I’m sorry but a compromise isn’t okay on this. My father was in a horrible drunk driving accident that almost killed him.
Drunk drivers kill people. This might be harsh but honestly I don’t care. Your boyfriend is disgustingly selfish “I like drunk driving” okay??? And??? People on the road don’t. People who have lost someone due to drunk driving or have to on-line with life long disabilities because of someone else’s selfish act don’t. It’s not fair to everyone else he deserves to be arrested before he kills someone.
How can you still love him? Staying for the kids when you are so unhappy will not end well for anyone involved. I wouldn’t be able to move past the text right before you were married—it’s unforgivable. Forget what he wants; you don’t need his permission to divorce. You deserve better.
I’m upset because he doesn’t tell me that I’m pretty.
I see that they’re texting quite frequently as well.
He didn’t say no himself, but he told her that he’ll ask me if we could instead. I declined the invite.
So you are settling for a guy who doesn't give you compliments but certainly does know how to give them. Who if it was up to him would have spent your anniversary on a date with you and her?
I think you need to step back and ask yourself what your standards are here.
I think you need to cook it a little bit. If you had asked a straightforward question, ‘would you like to get coffee with me tomorrow after X class?’, she would have been able to say yes or no. I think you probably threw her by assuming that she wanted to get coffee with you and you were just sorting out the logistics. You didn’t actually give you a chance to say yes, or no, before you starting asking about a timetable.
Now she knows you want to get coffee, and she’s probably feeling a bit awkward because she’s thinking that you assumed she would say yes and she’s possibly overthinking this a bit too. I would give it a bit of time, and see if she asks you to get coffee. She might say ‘hey I’m free tomorrow if you still want to get coffee.’
Take other advice here too. My feeling is that you could wait two or three weeks and then try one more time with a direct question: ‘hey I’m going to get coffee after x class of you would like to join me.’ Give her a chance to refuse or accept. She might say ‘sorry I’ve got x class, but I could meet you after that’ or whatever. Possibly one more try in due time with a yes/no question, and then after that leave it.
All the boundaries have already been crossed. We have had the calm, sincere discussion (several times) about how it has affected me. It seems like forgiveness gives him the opening to cross another boundary. I understand what you mean going forward, but he appears to be in the habit of taking the lumps, apologizing, promising to do better, and just does it again. I actually asked him if he's doing it on purpose and actually wants me to leave. that's how deliberate it appears. He said he wants to work on it. I sincerely want to know what the hell is going on in his head, how he justifies everything. It boils down to just not having any respect for what i want/need i guess. Regardless of your experiences, I value your opinion since this is an issue of boundaries and i believe everyone has had to deal with someone crossing them at some point in their lives. 🙂
Why so dramatic? Why not just sit down and talk to her in real life. Have a real conversation about your feelings and how her actions made you feel. A leter is just going to prolong this argument. Just go talk and hash it out then make up and bang.
Just because he wants you to do it doesn't mean you have to. You are not here to do as he pleases. Sorry to be blunt, but if you do not put your foot down with something this small, he will continue to manipulate his way in.
Put a limit to what you feel comfortable with, like 2 calls a week, and that is what he has to respect.
its fine but like , at the same its also fine that someone doesnt want to date you based on that
I’m sorry but a compromise isn’t okay on this. My father was in a horrible drunk driving accident that almost killed him.
Drunk drivers kill people. This might be harsh but honestly I don’t care. Your boyfriend is disgustingly selfish “I like drunk driving” okay??? And??? People on the road don’t. People who have lost someone due to drunk driving or have to on-line with life long disabilities because of someone else’s selfish act don’t. It’s not fair to everyone else he deserves to be arrested before he kills someone.
that's your best friend? lord no.
How can you still love him? Staying for the kids when you are so unhappy will not end well for anyone involved. I wouldn’t be able to move past the text right before you were married—it’s unforgivable. Forget what he wants; you don’t need his permission to divorce. You deserve better.
i dont know. maybe im just too sensitive but it hurts when he treats me like that. I tried to brush it off but its nude.
I’m upset because he doesn’t tell me that I’m pretty.
I see that they’re texting quite frequently as well.
He didn’t say no himself, but he told her that he’ll ask me if we could instead. I declined the invite.
So you are settling for a guy who doesn't give you compliments but certainly does know how to give them. Who if it was up to him would have spent your anniversary on a date with you and her?
I think you need to step back and ask yourself what your standards are here.
I think you need to cook it a little bit. If you had asked a straightforward question, ‘would you like to get coffee with me tomorrow after X class?’, she would have been able to say yes or no. I think you probably threw her by assuming that she wanted to get coffee with you and you were just sorting out the logistics. You didn’t actually give you a chance to say yes, or no, before you starting asking about a timetable.
Now she knows you want to get coffee, and she’s probably feeling a bit awkward because she’s thinking that you assumed she would say yes and she’s possibly overthinking this a bit too. I would give it a bit of time, and see if she asks you to get coffee. She might say ‘hey I’m free tomorrow if you still want to get coffee.’
Take other advice here too. My feeling is that you could wait two or three weeks and then try one more time with a direct question: ‘hey I’m going to get coffee after x class of you would like to join me.’ Give her a chance to refuse or accept. She might say ‘sorry I’ve got x class, but I could meet you after that’ or whatever. Possibly one more try in due time with a yes/no question, and then after that leave it.
All the boundaries have already been crossed. We have had the calm, sincere discussion (several times) about how it has affected me. It seems like forgiveness gives him the opening to cross another boundary. I understand what you mean going forward, but he appears to be in the habit of taking the lumps, apologizing, promising to do better, and just does it again. I actually asked him if he's doing it on purpose and actually wants me to leave. that's how deliberate it appears. He said he wants to work on it. I sincerely want to know what the hell is going on in his head, how he justifies everything. It boils down to just not having any respect for what i want/need i guess. Regardless of your experiences, I value your opinion since this is an issue of boundaries and i believe everyone has had to deal with someone crossing them at some point in their lives. 🙂
Why so dramatic? Why not just sit down and talk to her in real life. Have a real conversation about your feelings and how her actions made you feel. A leter is just going to prolong this argument. Just go talk and hash it out then make up and bang.
She sounds pretty immature. How, exactly, is this theoretical baby going to be paid for?
You two are in very different places, OP. Do not leave birth control up to her.
Just because he wants you to do it doesn't mean you have to. You are not here to do as he pleases. Sorry to be blunt, but if you do not put your foot down with something this small, he will continue to manipulate his way in.
Put a limit to what you feel comfortable with, like 2 calls a week, and that is what he has to respect.
Girl, at a certain point you're choosing the on-line that you're living. You've been choosing this man for 3 years. Stop.