comments today!? Why the hell are people making excuses for a cheater.
you can download a pitch monitor app on your phone. I use it for checking my voice all the time, it's super handy
Um, as friends the other person would know their best friend already has the tattoo and ask like 'would it be okay if i took the same as you” how is that not a copy cat thing? Lotus is NOT same as like rose and especially if it looks the same there is like no reason to get the same one
Look, at the end of the day, even if you care about someone, you can't compromise your own mental and emotional health for theirs. Like the old adage “you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can save anyone else”, when it comes to relationships you cannot be in a healthy one if you prioritize them over yourself 24/7.
There is no good or right time to break up with someone, and he needs to handle his own mental health. It is not your responsibility, or your fault if he resorts to self harming because you break things off. You aren't bullying him, you aren't being cruel, you are simply making the best decision for yourself. And hopefully, he will start making the best decisions for himself once he is past the grieving stage. You aren't his therapist, and the kindest decision you can make for yourself and him is to not continue putting either of you through a relationship that isn't working.
Best of luck to you.
Not only do you need security at the door, you need someone to be minding him the entire duration of the event in case he decides to do something else instead of wearing the clown outfit. This should be 100% non-negotiable for getting married and remaining married to this woman in the event he pulls any nonsense after the “I dos” have been said and papers have been signed.
nor are you. i think drugs and trying to end his life are big red flags screaming “i’m a danger to this child.”
some times you can love someone and know you can't be around them and be happy.
I feel for you and your dad, in fact your whole family is suffering due to your moms actions.
You don’t deserve him
Stole his masculinity there is the problem
I think this is a really tough issue for you and I sympathize.
I think there were a couple mistakes made along the way here that led to this point. First, you decided to get back with her after her infidelity. It absolutely must be difficult for her due to abuse she suffered as a child, but it is not your fault or your responsibility to be the person to deal with the repercussions while she learns to move forward from her abuse. You’ve made some very selfless decisions that you did not need to make at a fairly young age. I think that’s admirable in ways, but sometimes you should be a little selfish. With that said, you obviously are not able to go back and change your previous decisions and neither is she.
I think at this point you need to think about yourself and only yourself. Your girlfriend’s struggles are not your responsibility. Your only responsibility to her is that of a human being, which is to treat her with basic kindness and respect. You don’t need to stay with her to be kind or respectful to her as a human being.
You mentioned that you’ve been trying to look at the situation from an unbiased viewpoint. Why? This is your situation, your life, and your future. The only person who can properly judge your relationship is you. You can be biased with your own life. You know how good she makes you feel, you know how bad she makes you feel. I think your worry about being biased speaks to just how much you need to really step back from her and think about what you want, unrelated to her, or anyone else’s feelings.
I suggest evaluating your relationship in a couple different ways. Firstly, can you see yourself growing old and living the rest of your days with this person? Can you see yourself being happy? Or perhaps, apathetic? Or even disappointed? If it’s apathy, disappointment, or any negative emotion, I think this should be your first big sign to move on from her.
Next, try writing down a pros/cons list. It sounds stupid at first, but I know quite a few people who this has been useful for. Write down everything that you like about being with her and everything you dislike. I’d obviously add the constant questioning/insecurity you have every couple of months onto the cons, as well as the lack of sparkle. Make sure to add anything else of note, even if it’s like “her friends treat me horribly”, “she gives me company”, or “I’m attached to her”. Then write down a pros/cons list of separating from her. If you don’t know how she’ll react if you were to break up—like if you’d continue to be friends or not—then make two scenarios. One where she’s still your friend but you’ve broken up and one where she isn’t your friend anymore. This is less to make you pick whichever option has the least cons or most pros, and more so to help you easily evaluate everything and have it sit out in front of you.
Lastly, think about how much time you’ve already spent in this relationship. Don’t get stuck on the sunk cost fallacy, instead get stuck on: “If I’m not fully content in this relationship, then do I want to waste more of my life on entertaining a relationship with a woman a don’t truly want to be with?” Essentially, you’ve already spent 11 years with this woman (except for the period of time when you were broken up). As you’ll eventually get into your 40s and 50s, it can get a little bit more difficult to date someone who doesn’t already have baggage or children (which you said you didn’t want). Do you really want to spend the rest of your 20s and 30s being with her just to realize you truly don’t want to spend forever with her?
And even thinking with her in mind: do you really want to drag her along for longer before you inevitably break up with her? I think this us even more important considering she said she wanted kids. Although women can have them all the way up to menopause, it becomes increasingly more difficult and riskier with age. She deserves to be let go now so she can find someone who matches with her. Wanting/not wanting kids is a massive incompatibility and it’s absolutely possible she’ll end up regretful and spiteful if you do stay together and she’s unable to ever have children.
If you truly feel that you want to spend forever with her, you find her qualities amazing, you can’t imagine yourself ever truly wanting to break up with her, and you’re willing to have children with her, then go for it. Keep pushing through, keep working on therapy, and keep working on the relationship. But if you don’t feel confident on it, I think it really is time to let go. There comes a point in relationships where you can’t just work on problems endlessly and the problem is just an incompatibility. I think her history (even if it was due to abuse and even if she’s regretful) of infidelity, her desire for children, and your frequent questioning are all massive incompatibilities you need to stop overlooking.
I wish you luck, seriously. It can feel tough to get out of relationships like that, especially considering you both have been together for the majority of your adulthood. Relationships don’t need to be that way. You deserve better.
Yep. Crass and impatient.
End it. He’s been lying to you and cheated on you, and you’ve only been together four months. Don’t waste more time or energy on him.
You're not asking a question. You just made a couple of statements.
Perhaps his sexual performance left him too embarrassed, or ashamed, to face you again? Just one possibility among many.
I wonder if police would intervene but wouldnt put it past him to do it again. Did u get the cat without talking to him about it first?
When reality catches up with her an she crawls back to you dont take her back never Remember she left her family for a criminal
Really? Having a friends conflicting wedding doesn’t seem that crazy. I’m at the age where people are getting married left and right.
I mean, talk some sense into me here. Am I wrong?
as a bi 23f , i think ur gf has fomo. from there she has to decide if losing you is worth the risk of a kiss.
Back off he’s my fake boyfriend
This is the only answer! I didn't even read any of the post (thanks adhd) just saw the age gap…
I feel like I can’t breathe