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Why did you delete the app?
We obviously want our partners to show interest in what we are interested in. It is important to try and get the balance right and to not forget about our own interests in the process of pursuing theirs.
I think that you should speak with him about this and try to communicate positively that you would like to share parts of your life with him and that you would like him to be more involved.
You cant fix him, dont change him. If you guys are incompatible, you should break up. You are not right for each other.
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She's emotionally blackmailing you. You're not her keeper. If you need to get out of this for your own sanity, you need to that.
No OP needs a better friend.
“Oh you were in another country having a mental breakdown? That sucks. Hey, where's my $5 shirt I left at your old place? What do you mean you threw it out?! You better buy me a new one! Oh, you have only $6 in the bank bc you're just finally able to work again after that breakdown? Too bad, so sad, pony up! That shirt meant everything to me!”
Yes, it's generally a thing that you'd pay for something you threw out that somebody left at your place but fucking CONTEXT matters. Sorry but somebody's mental health unravelling is a LOT more pressing and important than a bargain bin T-shirt that dude cared soooooo much about he forgot to pack it or ask about it till ages later.
A FRIEND would be checking in and asking how OP is doing, if they're ok and in a better place mentally. A JACKASS would be more worried about his shitty t-shirt that HE forgot and could easily replace. A FRIEND would say to themselves “they were going through hell, it's a cheap shirt, oh well, at least OP is ok now and getting back on their feet”
This dude is no friend.
There are two issues here, one you can work on on your own, the other he'd have to be willing to put some emotional labor into. It's never fair to put our own insecurities into the arena as something that affects our relationships. They're ours alone to deal with, usually with a therapist. No one can make you feel better about yourself but you. Then there's the lying he did. Doesn't really matter what he lied about or how important/unimportant that issue was. Just the fact that he lied is something you need to contend with. Not because you harbor insecurities that aren't his fault and can only be resolved by you (and your counselor). But because he made a promise to you and he willfully failed to live up to that. So don't confuse the two. You drew a line on porn, whether for valid reasons or not, and he agreed to toe that line – but didn't. So talk about the lying and the trust. Just don't make it all about these body insecurities of yours that he can't do anything about.
It's out of your hands at this point. You'll have to wait and hope. Don't be surprised if things go poorly for you though. And whatever happens, accept the decision.
Hi, it sounds like a him problem. Like if he gets too attached he then pulls the plug. It really doesn't matter what his reasons are though. He can choose not to continue with a relationship, though it does sounds like he has a pattern that isn't a healthy way to process his emotions, that is his choice.
How do you handle it? With an understanding that this is his pattern, his problem, his issue. He could have be upfront and honest about his level of comittment, but he didn't.
I might suggest writing down all the great things you did, what you learned about yourself and what you take with you into the next phase or relationship, because relationships teach us what he don't want in life, as much as what we do. Maybe look at why he was so safe and how to find that within yourself?
Since you had no idea that this was coming, you could not have prevented it. Neither are you being asked to help, which is the required condition that help works when the person is open to it. Otherwise it is unwanted and unrequested help which is more akin to forcing someone to accept they have a problem, which rarely works out well.
The only person you have control over is you. You can identify what it was that attracted you and use that to base your search for a more availlable and upfront partner.
When you are ready that is.
Good luck and best wishes on your journey.
Cause I hope he will just stop doing this to me, i thought he loves me
Does this include freezing your eggs? If so, you need to consider which is more important to you – him or your potential child(ren) and make plans accordingly. Based on his actions now though, you having kids with him now is not an option.
If you’re freezing eggs, I’d consider fertilizing some of them before freezing (whether that’s with his sperm if he’s willing or donor sperm if he’s not – I believe he will also have a say in whether those embryos fertilized with his sperm are implanted into you. It makes sense but just something to keep in mind). Embryos survive the unfreezing process a lot better than unfertilized eggs (obviously not a guarantee).
Do you think it's because of her knowing what my life was like or is it something else
Well it definitely is better than getting shot down and feeling your confidence tank. Before married life, I used to get shot down a ton because I came across as desperate. It was a success when I stopped looking ( but kept an eye out ) and let guys pursue me, it was a success. Plus what's wrong with letting someone decide if they want to date you or not? And it's not coming onto someone for paying them an innocent compliment that the other party ( the guy ) could interpret as interest; if he's interested then he will definitely let you know. I see nothing wrong with trying to strike up a friendly conversation and not just ask someone out right then and there. I finally understood what those guys felt when I asked them out; I understand that because I used to work in retail and got asked out a lot and after a while it gets creepy and desperate. (I'm a woman btw) But I'm not saying to just be laissez-faire when it comes to dating. It takes two.
Get a lawyer involved. You did not consent to having the clip shown. Time to go legal on her.
The thought has crossed my mind and is still in an unsure area much like part of my original question which is am I okay with hooking up with others myself
Start ignoring her texts
Disagree, I've recorded myself doing a lot of dirty stuff but those video mever left my phone
But would somebody who loves you say that to her friends?
Yes
I've had a chronic illness for nearly a decade, which makes it naked to do a lot of the functional stuff, but none of the emotional stuff. I am depressed, and the illness has left me isolated and agoraphobic and very lonely, so I have leaned on her heavily for emotional support and company.
She's exhausted.
Get a lawyer. As well-intentioned and supportive as she is now, life inevitably changes things. The traveling becomes burdensome, the arrangement gets in the way of new goals and plans, new relationships happen, whatever.
I know it hurts to think about any of that, but it’s reality. Getting a lawyer and setting things up now will save a lot of heartache and headache down the road.
Makes sense if you follow the trends. Men can't be allowed around women. But, women can be allowed men. Just look at the voting in this sub.
“Who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?” – OP’s boyfriend.
OP just be grateful he used protection. Get STD tested anyway. Block and move on.
Yup, I agree.