Realize that it's almost never you. Everyone has struggles, and you aren't the source of his struggle with this. And changing other conditions of his life (money, home, marriage) won't really change depression. That journey is more about challenging old beliefs about oneself and redefining (and believing the new themes) and about learning to center on the current moment. And it takes years of work and self-exploration to really dig down.
Also, and this is new to me, if he happens to be autistic or ADHD, there are additional layers to the challenge. Check out autistic burnout and see if it rings a bell.
You're both in your early 20's this is the time to be going and doing that sort of thing to be honest, this isn't all there's going to be in your life at 23 so if the relationship isn't going to last her going on the trip then it isn't the worst thing in the world.
I find it very hot to understand, because if I were to travel, all I would want to do is share it with the people I love and to experience the different cultures of the world with her.
Yeah, that's fine if you feel that way, but not everyone else does. There's a really big difference when it comes to experiencing things on your own as opposed to always having someone else around. It also allows time for her to introspect
I even brought up the idea of me going along for the first month of the trip and then heading home, but she doesn't want to be constrained by my 1 month limit and have to rush around to different countries in the time that I am over there.
And there's nothing wrong with that, it's her experience too and she's spending her money, she shouldn't have to accommodate anyone else's wants or needs. You're entitled to do these things yourself.
You dodged a bullet but leaving, absolutely. And honestly I think the extreme mourning might not be because you were so into her but that the relationship was helping you get through the hardest part of your divorce. So now you’re mourning both even if you thought you were done mourning the marriage, does that make sense?
I’m far more concerned that he is 41 and doesn’t have the money to pay for your dates. I mean….WHA??????? And WHY?
That said my husband and I have a 9 year gap. It works for us. But as he gets older I’m having to deal with issues I didn’t imagine I would for years. It’s a concern. He may be able to retire decades before you do. (If he can afford it) Are you okay with that?
Well you are dating his daughter and are more than twice her age. This is a tricky one. If you guys are truly in love and this isn't just a fling then present it as such. I think she should tell them your age before you meet so there is no surprise. If you are peers with her father this will instantly be awkward and there will be resistance. Good luck.
In a perfect world no one would have to advocate for abortion for a wanted pregnancy. But if you keep this child you may be tied to him for 18 years. I would call a lawyer for a consultation (usually free) if you really want to keep the baby, to find out if there a way to ensure he isn't in the picture. But you have a whole life ahead of you, and if you aren't ready for a child you especially shouldn't have to have one that will shackle to you an abuser for 18 years.
There's medical research with evidence of the potential risks associated with uncut penises. One simply needs to Google it or speak to medical professionals. That point simply can't be argued, unless from a state of willful ignorance like you are clearly displaying.
Not sure what tangent you're trying to derail to, but I won't humor them as I, 1) stated that I agree with everyone (well almost everyone now) here, 2) I'm “playing devil's advocate”, which means — purposefully offering opposing views for means of greater analysis by OP, and 3) OP, IMO, should carefully weigh all sides of her conflict with her partner, as that's one of the most important things in a functional relationship.
Apparently, this sub appeals to one-sided thinking as opposed to seeing all angles. It's whatever, as it's OP's opinion that matters to me, not random, willfully ignorant commenters, so whether or not OP sees this, I hope she can find the right solution to her problem, whatever it may be.
I stole dresses and clothes from my older sister up until I was 18
I only stopped using hers because, when she found out, she bought some for me and myself only
Don't dictate the way people should react to other people's mistakes. It's very easy to speak like this when you don't feel the need to dress like in a way and are nor ashamed to do it “lawfully”. Unfortunately, it ain't like that for most people.
I guess I want to know why he never saw me as relationship material or asked me to do stuff. I agree with your reasoning though so I’m trying to just fight my feelings and move forward. I’ve been on dating apps, but it’s like a job interview in a way. I am just getting to know people and see how we vibe. I’m not one to just jump in which in a way I wish I was so it would be busier to move on.
Well he threatened police action if I didn’t tell everyone I was lying and made it all up. I actually didn’t reach out to him at all or yell at him he was the one reaching out to me.
Yeah I just never got why if we were together seven years why not hang out with me or ask me to do stuff. Yet he does that with other people yet still cheats with me??
The new girlfriend is 25 and never had a boyfriend before and was a virgin and very introverted according to her family. So maybe this place along into him going for newly 19 year old me
If she genuinely is struggling with determining her attraction to women have her read up on “comphet”. She really shouldn’t be trying to kiss someone else to find that out.
She probably knows logically that he didn't do anything wrong, but I guess you can't always logic yourself out of strong emotions.
I'm sorry to hear about the struggles at home.
Realize that it's almost never you. Everyone has struggles, and you aren't the source of his struggle with this. And changing other conditions of his life (money, home, marriage) won't really change depression. That journey is more about challenging old beliefs about oneself and redefining (and believing the new themes) and about learning to center on the current moment. And it takes years of work and self-exploration to really dig down.
Also, and this is new to me, if he happens to be autistic or ADHD, there are additional layers to the challenge. Check out autistic burnout and see if it rings a bell.
You're both in your early 20's this is the time to be going and doing that sort of thing to be honest, this isn't all there's going to be in your life at 23 so if the relationship isn't going to last her going on the trip then it isn't the worst thing in the world.
I find it very hot to understand, because if I were to travel, all I would want to do is share it with the people I love and to experience the different cultures of the world with her.
Yeah, that's fine if you feel that way, but not everyone else does. There's a really big difference when it comes to experiencing things on your own as opposed to always having someone else around. It also allows time for her to introspect
I even brought up the idea of me going along for the first month of the trip and then heading home, but she doesn't want to be constrained by my 1 month limit and have to rush around to different countries in the time that I am over there.
And there's nothing wrong with that, it's her experience too and she's spending her money, she shouldn't have to accommodate anyone else's wants or needs. You're entitled to do these things yourself.
You dodged a bullet but leaving, absolutely. And honestly I think the extreme mourning might not be because you were so into her but that the relationship was helping you get through the hardest part of your divorce. So now you’re mourning both even if you thought you were done mourning the marriage, does that make sense?
I’m far more concerned that he is 41 and doesn’t have the money to pay for your dates. I mean….WHA??????? And WHY?
That said my husband and I have a 9 year gap. It works for us. But as he gets older I’m having to deal with issues I didn’t imagine I would for years. It’s a concern. He may be able to retire decades before you do. (If he can afford it) Are you okay with that?
Well you are dating his daughter and are more than twice her age. This is a tricky one. If you guys are truly in love and this isn't just a fling then present it as such. I think she should tell them your age before you meet so there is no surprise. If you are peers with her father this will instantly be awkward and there will be resistance. Good luck.
In a perfect world no one would have to advocate for abortion for a wanted pregnancy. But if you keep this child you may be tied to him for 18 years. I would call a lawyer for a consultation (usually free) if you really want to keep the baby, to find out if there a way to ensure he isn't in the picture. But you have a whole life ahead of you, and if you aren't ready for a child you especially shouldn't have to have one that will shackle to you an abuser for 18 years.
Please tell the wife.
There's medical research with evidence of the potential risks associated with uncut penises. One simply needs to Google it or speak to medical professionals. That point simply can't be argued, unless from a state of willful ignorance like you are clearly displaying.
Not sure what tangent you're trying to derail to, but I won't humor them as I, 1) stated that I agree with everyone (well almost everyone now) here, 2) I'm “playing devil's advocate”, which means — purposefully offering opposing views for means of greater analysis by OP, and 3) OP, IMO, should carefully weigh all sides of her conflict with her partner, as that's one of the most important things in a functional relationship.
Apparently, this sub appeals to one-sided thinking as opposed to seeing all angles. It's whatever, as it's OP's opinion that matters to me, not random, willfully ignorant commenters, so whether or not OP sees this, I hope she can find the right solution to her problem, whatever it may be.
Hi
I stole dresses and clothes from my older sister up until I was 18
I only stopped using hers because, when she found out, she bought some for me and myself only
Don't dictate the way people should react to other people's mistakes. It's very easy to speak like this when you don't feel the need to dress like in a way and are nor ashamed to do it “lawfully”. Unfortunately, it ain't like that for most people.
So your friend asked if she was trans before having sex with her?
Let her go.
I just turned 19 the month we met so he is good.
I guess I want to know why he never saw me as relationship material or asked me to do stuff. I agree with your reasoning though so I’m trying to just fight my feelings and move forward. I’ve been on dating apps, but it’s like a job interview in a way. I am just getting to know people and see how we vibe. I’m not one to just jump in which in a way I wish I was so it would be busier to move on.
Well he threatened police action if I didn’t tell everyone I was lying and made it all up. I actually didn’t reach out to him at all or yell at him he was the one reaching out to me.
Yeah I just never got why if we were together seven years why not hang out with me or ask me to do stuff. Yet he does that with other people yet still cheats with me??
The new girlfriend is 25 and never had a boyfriend before and was a virgin and very introverted according to her family. So maybe this place along into him going for newly 19 year old me
If she genuinely is struggling with determining her attraction to women have her read up on “comphet”. She really shouldn’t be trying to kiss someone else to find that out.
Have you tried couples counseling? These issues don't sound unfixable.
Marriage isn't always going to be perfect. You aren't always going to be happy. But you two made a vow to one another.
That should mean something.
Since you consider yourself trapped anyway, you may as well try to fix it.
From their boyfriend’s unwashed junk.
Washed or unwashed they can still get them, so this point is moot.