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Thank you
he thinks its a compliment ?
Take baby steps and take it slow. Add the apps if it’s what you want and just scroll for awhile and not do anything with someone unless it’s something you want.
Absolutely! Especially on not knowing how to change even though I wanted to. There are some things I didn’t even recognize that I needed to change until I got with my current partner. Now you are not obligated to change for anyone, but if you truly love someone you will find it in yourself to want to change. Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws, but if you want to be unconditional to someone you recognize those flaws,not hope the other person will forget about them.
Don't tell her 'not to go.'
Tell her you are uncomfortable with it and think it is inappropriate.
She should come to the conclusion 'not to go' on her own.
The GF responsibility lie here in how her medication and alcohol mix together and she has to take responsibility for that if you guys have a chance. If her medication is not working with alcohol she cant drink.
It is possible to recover from infidelity but it is rare because it requires amounts of maturity that people who cheat often dont have, because mature people often dont cheat.
However, you hade to decide for yourself. What could make you trust her again, how long would it take? Are you prepared and is she prepared to face all The doubt that will arise over and over again? If she says she is honest, would you believe her? If you want to try and make this work you have to be honest with yourself exactly what you need to heal and repair the broken trust.
And.
She has to fully understand what it means to take responsibility for healing and repairing her trust with you. She has to be commited to for ever changing her behaviour and show what steps she is taking in changing and how commited she truly is to accept her mistake, If that was what it is, and learn from it.
Recovery from infidelity is much harder than never having cheated at all and whatever issues you had before will seem like a walk in the park compared to this.
As someone who had a necessary hysterectomy back in May, my bed was not very good. It was harder for me to get in & out of my regular bed especially when I had my catheter for about 2 of the 4 months of recovery in general so I slept out in the living room. It was closer to the bathroom & to the kitchen so I could get something if I really needed to & no one else was around.
It depends on each person, their surgery, recovery, etc.
phone a domestic abuse helpline for advice about how to leave safely
I had a bf when i was your age who was much like this and at the age of 51 a CT scan showed the broken rib he gave me … still broken
You should get a job where you can contribute your logical skills to society, preferebly one that betters the environment and disenfranchised people. You can also seek a professional opinion on autism or NPD, and then they can help you understand how to be more emotional and less controlling. But no your intellect and passion for conversation shouldn't be oppressed, but it just should opress your emotional field, you get me?
Is it really toxic from their perspective / experiences if the friends have been cheated on in the past?
Thanks for asking for clarification. Well I am wondering if I should seek out someone who will help me grow where I can be my best self rather than being content with where I am at. I do wonder whether she should be some part a contribution to things like losing weight and developing emotional intelligence. I don't hope for her to do the same things I do but at least be someone that I should be better for (i.e. I am more physically fit because she is beautiful and I want to match her beauty in my own way). Let me know if you need further details. Thanks!
The bonus is even more than that. Kids these day have it golden! I always regret leaving when I see the bonus bumps but I value my mental health too much to do that again.
People who go out clubbing, have a ONS, immediately go home and fess up are still cheaters.
I can think of a few instances where people might cheat and not lie about it.
He cannot be trusted, he ruined himself and might even face prison time (depending how deep this all is)
The worst part about all that is that this could easily have been avoided. The IRS bends over backwards to make it easy for people to repay their debt. What happened here is literally the last step of “We've tried everything else, time to go nuclear.” I mean, The guy hadn't paid taxes since 2008. He got a letter about it asking for money in 2016, and they still waited until 2023 to take any action. I know people love to hate the “tax man”, but the IRS is super keen to work with people on repaying tax debt in a way that works for them. As long as you call or go to a tax center and say “I owe but I can't afford to pay it what can I do?” they will halt any pending legal actions and figure out a payment plan.
The only time they won't help is if there is an actual criminal investigation underway, but those only happen for actual criminal things; tax evasion, tax fraud, identity theft, etc. Simple non-payment by an average joe contractor is not going to get criminal investigation attention, meaning he could have stopped this at any time if he hadn't ignored all the letters they'd sent him over the years.
sounds like two catty women that grew out of friendship
Clearly in his mind.
He is mentally shopping around and “boys talk” is code for “bros help bros cheat”
Because I'm not discussing power dynamics in relationships, I'm discussing ability to converse and connect. My point is that even when there is a cultural, age, or maturity divide, there is still common ground and ability to connect and share empathy. What you are saying is akin to a conversation about which motorbike is faster and then telling me I'm wrong because cars are faster.
Lol we'll see about that. I prefer to liken Jalen's artistry to a museum exhibit in itself! Good luck today, btw. Smash 'Da Boyz' for us.
His porn and your sex issues are two separate things. Sure, there may be some cause and effect chain between them but that's kind of irrelevant. You're not a detective and you don't have to investigate the reason for him treating you badly, you just need to tell him what you don't want him to do and he should fall in line. Recording your intercourse without asking is a huge violation, which he may or may not realize.
You could argue that he lied to you by saying he only looks at porn videos and pics, and sure that's true, but it's also kind of understandable to hide that kind of things since a lot of people, especially women, are still prejudiced towards erotic games. And you're kind of perpetuating this stereotype here as well, by suggesting that him pushing your boundaries has something to do with animated porn games. No it doesn't. Enjoying that kind of content doesn't automatically mean you're gonna force people to do things they don't want to do.
This man has wasted 15 years of your life, if you don't gain the bravery to leave now, he will waste another 15. Things will only get worse if you marry him and have kids, staying after all the evidence is making a conscious choice to live! a miserable life. Even worse, you would be choosing to expose potential children to this miserable man and life, because of what? Love? You don't love yourself enough to choose better so you choose this??
Ok then you two get into couples counselling to deal with them.
Justetting go is a sign of a beta that will get used again
Your husband sounds like an immature nightmare. How is your communication? Do you know how he views his role as a father and how he sees his position in the family? Honestly though, he just doesn’t sound like a man you want to be with. How would things work out if you left? Could you get support from your mum?
don't believe him. others showed you who he really is, and they had to because he was purposefully hiding it from you. there's no friendship here.
BACKGROUND:
We met on vacation last year in august and she idealized me on the first day. She said I was beautiful, that she fell in love on first sight, wanted to buy tickets to see me in December. I felt a spark and her talking about love wooed me—I had never gotten such affection before, and I was already feeling like crap because of getting ghosted so it really filled an empty whole within me. She ended up being really clingy at first and getting mad at me if I didn’t respond promptly (she would double text emojis within 1 hr), complained about her physical health, told me she’s toxic and that she was in a toxic relationship, joked about marriage (don’t think it was jokes).
Anyways, I got devalued overtime. She would accuse me (jokingly) of being with other girls, told me she didn’t trust me because of a barrier in her heart to protect herself, and gaslighted me a couple times. Biggest argument in October resulted in her flat out changing permanently with me, telling me that she won’t be the same with me ever, stopped being affectionate (intentionally, at least she flat out told me), and told me I wasn’t her priority anymore, yet I stayed like a dog because I lacked self-respect. I had to apologize for silent treatment that she gave me (1 week), after I called her out for criticizing me (she told me not to text her if I’m busy, I said that although I’m busy I can text her and am doing so, and then she said that I complain I can’t manage my time yet say I can manage it so it’s illogical —if I knew how to be organized etc then I wouldn’t say those things. I called her out and said this was disrespectful and that I wasn’t going to discuss this further… she gave me silent treatment and I apologized. She ended up replying and saying: “hey x, I’ve been very busy and didn’t have time for this sort of stuff but that I wanted to respond to you.” And then the next day is angry and told me she wasn’t going to respond to me. She would always admit after I did something wrong, that “I wasn’t going to text you ever again”, etc.
Maybe I did say stuff out place when flirting, but it was mutual. In fact, she strung me a long. When we ended things in January and came back a week later, it was accidental. Her cat died and I replied to her story, just out of courtesy. I didn’t say I love you, wasn’t flirtatious, and kept the texting to a minimum, to show that I cared as a human/friend. The next day was my dad’s birthday. She replied to my story to wish my dad a happy birthday. I thanked her and she said: “of course. He was going to be my future father in law. Obviously I had to”. And then I confessed that I still liked her, and she said: “you still have feelings although we’re not talking? ?”. And then I asked her what she wants and she didn’t give me a clear answer: “I want my cat back”. She then proceeded to flirt with me, and joke about marriage: “when we’re married, I’ll show you this place”. She also called me her love, handsome, etc would say I love you after ghosting me. So yeah, It was always me that definitely said things “out of place” all the time…Was this gaslighting? And if so, why? It did question everything for me, like whether she did indeed feel things and if I did in fact misinterpret EVERYTHING. I reacted calmly and told her she’s right and proceeded by ending things without causing a fight. She said that “we talked about this before and now you’re seeing this and I’m glad” and “don’t worry, I wasn’t feeling hopeful/excited” when I said we can’t get our hopes up bc of the distance. It really felt like it was a defense mechanism, so I eased up by telling her it was due to distance etc and that love her and that if things are different in the future and I can offer her more, then destiny will tell. And she never said yes to my friendship. I even asked her what she thought about me offering her a friendship from my part and if things are different in the future then destiny will prevail, to which she had texted a ❤️ . If we were “friends” like she said, why didn’t she respond differently hm? Sounds like she was saying goodbye too.
I don’t even know if she has bpd but she has uncontrollable depression and anxiety, and idealized me and devalued me (also was clingy at the start of the relationship), joked about me cheating (she had a dream that I cheated on her), complained about physical health always (coughed fakingly as if to gain my sympathy). Acted like a child (had a child voice), would treat me like a child, yet also criticize me for acting like a child if I flirted in a “teenage way” and for not being independent like she wishes.
She cried to me on the second day saying she had to give away her dog to get better for me (it was her ex’s dog. And she has him to this day, never gave him away. When I asked her if she had given the dog away (I felt bad and told her not to give him away because they look happy together) a week after she told me she said— “I have him until the weekend, did you forget already? Lol”, wanted to buy tickets for us to see each other, wanted to immigrate to my country, stalked my profile and made a list of girls I potentially talked to, called herself toxic and complicated as a partner, silent treatment when mad, moody behaviour, had fights with her brother (talked bad about him), talked bad about her ex (his family hates her), wanted to get into a relationship with her upon meeting her (it was long distance), made me promise to always be honest with her, flipped out at me when I didn’t call her “love” in a text (I did but in a foreign language and she didn’t understand), reckless behaviour (drove while texting me. I told her to stop doing that), tried to make me jealous (made up a story of guys asking for her Instagram, showed me a love note that was given to her, talked about a celebrity crush), told me she doesn’t prioritize me because I didn’t respect her time (she felt that she couldn’t text when she wanted to) and flat out blamed me for stuff (like not planning our trip to see each other early before her dad’s office got robbed, etc.), she would respond rudely when I asked when we were going to see each other (x like I told you a thousand times, if things between us are meant to be then they’re meant to be. I can’t visit you. I could before but not now. I’m sorry if I sound cruel when I say this but I can’t do anything), has a lot of guy friends
He doesn't even have a therapist. It's like pulling teeth trying to convince him to get one. I don't think it's neurotypical in how he acts. I work double sometime triple the hours he does – and it's sending me red flags that he cries about 20-30 hours a week. Keep in mind I suspect autism, not that he has it. Only the adhd part has been confirmed.
And he is in very intense denial – he feels too comfortable with the situation.
Yes you are right. Cheaters never trickle truth or cheat a second time
Thing is, he didn't even need to rate her. She asked if he thinks she's perfect. Not whether she looks perfect. Not “rate me from 1-10”. That's why it's worse than being an idiot to me. At best he's a dick for jumping to looks cos that's what he clearly values, at worst he is maliciously hurting her for whatever reason.
You don't need his permission, but if I were your partner I'd seriously question your judgement and decision making skills of you went through with this.
Your mom is crutching on you for emotional support and is lonely. She needs her own friends or hobbies. You’re an adult and you’re not being paid to be her therapist
Can you explain why it would matter to most people? There is no preferred genital mismatch going on, so I would like to hear what the obstacle would be.
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There is no fated love out there. Love is built more than anything else, initial attraction can not sustain relationship.
If you leave your bf to “explore”, in all likelyhood he won't wait for you, nor should he. What is likely to happen is him (eventually) moving, and finding someone else to commit to, and love. Just so you kniw, even if he was single, after being abandoned by you he would likely not want to know you anyway.
You want to leave him, then do it, it's perhaps in his best interest.
This.
If he is their dad, he will likely have a legal right to see them and be in their life.
It can be scary, overwhelming, anxiety ridden.
We did stepped visitation. I made rigid rules about pick up, drop off, kept a log of any issues. He wasn’t around for years, I tried for the first year and once a year after for some time and then gave up.
Have him go through the proper channels, get the DNA test, but also maybe consider therapy for all. Your children may have a difficult time with this, with either of your roles in this.
The courts want both parents involved. They don’t like petty drama, they don’t like he said she said. They like facts. Paint yourself in the best light, look like you’re willing to coparent, but argue for stepped/slow start.
at 36 he is like a petulant child.
I suggest you do it to him, lets see how he feels like.
Refuse him & stop talking to him/ignore him & just do whatever makes you happy. He needs his own “medicine” thrown back at him. what a jackass!
You should not be pleasing everyone or you will become a doormat. You should take care of yourself first.
For real, this is a huge dealbreaker for me and I would call off the wedding immediately.
OP ignore this person they might have the best intentions but this isn't about your relationship. My husband isn't a violent person either bt thats a betrayal and he would've probably fucking lost it too if someone we thought was a friend had been doing this creepy shit objectifying his wife to be. And I'm pretty sure its the diminishing joke and sharing comment that set him off.
Fuck that guy. It would've set me off too and I'm the least confrontational person in the world.
Good luck to u both and u are honestly better off. I wouldn't be able to look a friend in the eye that was mentally sexualizing me or my fiancé at every turn. It's gross.
I think it’s wrong for Justin to slap on the first place out of anger. And I think if both parties were able to calm down and sort the issue out, out of love, both should apologize to each other.
Oh it is. How would she feel if you had girls on the side. Case closed
My sister has been saving up for a new mattress, hers is really beaten up and she borrowed mine since it's newer and firmer for her back. I really didn't mind this. It was odd to come home and feel something was off when I slept, but once I found out why it was switched I didn't mind. Also I worded that bed part inaccuratetly, my sister was the one who switched out mattresses back, but my mom was obviously in on telling her to do so since she thinks I'm here to stay.
You are legally an adult. You can start acting like it.
You're definitely correct. I've always had issues setting boundaries with my parents and telling them my true feelings. Definitely can't be doing that anymore. It only prevents me from being happy and doing what I desire in life.